Firstborn Doesn't Want A Baby Brother

pregnantgingerx3

So, let's start with some backstory...

 DS will be 4 in february and has known about my pregnancy since we found out. For weeks prior to my ultrasound to find out the gender, he claimed there was a "baby sissy" in mommy's tummy and was over the moon excited. Once he found out it's a boy, his attitude did a complete 180. "I don't like Jameson (the babys name), Mommy." "Jameson needs to find a new mommy and daddy" 

Just wondering if any other second time moms have gone through the same thing and have any advice or ideas to get DS a bit more excited about his baby brother arriving in 9 weeks. Thanks in advance! 

maamawaabangi

That's hard. I wonder if he just had a picture in his little mind or knows someone with a sister. A friend of ours had a similar situation... Big brother quickly
changed his mind once baby arrived because once he saw his brother he just connected with who was there. That's one of the reasons I don't like finding out before... When you don't know and then meet your child (or sibling) you just love them because that's who's there. 

Personally, I don't worry too much about what my older children's reactions or even their feelings are, because it's really hard to figure out exactly what's prompting those feelings (fears, ideas, desires) and also because having the siblings you are given is an unchangeable reality in life.

Currently everyone of our kids wants a brother, accept our 5 yo who wants another sister. Either way someone (or many someone's) are going to be let down. We just remind them that this baby is what it is, and its existence isn't to please us (gently). I also remind all my children that having a brother (or sister) is a great gift! I point to examples of sister/sisters or brothers we know who have a close relationship and say "they invest in their relationship and look how awesome of a time they have together!"

Lastly i I would have your little guy go pick out a special present from him to the baby and maybe get him something bigger (age appropriate) that he can play with the baby... Like a baby toy truck and a big boy toy truck and paint a picture of how he can teach his baby bro all about this cool thing he enjoys so much (whatever that is for him). Talk about how you'll need his help and start teaching and training him in age appropriate helping skills. 

Hugs! And don't let it worry you. 

DiFazette

I know this may sound elementary - but when he says he doesn't like the baby, have you asked why very directly?

DS expressed concern about sharing his room at first until we told him the babies would have their own room. He also didn't want to share his toys.  I wouldn't know how to address his concerns had I not asked 'why'.  You might learn you have something really easy to overcome.  If not, I do think it's fairly normal.  It's a big change for everyone. There's some great books you could buy or rent from the library.  

yellingbanana

DD2 (just turned 5) was VERY disappointed that we are having a boy, and not the sister she'd been calling Alice for months.
But she helped pick out some new outfits, and after seeing how small and cute they were, she was less angry. I also took out the baby stuff from her and showed her all the things that she used when she was a baby, that her brother was going to get to use now. Then we brought her to an elective 3D ultrasound, and she got to see her brother reacting to her voice. Now she loves the idea of having someone that can be her friend. 

pregnantgingerx3

I'm planning to make him a "big brother kit" for when he comes to see us after the baby is born. When I ask him to help pick out a toy or a cute outfit, he refuses and tries to pick out a toy/outfit for himself instead. He has his moments when he's happy for the baby, but that is very rare. He came with me and my mom to an ultrasound tonight and called the baby a "monster" and decided to stand in the corner - he wanted nothing to do with it. I'm hoping that once I get closer to my due date he'll have a better attitude about the idea of having a brother. I also plan to let him help at my sprinkle with opening gifts for the baby. I'm not letting his attitude get to me in the least. Once he sees his brother I'm sure all hell will either break loose or he'll finally fall in love. Either way, I'm sure they'll grow to be the best of friends.  

acreight13

Check out the book Big Brothers Are The Best, can't remember who wrote it but it's awesome and my DS loves it. There is one for big sisters too.

Lisa3379

I'm a FTM so I don't have any real advice to offer, but I was 5 when my brother was born, and I had my heart set on my mom having a girl. I called my mom's stomach "Jennifer" for months, haha. So it was a little weird to hear that he came out a boy. I remember my dad took me to dinner right after he was born and we had a big conversation about how important it was to be a big sister. I was so obsessed with my little brother after that. I wanted to help feed him any chance I could, I entertained him all the time...he was like my little doll. 

I don't know if little boys act in similar ways (maybe it's more of a girl thing to want to do that kind of stuff?) but I think that if you maybe do a similar thing like my dad did, and then try to include your son in as much as you can with the new baby, I bet he comes around. Plus, it will be so much more real for him when he actually sees his little brother. 

Good luck!

ErikandAfton

FTM so I don't have much advice either. So take this as you will.

I'm not sure if I wanted a brother or sister but my Mom did this thing where she called the baby my baby. I was almost 3 when he was born, and I was allowed to help with absolutely everything. Michael needed changed I was there, bath I was there. He was crying in his cradle when mom was trying to do something else I was there to make the cradle swing. This is what worked for us.

Another thing, my step nice will be 4 in December. She was certain that the baby was a girl and when she found out that baby is a boy my step sister said she cried the entire day. I talked to her about how at first I was sad too, but that I was now excited that he was a boy. We talked about his name, ect. My step sister told me later that A told her when they were talking about L that it was okay with her that he was a boy since she likes me. Needless to say it took her a bit but she came around. I'm sure your little guy will too.

I'm sure things will all work out. It's got to be hard with him being so upset about it right now but it will be okay.