UPDATE::Advice before it turns into an argument w/DH

mamatowildones

I need some outside input. Here's the issue from beginning to now. Before and right after finding out we were having baby 3 I went on and on about how important It was to me to be team green this time around. I kept saying what greater surprise is there in life?! DH was dead set against the surprise. He wanted to know earlier because he really wants a girl as this could be our last. He wanted to have time to get excited about a possible 3rd boy. He reassured me many times that he won't be disappointed. But the pressure would really be there to have a fourth and try for a girl. 
Fast forward to now. We have the NIPT results. We have switched places completely. I'm dying to know and DH wants the surprise. Why did I switch? Partly because now that we can know it's just killing me. But also, I am pretty miserable. Headaches and physical things are tolerable. But emotionally I'm so sick of feeling so grumpy and shortfused! I want to be my normal self as a wife and mama and I'm waiting for the hormones to settle. I feel like if I know that it's a girl and this is our last that I may try to suck it up and enjoy this more.(this sounds stupid as I type it) And emotionally I feel like I need to know if this is the last time I'll get to experience this. Hormones and symptoms aside I truly believe pregnancy is amazing and I love it deep down. 
DH and I have agreed to talk about it tonight. I don't want to bully him into finding out. His argument makes sense too. How can he be dissapointed when he's handed a new beautiful baby. And, if this is our last, do I want to give up my opportunity to be team green. 
I feel like I'm rambling now. But I just wanted some outside perspective before we talk tonight.

UPDATE
Thank you all for your advice! We took the weekend to not dwell and I finally felt like I had a clear head and really did want to know. DH agreed and he did the honors of finding out and then telling us. We are having boy #3 and I am so beyond excited. 3 boys is just going to be so much fun and we are going to allow ourselves 4-5 years before we talk about possibly trying one final time. Of course we would love to complete our family with a girl. But if God thinks we rock at raising boys then that's good enough for me! 

LeilaD123

Maybe look at it that he's agreeing with you and you won?? That aside, there's a reason why you wanted to be team green to begin with and now that he also wants to be team green it might make it easier to continue on that path. Sorry, I rambled but I hope it makes sense.

Jens_Hoes

You've changed your mind once, is it possible you could change it again? Is it possible to make a decision to hold off on making a firm decision on what to do? You can't go back if you decide to find out, but you can always change if you decide to not find out. I'd hate for one of you to be resentful toward the other for forcing a decision one way or another. 
So basically, my suggestion is to wait to make a final decision. Good luck!

ETA: spelling 

mamatowildones

@Jenshoes I haven't thought of it that way. Thank you. Always helps to have outside perspective. 

mcvgal

I agree with pp, you could possibly change your mind again. Maybe you should wait until you are sure you want to find out.

SKZW

Agree w/ @Jenshoes that maybe waiting to make a decision (either way) would be good. Once you find out, you've found out, and there's no going back. But waiting to find out, knowing that you can at any point, is something worth holding onto. And, truly, whether you know the sex now or next week won't change how you feel physically (sorry to be harsh about it)---and I say this with a full "in your boat" stance, because I feel pretty awful myself physically, and also want to be team green but am fielding a lot of resistance to it. It's tough to feel happy about something but I'd hate for you to be looking for that "quick fix" in feeling good and then not be able to go back and be team green when you no longer can be. Try to take it one day at a time, not knowing, and maybe table the conversation until you're having a "feeling really good about everything" type of day. Good luck!

mamatowildones

Thank you ladies. It really helped to hear these perspectives. I never really thought about not being able to go back after the decision. And that it might possibly be a "quick fix" this really helped me feel less intense about it. Thank you. 

Jens_Hoes

@mamatowildones
Glad to help!

vrj0522

I'm going to disagree with some of the above. This is also my 3rd but we are planning on a 4th. While the physical ailments aren't going to change, I do think that there is something about knowing that this might be your last pregnancy and how you approach it. Something could also happen and it could be my last but I feel like if I KNEW this is my last, there would be a different feeling about it and approach to it. And if for whatever reason we didn't have a fourth, I know that there would be mourning around it so I get exactly what you were saying above. 

While I am not one that would go team green (too impatient and too much of a planner), I definitely agree with pp that you don't want to make a rash decision just because you know there's a paper with the answer somewhere. I agree to hold off for maybe a week or two or three and see how you feel. It's still very early and if you decided to know, then there is plenty of time for it all. Most women have to wait until 20 weeks to find out anyway so you wouldn't be missing out on anything if you waited a few more weeks. 

When you talk to your H tonight, I would discuss your feelings about the mental/emotional preparation needed in either knowing that this is your last pregnancy or in knowing that this is not the last one so that he can understand better why you've changed your mind and then see how he feels about waiting a little bit and then deciding. One other option that doesn't always work out is for you to find out but not tell him the sex (agreed on by him of course). I've known of people who have done this. The big challenge here is that you might be tempted to start buy gender-oriented stuff and that would very quickly give it all away. And if he knows you know, he might also be more tempted to just ask and not wait until the end. 

ETA - Just noticed this is from yesterday so you'll have to tell us how you conversation went. 

tenfour

I wish I had advice. I really didn't want to find out (worried about gender disappointment, which really ruined a large chunk of my last pregnancy, unnecessarily) but my husband did. I deferred to him because I'm the one who basically forced the issue of #3, so I thought it was the least I could do. BTW, we found out yesterday and I'm glad we did because turns out I'm not disappointed. Still getting used to it, but not upset, and glad I have time to get used to it now, and not when I have a newborn. Meanwhile DH is still cranky from the election and didn't seem to care either way. 

How did the conversation go? 

mamatowildones

Great to see these views! We talked and he said he understood if I wanted to know. But he's worried I'll regret it. It's up to me at this point which is hard too. I'm really unsure. We are young and could go on to have a 4th. But we may be financially more comfortable with only 3. However, anything can happen so we could go on to have a 4th either way I suppose. I'm going to try to give it some more time.