Just need to vent (loss mentioned)

mummysmomma

Hello all.  I have not been on here in a few months.  I needed a break.

I had 2 miscarriages already.  The last was in April, and it was not a fun time at all.   I went through numerous tests after, they found and removed a polyp.  and found no other reason for the last loss.  So I went for my second IVF round with a frozen transfer.   Saturday I hit my 6 week mark.  I felt ok.  I was a little more tired.. had some cramping on and off, but good.   on Sunday afternoon I started to have sharp cramps, then some bleeding.  it seemed to slow and almost stop that night.  I had an appointment Monday morning any way.  SO early monday morning we went and had blood work and ultrasound.   The doctor saw a clot, and was not fully able to view the yolk sac.  She was able to still see a fetal pole, but no heartbeat, and not a lot of growth from what she could see.  Not great news.  She said that it does not look good.  More then likely it is a loss, but there is a small chance it is just a clot blocking the view.    My blood work came back great.  But that at the moment means nothing.   At the moment I don't know how I feel.  I want to keep that small hope, but I know realistically it is probably another loss.  My husband is not handling it as well. 

This will be the 3rd loss then for us.  I am with many women out there that ask WHY.   We both continue to live our lives, we don't put things on hold for a potential baby.   I know that sounds weird.  This is a huge part of our life.  But until I am past the 12 week mark it will not be real for either of us.   We plan trips, we go out with friends, we live our life.  What we do is keep my meds in check, keep my diet going and I don't drink alcohol.  

I know I am not alone.  I have met a lot of great woman through here and other outlets that have been a great support.  But we all know we have those days of WTF.  WHY ME?!   and Monday was one of those days. 

Sorry for this long post. 

Esperer

@mummysmomma I'm so sorry for all you've been through and I'm sure many of us can relate to that hopelessness that rears its ugly head sometimes.  Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

Bababatty

@mummysmomma I'm so sorry for your losses and all you've been through! If this is indeed a loss--and I truly hope it's not--I hope you take some time to treat yourselves. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Elyse1384

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It is amazing how lonely infertility can feel when so many go through similar journies.  The entire process is so unfair and I hope you get an answer soon.  I hope this isn't another loss for you.  Sending Ts&Ps your way. 

lady_grey

@mummysmomma ugh I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I hope you find some answers soon.  

mummysmomma

@Esperer @Bababatty @Elyse1384 @lady_grey    Thank you all.

Unfortunately it is another loss.   I'll hear more from my doctor later on the next steps.  

Esperer

@mummysmomma so sorry to hear this news.  Sending hugs your way, hope you and DH can lean on each other and take extra good care of yourselves.  Don't lose hope

vssbrm

@mummysmomma my prayers are with you and your DH. I know it will take time, but I hope you find peace.

FatPony

I'm so sorry for your losses. I just had back to back chemical pregnancies, so your post really resonated with me. 

RaeV121

I am SO sorry to hear all of the struggle you have been through! I don't think any of us will ever know WHY, our moms always taught us that life isn't fair and infertility certainly resonates with that. 

My fingers and toes are crossed for you! 

latershrader

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your frustrations with all that you've been through. Spoil yourself a little for now and just try to keep hopeful, as hard as that may be.