****October Benched Thread****

stephann85

This is where those of us who are taking a break from TTCAL for medical, emotional, or other reasons can check in, chat, and vent about being Bench-warmers.

1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself!

2. Status?

3. Rants/Raves?

4. GTKY - I can't believe that it is already October but I must say that I am enjoying the crisp, cool air. And since Halloween is this month, what is your favorite scary or Halloween movie?

Hopefulmommy1980

2.  Benched for at least another month. We saw an re on the 20th and they are doing a bunch of test so they want us to wait to try until the results come back. Then the end of October I am going to a conference in Orlando and there is the concern of Zika down there so I might have to wait another month. Doctor wants me to ask again closer to when I go. Feels like we have been waiting for ever. 

3. Guess I covered that above with my frustration with waiting. Just having to have some answers soon. Fingers cross. 

I am am enjoying the cooler weather fall is my favorite season. As far as scary movies I like more of the suspenseful keeps you guessing movies. The horror movies gross me out.  Not sure if I have a favorite one. 

stephann85

2. Benched for this cycle and then we are able to start trying again. I started temping (for the first time) a couple days before my last period and it was nice to see the temp shifts. But my cervical fluids were just off this cycle, I never actually had any EWCM or even just watery CM. So hoping it is just a fluke thing this cycle due to the cytotec last cycle.

3. Rants/Raves? See above. 

4. GTKY - October, over the last few years, has become the unofficial scary movie month on TV. I am finding that the older I get the more I can not handle the newer horror movies but I continue to like some of the older ones I grew up with like Sleepy Hallow, Scream, and I Know What You Did Last Summer. 

@Hopefulmommy1980 sorry about the waiting, it really sucks to be benched when all you want is to start trying again. I totally get it.
I also enjoy suspense and thrillers, more than the gory stuff they are coming out with now.

Hopefulmommy1980

@stephann85 I remember watching those movies. I enjoyed those

NewMommyCoop

2. Status? Benched. Miscarried on 9/19 after taking meds. I ovulated this past weekend, so I am hoping for AF mid-October.

3. Rants/Raves? If AF comes, I have a chance of getting KU'd in October! I am happy that it looks like I will be back on track quickly and we can try again soon. No rants today.

4. GTKY - I don't watch horror films anymore, they scare me, but I love Halloween and will be decorating the house this weekend. DHs birthday is Halloween too, our 1 year anniversary is this month, and we leave for Colorado Springs next Thursday.

NewMommyCoop

@Hopefulmommy1980 FX you get the answers soon so you can try again.

@stephann85 Sounds like we are on a similar calendar. FX we are both off the bench soon.

2fitBees

2. Status- Benched. AF visited me this morning.

3. Rants- I'm pretty sure I just had my first recognized chemical PG.

    Raves- I've lost 12lbs!!

4. Favorite scary / Halloween movie- Scary: Signs. Halloween: Hocus Pocus

I wonder if an RE would see me now. I've always been told they have you wait until at least 3 consecutive MCs. Any suggestions?

chloe97

 ****lurking****

@2fitBees I'm not sure where you live, but my RE took an appt with me after 1 MC. I live in a major city with a lot of competition and so they are eager for the business. The issue,from what I understand is whether an OB will refer you (if you need a referral) and whether insurance would pay for it.  Technically ASRM classifies 2 MCs with no live births as recurrent miscarriage, though some insurance companies still use the 3 MC standard. If you are self-pay, you can book an RE consult as soon as you have any concerns, though your OB may think you're crazy. I had 2 Obs from the same practice. One referred me after my 1st MC bc I was having major issues. The 2nd though I didn't need to go after my 2nd MC. I went anyway, had a ton of tests and the only issue they've identified was slightly high TSH. I'm officially dismissed unless I want to do IVF+PGS, which we are waiting on. It's nice to have the reassurance that everything looks ok and I might just have very bad luck.

2fitBees

Thanks @chloe97. I am going to look into my medical coverage and go from there. I've had so much blood work done since May, and OB said it all looks fine. If I have some uterine condition (tilted uterus, uterine septum, fibroids, etc.) wouldn't that have been caught during one of my past pelvic exams or when I had my D&C done?

TScalei

@2fitbees - Congrats on losing 12 pounds - that is great! An Re also saw me after 2 mcs. I called my insurance and they said it would be specialist copay and then I just booked it myself - I didn't even tell my OB.

TScalei

@2fitbees - I don't think a uterine issue would be discovered during those other things. My RE ordered me to have an HSG test which she says shows more than an u/s could of any uterine issues. My RE also referred me for genetic testing.

RiverSong15

@2fitbees You'd qualify as RPL testing/referral after 3 MCs for sure. At 2 MCs, the ASRM defines RPL as 2 losses of clinical pregnancies (where something was or could have been seen on an ultrasound). A chemical pregnancy is not included until you hit three losses. Weird, I know. 

For pelvic exams, have you had a saline sonogram (where they use a catheter to inject saline solution into your uterus)? If not, it's possible you have fibroids or scarring that weren't picked up on ultrasounds while pregnant or after your D&C. That might be something to look into, as it has to be done early in your cycle (CD5-9). The saline solution and the shape of your uterus (and the thin lining) you have early in a cycle is best for seeing structural issues like fibroids and scarring. Regular ultrasounds without saline and this done while pregnant or during another time in your cycle aren't as good.

2fitBees

Thanks for sharing @TScalei! Another rant- I hate medical bills. It seems like I'm always the one racking them up

2fitBees

@RiverSong15 I haven't had a saline sonogram. Thanks for your input. Since my last MC (I passed naturally) I do cramp a lot more through out my cycle, not just when AF arrives. It's not painful, just there. Before, I rarely even cramped at all.

RiverSong15

1. MC#1 - Dec 2015. MC#2 - April 2016. Both at 7-10 weeks.

2. Still benched. Waiting for H to get through job applications before we finalize our timing. Super fun to realize we may not be trying until the week between Christmas and New Years (based on average cycle lengths). Super excited to not be pregnant during the holdiays and a full year after my first loss... /sarcasm

3. Rant: I read an article on Huff Post this morning (article was from 2014 tho) where someone describes what they've learned after 3 miscarriages. And then proceeded to announce their pregnancy with ultrasound photo at the bottom of the article without any warning!! Even after talking in the article about how they were upset by social media announcements during their MCs. WTF, author. W.T.A.F. She should fucking know better... I can only imagine how many women have read that article during or after a MC, struggling to find a silver lining or a life lesson, only to be blindsided by a strangers ultrasound photo. Cue anger.

Rave: H and I are going on a long wine-tasting weekend with friends. We leave Friday and come back Monday. So excited to not be at work and get out of town for a little while

5. I can't handle scary movies, particularly gory ones. The Sixth Sense is the last "scary" movie I think I've seen. Halloween? All the love for Hocus Pocus. And the Great Pumpkin. Give me all the feel-good kid movies.

RiverSong15

@2FitBees, cycle changes after MCs are unfortunately normal. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong, if that helps ease some of your anxiety. And I hear you on the medical bills. It's like repeatedly being slapped in the face. 


@hopefulmommy1980 I hope the waiting goes by really quickly and that you get good results from all your testing. 

@NewMommyCoop and @stephann85 I hope AF hurries up so you can get off the bench!

NewMommyCoop

@2fitBees My OB said she would refer me to a RE if I wanted; however, my insurance does not require a referral. I had made an appointment with a RE in July for August (thinking it would take a while to get in, nope) and then found out I was PG so I canceled. After the MMC 9/1, I looked into it more and found than my insurance will only pay for the RE appointment, no testing. After reading/hearing so many others that had MCs after IVF or other treatments, DH and I decided that we would not see a RE. We are going to try at least one more time and see what happens; although I am 39, so for me, I am limiting myself to less than a year. If it doesn't happen, we will shift our focus to being happy that we can travel and do all the other things we want. Hoping for a rainbow, but we will see.

@RiverSong15 FX that you are not on the bench that long. Your wine tasting weekend sounds amazing. What region are you tasting? I would love to do a Napa tasting tour sometime. 

RiverSong15

@NewMommyCoop We are wine tasting in Walla Walla, in southeastern Washington on the Oregon border. We've been once before and loved it. It's a cute little town with a bunch of tasting rooms. Perfect for a long weekend. We even rented a small house so we can take our dogs.

TScalei

@riversong15 - Ugh that article makes me so mad!! Im just thinking of someone googling mc the day they have/find out they are going to have one and then seeing that at the end!? If the writer wanted to share she was expecting it should have been an asterisk at the bottom saying that - in no situation is an u/s after an article like that appropriate. I was definitely googling all things mc in the days after my first one and I know I would have been a wreck if I saw that!

TScalei

1. MMC in March and another in August.

2. Benched until AF which should be coming soon?

3. Im excited to possibly be off the bench soon but also not looking forward to getting into the full swing of things with ttcal. Once AF returns I also have to get bloodwork taken and the HSG test that my RE ordered. It might sound weird but having a break from everything for a month now has been kind of great. The non stop worry and anxiety this process causes can really take a toll.

4. Hocus Pocus all the way - I never get sick of that movie. @stephann85 - I also love all those 90s movies too and now I kind of want to re-watch them all again. lol

NewMommyCoop

@RiverSong15 That sounds great. I am an Oregonian at heart. I lived in the greater Portland area until 2004 when I moved to Texas. I have never actually been to Walla Walla, but I LOVE Walla Walla sweet onions and have had some really good wines from the area. You will have to let me know which wineries you recommend. I went home every year until my parents moved here two years ago. Now I will try to make it back every other year because my brother, BFF, and some other family are still there. We went to Oregon and Seattle in June/July. My DH and SD's first time there.

artemis618

1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself!  Totally new here - just miscarried (or at least started to?) our little girl (first pregnancy - we'd just gotten our deceptively normal NIPT results two days prior) this past Saturday (10/1) at 11w5d

2. Status?  Waiting to get in to see a doctor tomorrow afternoon.  DH was told if I called first  thing this AM they'd squeeze me in, but we got bad information, so I don't even know whether I'm still in process miscarrying (I suspect so, while not at all pleasant and involving an impressive amount of blood, I don't really think I'll get off that "easily" physically).  But we are super anxious to try again as I'll be 39 in a week (DH was super excited to tell his mom on our birthday if we'd made it to 13 weeks - MIL and I share the same birthday, and the baby's EDD was DH's birthday, but alas, it wasn't meant to be) and DH is 41...

3. Rants/Raves?  This awful experience has at least made me really appreciate DH - we just got married this past June.  We met later in life but I'm so very glad I waited for him.

4. GTKY - I can't believe that it is already October but I must say that I am enjoying the crisp, cool air. And since Halloween is this month, what is your favorite scary or Halloween movie?  Can't do scary movies - I'm a total wuss!

Edit:  Just got back from the doctor's office and confirmed that I apparently cleared everything pretty efficiently (although just passed the sac last night without much fanfare).  Was advised to wait a cycle before ttc to avoid potential dating frustration (and I suppose potential confusion about leftovers vs new baby).  Seems like a lame reason to me, but okay I guess...*sigh*

KarenBeth714

 1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself! Im karen- Still hanging around here since april unfortunately.

2. Status? Still waiting for genetic probe to be designed so we can start ivf/ pgd for detection of genetic disease. Doctor won't even put me on the meds until it's done. Could be 4-6 weeks. Parents are sending in saliva samples this week.We had a meeting with our parents to go over projected cost possibilities and trying to get some solid answers from insurance companies. 

3. Rants/Raves? In general I'm feeling good and just generally happy.. excited to get up in the morning, go to work and do things I enjoy- but I still sometimes feel overwhelmed with intense emotions and still cry sometimes. Still going to therapy every other week. Still feel very angry about our situation at times. There are still many triggers around that bother me daily.

4. GTKY - I don't like scary movies at all!! Not even scary commercials for scary movies - I gotta change the channel and can't look.

stephann85

@KarenBeth714 sorry you have had to hang around so long, I hope they finish the probe sooner rather than later for you. And I don't like the commercials for the scary movies anymore, they are just too much. I used to love them (when they were less gory) bit now I can't handle the new ones.

@NewMommyCoop it will be nice to go over to the other side with someone. If my calculations are right I should be moving to the WTO board middle of next week. 

@artemis618 sorry that you find yourself here and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort on the ttcal board, this is a great group of ladies.

RiverSong15

@KarenBeth714 I'm so happy to see that you're having some good days and moments. I know your time on the bench has been really hard. Hopefully you're not here much longer!

@artemis618 I'm so sorry for your loss, but welcome to the board. This place has gotten me though some dark months, so hopefully you find just as much support here. Hugs.

NewMommyCoop

@artemis618 I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad you found this board. There is so many supportive women here.

@KarenBeth714 That is so frustrating, but I hope your at the end of the tunnel and there is lots of brilliant light.

@stephann85 That would be great. I am calculating AF around the 14th, but mymonthlycycles calculates the 19th. It does not seem to recalculate based on ovulation. It shows peak O tomorrow, but I ovulated last week. Guess I just need to be prepared on our trip.

stephann85

@NewMommyCoop FF says I should get AF on the 12th. Here's to hoping!

RiverSong15

*Update on my end*

We have an RE appointment with an RPL specialist scheduled for Nov. 15th. We're also on their cancellation list, so if something opens up sooner, we may be able to get it. Filling out the paperwork is a little overwhelming, but I'm looking forward to a full hour where I can sit down and discuss my concerns with an expert. 

Also, H and I talked last night about timing. He said he's ready to try again as soon as possible! He was reluctant to say anything, because I haven't been ready. But this means that if the RE appointment goes well, we could start TTC again in November! 

We also talked a lot about our viewpoints, and it was interesting to hear his perspective. He went into testing thinking we just had horrible luck, so finding nothing really wrong in the tests confirms his theory. But me? I went into testing afraid that something was wrong, and finding nothing really bad on the tests has just fueled my fear rather than allayed it.

@NewMommyCoop Walla Walla does have a lot of wineries. We are part of the Reininger wine club, so we obviously like that one a lot. Smaller places we liked were Dunham Cellars, Gramercy Cellars, and Castillo de Felciana (which is actually just over the border in Oregon) And by just over the border, I mean the winery driveway starts in WA and ends in OR... Lol. But, they have great Spanish-style wines at a good price. Also, how did you like Seattle? I love it, but I'm biased.

NewMommyCoop

@RiverSong15 That is very cool. I have not actually been to any wineries in Washington. I have been to several in the Willamette Valley in Oregon because that is where I am from. I love Seattle. There are so many things to do and it is so beautiful. Traffic was horrible in late June though. I cannot believe how bad it has gotten since the last time I was there. It took us almost six hours to get from Seattle to Salem, OR on a Thursday! Do you live close to Seattle? I love Portage Bay's breakfast. Have you been?

RiverSong15

@NewMommyCoop I do! And I love Portage Bay - it's a favorite brunch place for H and I. Their weekend specials menu is to die for most of the time. And I hear you on the traffic. I-5 starts to back up around 2-3 every day regardless of the season, and the stretch from Seattle to Olympia is awful always, no matter what day or time. Seattle traffic defies logic - 11PM on a Saturday? Traffic jam. I blame whoever decided that putting a highway through the center of the city was a good idea...Lol.

I've visited the Willamette Valley a couple times. Very pretty. Once I went to the DaVinci Days in Corvallis. Have you been? It was crazy to see what everyone designed and constructed.

NewMommyCoop

@RiverSong15 Awesome, such a beautiful place. I love their hashes and their Swedish Pancakes with Chantilly whip cream is amazing!
You are right, who did think that was a good idea?

I have actually never been to Corvallis. I bet that is pretty cool though. Other than Salem and Crater Lake, I have pretty much only been down the 5. I spent a lot of time in the greater Portland area, Mt. Hood, and Seaside areas. I love the Texas heat; I was born on the east coast, but I am an Oregonian at heart.

Have you driven up to Kelowna, BC? They have something like 200 wineries in the Okanaga Valley. We flew into Seattle about five years ago and drove up there for a week. We brought back eight cases of wine. It was so good and inexpensive, but they cannot import out of BC. The border patrol officer at the lane we went through did not charge us any tax on the wine! It was awesome.

starfish827

1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself!
Hello ladies! I'm new to this board. I was previously on the May2017 board. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum on 09/26 at 8 weeks 4 days. I had D&C on 09/28. This was our first pregnancy. 

2. Status? Benched until AF decides to show up. I've read it can be anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks. I'm hoping its more like 4. I've always had regular 28 days cycles.

3. Rants/Raves?
Mixed feelings after D&C and frustrated that theres no good way to track ovulation due to HCG levels still present. Thankful for this group and my May group that really helped me move forward and deal with this loss.

4. GTKY Last scary movie was probably The Conjuring. I try to avoid them as much as I can, I prefer Dramas or Comedy.

justsuzie

1. Newbie.  Diagnosed epiotic 9/22.  Finished methotrexate and waiting the obligatory 3 months before ttc

2. Unfortunately benched until January

3. My best friend just told me she is pregnant.  We would have gone through the entire thing together.  Now, I have to fake smile when she talks about her pregnancy,

4. GTKY - I am a horror nut.  It's a bit embarrassing. Here are my top 10:

Phantasm, Hellraiser, Cemetery Man, The Canal, It Follows, Ringu, In the Mouth of Madness, Dawn of the Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Dead End

stephann85

@justsuzie sorry about your loss. This a a great place to get support through the ttcal process.
I too had people (friends, coworkers) announce pregnancies soon after my miscarriages. It is very difficult to put on a happy face and hide (insert emotion here: saddness, anger, so on). It is still hard to see announcements on facebook, but it is getting easier as time passes. 
Do you like the new nightmare on elm street or the original?

TScalei

@justsuzie - Im so sorry for your loss. I had a co- worker who was pg at the same time and it was so hard seeing her everyday. It just seems cruel when you have had a loss and other people can just go on being pg. I have had to keep my distance from pg people/ people with babies and have unfollowed people on facebook for now.

justsuzie

stephann85 said:

@justsuzie sorry about your loss. This a a great place to get support through the ttcal process.
I too had people (friends, coworkers) announce pregnancies soon after my miscarriages. It is very difficult to put on a happy face and hide (insert emotion here: saddness, anger, so on). It is still hard to see announcements on facebook, but it is getting easier as time passes. 
Do you like the new nightmare on elm street or the original?

I am starting to be happy for her when I just completely block out my own feelings.

I love the original Nightmare on Elm Streets.

justsuzie

TScalei said:

@justsuzie - Im so sorry for your loss. I had a co- worker who was pg at the same time and it was so hard seeing her everyday. It just seems cruel when you have had a loss and other people can just go on being pg. I have had to keep my distance from pg people/ people with babies and have unfollowed people on facebook for now.

Ugh, just deleted my facebook account.  Had to...the constant pg announcements was making me crazy.

Hopefulmommy1980

Found out I will be benched for a couple of more months. I have to travel to Orlando for a work conference. If work had not payed a lot of money to send me I would not go. I didn't think about Zika till after I agreed to go.  My re recommended I wait eight weeks to ttc after I get back. Dh is totally freaked out about Zika so he agrees with waiting. I am sad bc I don't think the risk is not that great since most of the cases are further south. That and my due date from my first miscarriage is the November 3 and that we have been benched since June. It just feels like we will never get off the bench. That and I also turn 36 next month so I feel like the time is running out.  Sorry to be so negative, I just feel sad. I feel like i needed to tell someone. Dh does understand why I am sad or frustrated. I maybe totally over reacting. 

justsuzie

Hopefulmommy1980 said:

Found out I will be benched for a couple of more months. I have to travel to Orlando for a work conference. If work had not payed a lot of money to send me I would not go. I didn't think about Zika till after I agreed to go.  My re recommended I wait eight weeks to ttc after I get back. Dh is totally freaked out about Zika so he agrees with waiting. I am sad bc I don't think the risk is that great since most of the cases are further south. That and my due date from my first miscarriage is the November 3 and that we have been benched since June. It just feels like we will never get off the bench. That and I also turn 36 next month so I feel like the time is running out.  Sorry to be so negative, I just feel sad. I feel like i needed to tell someone. Dh does understand why I am sad or frustrated. I maybe totally over reacting. 

@Hopefulmommy1980 When are you going?  Will you be outside much?  I feel like if you are not outside much you should be fine.  Are there any confirmed cases in Orlando?  I didn't think so.  I know that after a loss we feel smited by the odds.  If you feel better playing it safe, then that may ease your stress level.  I'm 36 right now, going on 37 so I feel the time crunch too!

I am going  to Orlando in November. I am benched until January though.  But, The weather is in the 70s in November so I just plan on wearing long sleeves and bug spray.  We will just be at Disney and they spray daily there. There are 0 reported cases at Disney.  

Sorry you are benching yourself.  Hang in there...

Hopefulmommy1980

Thanks @justsuzie I leave Sunday and will be there for a week. We will be at Disney. My doctor said there were confirmed cases in Orlando. Part of the reason we will wait is my dh is super worried. I am not so worried about it. But it may be my eagerness to try again. I feel like the risk is very low. Dh and I got into a heated disagreement about the risk.  

justsuzie

@Hopefulmommy1980  That seriously sucks!  I don't want to worry you any more but I researched that it would be worse for guys to get the virus and they should wait up to 6 months to ttc after exposure.  Is DH going with you?