Interim advice: How do you stay sane after 2 retrievals and 4 failed transfers?

Carpediemstat

My first retrieval resulted in 4A embryos, 3 transfers all failed
My second retrieval resulted in 2B embryos, the transfer again failed.
I accepted a new job (less stress) which will be starting before my next suppression cycle.
I am going to a new fertility clinic (one that has a better success ratio than my first clinic). 

APM_SLP

I wish I had a good answer for you.  I guess the only way I stay sane after 2 failed transfers is looking at my 2 friends, who also have numerous failures (and numerous ER's), now hold their babies.

Did you do PGS testing?

mtpbadger

I have had two failed transfers and some days it's just impossible to stay sane, so I allow myself to be a hot mess when needed (crazy, irrational, go down the 'what if' cycle, have a good cry, etc) but then I have to keep looking forward and know others have had success after failures as well. 

carterh33

I'm sorry  
it is hard to be hopeful sometimes!

Colleen0516

I had 6 transfers-- 5 were fails or miscarriages. Its definitely hard! But when you want something bad enough, you find a way to keep going. Like @mtpbadger said- I allowed myself to lose my mind. I cried, I got angry, I wallowed, I was sad, but then I picked myself up and told myself to keep going. It is either wallow in the sadness or move on to find happiness- I chose to move on and try again.
I also switched RE's. With each fail, I learned more and more. I knew what I wanted to try and I expressed my concerns. Open communication with an RE is so important. After 5 fails, my 6th transfer seems to be a success so far! There is hope!! Keep pushing! 

kangastein

I find comfort in making the next steps and the steps after that. After my most recent failure I made about 4 appointments with different REs and went over what they would suggest so I could assure myself there was a path and find the best one.

Colleen0516

chocolate and wine always helps me too after a fail 

mtpbadger

@colleen0516 totally agree! And binge watching crappy reality shows tends to help as well - something I can totally zone out to (while eating my chocolate or icecream and drinking my bottle of wine) and not have to think about anything IF related for a small chunk of time.

Also, as hard as it is, try not to left IF and any previous failures consume your life. Still enjoy living. I have found that re-finding things I had enjoyed prior to starting this whole craptastic journey can be really refreshing.

oxinfree

I've found breaks have been the most helpful for me. Everyone is different, but pulling away from what was forming as an "infertility identity" was the healthiest thing I could do for myself... to remind me I'm more than my infertility... that I have hobbies, and passions aside from motherhood (or lack there of). That I am ENOUGH as I am. Getting back to the things I loved helped pull me out of the cycle of despair I would feel after a failed cycle. Big hugs. I know how you feel. Going into my 4th transfer now, but I have an active plan going forward if this upcoming FET fails (laparoscopy to start with). 

Carpediemstat

My clinic didn't even offer the PGS testing on the embryos.  I believe that the new one does.

Carpediemstat

@Colleen0516: During your trials are there some key important things that you took away from the experience?  Do you feel that you did something different at the last transfer to make it successful?  I feel like I'm grabbing straws here.  Thank you for your thoughtful reply

kangastein

@Carpediemstat I've had a bunch of failed cycles both fresh and frozen and my first one was successful which ended in miscarriage, what I did differently for that one was nothing! No pineapple, Brazil nuts, I did acupuncture and started excercising soon after. I even tasted wine at a holiday. If it's going to work it will work.

Colleen0516

@Carpediemstat I feel like with each cycle I learned more about IF. I talked to girls on here and heard stories, I talked to my doctors and asked questions- I wanted to know everything I could. 
I really think my RE is to thank for getting me pregnant. I truely believe that having an RE that will invest their time into you is important. I know I was just 1 patient of hers, but I never felt like that, I always felt important. She studied my cycles, she studied my embryos, she studied my miscarriages. She was determined to figure out which medicines and protocols I needed to get me pregnant- and she succeeded. All I tried to do was believe. It's so hard after so many fails, but she have to believe. I would research nurseries and baby names and baby clothes and anything that was the postive side of pregnancy and baby. I tried to keep my mind there. But this round I did have a break down. I was home alone and decided to have a talk with the people "upstairs"... I begged, cursed, cried, yelled and pleaded with anyone that would listen. I spoke freely and said how done I was. How I couldnt do it again, how I NEEDED it to work. Maybe someone up there listened? I don't know. 

But RE relationship is most important. If you feel like you're unsure of your doctor or just don't feel right- change. Do the research, find the right doctor. I travel about an hour to and from my new doctor but never mind because she is worth it!