GTKY - Religion and Sprituality

cafedisco

DH and were discussing today so I'm now wondering how many of you ladies go to a church on a regular basis?  What type of church is it?  Did you and your partner agree on where to go/how to raise your LOs in regards to faith?  If you don't go to church, do you have any spiritual practices you believe in or follow?

It's always an interesting subject to me, curious to see where everyone is at.

cafedisco

DH and I were both raised too strictly in the Catholic church so we've both struggled as adults to find a faith/church that works for us. 

We haven't gone to a church in the 7 years we've been together until this summer, when I finally convinced him to go to a Unitarian Universalist congregation.  I really love the tenants behind it and it feels nice to be part of that sort of community.  We're not super social people so it's good for us to get outside ourselves. 

Honestly, the biggest problem is committing to go every week.  We're so busy during the weekends that we get pretty selfish (and lazy) with weekend time.  It's like pulling teeth now to get DH to want to go (he likes the services, he's just lazy about it) and I don't really want him to think it's a chore. Anyone else have a hard time going every week? Is it just that we need to make it a habit?

mrsstuessy

I was raised in a Christian charismatic, non-denominational family. We jumped around to a few different church varieties as a child. As an adult I continue to go to non-denominational Christian church. DH was not raised in a Christian family, but became a Christian is a teenager. We totally agree to all things regarding religion, spirituality. We actually met at a Christian/missionary training school 8 years ago. My Christianity is a main focus in my life and I am hoping it will be for DD as well. She loves going to church so far and we like reading her little kids Bible and talking about Jesus. Her 3 year old prayers at the table are the cutest! 

HGRich

Yes--DH and I were raised Christian, though I was raised charismatic and him baptist. We attended a non denominational Christian college where we met, and then I went on to an Evangelical seminary. We attend a baptist church together where I also work but to me it didn't matter a whole lot what the denomination was, as long as I agreed with the vast majority of what was taught. I don't really consider myself a baptist though, as there are some very minor things I disagree with. But there's no such thing as a perfect church, because it's made up of people, and people aren't perfect no matter what. I like to live by the maxim that churches aren't for perfect people but for sinners who know they need help and hope. 

When we moved to our new city our church became our primary community until we got to know coworkers, and I've loved it and the people in it. It's a pretty big church but it's easy to get to know people if you just get involved in activities and volunteering. And then I started working there and it's gotten even better, as I consider a lot of the people there my family. So it's not hard to go every week, especially since DH volunteers in the coffee shop and I volunteer with 6th graders. I don't know what will change after we have this baby but I know it's not about duty but about wanting the weekly encouragement and teaching that comes with meeting with the community and hearing some good teaching. So I hope we can make it but we'll allow ourselves times when things are rough and baby is screaming and we can't make it. God isn't rigid like that haha. 

On a more personal note, my faith has been an anchor for my whole life, and something I remember distinctly choosing on my own at the age of ten. I chose to follow Christ not because of my parents but because I wanted to. It gave me a thirst for reading the Bible and getting to know God better and I've read the thing 13 times. Haha. Then of course I chose to go to seminary because I loved learning about doctrine and church history and all that. But it's not just been intellectual but personal. It really anchored me and gave me hope through the miscarriage and through this pregnancy so far. DH and I agree on all the important parts about our faith and how we plan to raise our kids. But we believe it will ultimately be their choice just as it was ours. 

Dax28

We both agree on all aspects of religion and spirituality.  DH and I were both raised catholic. But, early on in our lives we were both between 10-12 years old when we decided it wasn't for us. We are both atheist but I don't really like that label. We live by the golden rule and strive to be tolerant, good, and caring people. We will not raise our children with religion. They will be taught about other's believes and cultures so the can decide for themselves when they are adults. Our families know that we are not that religious but not to what extent. For example, we will never baptize or take our children to church.

lovelongdog06

We are non-denominational Christians. There are a variety of churches we can feel comfortable in, but we're happiest in a Pentecostal teaching church (typically lots of raising of hands, laying on of hands, praying in tongues). We have a church we actually really love that operates as an Assembly of God, but we haven't attended regularly because DS is too busy to sit in the service and has been pretty sad the times we've tried to leave him in the nursery. He's a little older and more verbal now so we may try again soon.

marshmallowmadness

We "gave up" on religion about 5 years ago.  I was raised in a strict Lutheran household and DH was raised in a casual Catholic (is that a real thing?? lol) household.  We tried to keep up with church for about a year after having DD1 and we realized it's not for us.  We are very scientific-thinking people and neither of us put much faith in a "god," though we do believe there is something bigger than us and our world (aliens, anyone? ) Our oldest has expressed an interest in learning the bible stories and I have told her some of the "main" stories as well as let her look through/read my old children's bible.  If she ever were to ask to attend a church service, I would take her.  She is not even 7 yet, though, so I don't know when that day will come, if at all.

Virginialeigh

I was raised Baptist. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher in Appalachia. We went to his church once a year for his birthday. It always scared me. I enjoyed our home  church though. We stopped going regularly when my parents got divorced, I was about 11. In highschool my best friend's mom was a preacher at a non denominational church and I would go to church with them when I had spent the night. I enjoyed her church and joined the youth group. I don't remember what class it was for but I did a paper on comparing and contrasting religions. I came to the conclusion that they are all at their core basically the same they just go about things differently. I believe in God, but I don't believe in organized religion. I don't believe that someone else is going to hell because they don't believe exactly what I believe.
DH was not raised in a church. His father has said he was forced to go to church every Sunday and when he grew up he never went again so his kids never went. We've have never really talked about it. 
My sister's husband is a preacher (there are a lot of preachers in my life) at a missionary Baptist Church that is predominantly black. We went for my nieces baptism and DS LOVED it. He was clapping and yelling amen and dancing in the aisle. My niece asked if we would come for children's day so we did. I am not going to keep him from going to church if he wants to. Which makes my sister very happy because she doesn't want to have to "worry about his soul" like she does mine.

cafedisco

Tinkerbell413 said:

We "gave up" on religion about 5 years ago.  I was raised in a strict Lutheran household and DH was raised in a casual Catholic (is that a real thing?? lol) household.  We tried to keep up with church for about a year after having DD1 and we realized it's not for us.  We are very scientific-thinking people and neither of us put much faith in a "god," though we do believe there is something bigger than us and our world (aliens, anyone? ) Our oldest has expressed an interest in learning the bible stories and I have told her some of the "main" stories as well as let her look through/read my old children's bible.  If she ever were to ask to attend a church service, I would take her.  She is not even 7 yet, though, so I don't know when that day will come, if at all.

This makes a lot of sense to me, too. This is how I settled on the UU church. There is no mention of God or even prayer - it's just about being a good person and there are times of reflection for whatever you personally believe. 

Thanks everyone for sharing.  @HGRich I love that you made your own decision as a child and plan to let yours do the same. I think that was a big part of it for DH and I - we really don't want our children guilted or shamed into a certain belief as we were. What you wrote inspires me to get us going weekly again so we can really start meeting people and becoming more involved.

And @Virginialeigh I'm sort of rolling my eyes at your sister.  I also have a really hard time with anyone believing in doom and gloom for someone else because they don't follow a certain set of beliefs.

NESeattlite

We could not be more atheist, as are most of our friends and extended family so very little issues there.  We'll have secular traditions like Santa and Easter egg hunts, but nothing beyond that.  

KirstinH88

DH grew up 7th day Adventist, but I'm not sure they went to church that often. I grew up with a Christian father and an atheist (?) mother. They divorced when I was really young. Growing up, going to church was just not a thing for us. We would go with my dad very rarely. As I grew older, I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that poof we just appeared. So I felt there had to be a higher power. My senior year of high school, I dated the son of a non-denominational pastor, so I started going to church with him. I still consider myself Christian and will pray occasionally. I teach my kids about God and Jesus, but we don't attend a church regularly. We tried "church shopping" when we moved into our new home a few years ago, but none of the local churches felt right. I wanted a good mix of children's ministry as well as adult/regular service ministry. And as @cafedisco said we are kind of selfish and lazy with our weekend time. 

ladameperdue

This is a great idea for a GTKY thread. 
We were both brought up Christian (me, catholic, and DH Church of England), but for both of us it was more of a Sunday and holiday thing, vs a cultural community thing. I have personal issues with the 'patriarchy' explicit in Catholicism (as well as the mandatory confessions and priests/pope having a direct connection with god) and I like that CoE is more open in that sense. We were married in CoE and when we do attend, go to a liberal Anglican US church. We had DD baptised because of pressure from both families and hope it was the right choice, giving her the option to participate when she's older. In general, we both feel there is something greater than humans as individuals, and that it is something positive and omnipresent. I can't quite go so far as anthropomorphizing it or believing it to be all powerful. 

catem07

When I was in 5th grade we started attending the local Presbyterian (USA) church. In college I occasionally attended a United Church of Christ (they had Saturday evening services at 5:00, key for a college student who didn't want to miss Sunday brunch). DH was raised in a United Church of Christ. When we moved to Memphis we went very regularly to a Presbyterian church. Now that we're back in the northeast we attend a progressive church that's a mix of United Church of Christ, American Baptist, and United Methodist. We affiliate with the UCC. We will raise our kids in church for sure. 

When I was in middle school I had the luxury of living walking distance to church, so my mom said I either had to go to Sunday School or to church (they don't happen at the same time in my church traditions) but I could pick. It would be nice to be able to allow my kids that choice as they get older. 

I want to give my kids more biblical background than I have, more so they have context for things--both in church and in literature/movies/etc.

rachelmiller03

Such an inserting thread! was raised in the LDS church (Mormon) and DH attended Church of Christ growing up. I have fallen away from my LDS upbringing, because there are things I don't necessarily agree with. I disagree with their views on same-sex marriage, drinking, and co-habitation before marriage. There are aspects I do agree with (like the idea that families can be together forever). We don't attend church, and honestly I think that we may have issues agreeing on a religion. I like more traditional churches, while DH likes more contemporary. Neither one of us are in a hurry to find a congregation we like. @cafedisco and @kristinH88, we really enjoy our weekend free time too.  

I agree with you @catem07, I want my kids to have understand biblical concepts, and I want to raise them to believe in Christ and God. I pray with DS each night. However when all is said and done, I think it is most important to  teach him to love and respect others, even those you don't agree with, to know the difference between right and wrong, and to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. I believe these concepts can be taught without religion. 

schef070911

I enjoy reading everyone's responses to this! So many different and wonderful ways to be here.

I grew up Catholic (both of my parents and their families are Catholic), became discontent with various aspects of Catholicism in high school/college and went to nondenominational churches, then returned to more liturgical tradition post-college.  DH is the son of an ELCA Lutheran pastor so when things started getting serious between us, I assumed that I would most likely "convert" to Lutheran (quotes because it's not a very involved process at all), and I did. I'm very happy with our decision as for me, Lutheran churches (or at least the ones I choose to involve myself with) are the ideal mix of liturgy and tradition with forward-thinking social ideas.  I think my parents would've preferred if I stayed Catholic if they're being honest, but they gave me and my brother the freedom to make that decision and I respect them so much for it.  I'll for sure bring our children up in the church, but I also want them to know that there are many paths to God and that we'll support them no matter what they choose.

shaunessa

I'm Catholic and my husband is Baptist.  We decided to raise our son Catholic, just because that's what works for our family.  We go every other Sunday, because sometimes we just like to sleep in.  Not to mention, my husband is a musician and sometimes has late night gigs on Saturdays.

I'm not a judgy Catholic and could care less what other people practice.  I don't try to convert others to see my point of view.  I believe that God gave us free will and we are all free to practice how/and whichever way we choose.

Ekzerr

I was raised Ukrainian catholic and we went to church regularly up until I was in middle school. I don't particularly follow all the "rules" of being catholic but I definitely believe in God and pray regularly. For the longest time I wanted to get back into attending church and DH and I talked about it for a while then decided after DD was born that when she was a bit older we would start attending again. He's very spiritual but never really followed a religion so he said I could choose whichever church we would attend, and I very much wanted to go back to the one from my childhood as my maternal grandparents were very active there (for 50+ years) and my parents met and married there as well. We went back when DD was around 5 months old and earlier this year my parents started attending again. I sometimes too feel very selfish with my weekend time or am so tired I wouldnt mind staying home but it is very important to DH so we try to go every weekend.  We just found out yesterday that our priest who we adore has Bone Marrow cancer and has been quite sick so we were pretty bummed about that.

smallanimal

We both grew up catholic, me "lighter" than DH.  These days we only go to church a few times a year, which I think is a bit of a shame, and maybe we will make more effort when we have a baby, hopefully.  I consider myself a big believer though and aim to pray daily - I find that it helps with my anxiety and calms me down.  My grandmother was very religious and since we lost her, I kind of think/hope that she is out there somewhere, looking out for me.  Not sure if this even makes sense, but it gives me a sense of peace, so can't be a bad thing. 

herewegrow

I was not brought up in the church but went to a catholic high school. I was in a terrible relationship throughout HS, had terrible anxiety, and was essentially agnostic at best. I started dating my husband, who was raised in Christian and Baptist environments, and came to know Jesus. My husband saved me from a terrible relationship here and aided in my soul being saved eternally. 

My biggest testament to God is that we were told we may not be able to have children and went though issues when we were trying for our first. I was baptized in Sept 2013 and got pregnant that month. We're now on baby 3 and I cannot give more glory to God for allowing our family to grow. 

Obviously, we attend church regularly and will be raising our children in the church. We pray before meals and at night, talk about service and kindness, and try to be more Christ like. 

smallanimal

@herewegrow that is beautiful  

super_sam03

I was raised Catholic by very devout Polish-born parents.  When you visit the country and their dedication to their religion, it's a thing of beauty. The villages with no churches would have high standing altars with folks crowded around them.  It's pretty cool.

I was the first female altar-server in my church, I was in the choir, earning all those point .  When I went off to college I still attended Sunday mass but it fell by the wayside quickly.  I met me husband my sophomore year.  He was raised very lax Lutheran and he was not religious in the least.  Still, when I was home from college I would sing in the choir and he'd sit up there with me.  But when I got further into school, into my career, I fell away from the church.  I go to the occasional mass, dedicated masses to deceased relatives, major holidays, etc. but want to really go back.

This and last year were 2 of my worst years.  Last year we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, my mom got uterine cancer (mom's free & clear now!), my grandmother got ovarian, we lost my grandmother, we had failed IUI's, and this year we had our IVF that ended in miscarriage and I lost my other grandmother.  In this time, I really turned to prayer.  I even asked my mom for one of her blessed rosaries.  I never really consciously prayed the rosary but it's really calmed and focused me.  I got this from my grandmother.  Before she passed, she was in the ICU but ALWAYS a rosary in hand.  Before she left, I was able to witness her priest come and read her the last rites.  The peace in her face, the calm.  It was something to witness.  

Now that I'm welcoming 2 little boys into the world, I want to give them that base.  That nice upbringing I had because I have no ill-will towards it.  I may disagree with some priests points of view, but that's why I like to "try on" different churches.  On a super great note, before my grandma passed, I got to tell her she was going to be a great-grandmother.  She said she felt no pain after that and kept sliding my ultrasound photo to people saying "I'm expecting."   The nurse's replied with "Well, that explains why you're in the hospital!" 

Dannylion24

DH and I are Irish Catholic, born and raised. Though I grew up practicing a lot "more" than DH (prob wording that wrong) with alter serving and choir, parents who were Sunday school teachers and Eucharistic ministers. We are so busy and with young kids who don't sit well in quiet spaces we don't regularly go to church, regretfully, but we attend when we can, especially around the holy and holidays. All the kids are baptized and the older ones attend CCD and are in the process of receiving the additional sacraments. Pretty open minded regarding other faiths though I would say, and neither of us thinks the Catholic Church and Pope are perfect or infallible. 

BryDienta

I was raised in and still attend a United Church of Christ Protestant church.  My DH is Muslim and attends on a pretty regular basis.  We both accept each others religions and like someone else said they are very very similar (even have the same stories in the Bible and Koran).  Our son (12 months) attends both my church and the mosque and will grow up knowing both religions.  I told my DH from the day I met him I would not convert but I would be respectful of his views and traditions.  I do still drink (not right now obviously) and I do eat pork but our son will not do either until he is old enough to make those decisions for himself.  

peachy0709

I was raised Catholic and DH was raised Episcopalian.  We were not married in the church, but since DD was born, he has converted and DD was baptized Catholic.  We attend every Sunday (mostly) and do plan to send DD and baby 2 to Catholic school. It's less about being uber committed to the religion as it is about it being a good, reliable schooling option.  Our elementary school is phenomenal, but the middle school is unusable.  I of course have issues with the Church, but I always have. I've also felt my faith leaders listen to criticism.  I've also made amazing friendships as an adult in new towns due to the Church.  

kitkat8387

We are both atheist (I really hate that word but not sure there is another one to use). My dad was raised Jewish and my mom was raised Catholic, but neither one was religious at all, so growing up we did not have religion in our home whatsoever. We celebrated secular traditions like egg hunts, christmas trees, etc. and occasionally we would celebrate hanukkah and passover with my grandma but in a very secular way. I think religion has a lot of positive aspects for a lot of people, but it's just not a part of my life. DH was raised Catholic (went through confirmation and all of that) but never liked it and after moving out of his parents house he decided he was done with it. So, we are atheist but will still celebrate the secular traditions with our kids. One thing we are trying to figure out is how to teach our kids about religion, since they will inevitably ask - I remember asking my mom when I was growing up where all my friends were going on Sundays/Holidays/etc. She offered to take me so I could see what it was all about, and I came to the decision on my own that I didn't want to participate. I definitely don't want to make the decision for my kids either.