Not Cool, SO. Not. Cool. 9/30 — The Bump
April 2017 Moms

Not Cool, SO. Not. Cool. 9/30

It has been a couple weeks since I posted this thread, but here it is! What has your SO done lately to upset you? 

Re: Not Cool, SO. Not. Cool. 9/30

  • My almost 2 year old woke up throwing up.  Friday is my work from home day, but I literally work.  I just happen to be at home.  DH got all pissy about me asking him to stay home to take care of her because "why should both of us be here".  So not only am I breaking the rules trying to take care of my sick kid while working, I'm also gagging while cleaning her up.  And DH works both jobs today, so I won't see him until 1 or 2am.  No break from the grossness for me.
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    KirstinH88JessWannaEatEverything
  • This was a little bit ago but still upsets me: When I was still extremely nauseous 24/7 my mother would look at me and say :"look at you, you look sick. Don't let your daughter see you this way. You have to think of something else and just keep going. You don't want her seeing you like you are sick". Um, thank you mom, I was wondering what the trick is. Now I know, I just don't think about it and poof, it all goes away...

    She tells me shit like that all the time. So.Not.Cool!


    KirstinH88Dannylion24shaunessaJessWannaEatEverything
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  • So the last couple of days have been majorly shitty for me. DH has a job and was in the process of being sort of promoted to another job with the same company that has MUCH better pay and benefits. Well, they want a time commitment that we (especially DH) are not comfortable with because DH is still hoping to find a job that is actually in the field of his master's degree he just got. But, there are no prospects for another job right now. We are living with SIL and everything looked like it was coming together to get a decent apartment and the 2nd car that we desperately need and all the other stuff in our lives. Now I'm not sure when we will move out or how it will all work. But basically I need to give up any of my remaining hopes and dreams to even think of moving out and if we stay here I die a little bit every day anyway. So, I am in a really bad place. I have been crying for hours every day the last couple of days and last night DH told me I "just need to control my emotions better." 
    So apparently I can't express any of the horrible feelings and thoughts I am currently going through because it just bothers him a little to much. a**hole!

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
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  • @mrsstuessy I really wanted to say something super heartfelt and encouraging but I really don't know what to say. I know from a few of your posts that you were really looking forwarding to getting your own place away from your SIL and that this new job was a really big deal. It really sucks that it seems to be falling apart and you should express your frustration however you need. Crying is helpful!

    As for the job, will they require your DH to sign a contract for the commitment they are looking for, or is it more of a gentlemen's agreement. If there aren't any actual penalties for leaving before the agreed upon time frame beyond perhaps some irritation on the company's part, especially if your DH isn't really working in his field it might be worth taking the promotion and seeing what happens. I know where I am, there are very few legal reasons and employee couldn't leave one job for another, and almost no penalties an employer could issue if an employee did leave even within in contracted time frame.
    MrsBakes
  • @allybadry I'm not sure if they would have him sign something or not. He was going to talk to them about it today, so we will see if he did. I think it is mostly him being a nice person and not wanting to burn those bridges, because it is nice to have a place he can always turn to to get a job. He previously worked for the company for a few years while we were dating. His boss and owner of the company is a good friend from church and so I don't know if he would be willing to compromise that relationship, especially after they have generally been very good to him. I can't be mad at him for wanting to be kind and respectful, since they are some of the big reasons I married him. 
    On a happy note, he has been in contact with a company in his field that he applied to only last night. They got back to him right away and have already set up a phone interview for Tuesday morning. They are hiring 3 people for the position he is looking for. I am trying to be calm and content, while not overly excited that something good may come from that. 

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
    schef070911
  • @mrsstuessy I agree with @allybadry in that it seems like they want that commitment in more of a nicety instead of an actual contract. Also, since it is a family friend/church friend, maybe they would be happy for him if he did find a job that was in his desired field and was a better opportunity for them and their family, although it may be hard on the company.
    Me: 29 DH: 33
    Married: 5/30/2013
    DSS #1: 5/25/2007
    DSS #2: 1/22/2011
    DS #3: 7/8/2012
    BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
    DS #4: 4/21/17
  • @mrsstuessy I totally get that. I worked for a really close friend a few years back and it didn't work out (not because of him or I just other factors going on at the business) and I had to pretty much tell him "Sorry, I can't work for you anymore", and I was terrified that I would lose a friend along with the job I walked away from. There is always value in maintaining good relationships.

    Fingers crossed the interview goes well on Tuesday. You'll have to keep us updated :)
    KirstinH88
  • @allybadry and @KirstinH88 Thanks guys. Honestly, they were nice enough giving him the job he has now. It is just an hourly paid job though, not enough to really get by on. They understand that he is looking for another job and his boss/friend is more than happy to help him out while he is looking. But, since the promoted job would require training and a lot of investment from the company it makes sense that they don't want to do that all over again in 3 or 4 or 5 months. 

    I will definitely let you know how the interview goes. DH is feeling very optimistic about it. We got some more info on the salary of this job and it is definitely a very livable amount. So, keep your fingers crossed for us. 

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
    KirstinH88
  • mrsstuessy Sometimes my husband says stuff like that to me too (I am very emotional). I've figured out that he says it because it hurts him to see me so upset and after awhile he just needs a break from my pain. I doesn't mean we still don't get in fights when he says it (re: last weekend when I was really freaking sick and he told me to use mind control to try and be more positive.) However, once my anger subsides I find it helpful to remind myself that when I hurt, he hurts and he might be acting selfishly but it's because he loves me so very much. I'm thinking about you and the job situation. Maybe all our positive energy will help out. :smile:
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  • Oh ya... @mrsstuessy How was DH's interview? It was yesterday, right?
    Me: 29 DH: 33
    Married: 5/30/2013
    DSS #1: 5/25/2007
    DSS #2: 1/22/2011
    DS #3: 7/8/2012
    BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
    DS #4: 4/21/17
  • @Omie_Wise DH has been getting upset because hearing me complain about my life makes him feel like a crappy husband. Last week when I was posting here I was totally fine with him feeling like a crappy husband, I thought he was being a bit of a crappy husband. So, yes, it really was him being selfish. This time specifically it had very little to do with him feeling bad for me. He was definitely feeling bad for himself. But, this week we are doing much better. Our marriage is just like that sometimes. 

    @KirstinH88 Thanks for asking, yes it was yesterday. He said he felt like it went well. It was just a 20 minute conversation with a woman from HR. So just the first preliminary round. She said he would hear back within a week whether or not he made it to the next round. I guess that HR person was brand new and it was her very first interview. She had a few other people to interview, so I am mostly just hoping they are major weirdos or something. 

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
    KirstinH88Omie_Wise
  • @mrsstuessy my husband does the same thing. It's definitely an issue I've learned to work around. He carries our family financially and takes it very personally when I let him know I also worry about money. It's kind of a cycle of who feels bad about what.  I commiserate, momma!
    justdoit93Omie_Wise
  • Why has my husband brought up and eaten a pint of ice cream to our bed every night this week? Yes, he has offered me some, but if I'm not hungry, I don't want to be around food. 

    I know this is pretty minor, but it's still totally aggravating.
    imagelogan and ruthieLilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers
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