***TTCAL check-in week of Aug 29****

DungeonTrollMel

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):

3. Rants/raves:

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?

dpjennifer

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): CD 24. TWW I think 2 DPO.

3. Rants/raves: Just had a phone interview for a job I really really want and although I had good answers I talked SO fast and since presenting is part of the job, I'm afraid I may have blown it.  Ugh.  

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? I have a very long commute so by the time I get home from weekday work, I am usually trying to get a few things done around the house, dinner of course, and a bit of relaxing before bed.  Lately with the nice weather I've been able to get into the pool a lot, although that is coming to a close soon as fall is coming.

TScalei

2. Status: Benched.

3. After two weeks I am finally showing signs of miscarrying naturally (some spotting and cramping). I am just filled with enormous relief that my body is finally doing what it is supposed too. I am hoping by next week it will be over and I will be on the road to recovery. Really just want to focus on healing mentally and physically and hopefully find some peace by the end of the year after a very turbulent year.

4.) GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? My DH is a nurse who works 3- 11 during the week. So weekday nights I am on my own ( which has really made this process so much harder.) I keep busy by going to barre classes just about every night, I read a lot and catch up on TV shows.


@dpjennifer - fx for your job interview. Sometimes we think we did worse than we actually did so don't think you blew it just yet.

DungeonTrollMel

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW dpo4

3. Rants/raves: progesterone suppositories suck. Doing pretty well with the BSC but I have probably overly high hopes for my first medicated cycle so hoping that doesn't kick me in the ass

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?

i work about 89 hours a week the outside of that I run and spend time with my fur monsters. I am also a member of the junior league here so lots of volunteer time 

Aera11

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):  CD4, WTO

3. Rants/raves:  I just got back from my RE's and my u/s looked good, waiting to hear on bloodwork and then I start injections tomorrow.  I learned how to do them and am a little nervous, but I think after the first one I'll be ok.  I think it's just that anticipation of not knowing.  

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?  I am self-employed but had a EDD of May and then July, and in the wedding industry, that is peak time so I didn't take very many weddings this year because I would've been super pregnant or just had a baby.  Joke was on me.  But I think everything worked out okay because working less has helped the stress and with so many doctors appointments at random times, it's been nice to have the time to go do them without rescheduling meetings, etc.  I volunteer one day a week, but should probably do more.  It's just so nice having so much time to myself.

brooklyngirl18

@dpjennifer good luck with your job interview!
@TScalei so sorry, I hope it goes quickly for you
@DungeonTrollMel 89 hours a week holy crap! 



2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW, 1-3 DPO.

3. Rants/raves: i don't have a whole lot to rant or rave about today. oh, 1 rave is going to my in laws beach house labor day weekend. excited about that!

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? i work an office job 9-5, other than that I just hang with my family. Summers we try to go to the beach and park a lot. DH has had a crazy schedule recently so we haven't done a whole lot.

BitterBetty12

@dpjennifer Ah, I'm sorry you don't feel good about the interview. FX for you. 

@TScalei I am so sorry for what you are going through, but happy to hear it sounds like your body is finally catching up. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. 

@DungeonTrollMel I have everything crossed for you this cycle!!! Which probably doesn't help your own concerns about being overly optimistic. But I can't help it. 

@Aera11 Glad to hear your u/s went well!!

@brooklyngirl18 Enjoy the beach house! That sounds amazing. 

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW, 3DPO

3. Rants/raves: I'm so happy I ovulated at my normal time!! Ahhhh. I'm trying not to get to crazy optimistic for this cycle. But I can't help it. I had a normal O for the first time since March! Now if only my LP can catch back up and stop being 9 days... Also my appointment with my new OB is tomorrow so I'm really anxious and excited for that. 

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?
It depends. In the summer I do a lot of TV watching, reading, gaming, shopping, and hanging out on the Internet. When schools in session I'm working most of the day and vegging out the rest!

chloe97

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): WTO CD 8. Though, it's my first month off the bench I'm not sure how hard we will try this month.

3. Rants/raves: Well AF was 2.5 days long this time! I never really paid too much attention before my first MC, but that seems to be about normal for me. My fears about scarring are diminishing. 

Just as my body is getting its act together, my mental health is worsening. Last week I had terrible hypochondria, this week it's turned into depression. I'm find myself questioning everything- should I even try this month after drinking alcohol 4 out of the last 7 days. I'm questioning my relationship with DH. I worry if I feel this way now, how will I be during my pregnancy and postpartum. Part of me thinks I should wait another month and another screams "you're 37- you can't waste fertile months." I feel guilty for not being able to give a rainbow baby a sibling. I feel guilty for all the drinking I've done. For smoking in my 20s. I feel damned to continue to get pregnant easily and lose babies. 

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? I work full-time in a suburb an hour away from our condo in the city. 2 hours a day commuting is getting old and DH and I will probably be buying a house in the suburbs next spring. I work out after work, DH makes dinner, and we usually collapse on the couch with our puppy and a Cubs game or Netflix most nights.

kiki75

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): Benched

3. Rants/raves: I'm feeling a lot better than I was last week both physically and emotionally. But when I realize that I'm doing okay, then I feel like a monster for being okay. It's a screwed up cycle right now. It also looks like HCG is nearly gone. Did a Wondfo today and it was down to a squinter. Pretty close to the first tests I took. That was a hard mix of emotions this morning. 

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? I work full time. When H is away at work, I end up taking a long lunch each day to go home to walk the dog. In the evenings, I'll go to the gym, go out with H and/or friends, cook, or we'll split some takeout. 

@TScalei I'm glad to hear that things are starting to happen to allow you to move forward. You're in my thoughts.

rainbowturtles

@dpjennifer we tend to be our own worst critics so I'm convinced you did awesome

@TScalei sending you tons of healing energy

@DungeonTrollMel fx for your medicated cycle!! Okay, EVERYTHING crossed, seriously

@Aera11 what body part do you need to inject into? I only ask because the first time I had to inject my buttock I got really woozy so just want to warn you to be near somewhere you can sit/lie down, for safety reasons After my first one I was ok, so hope it goes well for you, too!

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): WTO, CD13

3. Rants/raves: rants I guess are that I've been having a lot of pain/headaches, and unexplainable symptoms like extreme fatigue yesterday to the point that I had to go lie down and also had nausea. Chronic illnesses make things so confusing and I hate not being able to explain my symptoms away I also am trying so hard to not take any medication but sometimes the pain is too much and just trying not to feel guilty about it. Raves: DH is in town this week (or at least today) so I didn't have to try for morning BD today but hoping my new lingerie will entice him into some weeknight BD (sometimes it's difficult because there's dinner, then showering, then he usually has some stuff to do, and then either he or I or both of us are pretty tired lol). Also Rave: my OPK has darkened quite a bit today. And I took it in the morning, so I'm wondering if I can get away with just doing them in the morning instead of struggle bussing to concentrate and hold my pee later after I've drank a pot of tea plus 1-2 cups of green tea lol I'm going to do one or two more OPKs today regardless, to try to catch my surge

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?
I kind of love/hate this question. I have some internalized ableism and also have dealt with some external ableism such as "OMG what do you do all day?! I'd be so bored" when people find out that my illnesses make my body too unpredictable to do regular work. The thing is, I'm never bored and I feel like I'm often quite busy. A lot of time I spend meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. Taking care of the dogs, cleaning/taking care of the house, exercising, practicing my music (I might actually have a small gig coming up). Sometimes I get to visit some friends. I often have dr's appointments or have to run forms all over town lol I do definitely need some down time and rests throughout the day where I'll mobile Bump and watch a couple shows. And soon apparently I might be painting the other rooms in the house lol We also live about 30min from most places, at least, so when I have to go out, a lot of driving is involved lol Like when I borrow the jeep by taking DH to work, because it's so early sometimes I have to come all the way home to wait for places to open, then I have to go out and do all the things, then come home, and then go back out again to pick up DH when he's off work (which is always a different time) so some days involve 3hrs or more of commuting, which definitely takes a lot out of the day!!!
Anyways, sorry if this came off as me trying to prove that I don't sit on my ass all day lol It's just something I get defensive about sometimes because I'm not a lazy person and can't stand that some people think that when they hear I can't work

DungeonTrollMel

@chloe97 I am so sorry you are struggling night now. I don't know if it's normal, but I have lots of the same thoughts all the time. Guilt over not wearing lead around xrays, guilt over not trying, some days I feel like I am wih a stranger and this is a terrible idea. I have my worst freak outs after FE sex that maybe this is a terrible idea and now it's too late. Those usually spiral into "this is why you have lost your last 3" guilt. I don't know if it's all the hormones or that our minds know the worst now and there is no way to protect them. 

You are not alone in this and thank you for sharing it here

Aera11

@rainbowturtles the nurse said stomach/abdomen and showed me and said I could switch from left to right. I assumed it would be butt like the hcg but nope! And the Ovidrel is stomach too. Were you on Gonal F as well?

*edited for mobile typos 

ladipale

@dpjennifer - job interviews are so hard, especially phone interviews!
@TScalei - Yeah for your body figuring it out, but that is still a difficult process emotionally. Hugs
@DungeonTrollMel - long work weeks are yucky. I hope the medicated cycle does the trick for you!
@Aera11 - injections are not as bad as they sound.. I had to do 2 a day for 12 weeks at one point and got used to it.
@BitterBetty12 - when does your school year start back up?
@chloe97 - big hugs... did you and @BitterBetty12 see my latest response in the Friday post? Mental Health is such a struggle... I have lots and lots of resources I can share with you on ante-natal depression, anxiety and OCD. You will get through it.
@Kiki75 - the up and down emotions are the pits. hang in there. everything you are feeling is normal!

@rainbowturtles - no need to explain your days!


For me:

2. I'm on CD8 and WTO which will happen sometime this week.

3. Rants/Raves
Raves - I have to rave on my fabulous friends. My EDD is this week and I was so down about it last week, but little did I know that my friends are husband were conspiring and planning and yesterday when I woke up my husband came and told me that my friends were going to pick me up at 9:30... and they took me for a pedicure and out to lunch. And gave me an amazing and thoughtful gift. It was such a nice gesture and I'm not sure I've ever felt so loved or supported. 
Rants - I have to move offices and i"m not happy. will be sharing a big office with 5 others. ugh!

4 - I'm a college lecturer but only work 80% time. So most days I'm on campus about 6 hours a day - teaching classes, having meetings, office hours, etc. I workout in the late morning usually, do errands, pick up kids, etc. My husband works insane hours - 15 hours a day on average, with another 8 hours total on the weekend so after dinner he goes back to his office and I do chores and watch stupid TV, or once school is back in session, I'll do more work or grade papers, etc.

rainbowturtles

Oops a couple people posted while I was posting!

@BitterBetty12 I'm SO thrilled for you that you O'd at your normal time!!! And I hope your LP also lengthens and also excited for you this cycle

@chloe97 sorry you are suffering I do the guilt thing a lot, as I mentioned with medications, and then also with my illnesses...either passing them on or just not being able to do certain things some days (even tho I know I'll be a great mom and my child will never go without and even if something does get passed on, their lives will still very much be worth living because mine certainly is). I know I can't say anything that will make this better for you and I think your wise mind, if you're able to tap into it, is telling you you're being too hard on yourself but I know depression is a powerful thing so I guess  I'll just say to please hang in there  

@Kiki75 hugs to you and it makes sense that your hcg normalizing is incredibly bittersweet

ETA: Sorry if that was misleading @Aera11, I had to give myself injections for B12 and sometimes gravol or Benadryl for a while after my celiac diagnosis when my insides were still too damaged to do a good job of absorbing things

TScalei

@ladipale -what your friends did was so incredibly sweet!
@rainbowturles - no need to justify what you do and to me you sound quite busy and active. I hate it when people ask ques like that in a judging manner as well.
@chloe97 - I definitely feel the guilt thing. I feel so guilty about drinking right before I found out I was pg before this last lost that I am going to try to drastically cut down on drinking/ cut it out completely. Dealing with depression and anxious feeling about pg on top of all this is tough.

chloe97

@DungeonTrollMel Thank you. I really needed to hear that. And thank you @rainbowturtles @TScalei @ladipale it's so nice to hear that this guilt is not just mine alone. Two friend my age drank like fishes the month before they got pregnant and both are having healthy pregnancies. A few trips to wineries and breweries the month I ovulate aren't going to cause me another MC. I just get disappointed in myself because there is so little I can control in this process that I feel like I should at least control what I can- my alcohol intake. I have no desire to drink while pregnant, but for some reason giving up drinking before Im KU-d  is so hard for me! I think it's because it's been ugh a huge part of my social life!

roxgibbons

Hi all- catching up on the boards

@chloe97 I am so sorry you are struggling with all this. You certainly are not alone. I feel like I get easily overwhelmed and I second guess myself all the time, feel guilty about my loss.  As for the guilt part I drank and had myself a good time the month I conceived as I was told my chances were slim and needed procedures etc. Go figure, right? When I met with the RE a few weeks ago, we talked about my loss and he assured me it wasn't the glasses of wine I drank at the Christmas parties we went to. It's hard though, I get it.  I recently listened to a podcast about depression during TTCAL and infertility and it said to "feel all the feels." That really resonated with me, and it was a good reminder that we're experiencing grief and there are going to be good days and bad days and feeling the emotions is all part of the process. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon.

@ladipale what a group of awesome friends! That's really cool.
@dpjennifer I hope it all works out with the job interview. You never know! FX!
@DungeonTrollMel I second that on the progesterone suppositories They're super nasty and the side effects haven't been pleasant. I hope this is your cycle!
@Aera11 The injections weren't too bad. The first day was hard but then I got used to it. Excited for you and glad you are getting started.
@tscalei I'm glad your body is figuring things out and limbo is coming to an end. It's still hard though and my thoughts are with you
@rainbow turtles I am sorry you are struggling healthwise- I hope you feel better soon and get some relief.

2. TWW 5 dpiui

3. R/R. Rant: I've had a really bad reaction to the progesterone suppositories- my stomach has been messed up, major nausea, and my lady parts have not been feeling great. The Rave is I've started probitotics and started drinking Kombucha and there is a serious improvement in the symptoms so I am powering through.

4. I mostly work which takes up my time 5 days a week. I work for a global company and there are times of the year where is gets really busy and my hours get longer. Other than work I spend time with my family, workout, and like to try out new recipes in the kitchen.

amberruka

@dpjennifer FX for your interview! You just never know ;-) 
@DungeonTrollMel girl, where do you find the time?!
@ladiepale @BitterBetty12 @chloe97 and all others dealing with mental health issues currently, we are here for you. Anytime you need to vent, fire away. I wish you nothing but healing as we keep moving forward. 

2. WTO CD4

3. R/R: it's both. I turn 38 tomorrow. Didn't think I'd still be TTC. Last night we were at a music festival downtown and was listening to an Aussie band, I had a fleeting thought as to had I married my long-term Aussie BF (as that was a given at the time), we would have started having kids in our late 20s and early 30s, not this race against time I feel like DH and I have right now. But I didn't meet DH until my early/mid-30s, so this is the hand we are dealt and that we're going to play as best we can. And then I always think of Eleanor of Aquitaine, born in 1122 and had at least 3 children after the age of 40, including one of England's kings, born when she was 44. :-)

4. DH is working nights this week, so I have the run of PBS Roku stuff like Antiques Roadshow and any other girlie thing I want. Might watch The House Bunny. I can quote that movie like nobody's business. 

chloe97

@amberruka Hugs girl. I have the exact same thoughts all the time. I met my DH at 33. We were engaged at 35. Time has passed quickly and all of a sudden I'm 37 with a year of trying to have a child under our belts. Both my grandmas had babies in their 40s and their moms had babies in their 40s. I keep trying to remember that. 

dpjennifer

@BitterBetty12 Yay for normal ovulation time!  Glad you feel good about this cycle, and hope your LP holds up its end of the bargain!  LOL. 

@Chloe97 sorry you’re feeling depressed and upset.  I’ve actually recently reached out to my doctor for some help with depression.  This whole process sucks and I hope you start feeling better soon!

@DungeonTrollMel I can totally relate to the “am I really ready to have a child?  Will I be a good mother? And what if this ends up being another MC.  Those poor babies and how can I get through that.” and then the “This is why you lost the last 2” guilt!!!  It’s awful.  I want a baby so much and know that this is 100% what I want, but the guilt and fear and unknown really gets to me!

@rainbowturtles Glad we’re not the only ones who try for weeknight BD and both of us end up lying in bed thinking about how exhausted we are from a long day and how it’s late and we just want to sleep!  LOL.  Good luck with the lingerie enticements! 

@ladipale That was so nice of your friends and DH!  Glad you were able to have a nice day.  Sorry about the office sharing.

SoonToBeMommaHowe

Good morning ladies!

2. WTO, CD8

3. Rave - Shipyard pumpkinhead has been released! I have indulged in four beers since Saturday and they are sooooooo good. I basically gave up drinking in December of '14 when we got really serious about conceiving so 4 in a short span is craziness for me. 
Funny side story...last night I had two of said pumpkin beers and DH bet me that if he got final jeopardy right I'd give him a lap dance and I agreed to the bet (I am a terrible dancer and would not agree to that without a little buzz at least). He never gets final jeopardy but of course last night was an easy one and he got it so I gave my husband a strip tease/lap dance in our living room on a Monday night due to a bet over jeopardy!! Bahaha we are so old!

4. I play with/exercise my dog in the early AM, babysit and/or clean my house in the afternoons, workout and then craft and cook at night Its my third month of not being full time employed (I babysit btwn 12-20 hrs a week) and it takes some getting used to but I'm really starting to enjoy it. 

@ladipale what awesome friends you have 

@BitterBetty12 I know how fantastic normal ovulation feels so yay for you girl!!

And big hugs sent to everyone out there having a rough time this cycle

jdebaie

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): end of my TWW (10 dpo)

3. Rants/raves: I'm Anxiety Girl to the max this week. I know it's too early to test, but I find myself doing it anyways.  On top of that, we bought a new house this weekend (it happened very quickly and we weren't really on the market but it was a great deal in the neighborhood I grew up in).  So now I'm stressed about selling our house, moving, changing DD's school, and wondering if I'm pregnant. 

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? My work day is pretty long right now with my commute (although it will get much better with the move).  After work I pick up DD, we go home, I make dinner, and after I put her to bed I get some house stuff done and wait for DH to come home (he works late hours).  Then I go to bed and repeat!

DungeonTrollMel

@SoonToBeMommaHowe shipwreck has one of the best pumpkin beers. You enjoy the shit out of those 

SoonToBeMommaHowe

@DungeonTrollMel they are almost irresistible  I told DH I have like 6 more days and 8 beers left so don't criticize when I have one or more with dinner each night! 

fivetimesnoluck

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): Hi, ladies. Sticking my toe back in after hiding out for a bit. For others who are new, I have had five losses, no living children and am just gearing up for IUI #2 after taking a month off due to a cyst.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): CD 4, WTO.
Copied from my post on Waiting to O - Our last cycle was supposed to be an IUI but was cancelled due to a cyst. At the same time, DH is working to renovate our kitchen after a dishwasher leak ruined our floor. He is exhausted, so even though we were cleared to TTC on our own, there was no way he had the energy to BD after working all day and then working on the house each night. So, we took the month off and then CD 1 shows up on Saturday (about 5 days early) with a vengeance and awful cramps. (Thank you, cyst!)

3. Rants/raves: I am depressed and feeling defeated. I already had meds from the last month, so we are going to proceed with an IUI this month (had my CD 3 u/s yesterday and everything looked good). But if that doesn't work, we are going to explore Donor Egg IVF. I know most of you get the feeling, but I just wish we could catch a fucking break. The RPL/IF stuff has been going on since early 2013... I am just tired of it all.

On the flip side, my new kitchen is going to be pretty awesome.


4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? I work full time and am active in my Rotary club and a couple of others boards I serve. We try to socialize a good bit (@chloe97, I hear ya on the drinking as part of social life!), but lately we have just been working on the house and that suits just fine as I have kind of wanted to isolate myself as this funk carries on.

I have been lurking here and there and continue to cheer for each and every one of you. I am sorry there are so many new faces joining here, but as always am grateful that the place exists. Also, so very excited for our recent graduates @roper2617 and @lilylover27 and @BornReady and @silentP - I think that's it, if there are others I have overlooked, I apologize.

Thanks for reading the novel/saga that is my TTC life! xo

DungeonTrollMel

@fivetimesnoluck

RiverSong15

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):
MC#1 - December 2015 at 7 wks
MC#2 - April 2016 at 10wks (BO)

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):
Benched. I need to go get my Antiphospholipid antibodies retested - it's the only thing that came back slightly elevated, although not positive either. I just can't get myself to do it though. I need to retest my thyroid too, but I'm definitely in a "fuck it! What's the point?" kind of mood. I haven't even been taking my prenatals.

Between our losses, my mother's epic meltdown that has resulted in me cutting off all contact with her, my job stress, a new puppy who has been sick since we got him (first Giardia and now kennel cough), DH starting the application process for faculty jobs, my MILs health issues, and now my back issues, I feel like I just cannot even get it up enough to care about TTC right now. I KNOW that I care, really, but I'm just too exhausted most days to give a fuck about anything. We could desperately use a break, any break, pretty please.

I've also been a big old fence-sitter when trying to decide whether to see an RE about our two losses before TTC again. My city has an RPL specialist, which is rare, and I kind of want to just have a consult with her to discuss our test results and make sure my OB didn't miss any testing. I have hetero MTHFR, Hashimoto's and "maybe possibly but probably not" APS (according to my OB). I think we'd still try naturally one more time either way, but I think it would bring me peace of mind to have a consult and establish myself as a patient in case of a third loss? Pessimistic, I know. I get paralyzed when making decisions though, so I just feel like I'm in a giant hamster wheel these days. Running, running, running, and getting nowhere.

3. Rants/raves:
My rants came out above I guess. My rave is that my puppy is adorable! He loves to cuddle in the morning becuse he's a lazy bones. He'll only come out of the crate in the morning if I call him (not H), which I secretly love... He just wants to cuddle though, and it's clear that he views me as his cuddle-buddy and H as his play-buddy. It's not my fault H!

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?
Puppy, Puppy, work, puppy, work, puppy, TV:-) I'm hoping to get back to the gym once our pup is a little older and doesn't need a bathroom break every 4 hours.

RiverSong15

@SoontobeMommaHowe and @DungeonTrollMel - yes to all the pumpkin beer! I have a 4-pack of Dogfishhead Punkin in my fridge right now. This is the time of year when I starting longing for all things fall, including pumpkin beer. My city has an awesome Pumpkin Beerfest that has over 80 pumpkin beers all from craft breweries. Yum!

@chloe97 sorry you are struggling with anxiety and hypochondria. Hang in there, lady!

@BitterBetty12 - Yay for normal ovulation! I'm sure that's a great feeling!

@dpjennifer - I'm guessing your interview probably went better than you thought it did. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

@Aera11 Good luck with the injections today!

@brooklyngirl18 A beach weekend sounds awesome! I can't believe it's almost Labor Day!!

chloe97

@RiverSong15 I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate. I totally understand not caring about TTC. Struggling with mental health issues has caused me to consider putting it on the back burner too. As far as seeing an RE about RPL, I will tell you that outside of the encouraging bloodwork and reassurance about not having scarring, I wasn't too impressed with my RE visit. She offered me IVF + PGS and that was it. I felt like it was a sales job. She even admitted that me that my chance of live birth was exactly the same trying naturally after 2 MCs as it was with IVF+ PGS. Because of my high AMH, I would be at much greater risk of OHSS. This isn't to say IVF+PGS is off the table, but I'm not ready yet. If your insurance will pay for it, I don't think it would hurt to consult an RE to establish that relationship, but I'm not sure I would pay out of pocket. 

I think that you are doing the right thing by taking your time getting back into the TTC game. If I wasn't 37, I think I'd wait another 3-4 months. 

RiverSong15

Thanks @chloe97. That perspective helps. From everything I've read, there's not much middle ground between trying nautrally and IVF with PGS for RPL. Hearing your experience helps. I think I might want to talk to an RE specifically about the MTHFR and APS. My OB is in the camp that MTHFR is overblown and not a big deal at all. Other people on here are on methylated folate and avoiding all enriched foods. And if my APA results come back indeterminate again, I may want to talk to an RPL specialist about the benefits of aspirin vs lovenox. I don't think my insurance would cover lovenox, but I'd like to get a second opinion on whether it would help.

Ugh. I'm horrible at making decisions. I really feel like waiting a few more months until things calm down a bit would be helpful, but the idea of my first EDD rolling around *again* without having a baby is tough. We'd need to try in October to have a chance of having a rainbow before my EDD comes around again, but that feels really soon. I just hate that life has knocked us on our asses like this.

fivetimesnoluck

@RiverSong15 I totally get the space you're in right now. I am sorry for how much you have going on. The additional challenges can feel like such a cruel joke at this stage of the game.

As far as seeing an RE, I think if you have someone who specializes in RPL, you should definitely check it out. That's the only reason I ended up seeing one and why it took so long for us to - because ours is an RPL specialist but is semi-retired and was not taking new patients. He offered our OB consultation after our third loss, but it wasn't until DH happened to meet the RE by sheer chance and introduce himself that the Doc offered us an appointment. I never thought that a traditional RE would be worth the trouble when we previously never had trouble TTC. I know a lot of them are just there to push IVF, but using mine as an example - he is extremely interested and focused on improving our egg quality to help prevent another loss and his approach has been different than what I hear most patients of traditional REs discuss. So, I think it is totally worth it since you have access to someone with that specialty.

They could be crap and it's possible that it could be a waste of time, but you won't know until you go.

As for the MTHFR, a genetic specialist we saw assured me with 110% certainty (her words) that a homo MTHFR mutation was not the cause of our repeated losses (and we saw her after #4). I still think taking methyl-folate instead of folic acid is a good idea and I know there are a variety of opinions out there on it, so I thought I would share one more!

A friend of mine had 3 or 4 losses and then was finally diagnosed with APS and just delivered a healthy baby girl on July 25 after 9 months of Lovenox.

I know it's exhausting. I encourage you to pursue all the information you can acquire and find a protocol or a plan that you are comfortable with before making any more decisions. It makes a huge difference to feel armed with all the info! We are all rooting for you.

ETA: Just re-read your comment and you are hetero, I was homozygus, so disregard!

2fitBees

*TW- loss mentioned*

1. I am a 25 year old ENFJ with a type A personality. I have had 2 pregnancies since the winter of 2014, both missed MC. I have endured loss, but I am whole.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): DH and I not preventing in any way, but I am not tracking either. We have decided to focus on other things in our lives and each other, rather than stress about timing. I know from an app when I am ovulation, but that's about as far as I track. I have decided to give it until Spring of 2017 before I begin tracking/timing.

3. Rants/raves: RANT- I hate this boppy ad (below). I just keep looking at it and thinking of how insensitive and ignorant it is.

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with? DH and I have been filling our week with family lately- we are currently working on a home renovation project with my in laws. We also try to visit my family (2 hours away) each chance we get. Between full time jobs and that, that is about as full as I want my week right now.

DungeonTrollMel

@2fitBees those ads are terrible. We can message the bump gods and get them changed 

RiverSong15

Thanks for the info @fivetimesnoluck! It's good to hear that your doc thinks homozygous MTHFR isn't a big deal. It helps so much to have a place here to vent and get info from knowledgable folks!

TScalei

@RiverSong15 - I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. This process is so overwhelming and there are so many things you have to do/ call about/follow up,on etc.and most of the time you don't want to deal with it. After my second mc I have made an appt with an RE for September to do RPL testing. I haven't had any testing done yet and i am bypassing my Drs office ( who I'm not happy with definitely switching drs) and going straight to a specialist. I feel like if there is one little thing a specialist can offer that will prevent me from going through this again it's worth it for me. Fx you are feeling a bit better soon!

Hopefulmommy1980

2. Benched until the 20th! That will be three month since the methotrexate and the same day I see the fertility specialist. 

3. It has felt like forever since we were able to try. I am excited for the appointment with the specialist but also have this fear that they will tell me I will never be able to have a baby. I have been thinking about that a lot and it makes me really sad. i have been feeling extra anxious lately. But fingers crossed all will go well

4. I have been working extra hours. Once I get home I like to chill and watch tv. Need to workout more.

hugs to all you ladies

RiverSong15

Thanks for the support ladies. I don't think I realized how much of a funk I was in until i started writing it all down. Thanks for listening to my rants.

@2fitbees - that ad is rather tasteless in general, and particularly so on a TTCAL board.

@HopefulMommy1980 - yay for being off the bench soon! I hope your appt with the specialist goes well and that you don't spend too much time hanging around here afterwards

dpjennifer

@RiverSong15 After my second loss, I talked to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist.  It was just a consult type of appointment, but I found it very comforting to know what my next possible steps were either way.  She also told me what I should/should not do before meeting with an RE (like what tests would be a waste of money if I had them done before I had an RE, because the RE would probably want to do those tests themselves and I’d have to do them a second time).

rainbowturtles

I apologize for not remembering the screen name at the moment but I know it's someone's EDD today and I wanted to say you're in my thoughts Take care of yourself today

PleaseSendPicklesNow

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):
Bookworm, homebody, knitter, interior design lover, DIY person, and cocktail snob. Our son died very recently, when he was 3 weeks old, from respiratory failure caused by a rare genetic disorder. Because of my age, we would like to have another baby as soon as safely possible. Emphasis on SAFELY. I am new to this world and its acronyms, but learning quickly. 

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):
Benched until January. Recovering from a c-section. My milk is still drying up. Milk but no baby is heartbreaking.

3. Rants/raves:
My friends and family have been wonderful and hugely supportive. Friends bought food, books, wine, flowers, and hugs. Mom came over and packed up the nursery before we came home from the Children's Hospital. Dad maintained our yard while we away for our son's care. My sister watched our dogs. We've been lucky; not everyone gets so much love and support.

4. GTKY: What does everyone fill their week day time with?
I'm still figuring that out. I'd planned to be a SAHM, because we knew our son would have special needs. Now my days are wide open and empty. I sleep in, keep house, work in the yard, run errands, read about genetics and the disease that killed our son, knit, and try to respond to the dozens of messages we received after his birth.

rainbowturtles

All the hugs to you @PleaseSendPicklesNow I can't even imagine what you are going through but hoping we can offer some comfort and support