TTC After a Loss

General Rants

Been having a difficult wknd and just had to vent. One of my friends from hs is unexpectedly in town this wknd with her baby and I'm getting together with her and 2 other friends from hs (one has a baby and the other one doesn't want kids). We are having a dinner party tmrw night with the babies and the DHs ( except mine who has to work) and I just feel awful at the thought of sitting there by myself with both babies and incessant baby talk. None of my friends have been very supportive- my 1 friend never reached out again after I told her. My other friend when I told her I had a shitty year after 2 back to back losses asked me what else happened to me this year. My one friend and her DH always bring up how you dont want to have kids after a certain age and should have kids sooner than later. 

Just thinking about how they have reacted to this and sitting there with them and their babies is just too much for me. I am trying to be strong but I just can't have it thrown in my face like this and it just stings that none of them care or realize how difficult this would be for me.

Sorry - end rant.

Re: General Rants

  • @tscalei I'm sorry your friends have not been supportive through this. It amazes me how uncaring people can be ( I've been through the same thing with family and friends) i know they're your friends but is there anyway you can skip it? Just so you can take care of yourself and not be put into a situation where you don't feel supported. I've been in those situations where I was out to dinner with friends and I didn't feel supported at all and when my loss was brought up it was incredibly awkward and glossed over and I left feeling like crap. 
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
  • @roxigibbons - thank you!! I know I was thinking of just skipping it I feel bad bec I haven't seen my friend who is in from out of town in a while. But then I know I just have to take care of myself too. I feel like skipping things and continuing to withdraw from things could eventually lead to,losing friends but then I'm getting to the point of would I really care? I feel like this stupid dinner is bringing up bad feelings and heavy ques...ugh.
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  • I feel you. It's a little different but my sibling in-laws cannot get pregnant and I am not "allowed" to talk about my losses in front of them- they find it too upsetting and I don't know why? I'm still in pain and wanted to talk to them about the RE process but they forbade me from talking to them about anything to do with it. I mean I get they are in pain too but.... It just hurts I can't mention my loss or receive support from them. Is that selfish? Maybe I'm selfish.
    Siggy Warning--------

    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • @TScalei  I'm sorry your friends are not supportive.  Sometimes, people are really insensitive and it just hurts.  I agree with roxigibbons, maybe consider skipping it for the sake of your own mental health.  I can see how it can be super rough considering your DH can't join you too.
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18

  • @rainbowwishes5 - thats hard and kind of strange too bec you are both in the same boat and could possibly learn from/help each other. One of the aforementioned friends had a hard time getting pg and I thought she would be a source of support or at least understanding but she is the one who hasn't reached out at all. 
  • @rainbowwishes5 I'm sorry for what you are going through. One thing my 2 losses has taught me is that everyone is going through their own journey and we don't get to decide how they deal with it. I have friends who are dealing with IF who upon hearing of my losses  have flat out said that the me "at least you can get pregnant". One said this to me as I told her that I was currently pregnant and had to TFMR a triploidy pregnancy at 13 weeks. I get it though. To her I got the one thing she's been praying for -a BFP. It's easy to forget the 2nd part to my story when your so focused on the first. I'm sure it's triggering to her to hear about a pregnancy, no matter what the outcome. Maybe it's what's your siblings in law are going through?
  • @chloe97 I think your right- the fact that a) I could get pregnant and b) any pregnancy talk is probably upsetting for them.... And it is for me too! Ugh so much pain all around.... And I'm sorry for your losses too 

    @TScalei yes I just thought seeing that we are both trying and working w a RE that would be a point of commonality but as chloe97 points out.... The fact that I even got pregnant is a big divider I guess. It's a shame though. You want to be there for them and vice versa. I'm sorry. 
    Siggy Warning--------

    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
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