Need to vent

PoeMasque

so my good friend who just started ttc who I have mentioned here before just told me she got a BFP last night. She got her IUD out in sept. I honestly thought I would be happy for her, but I'm absolutely crushed. 

Having a lot of conflicting feelings about this. Just not a good week this week

vlagrl29

I'm sorry I'm sure it's very hard to hear.  I've just recently decided all of this TTC stuff is out of my control and I'm going to let go.  Come december if I still don't have a BFP I will go ahead and schedule extra testing with my OB just to have a peace of mind otherwise I really need to focus on other things right now.  This is making me BSC.  I'm going to stop temping and just do OPKs.

jennh75b

So sorry.  I would totally feel the same way if I were in your shoes.  I am bracing myself for my coworker who says she and her husband are going to start TTC next year - she is 29. I'm sure it will happen the first month they try.  Anyway, I'm so sorry you're having a bad week and this is sort of the icing on the cake.  HUGS.  Try and do something fun this weekend, anything to take your mind off of all of this!!

Momifbysea

@PoeMasque I'm so sorry and I'd have trouble hearing that too. This journey is tough, for each of us in different ways, but at times I just want to cry as it doesn't feel fair. When I hear a friend (like on fb even) announce a pregnancy there's that happy with honestly a side of envy, but the surprising thing for me has been when it's been someone from THIS group, I'm thrilled, like happy tears thrilled, seriously hands up in the air dancing a happy dance. Ironically I've never met any of you, but I think because we all have been trying a while and are AMA, well, it gives me hope. It makes it seem more possible that "one of us" can have success. Does anyone else feel this way? I root HARD for you all!!! Here's a hug and I always have my FX for you!

vlagrl29

yeah I root for everyone on here obviously and even when friends announce they are pregnant on FB it's usually around the 20 week mark.  I'm happy for them but kinda wonder how long it took them to get pregnant.  A friend of mine told me it took her 2 years with 1 of her 4 kids, 2 weren't much work, and 1 was an accident.  It gave me hope.

PoeMasque

Thanks ladies I needed your words today. Ironically, my new job is home visits to new/pregnant moms and I was at a training the last three days talking about maternal and child assessments.....something I would normally be excited about, but this week just felt like a slap in the face. I don't know why it's getting to me so bad this time, but I just feel so hopeless and tired of the whole "trying" journey. 

thistle8677

@PoeMasque I've been MIA forever and literally just came to see who was here and how you and a few others were doing.
I feel like I was called here kind of. I thought of you today as I was driving home from Clackamas.

I'm sorry you're feeling down. This journey is tough and sometimes there are no words, just some pals to push you along when you're feeling broken down.

l'll post an update soon. Still actively dealing with TTC and my fiancé's brain disease and male factor stuff. 
I'm sending you lots of love and well wishes.
xoxo

PoeMasque

@thistle8677 so good to see you on here! I've been thinking about you too! 

I had a really good cry on my SO's shoulder after my last post and felt so much better, he is on board to "do whatever it takes". We actually ended up going to dinner with my friend and her husband and i couldn't help but be excited and happy for them, they were literally glowing. 

Thank you all so much for being here for me! (insert hug gif here!) ---stupid phone won't post one  

jennh75b

@thistle8677 - nice to see you!!!  

@PoeMasque - I'm so glad you were able to get past it and have a nice dinner with them and be happy for them.  I'm rooting for everyone on here, and I know with all of your effort you will one day feel the same joy.  

laurad75

@PoeMasque I just wanted to join in to share that I feel the same way.  My office mate is in her late 20's and they have been married for a few years.  I am sure they are planning on trying soon and I am so nervous that she will be KU before me.  She knows we are trying so I feel like I would be embarrassed if she feels like she has to hide it from me.  

When someone from this group or anyone on TTGP who has been trying 6+ months gets a BFP I am so happy.  I gives me hope every time.  

PoeMasque

@laurad75 i feel the same way, when anyone on here that is past even their 3rd month of trying I am genuinely happy when they get a BFP. I also have several coworkers who are younger and actively trying, so it's only a matter of time before I am once again surrounded by pregnant women (who aren't my patients). 

We will have our first RE appt in about a week and the woman at the clinic seemed to think my insurance will cover 50% of the visit cost and testing, so I'm feeling like we are at least moving in the right direction.

Momifbysea

@PoeMasque excited you're starting with the RE! And glad insurance will help, that's awesome.

laurad75

@PoeMasque I felt so much better once I met with my RE.  H and I both feel like we are truly doing everything we can and have a strategy.  

vlagrl29

DH told me to go ahead and call my OB to schedule blood work testing.  I'm wondering if my progesterone is low because I spot 3-4 days before AF.  I'm a hot mess.  I was crying to him this morning which is so stupid.  It's only been 5 months but we've had decent timing.  It really bothered me this cycle I think the most even though I knew it was a possibility because timing was kinda forced and rushed.  I called OB this morning but I haven't heard back from the nurse yet.  From what I've been reading the test is on CD 21.  If I come back normal DH said he would do a SA in December.  I"m worried if I see an RE that it won't be covered since IF stuff isn't covered under our plan.