whats it like being a SAHM?

npaulie

So, DH and I have been looking at childcare options. Because of my field and visa status where we live, I don't make a whole lot of money. From what we're finding so far, I'd basically be breaking even with what I am making, so we're toying around with the idea of me staying home. (Also, both sets of parents are a 9-10 hour flight away, so we can't rely on family)  I'll admit I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've never pictured myself being a SAHM (not that I think there's anything wrong with it). I very much pride myself in my job, and don't feel ready to stop. I'm worried about not having enough other adult stimulation. 

Im curious for SAHMs, what do you enjoy about it? Did anyone think they'd hate it but love it? Does anyone regret being a SAHM? Please school me on what it's like. Thanks in advance ladies. 

Gators&BoSox

I became a SAHM for basically the same reason you are describing. It didn't make sense financially for me to work and DS would have hardly spend time with either of us if he was in full daycare. 

Pros:
*figuring out BFing was easier for me and I didn't have to worry about pumping right away
*being able to sleep during LOs naps
*being able to wear pjs
*seeing all of the little milestones and enjoying how baby changes every day
*simply having all of that time to bond with baby
*being able to run errands during the day
*i'll be able to go to school next year and know that we can afford that 

Cons:
*it can be lonely. you need to make sure to make time for friends/family even if it's just FaceTime 
*as someone who likes making my own money it's hard for me relying on DHs income only
*your house will never be as clean as you think you should be able to keep it
*your attention is constantly required. you're never truly alone (until DH comes home) and will constantly need to           entertain/feed/care for baby.. it can be far more exhausting than you might imaging physically and mentally
*sometimes I feel like for all the time I spend with DS I'm still not doing enough with him. Mom guilt remains

All in all I'll say it's definitely worth it, at least for me. In the beginning I was so incredibly thankful not to have to leave DS and still sitting here 15 mos later I'm grateful. I love seeing him change and having funny little stories to tell DH about every day and being able to send him pictures. Good luck with your choice!!

jmacd22

I agree with PP

It is challenging because you're at home with your child all day so you never really feel like you get a break. I was happy to be able to return to work once I did once my child went to preschool but I wouldn't change being able to be there when she was a baby and not worrying about how someone else is caring for my child. 

shines721

I wish I was a SAHM! ... I did stay home for the first 5 months. As previous posts said it is hard work being home and entertaining a baby all day. But, if you surround yourself with support or plans, I think that makes it easier. My friend decided to stay home for the same reason and got very involved in moms groups that helped her immensely. 

Ultimately.. you can't trade the time you have with your baby and if you'd be breaking even, I'd say it's definitely worth it (especially if your husband is in support). 

kjd291

I love it. If you can, I would definitely say to jump on in for the ride!

I have found It is the best job in the world --I will never for a day of my life regret being able to spend each and every day with my daughter, never missing a first word, or step... teaching her each and everything she learns. I may have days I wish I was at work dressed in a cute skirt instead of sweats covered with babyfood, wish I could take a coffee break (more often pee break) without interruption. But never will I regret it.

if--i put lots of effort and intention into 
-finding things you love to do that still make you "you" . Whether it's a weekly book club, a fitness routine, a adult Ed class... this allows you to not just be lost in being JUST mom.  but remind yourself you are an athlete or a book lover or a student... one of the hardest things for me still is the loss of individual identity because you give up so much of yourself for these little people. 

--company/adult interaction/outside time.  Know yourself! If you are more introverted and fine with being home all day some days-cool.  You'll find out pretty quick how much time you can handle before you need to just get out of the house.  again-work and be super intentional about making mom friends, going to local library story time, signing up for a mommy and me class... loneliness is death to a SAHMommy!  Even if it's just going to target and browsing the isles for a little outing--it helps so much with mental health!

Also-remember- it's not a decision you have to make that you are stuck with forever!! If you stay home for a few months, and then for whatever reason find you really wish you had a job, maybe even a part time job as a middle ground -> you can go back into the job field! And if you regret going back-> you can go back home!  

librarymom917

I became a SAHM for the same reasons you listed, I would actually not be bringing home any money at all after daycare cost. I've stayed home for almost 6 years.  You have to remember to make time for yourself because that is what will keep you sane. It's hard, and sometimes I felt like I was failing because the laundry got behind or the house was dirty even though i'd been there all day, I'd had a cranky baby or a toddler who wanted my constant attention. Once I found things to get us out of the house, and made a few other moms to have play dates with it got better. Make sure you and DH are in agreement that you will still need help, just because you're home doesn't mean you can do it all, you can't.  Don't be afraid to go out alone and leave DH with the baby when you need a break. Once I found a good flow I loved it. I loved setting our own schedule and not missing out on things. 

sunshine507

I haven't been a SAHM but this is now my second time staying home as a wife. Almost everyone close to me thought I'd hate it (I love my career) but I also love being a homemaker, having time to take care of our house and family members nearby, and volunteering. 
IMO it's up to you whether your time with adults is limited or not. I have friends who stay home who spend time with friends every day of the week, and others who almost never spend time in person with other adults. It depends on what makes you happy and what you put effort into developing- when you stop working you don't magically have a network of adults free all day, you need to meet new people a variety of different ways and spend time making friends. 

npaulie

Thanks everyone who's posted their experiences. It really helps to know that there's way you can work around the worries (planning mom's groups, remembering it doesn't have to be permanent). You ladies really do help keep me sane sometimes! I think it's just hard wrapping my head around it at first since it something that was never really on my radar. Hearing how you ladies experienced definitely takes the fear out of it for me. 

vino831

@Gators&BoSox hit the nail on the head but really I agree with everyones comments. it's tough, it's awesome but I wouldn't trade a moment.

I NEVER thought I'd be a SAHM. Everyone swore that I would hate it bc I've always been very career oriented. I actually made substantially more money that DH (he's military). When it came time for me to go back to work after maternity leave I talked to DH about the fact that I wasnt SUPER happy in my position at work and the thought randomly occurred  to me to stay home. I had to make out a very strict budget (we just bought a new home the year prior too) he was super nervous and not very supportive of it tbh. 

In the end we both agreed I'd stay home with DS and work on my masters so that when I do go back to work I will be able to look at getting into a new position. we honestly decided to try this time for #2 since I still had so much time before I would even consider going back to work.

Anyway... do things for yourself. I can honestly say that I don't enough. it's easy to get overwhelmed with "where did the day go and how did I  get nothing accomplished!??!" if you don't have a routine. For us it's typically stroller strides, the library every Wednesday. see if there is a fit 4 mom group in your area. even if you don't want to join stroller strides there is usually an awesome play group that they have as well. local facebook mom groups will be super helpful working or not.

So... if I were in your shoes and financially would break even to work/childcare I'd say go for it.  As pp's said it's AWESOME to be able to be there for your lo's milestones. you'll never regret that!  If at the end of the day you need more social/professional interaction to be a happy mama then go back to work. (I've felt it.  The occasional half days or even days I'm out and about with out my lo it's SOO refreshing to be with him instead of feeling burned out.)

mrsmcfreckles

I've been a SAHM since we adopted our first child, 14 years ago.  I love it now. As a new mom, it was harder. I felt very lonely.  I didn't have a lot of friends locally and it took effort to really meet people.  Once I made some friends here that had similar age kids, it was more fun.  

As our kids got older, it just got easier.  I volunteered at school, was a team mom, volunteered st the library... I found things outside of taking care of my family that I enjoyed and allowed me to be in the company of other adults.  

We have five kids now - four we adopted (14, 13, 9 and 8) and a 9 month old we are raising (was a foster situation turned legal guardianship).   I don't have much time to volunteer right now or even visit with friends during the day.  But I do get out a lot in the evenings with all our kids activities.  Ive also been working very part time from home for a few years as a writer.  

serenity13

all you SAHM's are making me reallyyyyyy wanna be one too!!!
I almost wish I made less than I do so it'd be easier for me to just give up working and go for it. I've always been pretty career oriented but I really hate the thought of missing out on those precious moments and milestones you all mentioned...I'm starting to cry right now just thinking of the things I'll miss out on when/if I go back to work. (did we have a "why my pregnant self is crying" thread recently?? lol)

kaylaef

We have it a bit better in Canada because we have a year maternity leave. in perfect honesty, I truly wanted to stay home. I still want to be at home. I went back to work in September.  I was 14 weeks pregnant with this baby.  if I wasn't pregnant and going back on maternity leave...I would have stayed. With this baby, after the year, in will be a SAHM


it's hard if you don't make the effort TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! I found I got easily depressed if I didn't take the time for me and if I didn't do something outside every day! I joined mommy groups, did parent to swimming and joined a stroller fit class!

nursemama-2

I'll have the UO here since I don't think people talk about it enough - I don't want to be a SAHM. I love my job. It is a huge part of who I am and I don't feel complete when I'm not nursing. I've SAHM for a year after my son and 6 months with my daughter since we have a longer mat leave and it just isn't for me. I love my kids more than anything, but I need the work/home balance. I do get to stay home with them through the week 2-3 times though because of my schedule. If I didn't make money working though, I probably wouldn't do it. I would stay home if I were breaking even. 

rfoster2014

I absolutely love it. Don't get me wrong some days can be rough. when all you've heard is crying and fussing you just need a break at times. when my husband gets home and it was a rough day I go grocery shopping by myself. It gives me "me" time and to regain my sanity. Typically on Sundays ill hide in our bedroom and read a book or just rest while hubby has the 1 year old. It allows them some 1 on 1 time and also to allow myself some time. I loved being able to see every milestone and be able to breast feed. I struggled breast feeding and ultimately had to stop at 4 months. I understand being away from family and not having that support. I'm currently half way across the world from family (husband is military). We tend to facetime family during the day a couple times a week and to get some "adult conversation." to pass time when bored get a hobby and learn something new. Heck there has to be other SAHM near yourself. I bet if you ask around you might be pleasantly  surprised. 

kaylaef

NurseMama said:

I'll have the UO here since I don't think people talk about it enough - I don't want to be a SAHM. I love my job. It is a huge part of who I am and I don't feel complete when I'm not nursing. I've SAHM for a year after my son and 6 months with my daughter since we have a longer mat leave and it just isn't for me. I love my kids more than anything, but I need the work/home balance. I do get to stay home with them through the week 2-3 times though because of my schedule. If I didn't make money working though, I probably wouldn't do it. I would stay home if I were breaking even. 

Nice to hear the opposite! I do want to be a SAHM but my son is in daycare right now because I have gone back to work and I think his success there is another reason. He is doing so very well there socialising and is in a really healthy routine. 

catrb89

NurseMama said:

I'll have the UO here since I don't think people talk about it enough - I don't want to be a SAHM. I love my job. It is a huge part of who I am and I don't feel complete when I'm not nursing. I've SAHM for a year after my son and 6 months with my daughter since we have a longer mat leave and it just isn't for me. I love my kids more than anything, but I need the work/home balance. I do get to stay home with them through the week 2-3 times though because of my schedule. If I didn't make money working though, I probably wouldn't do it. I would stay home if I were breaking even. 

While I don't love my job, I probably wouldn't be able to do the SAHM thing. In theory, I would love to, but I like earning my own money, and feel uncomfortable having to ask DH for money. Plus the constant household work would drive me a little crazy. If I could do something through Etsy and make money that way, I'd probably do it in a heartbeat.