I need to move on... — The Bump
TTC after 35

I need to move on...

I joined this forum last year in December.  I received so much support and guidance in this TTC journey from many wonderful ladies.  Thanks for making me feel welcome and making me feel like I'm not alone in this.  I need to move on at this point, and I won't be able to do that if I keep checking in here, or even lurk for that matter.  I'm not saying my TTC journey is completely over, but it appears to be winding down.  If it doesn't happen naturally, then it wasn't meant to be for us, and that is what I'm trying to accept at this point.  I wish you ladies nothing but the best of luck in your TTC journeys...you all are more than deserving of a BFP!!!!
Me: 41
Husband: 40
TTC#1 since 9/2014
Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally

Re: I need to move on...

  • Awww this makes me so sad, yet I completely understand how you feel. I am so thankful for the friendship you have extended to me on here. So thank you so much for that. It really is good to know there are others supporting you during a journey like this. 

    Is adoption a consideration? Or maybe even foster parenting? 

    Please come back if you feel you need to! We are here for you :) 
    Me: 39 SO: 36

    Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"

    TTC#1 since November 2015
    9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
    10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
    1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
    March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017

    TTC #2 since July 2018
    May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
    Pregnancy Ticker
    jennh75b
  • @PoeMasque - Thank you very much for your friendship as well!  I wish you lots of luck in your new position at work.  It takes a lot to do what you do and I know some days it may affect you - it takes a lot of strength to step outside of your own life to have empathy for others, and you are a very strong person and will be great at it.  I wish you success with your IVF journey!!.  I may stop in eventually and see if there are any happy updates from you and others.

    We have not discussed adoption, and I don't personally want to, so I haven't initiated the conversation about it.  I have been preparing myself for a long time for this possibility, so it's something I'm becoming more ok with.  If I were younger, I would probably push the IVF more with my H, but as disappointed as I was with the IUI with just minimal financial obligation, I know I would be inconsolable if the IVF didn't work out.  So while it is sad, I'm ok with not pursuing other options.  

    I hate the term furbabies, but I have my dog and my cat.  I know that I will get through this with H by my side.  I frankly do worry for H more than myself in dealing with this.  I'm at least going to counseling to help with the grieving piece.  It's been over two years in the mindset of hopefulness of having children, so it's going to a take a while to change courses.  I'm focusing on the positives of what we have and what else we could have!
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
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  • @jennh75b I will really miss you around here and I thank you so much for the support you've given me when I have been discouraged. I completely understand your decision, however, and I wish you all the best. I second what @PoeMasque said- we are here for you if you want to come back or check in once in awhile!
    ME: 44 / DH: 46
    DD conceived naturally, born 1/9/14
    Consulted RE after trying for #2 for 1 year, 9/16
    RE diagnosis: DOR, poor egg quality
    1/2017: IUI #1, Femara, failed
    2/2017: IUI #2, Femara, failed
    3/13/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #1, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    4/19/17: ER, no embryos survived past morula stage, poor egg quality given as reason
    5/3/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #2, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    6/7/17: ER, 1 egg retrieved, mature but did not fertilize, poor egg quality given as reason
    7/21/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #3, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    8/24/17: ER, 11 eggs retrieved, 10 mature, 7 fertilized, no embryos survived past morula stage, poor egg quality given as reason
    9/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #4, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel), started organic, non-processed, no white sugar/flour, diet with unscented/nontoxic personal care products 4 weeks before ER (books suggested it takes 2-3 months)
    10/11/17: ER, 5 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized, 1 arrested at 3 cells and the other arrested at 5 cells, poor egg quality given as reason, doctor suggested it was time to move on to donor eggs but I asked to give it one last chance and kept on my diet/unprocessed/unscented/nontoxic products
    12/28/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #5, microdose lupron protocol
    2/1/18: ER, 9 eggs retrieved, 6 mature and 6 fertilized, 3 survived to day 5 blastocyst, 2 PGS normal
    7/12/18: FET #1, negative
    9/21/18: FET #2 scheduled


    jennh75b
  • I'm sorry but totally understand @jennh75b - I enjoyed getting to know you.  I myself haven't been on here as much because although we are still TTC I just don't want it to take over all of my brain when I could focus that energy on something more productive so I totally get it.  I wish you and your DH luck on whichever path you decide to take.  I'm glad you have a counselor -  I had one for 2 years when I was going thru a traumatic time in my life and don't know what I would have done without her.  Maybe your DH can go in with you for visits.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    jennh75b
  • Thank you ladies - @vlagrl29 and @Momifbysea, I appreciate the understanding you all have expressed throughout this process and I wish you both the best of luck!

    In addition to counseling, I found a book called "Unsung Lullabies", which is more for those who have never had children and are dealing with infertility.  I just downloaded it but I'm already finding some solace in reading other's stories and it maps out the whole grieving/decision making process (and it's written by psychologists who have experienced it first hand, and also treat people with reproductive issues).  
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
    Momifbyseavlagrl29PoeMasque
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