Splitting Holidays

rmmorris

So I know it's a little early, but our families are starting to ask about our plans for the holidays and it's stressing me out! Both of our parents live a plane ride away, so we've always rotated Thanksgiving with one family and then Christmas with the other. Since this is our first year with a baby (and the first grandchild on both sides) I'm afraid to set a precedent that our families will think is set in stone. Ideally I would spend Christmas at home, but my husband thinks it would be weird not to see family on Christmas. I guess my biggest thing is I don't want to feel like a guest at my in-laws house (we are not close) on Christmas with my LO. It's not a huge deal now because she's so little but Id like to have a plan so feathers aren't ruffled later. Any advice or examples about how you split holidays would be greatly appreciated!!

vintagevix2016

Is there any hint of a chance that your husband would change his mind and you could do the holidays at home? I can definitely understand what you are going through. Sometimes we just have to do what we think is best, even if it does ruffle some feathers.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I have a holidays dilemma as well. We have the first grandchild on both sides too. It isn't with my side of the family (who live 12hrs away) that I'm worried about, it's the inlaws (live 10hrs away). If we are in the country (Canada) for Christmas, we HAVE to spend it with them. I hate it. We will never (and I do mean never) have a Christmas at home with just the three of us. It bothers me to no end. How are we suppose to establish our own traditions with our son if we are having to adhere to the inlaws' traditions? This is our first Christmas with him and I really wanted to spend it at home with just us. Instead we are driving through the Canadian winter to spend it with the inlaws. I told my husband that if there is even a hint of a storm, we aren't going.

laurendiaz02

We have a similar dilemma. Both sets of our parents are divorced and both our dads are remarried with additional children. Every holiday is like that movie "four Christmases" where we are driving all over to visit 4 households. It's annoying.  Now that we have a baby, we will be hosting thanksgiving at our house and will invite all of the grandparents. Whether they choose to come is up to them. I am tired of driving. If you want to see your grandchild for thanksgiving, come to my house otherwise oh well. 

Lizbeth86

@rmmorris I don't think you need to worry about setting a precedent this year, your LO won't be aware of Christmas this year but in a year or two you can always change and say you want to spend Christmas at home to start your own traditions.

What about travelling between Christmas and New Years? My husband has a lot of church jobs (singing) on Christmas so we can't visit his family until after. We usually see his family on Thanksgiving and mine on Christmas (they're nearby).

I also agree with @laurendiaz02, now that we have LOs it's time for family to come to us! ; )

adiaz132003

We switch years at our family.  Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with his.  Then the next year is Thanksgiving with his and Christmas with mine.  It works well for us cause then noone can complain that they never see us on Christmas.  When the kids are older things my change cause he has cousins and we might make Christmas happen with the kids rather than the older crowd but that's not for a few years.

rlbrooks84

We go to Texas every other year on Christmas Day and spend Christmas Eve with my FIL and BIL's family. It's rough but on the years we stay at home we keep to that and go over on New Years with do with just my in laws and then Christmas in with my side. I'm the only one on my side with kids and I have 4 siblings, so they all refuse to not see us on Christmas. My dad does get hotel rooms so not everyone is at our house, we have a guest room and only take 2-3 people. My siblings and parents are very helpful and don't stay longer then 4 days, unlike my MIL hat will stay for weeks. My MIL is coming after Christmas so that she's not competing for grandkid time with my family. It took a few years to figure things out but once you do it's much less stressful. Good luck ladies! Oh and it's not to early to be figuring this out!

Linsbins

Something that worked well for us was informing people a year ahead of time. So after you figure out this year, tell them your plans for next year, then they have a year to get used to it. Same idea works now, the earlier you tell the better. The past few years I've also been telling everyone that Thanksgiving and Christmas will be at our house because I want our kid to have those memories at home. Plus it's a pita to take all this baby stuff to other people's houses.

AmberLiz99

We told our families that we are always home on Christmas now. They are welcome to come visit us, and we visit them around the holiday. 

Could you maybe do thanksgiving with one family and New Years with the other and switch off each year? That way you are home for Christmas? I really like being in my own house for Christmas morning. 

splsmama2016

We got lucky. I'm Jewish so we celebrate Hanukkah with my family and will travel to Texas for Christmas with his family. This year is weird though because Hanukkah is later than usual and actually falls around Christmas, so we will celebrate early. We also do thanksgiving at my sisters house, a tradition since her kids were born.

vintagevix2016

Thanksgiving isn't so bad since Canadian Thanksgiving is in October and isn't really a big deal. A lot of folks here don't do anything for it or at least there is zero fuss and very few family gatherings. We will be doing the first US Thanksgiving with my family in the States this year. My husband is super excited to experience it!

rlbrooks84

So talking about thanksgiving now has me craving sweet potatoes but not the overly sweet ones most people around here make. I like them mashed with a little butter and pineapple chunks! Now I have to make some!

RMLandy

I encourage you to convince your husband to stay home for Christmas! You can visit family during thanksgiving and/or the time between Christmas and New Year. Besides being comfortable, it's great to start building family traditions at home for Christmas! It's been one of the best decisions weve made since having kids! And purely logistical, lugging all those presents around once you have kids is a nightmare. 

rmmorris

So I think I've convinced my husband to stay home for Christmas Day and to do our visiting sometime before New Years!! Now we just have to break the news to our families... 

kaitielynnrichardson

we go to my parents house for thanksgiving every year because my DH goes hunting with my dad and uncle.  He will NEVER give that up.  Christmas, we have already decided we want to spend at home with our LO and our pupkids.  My parents have already said they will be coming to see us the day after (From New York), and I seriously doubt his family will come down, but that's on them.  They never visit and always expect us to travel, but with two dogs and now a baby, its just not practical.. It's a mini fortune just to go visit them..