NBR etiquette question

mamatowildones

Here is the situation. A high school friend is getting married in New Orleans in June. Obviously with the baby coming in May we won't be going. I also won't be able to afford to fly to the bachelorette party or bridal shower. She is flying here this weekend to have an engagement party at her parents house. Do I take a gift? My mom said no. Just a card and send a shower and wedding gift. I'm unsure though since it is an engagement party shouldn't there be an engagement gift? However she will have to transfer it back home to New Orleans so... I just can't decide what to do. Any thoughts?  Thanks ladies!

otatop

I didn't know engagement parties were a thing! I would personally do what your mom said unless you guys were super close. I wouldn't even know what to gift without a registry tbh!

bacorrea

I would just give money in a card for an engagement party. You can send gifts later for the wedding. This is just what I would do, not sure what etiquette states.

mamatowildones

AnnieKnitsALot said:

I didn't know engagement parties were a thing! I would personally do what your mom said unless you guys were super close. I wouldn't even know what to gift without a registry tbh!

I know! And they've been engaged for over 6 months already. But they do have a registry already... so do I send something from there? I'm sure some will bring a gift and some won't. But I'm unsure on this one. 

bacorrea

You could get the a gift card to where they a registered. She will have to figure out how to get stuff back because she is flying

thistlenweeds

i always thought you give gifts at a shower and then at a wedding. That's already twice as much compared to the tradition in my country! We just do wedding gifts there. If it's a 'party' and not a 'shower' i don't know if they expect people to bring gifts.

Jellybeanqueen13

I've been to a few engagement parties and have never seen any gifts being given. I would do a card at most.

clebl24

Wedding etiquette says no gifts for engagement party. I'd send a gift to bride from her registry, but wouldn't feel obligated to send multiple gifts (i.e., shower and wedding). 

SKZW

@mamatowildones I think your mom's right about this. Bring a Congrats card (because it's just a party you're attending, not a bridal shower) with a gift card inside (@bacorrea is right, to where they're registered) because she's your friend, you want to give a gift to mark the occasion, you're concerned about their transportation-of-gifts issue, and you'll be MIA from the bachelorette party and bridal shower to come. (P.S. Etiquette says if you don't attend those festivities, you're not 100% obligated to send a gift in your absence, but it certainly is a really nice gesture should you choose to. Further: Wedding invite & decline to attend & still send gift = seems like the right thing to do).

kat81

I would do no gift for the party. It would be a ginormous pain to bring something back. You can do a gift card if you want, but IMO I think it's kind of lame to give three gifts for one event (engagement, shower, wedding.) I'd just show up with nothing (maybe a card?) and then send a gift for the shower and/or wedding once they have a registry.

MamaMiller

I would probably just bring a gift card for $25 for a chain restaurant as an engagement gift. I also certainly wouldn't buy gifts for all other events I was invited too and couldn't attend. Maybe just send a nicer wedding gift. 

chickyclg

I would bring anything to an engagement party but I would send a gift for the wedding.

vrj0522

Agree with pp. Nothing needed for the party but just send a gift for the wedding. If you decide to send a shower gift, send something for the bride because there is no need to send double wedding gifts.