TTC After a Loss

Not sure I'm ready yet...

I had my D&C in August and still haven't had AF return yet. Not too worried as it's only been a couple of weeks since the bleeding stopped and I don't really expect a return for another two weeks. We definitely want to try again but my fiance has heard from our friends that you're more fertile after MC so he thinks we should just let nature take it's course now. I'm still not emotionally ready to BE pregnant again. I really wanted to wait the couple of cycles that the doctor suggested because I don't know if I can handle going through a loss again if we try to soon and I'm not healed. Plus, he brought all this up after we set our wedding date in stone for March 25th and after I found my dress. If we wait a few months, then I'll just be early pregnant at the wedding and I'll be in a better place emotionally. If we conceived now and it stuck, I'd be 5-6 months and it's probable that the dress we just spent a lot of money on wouldn't fit. I feel so selfish saying that because we want a baby, we wanted the baby we lost, but I want to focus now on healing physically and emotionally and enjoying our wedding day. I don't know how to tell him this and I feel like an awful awful person.

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Re: Not sure I'm ready yet...

  • edited September 2016
    I am sorry for your loss. You are not an awful person. You're allowed and should be afforded the opportunity to heal and proceed on your own timeline. I'm glad you found us here and hope you will soon feel comfortable with telling your SO about your need to wait. It's not selfish to need time to recover and definitely not selfish to think of practical reasons for waiting. 

    Youre not not alone in this event upending your life. Take all the time you need. You are in control of how this proceeds. Please keep that in mind. 

    We we are here for you. 

    Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013

    2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016

    2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer: May 1, 2017

    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714

    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL!  <3 E. L. A. born 12/7/2017








  • I agree with @fivetimesnoluck. Be sure you give yourself the time you need to heal and feel ready
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss @rainafire77. Just remember that it is your body that undergoes pregnancy- both the physical and emotional effects. You certainly want to be on the same page as your SO, but ultimately if you're  not ready, you're not ready. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Take your time, heal, get married and enjoy wedding planning, and then start trying again. 

    You didn't mention if you were dealing with IF, but assuming it wasn't difficult for you to get pregnant, chances are it won't be difficult to get pregnant the second time. Obviously there are no guarantees, but I just want to assure you that there's not a magic window that closes after 3 months after a MC. 

    I hope you and your SO can come to a consensus that works for you. Good luck!w
  • I am sorry for your loss.

    i wanted to say that I agree with pps. You have to let yourself go through grief, feel
    better and when you feel ready, then it's time to go back. I am sure your Fiancé will understand if you explain this to him. Men process loss and MC in a completely different way, it was your body that was completely changed with pregnancy and eventually with MC.

    good luck! And congrats on the upcoming wedding!
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


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  • I'm sorry for your loss. :( Like others have said, do not feel selfish. Take the time that you need. 

    Congrats on your wedding! That's right around the corner!

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  • I'm sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to heal and don't feel selfish about that.
  • I talked to him about it and we agreed to wait. He understands. Funny enough is that right after we talked yesterday morning, AF started in the afternoon. So we won't have to wait that long. It made me feel better too, knowing that my body still works.

    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018


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