New girl on the block *losses mention*

thatgirl9911

Hi ladies!

Intro about myself... I'm 29yrs old and in kind of a weird mix of actively/not actively trying for a baby over last 3 years. Stopped trying to prevent in May 2013, and got a BFP the first month we actively tried. Call it intuition or whatever, but had a really bad feeling the day that I got the BFP that something bad would happen. Sadly it ended in loss about 8wk mark. I took it extremely hard, so DH and I stopped actively trying, but still weren't preventing for well over a year.

In December of 2014 we actively tried again for first time and sure enough got a second BFP a few days before Christmas. Had that bad feeling again, but chalked it up as bad memories from last attempt. Got all excited, told our parents on Christmas... and 3 days later lost again at about 5-6wks. My gynos were pretty flippant, saying it was just really dumb luck to have 2 consecutive miscarriages even though it's super rare.

I still had that gut feeling something was wrong and started seeking out new doctors for second opinion. Never got any real answers from the new gyno, he just prescribed clomid and said go on your way. We actively tried with clomid from Aug 2015 - Jan 2016 with no success at all, no monitoring, nothing except for newly developed digestive issues. Was referred to RE  after, and in March 2016  they ran an HSG which determined I had a growth in my uterus that ended up being complex atypical hyperplasia (pre-cancer of the uterus and again super rare for someone my age). Met with an oncologist and started hormone therapy right away. While I was on hormone therapy, my stomach and other minor health issues vanished and I felt great other than constant hunger and bloat. In June I was deemed "cancer-free" and discontinued the meds.

The RE wanted to start on clomid again right after I came off the hormone therapy, but I wasn't ready and told her I was hesitant to try it again because of how bad it messed me up last round. Needless to say, she talked me into it and I started my first round at the beginning of this month. Feeling super sick again and the other minor health issues are popping up with a vengeance. I keep bringing up everything and they keep sloughing it off.

This round of clomid they actually monitored and found a complex cyst on my right ovary. They didn't do a baseline before taking the clomid, so no one knows how long I have had it. I'm really worried because the cyst is bigger than my ovary and was growing during the clomid treatment. Afraid it could possibly be a tumor, which may have caused the hyperplasia... Brought up my fears, but again doctors are sloughing that off like I'm crazy because those tumors are supposedly very rare. But with everything "rare" that has happened to me so far, I don't find it all that far-fetched or reaching to think it may be. I spoke with my oncologist and they did admit there is no way to know for sure if the cyst is cancerous or not without removing it, but no one wants to do it because I swear they are in more concerned about me popping out a bay than treating whatever issues are underlying that may actually be causing the infertility. As bad as I want a baby... I don't want it at the expense of my overall health, and if it is cancer that they are ignoring I don't want to have a baby that I may not get to raise.    

I apologize for the lengthy "intro." So much has happened and I'm extremely frustrated and overwhelmed and feel so defeated. I don't even feel like a woman anymore... I have developed a resentment towards all doctors because even when I switch to new ones, it doesn't seem like they take my concerns seriously at all.

Thank you to anyone who made it through this whole ranting bio. Looking forward to learning more about you all, and hoping all of our journeys with infertility end in happy, healthy babies and happy,healthier versions of ourselves sooner than later!

MMD1986

Welcome! You've had a long journey so I can see why you are so frustrated.  I'm hoping the health issues that have popped up are nothing major and go away quickly.  Do you plan to have them remove the cyst if this cycle does not work?

fivetimesnoluck

Hello and welcome, @thatgirl9911. I am sorry for your losses and for the poor treatment it sounds like you have received at the hands of supposed professionals. You've been through a lot.

My unsolicited opinion is this: I would have a hard time trusting any RE who starts a Clomid cycle without a baseline U/S. That's standard operating procedure and it sounds like it was ignored. The fact that the RE pushed Clomid on you even after you expressed concern is also bothersome.

Did you go through any testing with the RE aside from the HSG? Without establishing some basic information about why you may have had two losses, I would be uncomfortable trying again. That's the purpose of going to that kind of specialist. I understand your resentment towards doctors, it's totally justified by what you described.

I have had great conversations and gained a great deal of support on this page, but you may also want to check out the TTCAL board, where MC/Loss are the primary topics. (Even if you're not actively TTC again right now, we have a lot of women benched for various reasons who still participate over there.) There seems to be a wealth of knowledge about RPL and the testing needed to really chart a meaningful path to avoiding future losses.

Bababatty

Welcome @thatgirl9911. Wow, it sounds like you have had a really tough and scary journey! I'm really surprised that your doctors have been so flippant about your MCs, but I can't offer a lot of advice in that regard. I do know I had a friend who had back-to-back MCs and when she did get pregnant the third time, her doctors were very serious about the precautions she needed to take to maintain it--which is why it surprises me that your doctors don't seem concerned.

My unsolicited advice is that I think you need to find new doctors, possibly across the board. I agree with @fivetimesnoluck that it seems very abnormal for an RE to strong arm you into Clomid with essentially no monitoring. I'd also want to get a second or third opinion from a different oncologist about that cyst--especially given your cancer scare and the possibility it may be growing.

I can understand how very frustrating it is when none of your doctors have listened to you, and how it can seem that finding new doctors isn't going to be any more effective. It's so frustrating that women's issues often aren't taken seriously. Do you live in or near a major metro area where you have some more choice? You shouldn't have to stick with doctors who belittle your concerns.

Again, I'm so sorry for all that you've been through! I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way.

thatgirl9911

Thank you ladies!  I will definitely look into the TTCAL board. Certainly going to push for removal if this cycle doesn't work. I've had a slew of tests prior to the HSG (progesterone, thyroid, testosterone, DHEAS, prolactin, insulin, blood sugar, AMH, lupus anticoagulant, etc). A few were at borderline extremes but still technically within "normal" limits, so they deemed I was perfectly fine.

The claim for continuing clomid is suspicion of not ovulating. I had regular 27-29 day cycles up until loss #2, and even then my cycles were only extended by a couple days (30-33 days) and regulated a couple months later. Not sure how they could even determine I wasn't ovulating because no tests were run aside from one progesterone test at D16 of my cycle when my periods were running on the 30-33 day side.

My current RE was also pushing for IUI along with clomid. I didn't understand need for IUI because DH checked out just fine with the sperm analysis. I put my foot down on that one because I can't justify spending the money for IUI at this point when I feel other issues are going on that may cause a third loss.  

I recently went to a new doctor who seemed a lot more receptive to my concerns... so crossing my fingers there. Just worried he will fall in line with the rest and start ignoring my concerns.   

Esperer

@thatgirl9911 I am so sorry you've had such bad experiences with doctors - but I totally agree with what everyone said.  You deserve much better.  This whole process comes with enough stress without having to worry about whether your doctor is acting in your best interests.  The fact that you went on multiple rounds of clomid without proper bloodwork/US monitoring is a gigantic red flag.  I hope the new doctor will come through for you!  Best of luck and I hope you can start getting the answers you need and deserve.

lady_grey

@thatgirl9911 I hope things stay better with your new doctor!  This all sounds like a really difficult, frustrating journey.   Hang in there and continue to be an advocate for yourself!