Waiting to concieve, my heart is breaking

amiec-2

Still quite new, just looking for some support. 

We we have to put off TTC for various reasons; debt management programme and weight issues (well on the way, 2stone 9lbs lost in 8 weeks). The earliest possible time we can get pregnant is June. I feel like I'm going to go insane!!! The sadness is so overwhelming, I can be driving to work or out at the supermarket and it hits me. I ache. I hurt inside for the baby I already have in my heart. I don't want to get obsessive but it's just so hard. So, so hard. My best friend is 23 weeks which is lovely but I'm just struggling. My sister told me she started trying in Aug and now my SIL has said she's considering a 4th!!!! 2 of Hubby's friends are pregnant and seeing them just makes me sad. I don't want to be this person. I want to be happy for others!

I try to distract myself with things baby-related, like my friend's shower, starting to renovate our spare room and even looking at pregnancy announcement ideas. Nothing is helping. I hate the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep. 

Anyway guess it's time to try and sleep. Thanks for reading if you have. 
God bless my fellow women if you're struggling too...
xxx 

SaphireSweetie88

AmieC said:

Still quite new, just looking for some support. 

We we have to put off TTC for various reasons; debt management programme and weight issues (well on the way, 2stone 9lbs lost in 8 weeks). The earliest possible time we can get pregnant is June. I feel like I'm going to go insane!!! The sadness is so overwhelming, I can be driving to work or out at the supermarket and it hits me. I ache. I hurt inside for the baby I already have in my heart. I don't want to get obsessive but it's just so hard. So, so hard. My best friend is 23 weeks which is lovely but I'm just struggling. My sister told me she started trying in Aug and now my SIL has said she's considering a 4th!!!! 2 of Hubby's friends are pregnant and seeing them just makes me sad. I don't want to be this person. I want to be happy for others!

I try to distract myself with things baby-related, like my friend's shower, starting to renovate our spare room and even looking at pregnancy announcement ideas. Nothing is helping. I hate the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep. 

Anyway guess it's time to try and sleep. Thanks for reading if you have. 
God bless my fellow women if you're struggling too...
xxx 

@AmieC

If I understand the bold part correctly - you're trying to distract yourself from having to wait to TTC by looking and focusing on baby-related things? If that's correct, that's not going to help. You need to find NON-baby related things to do. Can you take up a new hobby? Read books you've been putting off? Go running? Etc. 

I know it's hard but you have to remember that you and your SO have put off TTC for good reason. 

Best of luck and we're here for support!

amiec-2

Thank you for taking the time to reply @SaphireSweetie88 I really appreciate it. What I mean is, taking my mind off my own baby, focusing on other people's joy and preparations. I am so scared of getting bitter towards others, it's not me and I'm scared of that. 

But you're 100% right, finding something else to do to take my mind off things would help. It's so hard when you have such a stressful job, the only thing I can muster on return from work is watching tv and going to bed haha! 

thanks for your reply :-)

SaphireSweetie88

Oh I get it. I understand the stressful job thing well. Haha. I am usually the same where I don't want to do much after work but I usually feel better after watching a few episodes of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix

amiec-2

Yeah I know what you mean. Love a bit of Netflix! Am attempting to do a 'no phones, no tv' evening once a week but we never really manage it! We just forget haha! Need to get back to swimming/jacuzzi after work. Always makes me feel better, even if I don't fancy it at the time! 

amanda_s.

Girl, I feel your pain  We're waiting TTC because of my DF's debt from law school. (Note: law school sucks.) We're getting married this December and I won't be stopping my BCP until December 2017, and we won't actively begin TTC until March 2018. Everyone around me is having babies and, though I am extremely happy for them, my heart hurts. 

I agree with SaphireSweetie88, looking at baby things doesn't help but I'm guilty of it, too. (Though I have the distraction of my wedding as well, but it'll be over on December 4.) I tend to browse TB and The Baby Center community boards and learn from other people's experiences and advice. It's a bit easier, maybe because I don't know everyone personally. 

I'm also working on preparing my body for pregnancy and birth.  While I'm in good shape, I want to be in better shape. I've actually started to workout in the morning rather than the evening after work. I love my sleep but I know that whenever DF and I have a baby, he'll workout in the evening and me in the morning due to our schedules. So I'm just trying to get into that routine now. And knowing that this is how it's going to be whenever we have a baby definitely motivates me get up at 5:15am every morning! (That and a pre-workout drink!) 

I think focusing on your health is a great distraction - if not one of the best distractions! Not only will getting healthier be beneficial for pregnancy and birth but for yourself in the long run as well. I think if you dive into that for the next few months, it'll help a lot and June will be here before you know it. 

AMCsquared

I hear ya!!! I feed my longing with things like looking up baby info and reading related things non stop. correct, it doesn't take my mind away from the topic and the pain, but it sort of fills the void while I wait.