January 2016 Moms

Baby Envy

So this is a little sensitive for me, but I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this and how you handled it. 
While I was pregnant I had a close friend pretty much ignore and treated me terribly. She wrote me a letter after my son was born telling me how my being pregnant affected her, since her and her husband aren't having children. She made me feel terrible about our decision to have children. I basically told her I'm sorry you feel that way, but it doesn't change my life and the fact we chose to start a family. It's so awkward now and she's either ignoring me or being super over the top friendly. 
So now that my son is 8 months old, my childhood best friend has started treating me differently about the fact I have a baby and her and her husband haven't been able to conceive. She talks about how seeing me with my son hurts her, and it just makes me feel terrible. 
I know this is long, and if you've stuck through it thank you! LOL! I'm just not sure how to handle this, and was curious if anyone else has had this same experience. 
Thanks Ladies! 

Re: Baby Envy

  • Long story short I lost my close group of childhood friends when I got pregnant. They started to treat me differently, then I stopped getting invited to things, then only one (the one with two kids) came to my baby shower. 
  • This happened to my friend with a couple of her other friends (I don't know them)
    As someone who has been through infertility, it's extremely hard to be around pregnant people, babies, anything that reminds you of the fact that you're infertile. 
    I didn't banish my fertile friends. But it wasn't easy and they never said the right things. This isn't your fault, and likely there is nothing you can do except be sensitive. There are some articles about dos and donts for infertile friends- might give some pointers on what to avoid when talking to them. 

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

     GGB born November 2015!

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  • I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Infertility sucks. But you should not feel bad about having a baby. It does sound like she is trying to still be your friend. What you can do is just follow her lead and be there for her if she needs you. Like the previous poster said, read up on some things not to say. 
    If she is a valuable friend, you might try making some time for her without the baby occasionally. I was the last of my close friends to have kids, and it meant a lot when I got to spend one on one time with them. 
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