Has IF Affected Your Career? — The Bump
Trouble TTC

Has IF Affected Your Career?

Something I'm struggling with lately - how our TTC struggles have affected my career. Mostly, it's the waiting and not-knowing.

Without getting too into the details, my work now has pros and cons. I've been there for a few years, I know the job really well, I have a great manager who is understanding and supportive - the best manager I've had! I'm compensated fairly, all of that is fine.

But there's no opportunity for advancement, so I can't increase my compensation, and I've kind of learned as much as I can. I mean, I learn a little bit each month obviously, but I'm nowhere near as challenged as I was in the first couple of years of the role. Sometimes I miss really being able to sink my teeth into my work, you know?

In the 6 months before we started trying, there were some layoffs at my work. In the early months of our trying, there were more. This really changed the environment. Some of my friends were let go. :(

If we weren't trying to have a baby, or going to try to have a baby, I would have found a new role a long time ago. Over the year, I've seen a few jobs that I thought would be interesting, and I've thrown my hat into the ring, but nothing's panned out. 

I'm starting to think I should aggressively hunt for a new job, but every time I think that, I hesitate: what if I get pregnant this month? What if I can't find as good a boss? What if I'm visibly pregnant at the interview for my dream job? Right now, I'd want to take a longer maternity leave, but if I started a new job, that might not be an option.

Is anyone else putting their career in a holding pattern while they wait for their BFP & baby?

Me: 34 DH: 35
TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
dx: unexplained
Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
Oct 2017 - D&C
Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

SaphireSweetie88JWatt5

Re: Has IF Affected Your Career?

  • I don't feel like I am putting my career in a holding pattern while waiting for our BFP.  I am pretty content with where I am at right now (regardless of the added stress my work can sometimes cause).  

    With that being said, if a new and exciting opportunity were to appear, I think it would be very hard for me to decide to leave my current job for a lot of the same reasons you mentioned.  My boss has been very supportive and overall, our company is very family oriented.  We try and be as flexible as possible to people with young children and I'm not sure I would find that elsewhere.

    It's kind of funny that you bring up the subject though, because of the conversation DH and I had just the other night about his job.  He works for a saw mill that prepares lumber for log homes.  AS you can imagine, his job is very dependent on the housing market and has been pretty shaky for a while.  His brother-in-law really wants to get him to come work for him in construction.  It would be a good opportunity, but we are not sure now would be the best time financially.
    Me:33, DH:38 Married: 8/2/2014
    TTC #1 Since: April 2015
    Unexplained Infertility

    Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
    Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
    Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
    Cycle 5: HSG-normal
                  Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
    Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
    Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
    Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
    Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
    Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
    Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF 
    Cycle 14: IVF-BFN

    SaphireSweetie88funkykey
  • Right, the $$ aspect is another entirely. This job came up not too long ago, and I looked at it - it was in an industry that I want to move to, but it would mean a big pay cut. Usually, I'd be willing to take a financial hit if it meant I'd be in a stronger position later - like in another industry, or I was gaining experience that would help me later - but right now, even though we don't even have a baby yet, I'm being very financially careful. I have no idea what we're going to end up paying for treatments, if that's going to be $2000 or $20000. I didn't even apply.

    Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm not being pro-active because I'd rather be KU than thinking about my job, or if it's because the weight of the IF has been draining, and I just don't have the energy to be a go-getter right now... Like, all my "go" is going towards tracking ovulation and reading up on hormones.

    The more I think about it, the more I think I should just put myself into turbo-drive, and if I get KU'd, deal with that as it happens, even if I have to be firm with a new, less-understanding boss. Stop holding myself back.

    Good luck with your decision re: your DH's work. That is a tough one.

    Me: 34 DH: 35
    TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
    dx: unexplained
    Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
    July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
    Oct 2017 - D&C
    Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
    Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
    Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

    SaphireSweetie88
  • **tw pregnancy mentioned**
    I learned early on not to make plans on a hypothetical baby. We missed a few great trips because I thought I might be pregnant around the time of those trips. I'd say the same is true with a job. Now I'm going to Iceland, and I have a little bean growing!
    As for being pregnant while starting, I just began a new job. I'm only 15ish weeks but I'm starting to show. They hired me because I was the best option for the job. I would strongly encourage you to follow your heart.
    Now, my infertility did hurt my last job. I was hopped up on Clomid, and I was extremely moody. Like psychotic. No one knew what I was going through, and I did get a slight talking to for stating my opinions a tad too openly on some work business, but it was the only time, and my boss still have me a good reference so all is well that ends well.
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    funkykeySaphireSweetie88
  • It is okay to put your career on hold for a baby. It is okay to put your baby making on hold to live life. It is all about what is important to you at that point in time. I'm a military surgeon who drank the kool-aid that it was wrong to have family derail your career. My infertility journey has taught me I have little control of anything, and so I just should make the decisions I can control that will benefit DH and I happiness.

    There are NO guarantees in life, so take advantage of anything that comes your way.
    Me 37, DH 41.
    Mirena removed 11/15, immediately started trying.
    April 16: AMH 2.35, Normal all other labs, including sperm.
    Aug 16: HSG normal. Saline sonogram showed likely polyp, but not optimal due to discomfort.
    Sept 16: Hysteroscopy with light D&C for small polyps.
    Sept 16: Notice of impending deployment for six months.
    Sept 16: Femara round 1: D12 US, 28mm follicle, 8mm endometrium; D15 US, collapsed follicle, 5.5 mm endometrium
    Oct 16: Femara round 2: D17 US, ovarian cyst consistent with ovulation, 5mm endometrium and cystic structure in the endometrium consistent with adenomyosis. Adenomyosis also present on US in July 16.
    Oct 16: Deployment cancelled, likely next summer if not sooner.
    Next up: Estrace D 5-12, Progesterone suppositories 3DPO

    BababattyfunkykeySaphireSweetie88
  • The job economy in my career of choice is growing slowly. So I haven't turned down any opportunities per second, but I have stopped aggressively seeking opportunities. I currently work as a temp at a nonprofit so it suits me for now.

    The not knowing sucks.
    Married 4 years, TTC 3 years
    Dx: Unexplained infertility, hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's, MTHFR Mutation
    DH - low motility
    Rx: Levothyroxine, misc supplements



    funkykeySaphireSweetie88
  • @adoannie614 you are right re: happiness and not to drink the kool aid... but the one thing about putting career first for a while is that it can be less stressful to pay for IF should you need to...  maybe the finances of all of this- IF and then, if all goes well, kids and college, are weighing on me more than I thought... 

    Me: 34 DH: 35
    TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
    dx: unexplained
    Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
    July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
    Oct 2017 - D&C
    Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
    Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
    Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

    SaphireSweetie88
  • @funkykey I think you have a great plan. Find a job that pays well enough and has the flexibility to IF treatments. But isn't that also the job you would want as a mom? It doesn't get any better when the baby is here!!

    But also some perspective, I picked a career that I believed in. Four years after I signed on the dotted line, 9/11 happened. I now deploy to a war zone 6 out of every 24 months and cannot try during that time. I own my decision, but cannot get out of my commitment until I am 40. I tell you this not as a sob story, but to highlight you have much more flexibility than you think. It just is how you manage your adult responsibilities with your goals.

    Me 37, DH 41.
    Mirena removed 11/15, immediately started trying.
    April 16: AMH 2.35, Normal all other labs, including sperm.
    Aug 16: HSG normal. Saline sonogram showed likely polyp, but not optimal due to discomfort.
    Sept 16: Hysteroscopy with light D&C for small polyps.
    Sept 16: Notice of impending deployment for six months.
    Sept 16: Femara round 1: D12 US, 28mm follicle, 8mm endometrium; D15 US, collapsed follicle, 5.5 mm endometrium
    Oct 16: Femara round 2: D17 US, ovarian cyst consistent with ovulation, 5mm endometrium and cystic structure in the endometrium consistent with adenomyosis. Adenomyosis also present on US in July 16.
    Oct 16: Deployment cancelled, likely next summer if not sooner.
    Next up: Estrace D 5-12, Progesterone suppositories 3DPO

    funkykeySaphireSweetie88
  • @adoannie614 Thank you for your service! I could never, ever do what you do. You are an amazing woman.

    Me 31 DH 33 Married since July 2010
    TTC #1 since June 2015 ----> MFI (High DNA Fragmentation) & Mild endometriosis
    Aug 2016 - May 2017  6 IUI's with letrozole - BFN
    April 2017 - laparoscopy to remove mild endo
    June 2017 - Mini IVF letrozole 12.5mg, Gonal-F 75IU - Cancelled early ovulation, no eggs retrieved. 
    Aug/Sept 2017 - Mini IVF letrozole 12.5mg, Gonal-F 75IU, cetrotide - 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature
    5 eggs ICSI'd 6 eggs frozen - 1 day 5 blast transfered, 2 expanded blast frozen - BFP!


    funkykeySaphireSweetie88
  • Yes @adoannie614 - @RessaAnne16 is right! Thank you for your service! (though in this context, that feels like especially such an understatement!)

    Also, because I am keeping my FX for you, I am going to say: being a pregnant military surgeon will be so motherf*cking cool - you probably already are kind of a badass, anyway - you'll need to start wearing a motorcycle jacket almost exclusively.

    Perhaps, in addition to the stress of not knowing in the immediate future and worries over finances, the IF is making me reflective. I intentionally chose a career that would allow for some flexibility as a mom, and now I am - on some level- questioning that choice, as well as all my choices. And then, as a feminist, I resent that I even thought about that at all - like "career" vs. "family". Bah. Feels like every month is such a roller-coaster, with so much time to think.

    Me: 34 DH: 35
    TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
    dx: unexplained
    Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
    July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
    Oct 2017 - D&C
    Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
    Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
    Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

    SaphireSweetie88
  • Nothing wrong with looking for a new job aggressively, you never know what opportunities are out there! If IVF is important to you have a financial plan that means not accepting a position that pays less than X, so this way you're not limiting yourself :)
    I held off on going back to school right away because of all the 'what ifs' and that was three years ago. Now I'm a full time student about to do IVF and I've come to realize that I just keep moving forwards, no idea if and when anything will work to make me a parent so why waste years?

    Me 35, Him 40
    TTC June 2013
    Lap, HSG, Hysteroscopy
    High FSH/ Low AMH
    Endo Mild/ Moderate
    History w/Clomid/Femera/Progesterone
    IVF #1 cancelled poor responder
    IVF #2 two good eggs/ froze both on day 3 rather then lose before blast
    Awaiting sonohystogram to determine if minor surgery needed before FET


    funkykeySaphireSweetie88
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