Introduce Yourself

SaphireSweetie88

This thread is for members to introduce themselves so we can all get to know each other a little bit better.

britters314

All right, I'll start this off. Regulars from the TTGP board, you already know a bit about me. By the way, in case this needs a trigger warning, there will be some "religious" talk throughout the intro because that's a big part of why I'm here.

It was August 2015. The place: Blaze Pizza. I forget who brought it up or how it came up, but H and I began talking about when we should start TTC. Our original plan was to wait until H would be done with grad school at least (which would mean we would have started TTC last month). But we discovered we had both been praying about it and felt led to start soon. So we started the next month. Fast-forward 6 months and we still weren't pregnant. I was really starting to wonder why God had prompted us to start that early if it wasn't going to happen that early. After a lot of prayer, the only answer I got was "to prepare you." I still am not 100% sure what that meant, but I suppose I'll find out. After a few more months, I started looking up information about infertility treatments and about adoption. (Quick backstory - before we even started TTC I had thought about wanting to be a foster parent, but had put it on the back-burner for various reason). I was really feeling pulled more toward adoption because 1) that's where prayer led me and 2) wow fertility treatments are intense and I did not want to go through that. H wanted to, if it came to that, until I made him read about it. Now he is understanding about not going that route, at least. We recently hit the year mark of TTC and did testing. It looks like my thyroid is the problem. That is at least treatable, but it could take a while to get it under control. While pursuing that treatment, we have decided to look into adoption. H is currently feeling like he would rather live child-free than adopt, but at least he is willing to get some more information. I personally could never live child-free, so I really hope he changes his mind. So, yeah, this is where we are right now. Sorry it's kind of long.

SaphireSweetie88

@britters314 - If I remember correctly your DH at first wasn't willing to consider adoption at first? If that's correct, I'm glad he's agreeing to get information.

britters314

SaphireSweetie88 said:

@britters314 - If I remember correctly your DH at first wasn't willing to consider adoption at first? If that's correct, I'm glad he's agreeing to get information.

Yeah, at first he was much more against it, but he's coming around. He still only reluctantly agreed to get information, but I take that as a good sign

SaphireSweetie88

@britters314 - Any progress in the "right" direction is good progress at this point! FX he continues to open up to the idea

SaphireSweetie88

My Intro:

There's a lot to my backstory which is why I am editing it: I didn't have time to write it all before:

I was born to a teenage mother who was (and still is) a raging alcoholic who was (and probably still is) in and out of jail. Due to her drinking issues (including while pregnant) I was born with a hole in my heart. A local church helped raise money for my surgery but she spent most of it on alcohol and who knows what else.

She was not a good mother but I don't know if the blame can be placed 100% on her because the support system she had was not much a support system. At some point, she moved in with a guy and his father. They were really the only support she had. I grew up under the assumption this guy was my biological father (found out at 18 he wasn't). This guy was worse she was - in and out of prison. He also sexually assaulted me when I was younger (before I was adopted) as well.

While my mother was "working" with the courts to learn how to be a good mother, social services was called on her a number of times for missing appointments, me being severely sick and her not bringing me to the doctor / follow-up doctor appointments, etc

Before I was adopted, I was placed in foster care at 18 months old. The courts tried to help my birth mother a couple times to see if she was capable of being a mother. The courts eventually determined she wasn't capable of being a fit mother and eventually she lost all parental rights.

I met my birth mother again when I was 18 (the only change she made was getting worse). The only good thing that came out of meeting her was I no longer wondered "what if" when it came to her. I asked about my biological father and after some convincing she admitted the guy I assumed it was, wasn't my father and so she told me who my biological father was (he's no better than her).

I didn't contact my biological father for a few years after that because he is in prison for sexual assault of a child (his 2nd offense) and that hit home a little too hard for me. I did start writing him to get some information for medical records and things but we don't really talk about much of anything. He knows I'm married, etc but that's it. He has mentioned multiple times that he would like me and my husband to come visit him but I haven't visited so far.

I was sent to several potential families and sent back to foster care for one reason or another before finally being adopted just before my 7th birthday.

There's more I could mention but I am sure anyone reading this gets the idea. I am willing to answer any questions you may have.

katymarie101

A little about me/us we are just starting to look at adoption (kind of getting our toes wet so to speak). I'm a simi-regular on the infertility board, My RE said that I need a few more surgeries on my uterus and then we can start IVF. Insurance wouldn't  pay for ivf, his work will help pay for adoption so we are weighing our opinions and looking and at the cost of it all. I hate that it sounds like it comes down to money, but we have worked hard so that when we do have a little one I don't have to work, and I can stay home. I'm 36 and DH is 43, today is our 6th wedding anniversary, this is both of ours 1st marriage, and we are ready to turn this twosome in to a moresome.

SaphireSweetie88

@katymarie101

Best of luck with your decision and happy anniversary!

NatalieGentry

Hi all!  This might be a trigger for some trying to conceive, but it also might give others hope. 

When I was 23 I got married and we tried to get pregnant right away, I always felt something was wrong but wasn't quite sure.  Never had periods on regular basis, etc.  Found out I had PCOS.  Tried Clomid, tried injectables and IUI that turned into an IVF cycle but was never able to implant because "your zygotes just didn't seem to like each other". During this process we decided to become foster parents, private adoption is so expensive and my mom used to foster when I was a kid and I knew that was the route I wanted to go. We fostered a little boy for 3 months who went back home and then a sibling group of 2 for 5 months that went to their grandparents.  After this my husband decided he didn't want kids, well that wasn't and isn't an option for me so I filed for divorce when I was 25. 

When I was 25 my sister was pregnant and is and was a very heavy drug user. Name a drug and she was on it.  When her son was born he had literally about 12 drugs in his system and department of human services intervened and placed him with my mother (thought it would be a short term thing, thinking my sister would do what she needed to get him back), when he was 4 months old he was placed with me through foster care (single mom now since I got a divorce).  When he was 10 months old they terminated mom and dad's parental rights and when he was 1 year old I adopted him and changed his name to Isaiah because in addition to her heavy drug use she named him Levi which was her stripper name (she thought the inside joke would be funny).  That was in 2006. 

I met and started dating Lincoln in 2006 and he became Isaiah's "dad" in 2008, we married in 2009.  He has always been a great dad to Isaiah. When we started dating I was 26 and he was 33.  In 2011 I got pregnant out of the blue (after not having a period for 8 months) and lost the baby at 8weeks5days.  We had tried clomid on and off during our relationship but nothing ever came of it. I then started nursing school so trying to conceive or anything got put on back burner. We became foster parents in 2014 in hopes to adopt and had a sibling group of 2 for 6 months (still speak to them and their mother and now current foster/adoptive parents), and 3 other toddler boys over the 2 years.  Fast forward to March of this year, my husband and I decided to get a divorce (he is now 42 and I am 36), in addition to multiple other issues in our 11 year relationship he decided he was now too old to have more kids.  Had our last foster boy at the time of deciding to get a divorce and since I work nights I couldn't keep him as single mom so had to take him to another foster home (on my 36th birthday at that).  He is now with his grandma and grandpa who have become GREAT friends of mine and I get to see pictures and talk to him regularly.

Sorry this is so long, its almost over I promise.

**TW***

Fast forward again (don't need to bore you with details), I fell in love with someone who I have known since middle school, he was my brother's best friend.  He is 4 years younger than me and very much wants to have kids.  Due to my age after we dated for about 6 months we started trying, I took femara for 3 months and am currently about 6weeks pregnant.  I never thought it would happen for me and am still cautious because of my past. 

I think adoption through foster care is AMAZING!!!  My adoption was absolutely free, the state paid for all of it and I get to be a mommy regardless if I ever got to give birth and really that is all I want to be, a mom.   To love a child in foster care, to give a piece of yourself to them knowing you might not get to keep them is such an act of love and selflessness. It is truly the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

If anyone has questions regarding foster care and adopting through foster care, please let me know.  I have lots of experience.

Again sorry so long.

KristoKekerooni

KristoB here... Took a while for me to get this together. 
*TW*
I'm 25, DH is 27. We have been TTC for over two years now, and struggle with both MFI and RPL (4 losses in 2 years). Technically, we are still TTC, but with the odds we have, we decided to not put all our eggs in one basket. We are beginning the process of fostering, with the intention of adopting, but we are open to foster-only as well. We are aiming to be licensed by May. 

SaphireSweetie88

@NatalieGentry - Thanks for sharing!
@KristoB - Hope the licensing goes well.

SaphireSweetie88

Hey ladies,

I finally updated my intro with a more complete background story.

oneslybookworm

Hello everyone!  I'm 34 and DH is 37...married for 9 years in May!  DH and I have been trying to conceive since May 2013, and after a very failed IVF attempt last November, we decided to move on to adoption.  We were home study approved and went "live" with our agency in April, so now we're just waiting for a match.  I am adopted myself (kinship adoption), so I'm definitely not a stranger to the process, but there are still things I'm learning every day. 

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask!

SaphireSweetie88

@oneslybookworm - Welcome and hope you get a match soon!

sweetp83

Hi All!  *Child Mentioned*

I will be 33 in two weeks and DH will be 38 in a couple months.  We have a 3 year old son and have been trying to conceive for 15+ months.  We are taking a break from TTC  as I have to have surgery next month for an unrelated issue.  I really would like to add another child to our family but am running out of patients for making it happen on our own.  We do kind of have a lot going on right now.  We have been trying to get pregnant, sell our house and start building a new house and have my upcoming surgery mixed in.  I have had an HSG and lab work done and all should be in working order but no luck with baby.
  Adoption has crossed my mind several times.  My husband is reluctant to adopt.  He worries about not being able to connect or have a bond with an adopted child.  I think I would like to foster to adopt.  I found some meetings coming up that go over the different way to adopt and foster care.  I hope and plan to attend them with my husband.
 How long does it take to  get licensed and home visit completed before you can start fostering?  If you foster to adopt, do they try to match you with kids that they know will not be going back to parents or other family first?  Do you usually end up fostering a few kids before you are finally able to adopt?

TIA!  Looking forward to getting to know more of you.

SaphireSweetie88

@sweetp83

The answers to your questions depends on where you live. If you get a chance to attend those meetings, they would be able to answer them. Where are you located?

Good luck on your surgery. I hope it goes well and you have a quick recovery.

KristoKekerooni

@sweetp83 - Just like @SaphireSweetie88 said, it depends where you live. Some will allow you to foster only children who are legally free, some will only give you kids who they *think* will become legally free, this is called a "risk" placement. Others (the majority, it seems) doesn't pick and choose like that, they will you give you whatever kid they have. It's important to know that every single child who enters the system has reunification as the goal. No matter if the kid was left at a fire station and they have no idea who it is, or if they've been sexually abuse, neglected... anything. It's always reunification. Sometimes that switched to "free" quickly, other times it's YEARS. Even if mom isn't going to get the kids back, the state will always try to find a family member or a member of the church, someone that the kid knows before making them free for you. They also always give preference to the foster parents that are holding them when they become free. So if you are only fostering to adopt, you are about 8th on their list. Not to scare you away, at all, but it's the reality. You more than likely will not get a kid very quickly that you will adopt immediately. You also are very, very unlikely to get a kid under 5. It's also important to know, even if the kid is legally free, that doesn't mean you will adopt them, so even if your state does only give you legally free kids, it's no guarantee. They might be placed with you and then a family member or friend or someone pops up. Most people I know end up having several kids before it all works out. 

sweetp83

I am in Wisconsin.  I do know their ultimate goal is reunification.

KristoKekerooni

@sweetp83 - What county? Each individual county in Wisconsin has their own rules.

britters314

@sweetp83  My husband was reluctant to adopt for the same reason - he was certain that if we adopt and then later have a biological child that he would love the biological child more. I tried all sorts of things to try to get him to realize that that is dumb, especially since we know families with both bio and adopted children and they are all love equally. It took a few months, but he came around and now he is excited. Maybe your husband just needs some time to get used to the idea.

Is your priority to adopt right away or to have another baby/toddler in your house? As @KristoKekerooni said, it's highly unlikely you'd be able to adopt a baby or young child right out of foster care. So if you're looking to get placed with a baby or toddler, you'll pretty much have to be okay with not being able to adopt right away (or at all). If you just want to adopt right away, there may be older children that are already free for adoption. I know in Illinois there is a listing online that has little bios for the kids that are free for adoption. The youngest I have seen on there, though, is about 7 years old and I usually only see that young if they are part of a sibling group. And the state tries to keep sibling groups together.