Holidays Suck TW

jwg9101

I just had a major meltdown. I love Halloween. It's one of my favorite holidays. I love dressing up, decorating, making treats and everything. One of the first things I did when I got pregnant was make a secret Pinterest board of baby Halloween ideas. I've been doing pretty well so far. I threw a party at the Teen center I volunteer at on Friday, and was looking forward to giving out candy tonight. Then the first Trick or Treaters came and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That should be me. I should have a precious baby girl in her first Halloween costume. She should be bundled up in her carrier as I walk her down the street to start her tradition. 

Yep, I'm whining. I'm uncharacteristically emotional. I ran into the house in tears and I'm sitting here pouting and reluctant to go back outside. I'm angry and hurt and wondering when this is gonna get easier. Sorry for the pity party. I'm going to give myself 5 minutes then I'll go back outside and enjoy the kids. I won't look too long at the babies and I'll take any hugs my husband wants to give me!!! 

stephann85

Sorry today is so hard for you. I can completely understand. I'm thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and Christmas knowing that I should have a LO at this point. And December is my 1 year mark of TTC.
Again so sorry and I hope it starts getting easier for you soon. 

Edited for missing word.

flipflopped

That sucks I'm so sorry to hear. I hope soon all your holiday dreams come true!!

Hopefulmommy1980

I'm sorry

TScalei

Halloween was unexpectedly kind of hard for me too. Facebook was bombarded with pictures of kids and happy families and it just seems so unfair - why does everyone else get that?

RiverSong15

I'm so sorry. Holidays are definitely hard. I did OK with kids, and even babies are OK. Even though I should have a newborn, it was the very pregnant lady with her bump dressed like a fishbowl that got to me the most. That should be me on my second pregnancy, the pregnancy that was going to prove we were just unlucky the first time.  Ugh. At least we had a bunch of friends over, which was nice, and my block gets about a thousand kids which is a distraction. I'm not even exaggerating. People come from all over the city to TOT in my neighborhood. Our neighbors across the street hired actors and turned their house into a haunted house. So, distractions galore helped me get through the holiday.

I'm dreading Christmas. I should have had a baby twice over, and my first MC happened the day after Christmas last year. So, we'll see how well I do through the rest of the holidays.

hartmich

I'm with all of you on this. It was harder than I expected. Like @riversong15 I'm dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know I won't be able to stop thinking "I should have been pregnant" etc etc. I love the holidays but I'm dreading them. 

NewMommyCoop

I am sorry Halloween was hard. I had planned to do a pumpkin pregnancy announcement (I should have been 16 weeks yesterday). I've really just been trying to not think about it. I also started a secret baby board on Pinterest and saved a bunch of Halloween/fall announcement ideas. I refuse to look at that board right now. I luckily had a lot of distractions last night as well. We had a lot of kids trick or treating in our new neighborhood, ran out of candy, and adding dry ice to the cauldron. Also, making dinner with DH for his birthday. It helped to be too busy to think about it.

E2theB

I had a really tough time last night too, @jwg9101. I had a rough day at work, and was in a crummy mood when I got home. I didn't even have time to breathe and we jumped right into catering to the TOT'ers. Seeing all the adorable kids in their costumes (especially the littlest ones) was really difficult. One of our first visitors was a toddler dressed like Steve from Blues Clues, with mailbox, notebook and all (I really thought it was adorable). I found myself fighting back the tears a lot. Not to mention I saw two different pregnancy announcements on Facebook yesterday (both using the little baby skeleton under the ribs T-shirt).

For me, seeing pregnant women is the hardest. Really little babies is hard, and when kids do especially cute stuff. But seeing the bellies... really hurts. The other day my husband and I were shopping for wall art at Home Goods, and I walked right into a pregnant lady. I did a double take, spied her belly and she walked away to show her husband something. I realized they were nursery planning, and I got so sad inside freaking Home Goods.

My EDD is this week, so I'm having a hard time in general, and all the happiness of the holidays... it's too much to take. I want my family to be happy and smiling like them too. I hope we all get there eventually.

SoonToBeMommaHowe

I am in total agreement with this thread. This will be our second holiday season since our MC, our boys should be 13 months old now and I have yet to see another BFP. Last night we didn't get a single trick or treater even though I bought a whole bunch of candy and turned every light on but maybe it was for the best since seeing all the pics on Facebook had me in tears.

christmas is my absolute favorite and for three plus years I have daydreamed about starting fun traditions with my family. I can't even fathom the fact that this could be the fourth Christmas that I'm not pregnant. 

I have been a Negative nelly since AF started and I know I shouldn't be but I can't get myself out of this funk. 

mylittleversailles

Yep. I'm just a freaking emotional time bomb now. I didn't grow up celebrating Christmas, so it's a really, really big deal to me and now it just feels ruined. We got pregnant last December and haven't managed yet; the impending holiday season - when I usually have a month and half of happy preparations - feels like it is suffocating me. Can't do community activities - too many babies and families. Can't plan my own at home - just reminds me of last year. I'm long past my edd, so we already made it through a big Thanksgiving (Canadian eh) which was really beautiful, but so emotionally exhausting I can't imagine repeating that so soon. Blaahhhhhhhh

KarenBeth714

Oh man- I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but I'm glad I'm not alone. I had a terrible day. From all the cute facebook baby costume posts, a cute pumpkin baby announcement from a co worker ( great so next day everyone will be congratulating her around me of course), to all the happy trick or treaters- I had just had enough. I was pretty much in tears by the end of the day and ate a ton of candy. I was so depressed and angry. We should of had a two month old now.. we should have had the cute costume picks. It's not fair.

At least dh and I went out on sat night with some baby free friends and got wasted and went dancing

laeberge3

I think the holidays are going to be really tough, too. I was in the store this weekend in the Christmas decoration aisles and I nearly lost it just knowing that I should have a three month old by then. I love the holidays and this year is just going to be bittersweet. Hugs to all. Loss sucks. 

jwg9101

Thanks, ladies! It totally sucks to be in the same crappy boat, but it is somehow comforting to have people who understand. 

I have a friend who had her baby a few weeks early on my EDD. I love her but it kills me. She posted his 2 month photos yesterday and it took everything in me to hold it together. 

dpjennifer

The Halloween holiday didn't bother me too much (we don't get trick or treaters at our house) until I saw all the baby pictures on FB.  Ugh.  
I don't think Thanksgiving will be too bad for me... but Christmas is going to probably be a crying meltdown fest.

This is so rough.

TScalei

I try to make myself feel better by saying next year I will have a LO for Halloween, Tgiving, Christmas etc. But that's what I told myself last year when I was depressed about ttc. Its just rough. We are going to Disney World in the beginning of December and getting a puppy right before Christmas so I am hoping both of those things will be a distraction.

RiverSong15

@TScalei a puppy is definitely a distraction! But one I highly recommend.  What kind of puppy are you getting??

TScalei

@Riversong15 - a mini golden doodle! I know DH and I have been talking about it for a while but I always thought we should wait until after we have a baby - but I have learned that you can't perfectly plan things in life so I think it will be a good change for us now. DH works afternoons so now I will have a little buddy at night too.

RiverSong15

@TScalei I love doodles! They are such sweet, people-oriented dogs. My boss has a standard golden doodle that is 85 lbs and the size of a pony, but he's super sweet. And our dog's BFF is an Aussie labradoodle. I'm so excited for you... Puppy snuggles are awesome.

lin0442

My former EDD is coming the day after Thanksgiving. Definitely going to be a rough holiday season. I thought I would at least be pregnant for it, but that seems less and less likely to happen. I'm in my last TWW before the day comes and I feel like the last thing I should do is get my hopes up because I'll just be devastated if it's a BFN. 

jwg9101

@lin0442 I'm right there with you. Testing on Saturday and trying so hard not to get my hopes up. This suckkkks!

justsuzie

None of my extended family know about the loss.  And I am just waiting for the barrage of, "when are your two going to  have kids?"  It's going to be hard to hold it together because alas I will still be benched. 

TScalei

@justsuzie - Im the same way with my family not knowing and really don't want to get into my 2mcs at a holiday gathering -so I am probably just going to have say hopefully soon and quickly change the subject. I don't know if its better to tell people but I have a huge extended family and don't really want to go over my story multiple times to people and have people come up and ask me about it when I am trying to enjoy myself as best I can.

flipflopped

If I have a BFN before Thanksgiving it will suck. If I have a BFP, I will be in the position to have to tell before I'm ready. The only reason you don't drink in my family is pregnancy. Luckily it's the part of my family I like best, but still scary for me.

--TW

With my DD I didn't tell people until I could no longer hide it. No reason other than I didn't want to talk about it all the time.

justsuzie

@TScalei  I agree.  I want to enjoy the holidays and try to keep this buried in the back of my mind so I can have some fun.  At least I don't have to skip the eggnog because I am benched until January.