Denver (D) has always co-slept with us since he finished his jaundice treatments 2ish weeks after we brought him home. He's almost 9 months and I convinced SO to *finally* set up D's crib (in our room... let's not get crazy) about two weeks ago. D HATES his crib and likes to think of it as a playground instead of a bed. As much as I try he will not sleep in it. But I usually just put him in there so I can do a load of laundry, use the bathroom etc *fast forward to today at around 12:45pm* im washing clothes, getting things done packing D's bag for the baby sitter thinking about my trip to sams (kinda like Costco or BJs -- if you were wondering) the urge strikes to use the bathroom. Denver is happily playing in his crib, so I use the bathroom. My master bathroom doesn't have a door (why I do not know) so I have a clear view of D and his crib. His crib is on a wall and there is enough for my body to fit sideways between the crib and my bed ( not much space) *SO and I had made plans to take down the crib on Monday* anyway - D was pulling himself up and falling backwards and I'm watching him from my "throne" and he starts to reach for the blankets on my bed - he would reach and lose his balance and fall backwards... i took my eye off him for ONE second -I don't even know what I looked at-
i will never forget the sound of my son falling head in between my bed.. hitting the side rail and landing on the floor... in that moment I couldn't breathe I couldn't think speak anything. I tripped over my pants and scooped my crying baby off the floor and I sobbed.... my worse nightmare happened... I'm home alone I should have known not to put him in there... I should have put him in his jumper- 10 mins before this happened I walked down the hall and struggled to open his big box of wipes. He was on the floor half under my bed and I barely could pick him up without hitting his head again on the bottom of the bed. He has a huge lump close to his soft spot and I'm monitoring him for a concussion.
I know, babies are resilliant, it wasn't my fault- but I feel so guilty.... what if it happened 10 mins earlier when I was down the hall.. or he fell two milimeters above where he hit... what if something worse happened- he cracked his skull and it shifted.... i keep tellling him I'm so so sorry. I feel like the worst mommy because I was THERE I was not even three feet away from him... im 5'7 the crib comes up to my arm pits that's how far he fell.
Im thankful he's ok- and 12hrs later no sign of concussion so far. But, here I am... still feeling guilty still upset...