January 2016 Moms

Military Mommies

Hello everyone, my name is Jennie.  I'm a FTM with an 11-month old son, Robin.  DH is in the Army and currently deployed.  I've lurked the boards for some time now and have always appreciated what a great resource this is.

My question is about sex drive.  My husband has been deployed for a few months now.  In the past, before LO arrived, I've always tried to do my part to keep the physical spark between us alive while he was gone by sending photos, etc.  It was our way of staying connected physically whole he's away.  Now that LO is here, I feel guilty that I haven't had that same desire I once had.  I thought my sex drive would return to normal after our son was born, but it's still not 100%.  I'm still breastfeeding, so maybe that has something to do with it???  Anyone else out there in the same boat or have advice?

Thank you in advance!!!

Re: Military Mommies

  • My husband and I used to have great sex. Every day. I have absolutely no libido after having a baby. I don't know if it's because I'm always so damn busy or what. I'm not even interested. I still have sex with my husband a few times a week in spite of that because I know if i don't it would be very hard on our marriage, and once i get into it i do enjoy it. I feel like I could go months without and be fine. Not my husband lol
  • And thank you for everything your family does for this country! I ❤ America
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  • Know you're not alone! I think in the 9 months my daughter has been here, we have only had sex 3 times. granted I did have about 3 months when we weren't supposed to medically. I have read though, that the hormones while breastfeeding definitely decrease the drive. So I'm sure when you're done it will come back. Whether or not your little one lets you is another story!!
  • Suggesting wine, lube, foreplay or just giving a bj to be intimate even when you're not in the mood. Mine is essentially gone too, but I aim for once a week. 
  • I'm glad I read this post! My husband isnt in the
    military, but I cant imagine how hard it would be on you! Regardless, no sex drive here. Like PP said, I could go months and Id be fine. I push myself to do it a couple times a week but it's essentially gone. Sometimes during the day I feel somewhat like it, but thats even rare and 99% Of the time hubby is at work so it wouldnt matter anyways. I cant say I ever had a crazy sex drive but enough that we would do it every other night. Now nothing. I'm wondering if it'll come back.. I don't even breastfeed. It doesnt help that I'm freakin exhausted by the end of the day. 
  • My husband is not in the military either but I have zero sex drive as well. Like @cali1710 said I feel like it in the day too while I have energy but my husband is at work. Then when he comes home I'm so tired I just don't feel like it. We do have sex a few times a week but nothing like it was before having a baby. I don't even have energy to shave half the time. 
  • So happy someone posted about this. Zero sex drive and I can't even force myself to do it half the time. My poor hubby. I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted by the time i get in bed that all I want to do is sleep. I've read it can be super common, so I'm hoping it will eventually get better. 
  • Military here. No deployments though. Just lots & lots of TDYs.  I'm not breastfeeding & have no libido. When my husband use to deploy,  I didn't do pictures. Essentially that part of our relationship was put on hold since we couldn't physically be together. We had to figure out new ways to connect. Don't be hard on yourself. Talk to him and let him know where you're struggling. Hopefully he'all be supportive & help you work through it! 
  • DH is very supportive, but I can tell he's disappointed.  We never had a crazy sex life to begin with before LO (maybe once or twice a week), but now it's basically non-existent.  LOL, we didn't even do it the night before DH left for his deployment.  LO barely slept the night before and I was so exhausted I just couldn't.

    I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one with this issue.  I do feel as a wife it is important that I try to push through the exhaustion to keep that spark alive, though.  We are planning on trying for #2 in the next 6-12 months (to keep them close age-wise), but that may be hard to do if we never do the deed because I'm too tired, LOL.
  • I'm right there with you! DH is deployed and the sex drive is a little low. I think it will pick back up a bit once LO sleeps through the night. Honestly there are a lot of nights I just don't have the energy. We are at almost 10 months now and down to 1-2 wake ups a night, and the energy is coming back. Once DH gets back it's on!
  • Thanks Cricket!  Us military moms have to stick together.  

    If you don't mind me asking (since it sounds like we are in the same boat), how has DH handled it?  
  • @jennieb this is his second deployment since LO was born (hopefully the last for quite a while). I think its been a little hard for him. We are lucky enough to be able to FaceTime him almost daily and LO definitely recognizes him. He gets daily pictures too, but you can tell he really misses LO (it used to be me he missed, now I'm chopped liver). 
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