Not sure I'm ready yet...

rainafire77

I had my D&C in August and still haven't had AF return yet. Not too worried as it's only been a couple of weeks since the bleeding stopped and I don't really expect a return for another two weeks. We definitely want to try again but my fiance has heard from our friends that you're more fertile after MC so he thinks we should just let nature take it's course now. I'm still not emotionally ready to BE pregnant again. I really wanted to wait the couple of cycles that the doctor suggested because I don't know if I can handle going through a loss again if we try to soon and I'm not healed. Plus, he brought all this up after we set our wedding date in stone for March 25th and after I found my dress. If we wait a few months, then I'll just be early pregnant at the wedding and I'll be in a better place emotionally. If we conceived now and it stuck, I'd be 5-6 months and it's probable that the dress we just spent a lot of money on wouldn't fit. I feel so selfish saying that because we want a baby, we wanted the baby we lost, but I want to focus now on healing physically and emotionally and enjoying our wedding day. I don't know how to tell him this and I feel like an awful awful person.

fivetimesnoluck

I am sorry for your loss. You are not an awful person. You're allowed and should be afforded the opportunity to heal and proceed on your own timeline. I'm glad you found us here and hope you will soon feel comfortable with telling your SO about your need to wait. It's not selfish to need time to recover and definitely not selfish to think of practical reasons for waiting. 

Youre not not alone in this event upending your life. Take all the time you need. You are in control of how this proceeds. Please keep that in mind. 

We we are here for you. 

Hopefulmommy1980

I agree with @fivetimesnoluck. Be sure you give yourself the time you need to heal and feel ready

chloe97

I'm so sorry for your loss @rainafire77. Just remember that it is your body that undergoes pregnancy- both the physical and emotional effects. You certainly want to be on the same page as your SO, but ultimately if you're  not ready, you're not ready. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Take your time, heal, get married and enjoy wedding planning, and then start trying again. 

You didn't mention if you were dealing with IF, but assuming it wasn't difficult for you to get pregnant, chances are it won't be difficult to get pregnant the second time. Obviously there are no guarantees, but I just want to assure you that there's not a magic window that closes after 3 months after a MC. 

I hope you and your SO can come to a consensus that works for you. Good luck!w

yolandamunoz

I am sorry for your loss.

i wanted to say that I agree with pps. You have to let yourself go through grief, feel
better and when you feel ready, then it's time to go back. I am sure your Fiancé will understand if you explain this to him. Men process loss and MC in a completely different way, it was your body that was completely changed with pregnancy and eventually with MC.

good luck! And congrats on the upcoming wedding!

mylovelittlelove

I'm sorry for your loss. Like others have said, do not feel selfish. Take the time that you need. 

Congrats on your wedding! That's right around the corner!

AnonymousMom

I'm sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to heal and don't feel selfish about that.

rainafire77

I talked to him about it and we agreed to wait. He understands. Funny enough is that right after we talked yesterday morning, AF started in the afternoon. So we won't have to wait that long. It made me feel better too, knowing that my body still works.