Overstepping Grandmother/MIL

kmariahm14kmariahm14 member
edited October 2016 in Parenting
My MIL has proven to be a big challenge since my daughter was born last April 2015. To give you a few examples: she came into the room after my daughter was born and said I could probably move over to make room for my husband to sleep on the bed with me while we stayed the night. She also sent around pictures of my daughter to all of our friends first, before we could share the news with our friends. She also threw many tantrums in the first few weeks that I was on leave with my then-newborn, would call my husband crying that she never even babysat  or fed her a bottle (meanwhile, I exclusively breastfed until about 6 months...), etc. etc. When my daughter was older, maybe about 10-11 months, we asked my MIL to watch her for a little and found out that she gave my daughter a bunch of different food she wasn't supposed to eat and she also took her around her neighborhood (one with heavy traffic and lots of double-lined roads) on one of those Little Tikes cars with no helmet and no notice that they were leaving the house. She also recently bought my daughter a pair of pajamas but is keeping them at her house in case my daughter stays over which is not something we do in our family.  

I could probably write a book on similar encounters but I'll try to keep things to the point. Flash forward to today, she's gotten better as my daughter has gotten older and I have certainly gotten better and speaking up and being more assertive. But yesterday when we were visiting with her, I noticed a few things that did not sit well with me and I'm not sure how to approach my MIL without being rude as so much of this comes down to just her personality. My daughter was shy at first when we got to the house and she kept calling my daughter "fresh" and saying "you make Grandma feel bad." Then, when my daughter warmed up, my MIL was of course all smiles and then kissed my daughter on the mouth several times, and also was taking bites of my daughter's food as she was eating her dinner even when she wasn't even sitting at the table with her. She was doing these things in such an over the top way that I felt like she was trying to validate her relationship with her by sharing food and kissing on the lips - which I REALLY do not think is appropriate, especially now that it's flu season! 

Maybe I'm nitpicking, maybe I'm overanalyzing. But any insight as to how to tackle some of these issues would be greatly appreciated. I've let a lot of things slide and have chalked many other instances up to just her being an overbearing grandmother - but calling my daughter fresh, trying to throw guilt on a 18 month old, and especially kissing on the mouth and taking bites of her food are really not OK in my book and I want to put a stop to all of that sooner rather than later. Looking for advice on how to approach this!

Re: Overstepping Grandmother/MIL

  • If she does ot again just say can you not do that please and procceed with why if she asks. My MIL lately has been twlling my 6 year old stupid things like "oh your cousin doesnt love me" or "so and so doesnt visit me" or "you must not love me." i just told her ,you need to stop telling my daughter things like that. It's affecting her and i do not like." she just laughed it off but i havemt heard her tell my daughter anything since. Just speak up in a kind manner dont get rude if unnecessary. If she gets defensive and doesnt respect you then be firm and let her know she has to respect you.

  • I agree with @vibarra27. It's okay to tell a family member that an action isn't okay around your kid. I've gotten push back from DHs family about a few things. Ive had to get firm and make it known that I've heard their opinion but that at the end of the day it's not their kid.
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  • Thank you both! I've been getting better at being more firm and assertive in saying what's ok, what's not ok and so far, things have been a lot better. Still some issues here and there but at least I'm speaking up! 
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