TW: Funerals and Grieving

MrsBakes

HI mamas! Sorry I've been mia once again. My H's cousin (28) tragically died in a car accident last Thursday. We are all crushed and I'm having a really hard time. Any tips on how to get through this? I have arrhythmia and have been having more palpitations during this pregnancy. Since cousin's passing they have gotten worse and I can feel my baby kick up a storm every time I start crying.

I have also been asked to participate during the funeral and carry (or just walk with) the casket. I want to be there, say my final goodbyes and be there for my H and the rest of the family. But I'm seriously wondering how I'll get through this.

If you have any tips or can speak from own experience (I hope not) I would really appreciate it!

Thank you!!!!

Magheeta

I am so sorry for your loss. I unfortunately can relate in that I lost one of my closest friends during my first pregnancy. I was so worried about what the stress and grief would do to my body and my baby, which I'm sure didn't help. I was very open with my doctor about it, and he was very encouraging and reassuring that the human body is amazing strong. 

Definitely seek counseling if you feel like your feelings are too overwhelming and are interfering with your daily life. The more you process through your emotions, the healthier you'll be. I made the mistake of trying to work through it myself, and the grief ended up overwhelming me. Let me know if you need to talk

doozenberg

@MrsBakes, I'm so sorry for your and your DH's loss. While I don't have any personal experience I agree with @Magheeta. Don't be afraid to reach out for support if you need it. Everyone grieves differently. 

rachelmiller03

I am so sorry you are going through this. Grieving while pregnant is so very difficult. Here is my story:

My best friend's husband pass away tragically when I was 26 weeks with DS. She was also 12 weeks with her own DS. I was very good friends with him as well, and even lived with the two of them before I moved to a different state. When I got the news, I drove down  to her (3 hours away) immediately. I took that time to grieve myself, having to pull over a few times to collect myself and wash my face. Once I arrived to her, it was all about my BF. I focused all my attention helping pull her together-- get everything arranged, cleaning her house, holding her while she cried, letting her be angry one moment, and sad the next, making sure she ate, etc. It has been 2 years now, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I was able to be with my BF and hold her hand when she delivered her beautiful baby boy, and his legacy carries on with their two children. 

My advise would be that if there is a task to focus on, or another family member (such as your DH or cousin's mom/wife) to help out during this time, do that. Clean someones house, make meals, arrange the flowers they receive, etc. It might not feel like much, but it will make you feel better, and take the focus off his death, and more towards helping someone else through their loss. All my love to you and your family during this painful time. 

MrsBakes

Thank you all so very much! you have no idea what a huge help this is to me. I will focus on helping, I think that will help all of us. Thank you thank you!

HappyAnjel

So sorry.  I lost my grandfather while pregnant with DD.. like @rachelmiller03 said I gave myself time to grieve and then focused on helping my mom and although the pain was still there keeping my kind focused on helping my mom helped tremendously.

KirstinH88

I am sorry for your families loss. I am somewhat in the same boat. DH's aunt will likely pass in the next day or two. My husband has a huge family and I have never actually met this aunt, but DH and my MIL are so sad, and in turn, it breaks my heart. My MIL (the aunt's sister) is my main caregiver for DS. So I am having to take days off (which I definitely didn't plan on) so that my MIL can be with her sister in the last few days. I can feel myself getting worn out, stressed, and exhausted and I worry about how this all is affecting the baby.  

Pinkpeonies

I have no advice but wanted to say that I'm very sorry for your loss.  

smallanimal

Really sorry for your loss.  Not sure what advice to give, just that please try to stay calm for your baby.   I find that counting your heartbeats helps you lower your heart rate.  Just sit still and focus on the thump thump, it will (strangely) make it slower.  Another trick is doing maths in your head.  start with simple duplications:  2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64 etc etc, go as far as you can, when you get to the thousands, your brain takes over your emotions.  I  learnt this at work actually, when I was new in my role, I was always so anxious before presenting to senior people, this method calms you down within 30 seconds.  It also stops you from bursting out of tears (provided the tears havent started yet) - again because the logical side of the brain takes over.  Trust me!