Oh boy! Like others have mentioned - you may have some not so nice feelings directed at your husband possibly having to with him sleeping like that mythical baby while you and the baby are up in Studio 54
Joking aside, I wasn't prepared for the hit the marriage would take just in terms of changing priorities and being sleep deprived. The dip in marital happiness that supposedly occurs when kids are 0-2 years old is real for us. I just don't have the time like I used to - I have to care for this awesome human we just made! My husband says I love the baby more - well....
This is a very real problem for us too. One thing I found that combats this is accepting help from others. At first I was very weary of letting anyone watch the baby and so my husband and I did not get much time alone. At 14 months, we just left her with the grandparents overnight and it was amazing what that one un-rushed date night and full night's sleep did for our marriage. I know it'll be even harder leaving two babies, but I'm going to try harder to find a few sitters I trust and leave the babies with family a bit more. Happy marriage makes for a much happier home.
I totally understand the trouble a new baby puts a marriage through. For both babies it has kind of put our marriage on the back burner for the first 1-2 years. However, what I learned, was that it was likely because I was feeling drained and over extended. When I took time for myself, even a herbal bath with a cup of tea and chocolate, I had more of my energy and attention to give my husband. Once he figured this out, he was constantly helping me out.
Also... it is incredibly important to warn your husbands of postpartum anxiety/depression/mood disorders and how to kind of assess how you're doing, how to help, and when to encourage that doctors phone call. That knowledge and "task" of watching out for you, can sometimes help them be more understanding and helpful (at least for my husband having such an important role helps him feel more involved and like he's actually helping).
Oh boy! Like others have mentioned - you may have some not so nice feelings directed at your husband possibly having to with him sleeping like that mythical baby while you and the baby are up in Studio 54
Joking aside, I wasn't prepared for the hit the marriage would take just in terms of changing priorities and being sleep deprived. The dip in marital happiness that supposedly occurs when kids are 0-2 years old is real for us. I just don't have the time like I used to - I have to care for this awesome human we just made! My husband says I love the baby more - well....
Every single bit of this. We had/have a pretty strong marriage and work hard at it. After DD was born, seeing H with her, I didn't think I could love him even more than I did. It brought a whole new level of love for him. However, once I went back to work things got hard. He works crazy hours in a high stress job so I take on the grunt of the home and child responsibilities, plus work full time. It was rough. But I realize now that I really pushed him out and it wasn't fair at all to not give him attention. I BF'd until 1 year and the nights and weekends of nursing her is what would get my supply back up. So I would always turn down having a night free to just be the 2 of us and spend some quality time together. I wish I would have focused more on my marriage during that first year. Now here we are 5 months into marriage counseling. So what we thought pre-kids was a very strong marriage and we were on the same page, got turned upside down and we worked against each other for that first year. I wish someone would have told me the whole truth about this before she was born. I would have focused more on my marriage. So when a family member offers to take baby for a few hours so the 2 of you can spend some time together. Do it. Go home and have sex and cuddle up on the couch together and talk or watch a movie. Don't wash the dishes, do the laundry, or sweep the floor. Those aren't going anywhere.
TTC 1.0 17 months TTC and 1miscarriage, 1 chemical pregnancy, rainbow baby born 2/16/15 TTC 2.0 16 months TTC, 2 chemical pregnancies, EDD 6/3/17
Trust yourself to make the right choices for yourself and your baby. You are in charge, so use your voice. Know that motherhood is not a competition just because something works for someone else does NOT make you a bad mother because it doesnt work for you. Half the shit you buy, you wont use. Half the shit you said you won't do, you will. There are no manuals, it's a hands on learn as you go adventure..embrace the ride. Good, bad, ugly and simply wonderful. You will make it.
**~Future Mama to my June "Sprout"~** EDD- 06/13/2017 **Stinkerbelle-8-27-10 * Mr.P's 2nd Mama 7-27-07**
TAKE THE STOOL SOFTENERS they give you after labour You may not be able to sit, walk, or climb stairs comfortably for the first couple of weeks even if you had a vaginal birth. That shit swells. And there may be stitches. It's not as scary as people make it out to be, but don't be alarmed if you're not prancing around like some women are after birth. If you're crying when you poop, talk to your doctor about your butt pain. Hemorrhoids and anal fissures hurt but they're treatable (and the fissures may not surface until weeks after labour). But you have to be brave enough to talk to your doctor about them in order for him/her to help you. It's OK to to swear and throw pillows across the room when your baby wakes up for the 7th time in 4 hours. Just collect yourself before you actually go see baby. Sleep deprivation can be tough. When the going gets tough, just repeat "this too shall pass" because it will, and it does. And then you spend the next 5 years longing for those early days and trying to figure out how to smell the head of every newborn baby who crosses your path without looking like a creep. Trust your mom instincts. They're usually right.
Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN May 17: IUI #2 = BFN Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies) Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201 Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715
U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125! EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
Aww, this thread is giving me the feels! I'm so excited for all you FTM's!
My advice would be that if you are planning for baby to go to daycare, look into this as soon as possible, like while your still pregnant! I'm sure this varies from place to place, but in the area I live in, infant openings are very rare and most places have a 6 months to 1 year waitlist.
BFP #1: due 6/17/2013, DD born 6/25/13 BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016 BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
Also not to turn this into a marriage thread but another thing I wasn't prepared for was to completely loose every ounce of sex drive. Like even the thought would repulse me. But between the tearing, the hormones, the hemroids, the leaking boobs, the screaming baby and the general disdain for my husband the last thing in the world I wanted to do was have sex. For a while. Like months and months. Having said all that I am now pregnant with a 12 month old now.
Being a mommy is hard and it's okay. You're going to feel like you don't know what you're doing but you'll figure it out pretty quickly. It doesn't matter how many kids you have in your life, you have no idea what it's like to be a parent. Don't be surprised if you don't bond with the baby right away. It can take weeks or even months to really get in the groove. Ask for help when you need it and ask often. The phrase "it takes a village" is 100% truth.
DD1: EDD 12/21/11 - Born 11/24/11 at 36w1d DD2: EDD 1/16/17 - Born 1/12/17 at 39w3d
I just told thought of another one that NOBODY told me wasn't even a possibility: My shoe size changed while I was pregnant and it NEVER. WENT. BACK. I went from a 9 1/2 to a 10 1/2 or 11, depending on the brand
Just gave away my last pair of high end heels a couple of months ago. I know she will love and adore them but GAH!!! So sad!!!
Re: What I Wish I Knew As A First Time Mom
However, what I learned, was that it was likely because I was feeling drained and over extended. When I took time for myself, even a herbal bath with a cup of tea and chocolate, I had more of my energy and attention to give my husband. Once he figured this out, he was constantly helping me out.
Also... it is incredibly important to warn your husbands of postpartum anxiety/depression/mood disorders and how to kind of assess how you're doing, how to help, and when to encourage that doctors phone call.
That knowledge and "task" of watching out for you, can sometimes help them be more understanding and helpful (at least for my husband having such an important role helps him feel more involved and like he's actually helping).
Every single bit of this. We had/have a pretty strong marriage and work hard at it. After DD was born, seeing H with her, I didn't think I could love him even more than I did. It brought a whole new level of love for him.
However, once I went back to work things got hard. He works crazy hours in a high stress job so I take on the grunt of the home and child responsibilities, plus work full time. It was rough. But I realize now that I really pushed him out and it wasn't fair at all to not give him attention. I BF'd until 1 year and the nights and weekends of nursing her is what would get my supply back up. So I would always turn down having a night free to just be the 2 of us and spend some quality time together. I wish I would have focused more on my marriage during that first year.
Now here we are 5 months into marriage counseling. So what we thought pre-kids was a very strong marriage and we were on the same page, got turned upside down and we worked against each other for that first year.
I wish someone would have told me the whole truth about this before she was born. I would have focused more on my marriage.
So when a family member offers to take baby for a few hours so the 2 of you can spend some time together. Do it. Go home and have sex and cuddle up on the couch together and talk or watch a movie. Don't wash the dishes, do the laundry, or sweep the floor. Those aren't going anywhere.
17 months TTC and 1miscarriage, 1 chemical pregnancy, rainbow baby born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0
16 months TTC, 2 chemical pregnancies, EDD 6/3/17
Know that motherhood is not a competition just because something works for someone else does NOT make you a bad mother because it doesnt work for you.
Half the shit you buy, you wont use.
Half the shit you said you won't do, you will.
There are no manuals, it's a hands on learn as you go adventure..embrace the ride. Good, bad, ugly and simply wonderful. You will make it.
EDD- 06/13/2017
**Stinkerbelle-8-27-10 * Mr.P's 2nd Mama 7-27-07**
You may not be able to sit, walk, or climb stairs comfortably for the first couple of weeks even if you had a vaginal birth. That shit swells. And there may be stitches. It's not as scary as people make it out to be, but don't be alarmed if you're not prancing around like some women are after birth.
If you're crying when you poop, talk to your doctor about your butt pain. Hemorrhoids and anal fissures hurt but they're treatable (and the fissures may not surface until weeks after labour). But you have to be brave enough to talk to your doctor about them in order for him/her to help you.
It's OK to to swear and throw pillows across the room when your baby wakes up for the 7th time in 4 hours. Just collect yourself before you actually go see baby. Sleep deprivation can be tough.
When the going gets tough, just repeat "this too shall pass" because it will, and it does. And then you spend the next 5 years longing for those early days and trying to figure out how to smell the head of every newborn baby who crosses your path without looking like a creep.
Trust your mom instincts. They're usually right.
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
My advice would be that if you are planning for baby to go to daycare, look into this as soon as possible, like while your still pregnant! I'm sure this varies from place to place, but in the area I live in, infant openings are very rare and most places have a 6 months to 1 year waitlist.
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
It doesn't matter how many kids you have in your life, you have no idea what it's like to be a parent.
Don't be surprised if you don't bond with the baby right away. It can take weeks or even months to really get in the groove.
Ask for help when you need it and ask often. The phrase "it takes a village" is 100% truth.
DD2: EDD 1/16/17 - Born 1/12/17 at 39w3d
My shoe size changed while I was pregnant and it NEVER. WENT. BACK.
I went from a 9 1/2 to a 10 1/2 or 11, depending on the brand
Just gave away my last pair of high end heels a couple of months ago. I know she will love and adore them but GAH!!! So sad!!!