@bnsmith85 You can start dilating at any time really, some pwople as early as the 20s weeks, and although I bwlieve contractions are inevitable with dilation, you may not ever feel or notice them.
My cervix STILL wasn't checked. They checked almost everything yday. I had a blood draw (to check platelet count, something about that being relevant when/if I ask for an epidural), they did another ultrasound (more detailed, to check baby's positioning and fluid etc), they did the GBS swab.... but they didn't check my cervix!
Oh also, anyone here dealing with DH's with strong opinions on how delivery should be? DH was worried yday because I signed these papers for delivery. One was a "if i get a C-section, I want a tubal ligation" type paperwork...and the other was "if I go into labor, I'd like to try for a vaginal birth provided this baby is head down...but if I go into labor and he is not head down, I authorize a C-section.... and if he is not head down and I do not go into labor on my own before October 6, I authorize a C-section for 10/6 at 6AM"
He was asking if I really want to try for a vaginal birth if baby is head down and I go into labor. I looked at him in disbelief and was like "well of COURSE. we've been discussing this from the beginning and this has always been our plan". He went on and on about how an emergency c-section is the worst, and what if they use a vacuum on the baby or forceps... what if I lost blood? and he looked like he was gonna cry. Basically he wanted me to say "okay let's just schedule a c-section no matter what".
I think it has something to do with the fact that with my stepdaughters, he experienced an emergency c-section for one of them and was traumatized by that.
@annabenanna Yikes, touchy little predicament... I don't have any advice to offer, but would like to extend my best wishes! Hopefully somebody else will chime in with some experience in a similar situation. Until then, best of luck and I hope you two are able to cross his anxiety bridge!
@bnsmith85 when my mom was pregnant, she wasn't experiencing any contractions, she was at work and had her weekly appt so they checked her and she was 6cm! AND SHE WENT BACK TO WORK!! Lol nut job! She told someone at work and they sent her home but she fought them lol
@annabenanna I haven't been checked yet either - I'm 36 weeks as of yesterday
@MrsB627 At this point, if I'm not having contractions that are timing perfectly, my water hasn't broke, or I don't see blood or a mess, I'm not moving.
Thanks @AllyTheKid and @MrsB627, I was really hoping for like a "rah rah rah you can do it babe!" so it's kinda disheartening to see him scared and worried. He needs to be my rock!
@annabenanna I'm having a similar issue with my H. He's a super sensitive guy which I love about him but he tears up and gets emotional whenever we talk about this baby coming and keeps saying what a mess he's gonna be. On one hand, I love that he's already so emotionally attached but I need him to hold it together when I'm in labor. I need him to be the rock during delivery and then we can both fall apart.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@annabenanna my dh is actually the opposite but same problem. The thought of a c section terrifies me. With my dd, it was considered a possibility due to pre e and my dh was basically like 'what can she do to prevent the c section'. Then we did have the semi-traumatic experience with the retained placenta but he is still in the 'absolutely no c section' camp.
I had mentioned how I sometimes feel like she's flipping and that I'm worried she won't be head down at birth so he started looking at the ways to get her head down.
It is starting to drive me crazy. Like yes, I'd absolutely like to avoid a c section. But at the same time, there isn't a whole lot I can do if she Flips and is stubborn about it.
I can't figure out why (after my first birth) he thinks a c section will be worse then what he has already witnessed!
I *think* you need to be having contractions to dilate. I guess if baby is really low and pressing on your cervix it would be possible to dilate as well. With DD I was dilated to 5 cm when I went for my induction but wasn't feeling the contractions. I had an NST 2 days before she was born and the monitor was picking up contractions but I didn't know it.
@MRSCORKER, i told him that yday.... something along the lines of "i need you to be my rock!" and he was like "yes yes i should be and i will be" but I can still see the worry on his face and I don't think were on the same page at all. Sigh. I would feel so much better if he was 100% with me.
@maf9866, have you asked DH why he feels like getting a c-section would be the absolute worst?
@annabenanna actually, now that you ask, I haven't. I assume it's just because it's a major surgery but that is a pure assumption. I guess I know what we are talking about when he gets home from the park with dd!
I'd ask @maf9866. It may not be super rational, but maybe you'll get a better understanding. With DH he was like "i just don't want us to go through the pain and heartache of hours and hours of labor only to end in a C-section". Then he started asking me about epidurals and whether I'd get one if we went the vaginal delivery route...he started worrying about "then you can't labor standing up or walking? that means you'll be bedridden?"
Sigh DH. It's not like he's gonna be doing the work!!!
Ummmm I get that this child is part his and I'll be perfectly honest, I don't give a shit about how he thinks I should labor. I will listen to my body and do what's best for me and the babe. Sorry hubs, you need to take a backseat to this momma
@samkins I have to agree with you! A woman in my childbirth class said she wants an epidural but her husband is "adamant" she go med-free. Umm... Excuse me? Who is the one pushing the human out? Sit down sir.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@annabenanna you're absolutely right, I should ask. At least it seems most of us can take solace in the fact that our dh's are just worried about what we will be going through.
Although at some point (aka now or soon), they need to get with it and undrstand that they will get very little say on what happens. It's only fair considering WE don't even get a say and basically a 5-10 lb baby gets to call the shots.
I'd ask @maf9866. It may not be super rational, but maybe you'll get a better understanding. With DH he was like "i just don't want us to go through the pain and heartache of hours and hours of labor only to end in a C-section". Then he started asking me about epidurals and whether I'd get one if we went the vaginal delivery route...he started worrying about "then you can't labor standing up or walking? that means you'll be bedridden?"
Sigh DH. It's not like he's gonna be doing the work!!!
@annabenanna
Awww, poor DH. That sounds so dramatic. Maybe just remind him that a C-section is major surgery, and that if you can avoid it, that would be ideal (and would cut down on your recovery time after baby). I know you may have no choice since baby is breech, so you don't want to scare him about you HAVING a C-section, but worth a shot.
Either way, hopefully he builds his confidence that no matter how he's delivered, baby boy will be here, and as long as he's healthy, that's all that matters.
@von1976 and @AllyTheKid I think the uncertainty is the worst part at this point. Sure, the cramps are painful and the lack of sleep is rough, but I'd gladly put up with those things if I knew that I would have some obvious sign when true labor started.
@annabenanna I don't think it's unusual for doctors to not check your cervix. My doctor gave me a schedule of appointments, and it doesn't have cervix check until 39 weeks and even that says "if desired". I think if you're having a lot of symptoms, they'll check. Otherwise, they just leave it alone since dilation isn't really that helpful in figuring out when you're actually going to go into labor. As my doctor told me, they know about how long it takes to dilate from 4 cm to 7 cm and from 7 cm to 10 cm, but they have no idea how long it takes to go from 0 to 4.
@samkins I have to agree with you! A woman in my childbirth class said she wants an epidural but her husband is "adamant" she go med-free. Umm... Excuse me? Who is the one pushing the human out? Sit down sir.
I'd have honestly had a hard time not just busting out laughing at him. And even if I managed to hold that in, my face typically betrays me when it comes to hiding extreme thoughts or emotions so the DEFINITELY would know what I thought just by glancing my way lol
@MRSCORKER I was telling my mom about @annabenanna's massage doula guy because I like what he said about not focusing on pushing but on the baby moving through the birthing canal and she gave me this look and said "and this is coming from a guy? Ya he doesn't know shit! When you're pushing you can't feel the baby moving through the canal you just feel pain and the urge to push. Pfft men!"
Went to my weekly midwife appointment today and they did an nst for the first time. Baby is good, I'm contracting (news to me), my urine came back with elevated protein, and I had a slightly high BP. So they sent me to L&D to do some more blood work and be monitored, I told them I'm having an October baby, but we'll see.
@samkins I have to agree with you! A woman in my childbirth class said she wants an epidural but her husband is "adamant" she go med-free. Umm... Excuse me? Who is the one pushing the human out? Sit down sir.
I'd have honestly had a hard time not just busting out laughing at him. And even if I managed to hold that in, my face typically betrays me when it comes to hiding extreme thoughts or emotions so the DEFINITELY would know what I thought just by glancing my way lol
+1! Also +1 to "sit down sir."!
I can't believe some of the husbands!! It may be your child but delivery has ZERO TO DO WITH YOU! lol.
My DH is 50% this baby's parent and as my partner his opinion is valuable and important to me but until this baby meets air he is both physically and legally part of MY body and ONLY I have the right to make the final decision about MY body.
I actually think it's sweet when the husbands show how much they care, but they need to learn to put on a brave face for their wife. My husband is super concerned about me having another c-section, but he knows he has to be the brave one so that I can stay calm.
Andplusalso, about the husband who wants his wife to go med-free....he will probably regret that even if it was both of their ideas. My poor husband had no say in the doctors refusing an epidural (my platelets were too low to do it safely)...and even with IV narcotic painkillers in me I'm pretty sure despite what he says, I am not a candidate for wife-of-the-year award
@annabenanna you Doctor might not be checking you because the baby is breech. I didn't have any checks with DS1 because he was breech. There just wasn't a point to do it because it didn't matter.
i won't get checks with this baby either because it's too dangerous... And there is no point because I have to have a c section.
My midwife won't be checking me at all unless I ask or we pass 40 weeks and nothing's happening. I know there are reasons to have them in some situations but there isn't a reason for me to have them right now. I won't lie, I'm curious though!
Seriously with these birth announcements, October Momma's make some beautiful babies!
Re: Labor and All of it's Glory
Eta- if not, seems that I won't be dilated at all until I go into actual labor bc I've had virtually no BH
Oh also, anyone here dealing with DH's with strong opinions on how delivery should be? DH was worried yday because I signed these papers for delivery. One was a "if i get a C-section, I want a tubal ligation" type paperwork...and the other was "if I go into labor, I'd like to try for a vaginal birth provided this baby is head down...but if I go into labor and he is not head down, I authorize a C-section.... and if he is not head down and I do not go into labor on my own before October 6, I authorize a C-section for 10/6 at 6AM"
He was asking if I really want to try for a vaginal birth if baby is head down and I go into labor. I looked at him in disbelief and was like "well of COURSE. we've been discussing this from the beginning and this has always been our plan". He went on and on about how an emergency c-section is the worst, and what if they use a vacuum on the baby or forceps... what if I lost blood? and he looked like he was gonna cry. Basically he wanted me to say "okay let's just schedule a c-section no matter what".
I think it has something to do with the fact that with my stepdaughters, he experienced an emergency c-section for one of them and was traumatized by that.
I don't know how to calm him down.
@annabenanna I haven't been checked yet either - I'm 36 weeks as of yesterday
@AllyTheKid I told my husband I'm not going back again until we are sure lol
@bnsmith85 I've been having contractions but never regular! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
@annabenanna Hopefully you can find a way to calm the hubby down!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
I had mentioned how I sometimes feel like she's flipping and that I'm worried she won't be head down at birth so he started looking at the ways to get her head down.
It is starting to drive me crazy. Like yes, I'd absolutely like to avoid a c section. But at the same time, there isn't a whole lot I can do if she Flips and is stubborn about it.
I can't figure out why (after my first birth) he thinks a c section will be worse then what he has already witnessed!
@maf9866, have you asked DH why he feels like getting a c-section would be the absolute worst?
Sigh DH. It's not like he's gonna be doing the work!!!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Although at some point (aka now or soon), they need to get with it and undrstand that they will get very little say on what happens. It's only fair considering WE don't even get a say and basically a 5-10 lb baby gets to call the shots.
Either way, hopefully he builds his confidence that no matter how he's delivered, baby boy will be here, and as long as he's healthy, that's all that matters.
@annabenanna I don't think it's unusual for doctors to not check your cervix. My doctor gave me a schedule of appointments, and it doesn't have cervix check until 39 weeks and even that says "if desired". I think if you're having a lot of symptoms, they'll check. Otherwise, they just leave it alone since dilation isn't really that helpful in figuring out when you're actually going to go into labor. As my doctor told me, they know about how long it takes to dilate from 4 cm to 7 cm and from 7 cm to 10 cm, but they have no idea how long it takes to go from 0 to 4.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
GOOD LUCK and keep us posted!
I can't believe some of the husbands!! It may be your child but delivery has ZERO TO DO WITH YOU! lol.
Me: 29 DH: 30
@nataliemaephotography BEST OF LUCK!!! Definitely let us know how you are doing!
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
Congrats @UponAStar16
PCOS baby due October 09, 2016
Beta #1: 22.5
Beta #2: 74
i won't get checks with this baby either because it's too dangerous... And there is no point because I have to have a c section.
Seriously with these birth announcements, October Momma's make some beautiful babies!
My OB said I'll have a cervical check at my next appt. I'll be 36+5. I'm sure I could decline if I wanted to but I'm curious!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16