October- "I adopted!" and/or " I foster!" — The Bump

October- "I adopted!" and/or " I foster!"

edited October 2016 in Adoption

“I adopted!”

Have you adopted? Are you currently fostering? Are you through the process and now on the other side? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences. 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-How long ago?

-What age was the child when adopted?

-What are parenting struggles you deal with?

-Any questions?

-Any tips?

TTC #1 since September 2014
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
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Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again,  High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
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Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. 
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two
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Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. 
ER#2 ~Jan 2019


Re: October- &quot;I adopted!&quot; and/or &quot; I foster!&quot;

  • What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Foster Care

    -How long ago? 10 years

    -What age was the child when adopted? He was placed with me when he was 4 months and adoption was final on his 1st birthday

    -What are parenting struggles you deal with? He is my biological nephew (my sister's biological son-rights terminated due to drugs) so family get togethers have always been difficult.  I informed him he was adopted when he was 5 and provided him with age appropriate information and has been given more information over the years.  I have let him decide if he wants relationship with his biological parents and so far he hasn't ("they are bad people mom") and secretly it would crush me if he ever did, in my eyes he is 100% my son.  One small issue that has come up only a few times is he will tell me (well technically you aren't my real mom, you are my aunt) and my heart breaks, but I usually say something like, "Tell me what a real mom does" and he will tell me and I then say "Don't I do those things?" He will say yes and apologize and change real to biological.  One time I got so upset that I reacted poorly and said, "Well I can call your "real mom" and see if you can stay with her if you prefer, but she is homeless right now so you not sure where you will put your big screen tv and playstation 4 and all your clothes and toys". Not my proudest moment, but I was so hurt and he hasn't mentioned me not being his "real mom" since.

    -Any questions?

    -Any tips? I have also been a foster parent to 8 other foster kids who I continue to love to this day.  Most went home or to relatives, I agreed with some reunifications and disagreed with others.  People would always tell me, "I couldn't do foster care, it would hurt too much if the kids went home." Did they think my heart didn't break every time a child left me?  I loved those kids like they were my own, longest placement was 13 months and then he went back home, just to find out recently that mom is under investigation again.  It kills me every single time, but the love I showed those kids might just be enough to give them a fighting chance in a world that is already stacked against them.  You won't be able to adopt EVERY child placed with you, but eventually you will get to and it is a love like no other.

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