Pregnant after a Loss

GTKY - 11/7

In-laws! What do you have, good,bad, indifferent? Do they live close or far away? With the holidays coming up, how do you share your time between families? 

Re: GTKY - 11/7

  • I really like my in-laws. My MIL seems to have the wisdom to only offer advice when asked and I'm amazed. It may change when I give her her first grandbaby but in the meantime I appreciate her enthusiasm in checking in on the pregnancy once in awhile but not too often. 

    They live about 3.5 hours away. We've traded each year so far--last year we did thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine (who live 2 hours away) and this year we switch. I was due with my angel baby two days after Christmas so the plan was no travel at all. Frankly I'm glad I'll be distracted by family and hopefully a lot of kicking from this little one leading up to my original due date! Still, will be painful, but so grateful baby girl is in there to give me hope around the holidays. 

    DH has three sisters, all unmarried and super excited for a niece. Their excitement will be fun. :)

    Next year when baby girl is 7 months we'll reevaluate our holiday plans. But I'm hopeful my in laws will come visit but not too much, and also allow for me to be a mess when I'm a new mom getting adjusted to things. My MIL is a bit of a germophobe and a perfectionist so if I'm too busy with baby to make the house spotless before she visits I hope she doesn't say anything. Haha. 
  • @hgrich I'm jealous you like your inlaw family sounds really nice! Lucky! Her being a germaphobe is better than not being one IMHO. Especially with a new baby around. My MIL on the other hand would "playfully" roll her eyes when I would make everyone wash their hands before touching my daughter when she was an infant.

    My inlaws are really nice loving people. However, they are from another country and they are very different than anything I've experienced. They are so old school they come across more like my husbands grandparents than his parents. They have no idea what it means to be politically correct and talk about religion and politics constantly and assume whoever they are talking to shares their same views. They also have extremely strong accents with choppy English so it makes having a conversation with them very difficult. It's really hard to explain what makes them so "off", you almost have to experience them to get it, lol. They live about 40 mins away from us and we see them about once every month or two. My husband has an older sister who has three daughters. She lives down the road from the mother and goes there everyday and hangs out. There's also a younger brother who isn't married yet. The whole thing upsets me because I wanted to have inlaws that I could be close to, but it's just not possible. Luckily my husband understands, he loves them to death but he is not close to them at all. 

    We alternate Thanksgiving between my family and his. For Christmas we are always with my family on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning we spend at home then go to his parents house in the afternoon /night. It works out well that way for us because my family prefers to have a big festive Christmas Eve and low key on Christmas Day. 
    Celebrating holidays and birthdays is also weird with his family. They never do anything special, no one sits at the table together for dinner, it's like it's just a regular day. Everyone just grabs a plate of food and sits wherever they want in the house. It's just not what I'm use to. 
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  • Mine are close by. I love tgem and they have been in my life for over 20 yrs, but DAMN they are drama. Mostly my MIL is the dramatic one. She is the least involved grandparent despite my parents living across the country in two separate states. 

    FIL is great. He cares for my girls 3 hrs twice a week to bridge the gap for DH and I between our work schedules. He is really wonderful.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
  • @mwoodside jealous, even with the drama!
  • I like my in laws. We aren't super close but we all get along when we are around each other. We live about 30 mins away from each other. We split time in the holidays and basically just go from my moms house to his sisters house. I have no complaints 
  • @Bok Bagok my in-law situation is a lot like yours so I totally understand where you're coming from. 

    My in-laws aren't bad but not necessarily good either. My family is very open, talks a lot, plays games etc and DH family is from another country and their social norms are different so they are so polite it's awkward having conversations. Another downfall is that they don't speak very good English and I don't speak any of their language so it's interesting. Luckily they don't live in the U.S (yet) but are American citizens so they are planning on moving back in a year or two. I feel like I got the raw end of the deal because my family is so fun but at least so far I've only met them in person this past summer after being together 6 years and DH talks on the phone to them on his way from work so I don't have to. They are nice but not someone I would ever be buddy buddy with or call if I needed something. 

    Luckily because my in-laws don't live here holidays are easy. DH and I decided to stay home for the upcoming holidays as my parents live 3.5 hours away and we like being in our own house. Plus, my DH usually works one or more of them so he would be alone. It's nice and no drama
  • @swe2 I'm sorry! Interesting we have a similar situation and feel the same way. I know exactly what you mean that you feel like you got the short end of the stick. The only positive spin on this is atleast we don't have overbearing,overly involved inlaws. A few of my GFs have MILs that are in their face constantly and are very pushy. Ours are more like polite strangers :/ 
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