I Basically Got Kicked Out of My Ob/GYN practice

specialk1181

Hi All. Just wanted to vent here. I've been enjoying reading this board for the past few weeks but this is my first post. I'm due May 5 with my third baby. I was very excited about getting an NIPT test. It screens for Downs Syndrome in addition to a few other things, is more accurate than the first trimester screen, can be done as early as ten weeks, and can also tell the sex of the baby.

I called/emailed my ob/gyn office numerous times in the weeks before my first visit to see if they offer the test, which "brands" they use (as cost can be different) and basically get my ducks in a row so I could have the test done at 10 weeks. No one ever helped me and mostly my calls and emails went unanswered. So when I was finally able to ask the doc about it at my first visit (8 weeks, dating appt), I was upset to learn the practice had decided to stop offering/ordering the test. She said too many patients were terminating their pregnancies after learning the sex, which is something I would never do. The doc referred me to some other places but also said she would order the test if need be.

I called the places she referred me to in addition to a handful of others. No one would give me the test at 10 weeks unless I came in for another dating appointment, which I know my insurance would not cover since I just had one. They said I should have my regular ob/gyn order the test for me, or I could wait until 12-13 weeks and have the NIPT done at same time as first trimester screen. Now I know 2-3 weeks longer isn't too long to wait for some people, but I am an anxious type of person and would rather find out sooner rather than later if the baby is healthy. 

So, after several more days of phone calls and getting the run around from my doctor's office, the doc finally called me this morning. She pretty reluctantly agreed to order the NIPT test for me, but said she would not allow me to find out the sex of the baby. I was just so upset because I don't understand why I cannot have access to a safe, reliable test and also take advantage of being able to learn the sex of the baby, a bonus. Thousands of women are able to do this (I've researched the topic a lot, including boards on the Bump) and their doctors are fine with it. I explained to my doc that I had tried calling and emailing her office for weeks in advance and if someone had told me this practice does not do NIPT testing, and certainly doesn't do it for gender, I would have been able to find a different practice, but now I am stuck. 

The doctor finally said fine, she would order the test and allow me to find out the sex but that I would have to find a new practice. So now I am waiting to hear back from her nurse regarding scheduling the test. Given my experience with this practice, I'm not holding my breath I will even get the call. And now I need to find a new ob/gyn practice. Thanks for "listening" to this long vent. Hopefully it can help others who are considering NIPT - make sure you find a practice that "condones" this test. 

mcvgal

While I do not understand your need to know so soon, I don't think it was cool of them to give you the run around. You definitely want someone who will respond to calls/emails.Take this as a blessing in disguise because that doesn't like a good OB match for you anyway. Hopefully you can find a new provider that is more responsive for the remainder of your pregnancy.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

Are you high risk? I also do not understand your urgency.  Also, it doesn't look like you've ever intro'd here.  Maybe give that a try before asking us to sympathize with your novel.

ETA: Please intro on the intro thread.

cnsdjs

Who are they to make that decision for you? I'd be pissed. 

looney-2

I think there's something (read: a lot) missing to this story.  Regardless, it doesn't sound like this practice is a good fit for you.  I'd find yourself a new one.

onebadmotha

This seems...fishy. Just out of curiosity, are you in the US? I've heard of some countries being hesitant to allow women to find out the sex of their babies early, but never heard of it being an issue here. Better to switch providers now than when you're further along.

I had testing done at 9 weeks with my last pregnancy (due to family history), but we opted to not find out the baby's sex until delivery. We had to fill out an additional paper opting out of that portion of the test, so it seemed like finding out was the norm. 

specialk1181

Thanks for your replies. I wasn't asking for sympathy, per se; I just wanted to get this experience off my chest and perhaps provide some info that could be useful to others; I didn't realize I was required to post an intro before I could post in another thread. I will be 36 when I deliver so I am high-risk in that regard. I tried to keep my post as brief as possible and don't think I left out anything particularly critical to the jist of the experience.

At my first appt I saw a midwife first and she didn't seem to know much about NIPT testing, even though that is a test that is listed in the materials she had just handed to me. She said it is not a test they do, even though I had already been told by two of the testing companies I called earlier that this practice has indeed ordered the test for other patients before. The midwife then told me "well, we don't order the test often and I would suggest you have the first trimester screen instead, but I will get you the info on the NIPT test." I found it odd that she seemed against the test that was listed as an option in the testing materials her office distributes. 

When I spoke to the doctor later that visit, she also seemed very opposed to the test and was very dismissive of my questions. That's when she told me their practice no longer offers the test b/c too many people were terminating based on gender, and that there has been some debate about the test. I tried asking some questions about the accuracy of the test, and what the downfalls are that she is referring to and she basically told me her practice has nothing to do with this test anymore and to contact the centers on the referral sheet she gave me.

I can understand a doctor or practice having a moral/ethical objection to something, but it seems to me they should still be able to objectively answer questions and provide information. OR, at least tell patients who call ahead of time specifically asking about this test that the practice does not offer it.

Incidentally, I found out that 3 of the places she referred me to (the ones nearest to me) no longer have genetic counselors on site. I would have to travel an hour to see one. I don't think it should have to be this hard.

specialk1181

Forgot to add that yes, I am in the US.

kat81

Ugh, that sucks. That is so weird that they would dick you around so much with this test and that they would represent one thing but then do another. As you said, if you had known, you would have gone with a different practice. Also kind of weird and horrifying that women actually use this test to terminate the pregnancy based on sex.

As others said, it sounds like a blessing in disguise because you'll get the test and the full result, and you'll get a new OB (because clearly this practice sucks.) Though definitely start looking for a new practice now, because as you said you can't even trust that they will call you back at this point.

All of that said, my advice to you would be to practice patience as you'll need it in droves as a mom.*** It sounds like you were unhappy to wait until the anatomy scan (or even 12-13 weeks) to find out the sex of the baby, and that you were unhappy to wait until 12-13 weeks for the screening test. I understand doing screenings and given our age we will probably go ahead and get some of these early screening tests done. I also understand wanting one around 10-13 weeks instead of waiting until 20. But the difference between 10 and 12-13 is really small. You'll feel better if you can let it go and relax when it comes to these things.

ETA: Sorry for sounding preachy. I just re-read and you're also due with your 3rd baby! You probably practice patience all of the time. But I still think you'd feel better if you were more patient on this one thing.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

And yet you still didn't intro.
 

If you don't like your doctor, get a new one. I typically think medical professional generally understand the medical things.  That said, it never hurts to get a second opinion.

achays11

Personally, I have never heard of people terminating pregnancies due to gender. This seems like something that would be in the news if it's really that high of a volume of people doing it. A few weeks isn't going to change anything except ease your mind a bit sooner. Question, since you are so adamant about getting the results so early, would they change anything for you? 

chickyclg

specialk1181 said:

Hi All. Just wanted to vent here. I've been enjoying reading this board for the past few weeks but this is my first post. I'm due May 5 with my third baby. I was very excited about getting an NIPT test. It screens for Downs Syndrome in addition to a few other things, is more accurate than the first trimester screen, can be done as early as ten weeks, and can also tell the sex of the baby.

I called/emailed my ob/gyn office numerous times in the weeks before my first visit to see if they offer the test, which "brands" they use (as cost can be different) and basically get my ducks in a row so I could have the test done at 10 weeks. No one ever helped me and mostly my calls and emails went unanswered. So when I was finally able to ask the doc about it at my first visit (8 weeks, dating appt), I was upset to learn the practice had decided to stop offering/ordering the test. She said too many patients were terminating their pregnancies after learning the sex, which is something I would never do. The doc referred me to some other places but also said she would order the test if need be.

I called the places she referred me to in addition to a handful of others. No one would give me the test at 10 weeks unless I came in for another dating appointment, which I know my insurance would not cover since I just had one. They said I should have my regular ob/gyn order the test for me, or I could wait until 12-13 weeks and have the NIPT done at same time as first trimester screen. Now I know 2-3 weeks longer isn't too long to wait for some people, but I am an anxious type of person and would rather find out sooner rather than later if the baby is healthy. 

So, after several more days of phone calls and getting the run around from my doctor's office, the doc finally called me this morning. She pretty reluctantly agreed to order the NIPT test for me, but said she would not allow me to find out the sex of the baby. I was just so upset because I don't understand why I cannot have access to a safe, reliable test and also take advantage of being able to learn the sex of the baby, a bonus. Thousands of women are able to do this (I've researched the topic a lot, including boards on the Bump) and their doctors are fine with it. I explained to my doc that I had tried calling and emailing her office for weeks in advance and if someone had told me this practice does not do NIPT testing, and certainly doesn't do it for gender, I would have been able to find a different practice, but now I am stuck. 

The doctor finally said fine, she would order the test and allow me to find out the sex but that I would have to find a new practice. So now I am waiting to hear back from her nurse regarding scheduling the test. Given my experience with this practice, I'm not holding my breath I will even get the call. And now I need to find a new ob/gyn practice. Thanks for "listening" to this long vent. Hopefully it can help others who are considering NIPT - make sure you find a practice that "condones" this test. 

QFP

Also if your main purpose was wanting to know for the health of you me baby why is knowing the sex so important to you.  Your OB was going an extra step already for you and that wasn't good enough. At the end of the day they have the right to refuse services.

claudia3059

I would be out of my mind PISSED if I were you!!!!  You have every right to want to know the health of your unborn child as soon as humanly possible.  Particularly if you have to make some difficult decisions going forward. And you certainly don't have to explain yourself to your OB nor anyone else on this board for that matter. 

I say say force them to order you the test (as it sounds like you already did) and be a thorn in their side until they do.  This is your only option to get the test done early. In the mean time find a new practice. 

I went through something similar with my previous OB and after numerous phone calls I had to sign a waiver saying I would pay for the test because they told me most insurances don't cover it. Mine did but only half so it cost me $300. Money well spent for piece of mind. 

vrj0522

Why do you feel "stuck" because you went to 1 visit and now have to change providers? I went to a provider for 24 weeks before I decided they were too far and I wanted someone closer and changed providers for my 28 week appointment. If I'd waited longer, then I'd be stuck because doctors don't like to take new patients that are already into 3rd tri, so I barely made the cutoff. Either way, find someone who works better for you, who is willing to give you the test, and who will be more responsive to you.

Just as an observation, you gave me the impression of coming on way too strong and pushy so it doesn't surprise me that your doctor would ask you to move to a different practice. It's a little bit like those women who don't want to vaccinate their kids... if the doctor doesn't follow the same ideology then that woman should find a new doctor, not push the doctor to do something that doctor doesn't feel comfortable with. And why does the test have to be exactly at 10 weeks... really, you can't wait an additional couple of weeks?

I actually just read an article on genetic testing and it stated that yes, some women are choosing to end pregnancies prematurely but it's not because of the sex, it's because of there being a red flag from the test and instead of getting additional testing, they go ahead and terminate the pregnancy without verifying anything, even if those results could be wrong.

mindyp

I think 100% that you should be able to get all of the information you want about your own body and for whomever is growing inside of it! I'm sorry for your serious inconvenience and for the frustrating situation! I wish you all the luck

WombThereItIs

I'm not sure why you were so adamant about having a test done several weeks before most offices offer it. It sounds like you were calling a lot and they probably no longer wanted to work with you. 

Your relationship with your doctor is not like any other service like a barista or hairstylist. You don't get to make demands and have it your way. Sometimes there are opportunities for you to make choices but your doctor is there to guide you and keep you both safe, not to please you. If multiple offices were saying 10 weeks is early maybe you need to relax and trust a medical professional. 

pshaortao

I agree with most of the PPs. Plus I really don't see what the point of this post is when 1: you got the test that you wanted ordered and 2: clearly the relationship is the OB isn't great. It's still very early and you've gone and had two kids in the past. If you're here purely just to vent, then vent away in the WTF board or random board. You are still welcome to. In the mean time, I would just pull on the big girl panties and just switch to another practice. 

momma2char

Unfortunately where I live (Western Canada), we cannot find out babies sex until 20+ weeks- many cultures here favor boys over girls and used to terminate the pregnancy based on baby's sex. It might just be the health authority that I live in, but it's sad that here it was so common that they've changed the rules of when you can find out the gender! I hope you can find a practice that meets your needs and responds to you in a timely manner

specialk1181

Thanks for the supportive comments - I truly appreciate it! I didn't expect everyone would agree with my point of view but I certainly didn't expect the abrasiveness of some of the other comments. Hopefully this thread will help some mom in the future who is considering NIPT testing, so she is aware of some of the challenges that may arise. This is a test that is safe, highly accurate, and widely available starting at 10 weeks, if your provider orders it, but it seems some practices will not order it until later (or at all) for whatever their reason may be. Best of luck to you all with your pregnancies.

vrj0522

specialk1181 said:

Thanks for the supportive comments - I truly appreciate it! I didn't expect everyone would agree with my point of view but I certainly didn't expect the abrasiveness of some of the other comments. Hopefully this thread will help some mom in the future who is considering NIPT testing, so she is aware of some of the challenges that may arise. This is a test that is safe, highly accurate, and widely available starting at 10 weeks, if your provider orders it, but it seems some practices will not order it until later (or at all) for whatever their reason may be. Best of luck to you all with your pregnancies.

Listen, I get it. I am also AMA and I'm getting the test done at 10 weeks, just like with my daughter. It's nice getting early but if my doctor said I had to wait a couple of weeks, I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't go demanding that she move that up. The testing is widely available and highly accurate--except for that 1% that gets wrong results, like my friend who was told the wrong sex--but the fact of the matter is, you cannot go demanding it from your doctor if your doctor doesn't like to include it in her care of patients. Just like some doctors only give 1-2 u/s and the patient cannot just make them give them more because they want more.  If you disagree with the way your doctor does things and if they are not responding to you, you leave. You don't  continue pushing and demanding. I don't get why you are unhappy that she wants you to find another doctor; you should be happy because now you can find someone who is a good fit for you.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

Is this our first GBCB?!?!

SKZW

***Tangent Off of @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot : for anyone else who doesn't know : stands for Goodbye Cruel Bump

(P.S. Checked an acronym dictionary online and GBCB stands for a lot of things but the funniest was Gay Bars and Clubs in Boston, which I'm positive doesn't fit this situation...)
(And then looked it up on Google and the 4th result is a post from The Bump from 2011 entitled "What Is GBCB????" and a whole discussion on it... fascinating...)

psherman42wwsa

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

Is this our first GBCB?!?!

I'm not sure why you are being so rude to this poster. I also didn't know it was required to post an intro before your allowed to post. I didn't post an intro because I don't expect that anyone would take the time to read it after there's already 100 other posts. 


@specialk1181 I agree with @vrj0522 . I am in the medical field and I would be pretty annoyed if I was on the receiving end of all your phone calls. Someone at the office obviously gave you some wrong information and once that was discovered you probably should have moved on since you were unhappy. I don't see anything wrong with wanting this test at 10 weeks, finding out the gender is exciting and being preganant your always a little worried about babies health. A similar test was offererd to me my last pregnancy and I got it at 12 weeks, could have got it sooner but I had scheduling issues. Its your body and your baby, don't be unhappy and pushy at the  doctors office, just move on. 

Yiggle09

Hi! My husband was adamant about getting this test with ds in 2015. For him yes the results would have mattered so getting them early mattered. Our ob said even though they let you take the test at 9 weeks we had to wait because they had found not enough dna would have built up in my blood so we had it at 11. MY OFFICE REFUSES TO GIVE SEX RESULTS BECAUSE TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE TERMINATED DUE TO SEX. Yes it's disgusting yes my husband and I mouths dropped open when they said this last year. We were severely disappointed because we were paying for the test and wanted everything it could offer. Had they told us when they shoved that pamphlet in our hands about the sex thing I would have taken it better. We did not push the nurse to check the sex box as we didn't want to get them upset. I completely understand where your coming from. I'm sorry some people jumped on your post negatively. You should see an ob that agrees with your mentality though so maybe this is a blessing in disguise good luck

pghren

lrwardrop said:

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

Is this our first GBCB?!?!

I'm not sure why you are being so rude to this poster.

Seriously. The obsession with intro posting and practically cheering someone to leave: uncool.

Yes, we have board rules, but ultimately we're here for each other. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

lrwardrop said:

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

Is this our first GBCB?!?!

I'm not sure why you are being so rude to this poster. I also didn't know it was required to post an intro before your allowed to post. I didn't post an intro because I don't expect that anyone would take the time to read it after there's already 100 other posts.

**STUCK IN THE MF'ing BOX***

I actually do follow the intro post. And it's a good resource to refer back to. For instance, I can click on OP's name for her history and see that, not only has she never intro'd, she joined just to post this very self-centered post. She's never commented on another post or offered advice/support to anyone else. I don't think she's MUD, but you could use the same method to sniff out MUD. This board is a community, she obvi didn't want to participate in the community and only wanted us to listen to her whine. Speshul snowflakes never fare well here. 

RainyDays86

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot this may be UO but I completely agree with you.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@rainyday86

SparkySunDevil

RainyDays86 said:

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot this may be UO but I completely agree with you.

Ditto

pshaortao

This. I dont mind this type of vent if it came from someone who had been participating even if only for a few days. But to observe for a whole month then post only when something goes awry to them, thats not really the best approach into a community like this. We're here to support each other regularly and hopefully make lifelong friendships like I know I did with my S14 BMB, not drive by posts.

ETA: I don't even know if I personally did a formal intro or not but I jumped right into the daily threads and I think thats okay for anybody.

Jens_Hoes

SparkySunDevil said:

RainyDays86 said:

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot this may be UO but I completely agree with you.

Ditto

I ditto the dittos

ShadeofGreen816

pshaortao said:

This. I dont mind this type of vent if it came from someone who had been participating even if only for a few days. But to observe for a whole month then post only when something goes awry to them, thats not really the best approach into a community like this. We're here to support each other regularly and hopefully make lifelong friendships like I know I did with my S14 BMB, not drive by posts.

ETA: I don't even know if I personally did a formal intro or not but I jumped right into the daily threads and I think thats okay for anybody.

Ditto the dittos. And also agree with the bolded. An intro isn't the only way into this pretty open community. Just act like you want to be here and stay. Not hard.

Yiggle09

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot whats MUD? 

Luckyu317

Made Up Drama. Basically posts that are fake scenarios posted for attention/to stir sh*t up.

Yiggle09

@Luckyu317 we had lurkers who came to Sept 15 and did that. There was a very bad situation that came from it

achays11

Ditto all of the dittos. This was an AW post. It's hard to sympathize with someone who hasn't been a part of the community at all and from the original post seemed like they were kind of a jerk to their OB. 

Luckyu317

Waiting for a DD to complete my TB bingo card. OP, if you want to stick around and get support from us, Introduce yourself on the intro thread, start participating in threads, and giving support back. But if you randomly post every other month or so asking questions or posting AW posts, it isn't going to go over very well.

pghren

pshaortao said:

ETA: I don't even know if I personally did a formal intro or not but I jumped right into the daily threads and I think thats okay for anybody.

Exactly. Participating in the daily threads and ticker change boards is more important than am intro imho

firstbaby2013

I disagree, your doctor does work for you. If you don't like how they run things then you absolutely should find a new doctor. I'm glad you got the answers you were looking for. How frustrating to be told one thing then told a different thing by the same practice. I wish this board was a little more supportive. It's easy to be a mean girl behind the profiles here. Let's take a chill pill and realize emotions are running high in our pregnancies. 

FatPony

@firstbaby2013 - agreed. I don't understand all the hate coming up for this post. If you find the post annoying just ignore it. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

No need to blame emotions on pregnancy. If you don't like snark, go to BBC.