Having a rough day

lilmissslp

For those of you who don't know my history, here is a quick synopsis: Unexplained IF, TTC for 3 years, failed fresh cycle in July, successful frozen cycle in August, found out at 7 week ultrasound in September that the pregnancy was ectopic and emergency surgery was performed.

I'm just having a rough day and needing a place to vent. I work at an elementary school surrounded by women. At today's staff meeting, I found out that a third teacher is now pregnant. I'm taking this one especially hard as this is the meeting I would have announced my pregnancy. Also, she is due in May just like I was. I feel like I'll be watching someone else experience my pregnancy! It took all I had not to cry in the meeting. I'm just not sure how to handle 3 pregnant women. Any tips? Then on the way home, I stopped at the grocery store and the cashier for some reason asked if my school bag was a "diaper bag". I again wanted to run out crying. It's just one of those days! Looking for some encouragement...

cakeforbreakfast

blah, one of those bummer days eh? Time for wine and a rom-com, or icecream if you don't imbibe . Can't change the glum vibe when it comes, but you sure can indulge to ease the pain!

jodes727

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this @lilmissslp . I've been thinking about you and your numbers. How often are you going in for a beta?  Hopefully they are continuing to go down!  It is so difficult to watch someone else go through what should've been yours. We have had 4 losses and I know kids or pregnancies that would have been the same ages of our angel babies. Big hugs to you today!!  You have been threw a lot and I know that it has made you stronger. You can do this!!

lilmissslp

@cakeforbreakfast there will be wine!

thanks @jodes727. Some days it just feels like the universe is kicking you when you're down. Finally my hcg is back to normal and I think I'm getting my period. I was starting to feel stronger and happier and this just brought me right back down. I'm so sorry that you've experienced 4 losses. I can't imagine your pain!

lady_grey

Ugh I'm so sorry @lilmissslp , that really does suck.  You have every right to feel the way you do.  I had a very early miscarriage in October and also found out my sister and 2 close friends were pregnant around that time.   It was just brutal.  Literally everyone everywhere is popping out babies.  I wish they put depo in the water until we could all catch up.  . Jk.  Hang in there!  You're not alone.  

kangastein

@lilmissslp you are also not alone, there are a bunch of us in your shoes! It's hard but the best thing is to be happy for the other women and know that your time will come.... which is easier said than done as I should take my own advice! Ps we all need to rant every once and a while. It just all seems so unfair!

lilmissslp

Thanks @lady_grey and @kangastein! It really feels like everyone around me is pregnant! I try so hard to be happy for these women but I still get pangs of jealously and feeling bitter. @lady_grey I'm very sorry for your loss. 

mtpbadger

@lilmissslp I'm sorry you're having a rough day but like others have said, know you're not alone. I think the pangs of jealousy and bitterness is completely normal and human. Through this process you are going to have good and bad days but hopefully the bad days will become fewer and farther in between, but that doesn't mean it won't hit you like a ton of bricks at certain moments. When that happens to me, I let myself feel those feelings but try not to let myself stay there TOO long. Some days are harder to do that than others and on those days, I'll curl up on my couch, watch a romcom or show that I know will make me cry to help me get it all out while enjoying a big glass of wine and bowl of ice cream. 

Hang in there girl. We're all here for you!

Joslynj11

@lilmissslp I am so sorry you were having such a rough day yesterday and I can totally relate. There are only 3 people who work in my office and two of us are ladies. The other young lady and I sit directly across from each other and she told me that she was PG the day I came back from my ER after finding out my first transfer would be canceled due to OHSS. She is now getting ready to leave in about a month and at times I can't help but think that I should be that far along too. It was very hard in the first months. There were days I couldn't even look past my computer without crying but with time it got easier. Some days were harder than others but after a few months my tears started to fade. I will say that one thing that did help was me cutting back my social media time. I deleted my Facebook app and practically stopped checking it. I think that was the thing that helped me the most.

As hard as it sounds try and keep your head up girlie, and at the end of the day there is nothing wrong with hiding in the bathroom to wipe a few tears away while you build your strength back. Big Hug 

JamieH2000

Just wanted to chime in and let you know I'm right there with you! Some days are so hard on this journey and just when you have recovered and gotten hopeful, something goes on wrong. It's a hard rollerocaster and you have to give yourself credit. A lot of people couldn't keep going through what we go through. I think IF will make an extra special strong kind of mother. I'm hopeful the perspective that we have from this challenge will make me a more understanding, compassionate, and thankful mother than I would have been otherwise. All the mothers I have met that have gone through this just are amazing. Now if only we know when we would get to get off this rollercoaster.. for me.. the unknown of how much longer I have to endure this sadness is the hardest. Hope today is a better day and that we are all here for you!

Worldtravler0522

@lilmissslp I completely understand where you're coming from.  I had a miscarriage recently and it destroys me when certain people announce their pregnancies.  I wish so much I had some words to make it better but like others said you just kind of have to work your way through it as best you can. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this place and I hope you can find some peace soon.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers.  

lilmissslp

@mtpbadger Thank you! I'm hoping a busy weekend ahead will bring me out of my funk. I had going back to this dark place.

Joslynj11 Yikes, I can't imagine having to sit across from a pregnant woman for her whole pregnancy. I'm happy I can at least hide in my classroom and do my best to avoid them. I've deleted FB before and I should really do it again. I've also unfollowed PG friends on instagram.

JamieH2000! It's an awful rollercoaster for sure. I really thought I was on the mend and feel like I was kicked right back down. I just have to keep working to get back to that place. I keep telling myself the same thing, that this journey will help make me a better mother.

Worldtravler0522. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Sending hugs your way as well. 

kaseycoco

@lilmissslp I also wanted to chime in and send some positive vibes your way. Im sorry for your loss. I'm a teacher and feel your pain of the frequent pregnancy announcements at meetings. It seems never ending at my school! People would always joke "it's something in the water at our school" and made me feel even worse like I'm the only unlucky one. I agree it's hard to put on a good face. 
Also, I'm guessing you're a speech teacher from your name, is that right?
enjoy your busy weekend!

lilmissslp

Thanks for chiming in @kaseycoco! Yes, working in the schools is so hard. Someone is always pregnant! Yeah I know ppl look at me and wonder why I'm not pregnany yet. Even my students ask me sometimes. Yes, I am a speech teacher. What do you teach?

kaseycoco

@lilmissslp I am an elementary Special Ed. teacher  
I get students who ask, "You're married? Why don't you have a baby in your belly yet?" etc. and even though they're so innocent it's still painful to hear. Good luck to you moving forward!

lilmissslp

@kaseycoco I get the same questions! One little girl couldn't believe I've been married for 4 years and don't have a baby.