TGIF Check-in 8/26

DungeonTrollMel

How has this not been started yet? I am falling down on my job lately. 

What's going on this weekend?

Any exciting plans? Who's sexing? Who's testing? We obviously need to know all the intimate details of your life around here 

chloe97

I've been on vacation all week. It's been amazing. We've done the beach, wineries, checking out the cute shops in southwest Michigan.Our good friends get here today, so the drinking will probably pick up a bit. I'm still WTO, but I had promised myself that I'd cut out the coffee and alcohol while WTO because it messes with egg quality. Of course, here I am on my second cup of coffee dreaming about a Bloody Mary. Sigh. 

 Thinking this may be a sign to skip this cycle.

DungeonTrollMel

@chloe97 my first question to DH this morning was if I could have a cup of decaf coffee now that the egg(s) is on the move. It's just so hard to stay away 

roxgibbons

So happy it's Friday!! 

Super busy weekend ahead with family stuff. We have a dinner tomorrow night at my brother's house with his in laws and a bunch of other relatives. I'm in TWW so no booze for me so I'll have to be a little stealth about it and avoid questions. Other than that just waiting it out. 

I love my coffee so I just do one cup or if I'm out getting coffee I do a half caf. I just can't give it up comepletely right now. 

@chloe97 you vacation sounds awesome and relaxing! 

lilylover27

Yay Friday!

Busy weekend here! Saturday we have my BIL birthday BBQ and then Sunday we have out nephew's baptism! DH and I are the godparents! Then we are going over for a little BBQ after that as well. Testing probably this evening and tomorrow morning because of said birthday party on Saturday, only 9dpo today though so who knows!

@chloe97 your vacation sounds amazing and perfect! DH and I are taking off the rest of the week after labor day and plan to just go to the beach every day! I haven't been able to avoid coffee, I know I should try but I am a complete zombie without at least one cup in the morning!
@roxgibbons sounds like we both have family packed weekends!
 

brooklyngirl18

@chloe97 your vacation sounds so fun! i really want to hit up the wineries soon if this month is a bust.
@roxgibbons and @DungeonTrollMel coffee withdrawal is the worst! I actually completely lost my taste for coffee during my previous pregnancies but i had wicked withdrawal. I switched to tea instead, definitely not the same but i needed a little something most days.
@lilylover27 sounds like a fun packed weekend. fx for your testing!

Happy fridayyyyyy! I finally got a +opk this morning so there will be BD tonight for sure. Tomorrow I go pick up my new car woohoo!! and Sunday we have a wedding. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

ladipale

Not much happening in ng with me this weekend. Trying to stay busy to keep my mind off my 9/1 die date and still empty utetus...

I am going to a fundraiser dinner with a friend on a farm tomorrow which should be fun and beautiful- except I'm on day 19 of a whole 30 so no wine for me!

FW starts on sunday

dpjennifer

@DungeonTrollMel Well count me in for sexing!  EWCM is going strong, so probably O either today or next few days.  BD weekend it is!

@Chloe97 That vacation sounds amazing!  Glad that you’re enjoying your trip!

@lilylover27 Enjoy the baptism and party.

As stated above, I am in the sexing party as I should enter the TWW by Monday!  Other than that, maybe we’ll go see a movie.  Hopefully we can get some things done around the house and also find time to relax.

TScalei

@chloe97 - your vacation sounds great!

@lilylover27 - enjoy the baptism and congrats on being the godmother!
@ladipale -  Im sorry about the approaching EDD. I hope you have fun at the fundraiser dinner. Sounds so pretty at a farm.

Im still waiting to mc naturally ( 2 weeks but who's counting). So that makes weekend plans difficult. Really hoping I start to at least show signs of a mc this weekend to put this behind me and start moving forward. Either way it will be nice low key weekend which is what I need right now.

SoonToBeMommaHowe

Hey ladies! It's a kiddie bday party for me for the second weekend in a row. Somehow DH has managed to weasel his way out of both princess parties. 
I'm sitting at CD4 so nothing really going on here. Should O in about 2 weeks so action should pick up next week. 

All you coffee crazies, lol. I've still never even had a cup, 32 years and going strong. 

Sorry about the upcoming EDD @ladipale. I really struggled with mine last October, it's not easy. Hope the fundraiser dinner is a good distraction.

@TScalei so sorry you're still waiting. I hope you get out of limbo in he near future.

amberruka

@ladiepale I hope the dinner is a nice distraction for you.
@TScalei I'm sorry you have to wait so long, I hope you are able to move forward soon.
@chloe97 for my 2 cents on the coffee thing, I started making 1/2 decaf 1/2 regular at home and fill it up that way at the 7-11. Took some getting used to, but I'm definitely not so tired in the afternoon trying to see patients. And on weekends DH and I don't walk around the house like we have tics, ha ha. 

Call today and Monday, have to go in later to do some military contract physicals (helicopter repair guys going to Afghanistan, usually pretty healthy and cute, ha ha), but off Sat and Sun. Going to a drag show Sat night which I'm totally excited for (used to go to drag queen bingo when I lived in Atlanta and miss that). Apparently the main act here is the oldest or oldest-running drag queen and in the Guiness Book, so I'm sure she's good at what she does! BFN last night so looks like I'll be imbibing this weekend....and on my birthday on Tuesday....onwards and upwards. 

Edit: she is the oldest drag queen performer at 85 years old. Day-yum.

BitterBetty12

@chloe97 So glad to hear you are enjoying vacation! I have also cut out coffee and alcohol. I caved and had decaf a couple of times but other than that I'm doing alright. If I had been on vacation though, that may have been a different story!

@brooklyngirl18 The headaches I got from the caffeine withdrawal were no joke! At least I'm pretty sure that's what they were. I gave in a couple times in the beginning and had some caffeine with tylenol to make them go away. But then I realized that was just going to prolong the issue. Also your weekend sounds awesome! Enjoy.

@lilylover27 FX for when you test!!

@dpjennifer Get it girl 

@TScalei I am so sorry you are still in limbo physically 

@ladipale So sorry about your upcoming EDD. I think staying busy is a good plan.

I do have some fun plans this weekend. Sexing because my OPK yesterday was pretty ambiguous (negative, but really close to +) and I now have no idea if I'm going to ovulate today or anytime soon. Dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while. And a BBQ with friends tomorrow at our apartment.

All of that being said, I'm a little bit on the struggle bus today, so please skip the rest of this post if you are having a rough TTCAL day. I just need to vent a little.

I deal with anxiety that can get pretty bad. The worst thing for me is too much time on my hands. As a teacher, this makes summer particularly difficult. Considering I suffered my loss right before summer started, I am generally really proud of myself for how well I did this summer. I made sure to keep my mind busy and always have something to do. Honestly, being on TB helped a lot because it filled the downtime that I would have spent with absolutely nothing to do otherwise. So for that, I am thankful.

Now that it's getting to be time for school to start up again, I've felt my anxiety creep back in slowly. It's a combination of being upset that my body is not doing what I want / need it to do in order to be able to conceive again, all of the free time I've had in the last two weeks, and the overall anxiety of knowing school is starting and worrying about everything that goes along with that.

The last two mornings I woke up just feeling panicked, and that is kind of my tell-tale sign that is going to be a bad anxiety day. I've been trying to keep my mind busy but it isn't working. I've been on the verge of tears all day long. I have fun plans for tonight and this weekend, but I'm not really even looking forward to them. What I've found to be a new really horrible thing that my anxiety does post loss is make me fixate on my loss instead of whatever is causing the anxiety. It's almost like anytime I feel sad now (for any reason) the loss automatically pops into my head and makes it even worse.

I did such a good job at the beginning of this cycle to not fixate on what my body would or wouldn't do and when it would do it. But after being so sure yesterday that my OPK would go + and I would have a normal O for the first time since like March, having that letdown really made me spiral a bit today. I need to find a way to make it so that my own emotions aren't tied so tightly to TTC, but I feel like that's an impossible task.

Aera11

@chloe97 OMG, I want a BLOODY.MARY.NOW.  That sounds a-mazing.  

oh gosh, I am so sorry @TScalei.  I remember that even though I had a D&C, I still had 10 days in-between and I always felt like I needed to plan out every scenario if I left the house.  

As for me, my Friday is off to a great start  AF arrived, thank god.  I was expecting to have to do Provera again, which is easily an extra 14 days added on...so so thankful she came on her own.  DH and I got up early and went to the zoo.  Our zoo just had a baby giraffe and there is a new penguin exhibit he hadn't seen yet, so we got there before the chaos.  Then brunch after and we went to pick up our car that was at the dealer and there was NO charge.  Beyond thankful for that as well, since we were looking at about $900...woof.  Now I am just waiting to hear about my injections so I can get them shipped before Monday.  I am hoping they can give me the discount today so they can get mailed today, but if not, we'll pay full price and I guess that is okay since we didn't have to pay for the car too.

Tomorrow nothing until a birthday dinner with a bunch of friends/couples.  I am debating about whether I should drink or not...  I am not much of a drinker as of late, so one glass of wine would probably be okay.  

Hope y'all have a great weekend too!

TScalei

Im sorry @bitterbetty12. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you other than that I hope tomorrow is a better day and that you are able to enjoy your weekend plans. Fx that once you are out and about you get distracted and forget about everything for a little bit.

ladipale

@BitterBetty12 - I have pretty awful anxiety as well. It is so much worse when I'm pregnant. (I also had antenatal OCD which was a real joy... not). And, I'm also a teacher (professor) so I totally feel you on the summer downtime stuff. My loss was in March and because of finals and spring break I ended up with a month off after the loss. Once spring quarter started I was so busy, it was so awesome. i taught the hell out of my class. Poured all my anxious energy into my students and it really paid off... I kept pretty busy this summer with my 2 kids and a 3 week vacation but now my kids are back in school and I have 4 more weeks until I start back up. Its really really really hard. Plus the due date next week doesn't help.

Anyway - you are so not alone. Lately I've been playing a totally ridiculous game on my iPhone to help keep me distracted. I do that instead of googling stuff. Its the Disney Emoji game if you are looking for something...

Sending you big creepy internet ghost hugs.

brooklyngirl18

@BitterBetty12 big hugs, i'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your anxiety.  I don't have a history of anxiety but this whole process has definitely caused many anxious moments for me so I can't even imagine how tough it is when it's already something you deal with. I hope school starting can occupy your mind while your body does it's thing and gets back on track. 

brooklyngirl18

@Aera11 I'm so glad AF started!! the zoo sounds so fun, I think I might head to the zoo this weekend also. We have a membership and go fairly often, it's so relaxing if you can get in there before the crazy starts.

rainbowturtles

@BitterBetty12 and @TScalei

rainbowturtles

Well, I'm entering my FW and DH is home so let the BDing commence! 

Going to a BBQ at DH's workplace today. I'm DDing and have to bring my own food (because celiac disease) so not super fun for me but hopefully will still be a good time.

No other firm plans for the weekend (aside from HIO ) -- that I know of, anyways.

BitterBetty12

@TScalei @ladipale @brooklyngirl18 @rainbowturtles Thank you ladies so much  After writing that and a nice long cry I feel a bit better now. It's just a bad day. And I know they will get better again. I do think going back to work will help me a lot. I appreciate all of your kind words though. I really needed them today.

Aera11

@brooklyngirl18 it is so nice, especially with this weather!  We have a membership too and it's nice because we can pop in like today for an hour and a half and not feel like we need to be there all day to get our moneys worth.  DH and I both love zoos/aquariums and try to go if we're in a new city.

@rainbowturtles I love those monkeys Happy BDing and HIO!  I still think 'HIO' is hilarious every time I see it.

I just found out we are getting 25% off my meds, so that is better than nothing.

chloe97

@BitterBetty12 and @ladipale I'm also a sister in anxiety. I mentioned on the weekly checkin that my hypochondria is out of control these days. I've been better the last 3 days, but for about 4-5 days I was down a really dark hole. It's a combination anxiety, obsession, and depression where I'm fixated on a type of cancer that I must have- this time it was pancreatic cancer-which is super deadly. Damn Dr Google. I had horrible anxiety about 2-3 months after my last MC and here I am again. I'm not sure why I was able to be fine for 6-8 weeks after my MC, but to have this horrible meltdown now that my body is starting to normalize. It's counterintuitive. 

Im not sure if either of you are on or have considered medication, I was on Zoloft for 10 years and went off about 2 years ago in prep for TTC. Now I'm wondering if any rainbow baby and I would be better off on it. I had made an appt with a psychiatrist about a month after my last loss, but of course I was feeling great so I canceled it. At the very least, I know I need a therapist that specializes in hypochondria as a manifestation on grief/loss and anxiety disorders associated with MC and pregnancy.

I hear you @BitterBetty12 about needing to stay busy. I'm on vacation, but have been checking work email and I'm actually thrilled that my next week looks to be insanely busy. No time to google every small pain I have. 

Maybe I will start a monthly check-in for those of dealing with TTCAL anxiety where we can share tips on how we are managing our anxious thoughts and behaviors and support each other? Sending hugs your way.

BitterBetty12

@chloe97 I remember talking to you before about suffering with anxiety and hypochondria. My anxiety is very obsessive as well. My actual diagnoses is OCD that manifests mostly as obsessions with some compulsions, but not the stereotypical ones. I also would fixate on having cancer. Usually for me it's lymphoma. My obsession was worrying about having it and my compulsion was to obsessively feel the bumps on my body until I could either convince myself for a moment that I was fine, or get worried enough to talk to my H, or go to the doctor (that one rarely happened). My post loss hypochondria is actually focused more on issues with my body as far as reproduction is concerned. And I'm obsessing about if/when I'm going to ovulate, all of my test results, etc. it's tough. I also made an appointment post loss and cancelled it because I was feeling better. I managed to make most of the summer pass without incident. But now it's bad again. I was on Zoloft but it's been a long time. It did help me a lot though. 

I think a monthly check in like you are suggesting would be really good. It seems there are a lot of us who struggle with anxiety, and I know for me personally being able to talk about it always helps at least a little. 

Dr. Google is the absolute worst. I'm glad to hear your week back to work is busy!

ladipale

@chloe97 and @BitterBetty12 - so right with both of you! My anxiety manifests as OCD as well. I could tell you a horrific obsession I had during my first pregnancy but I'll spare you for now. Also been plagued by intrusive thoughts after my first two babies..

I am currently on 100 mg of zoloft. I first went on zoloft after my first was born... went off to prep to TTC with my 2nd and did OK. Restarted a few weeks before she was born and stayed on it but fell off about a year ago. During my last pregnancy I was a mess. I had an SCH and was spotting and bleeding for 6 weeks (that did not cause my loss!) so my OB and therapist and husband and I decided to go back on zoloft - started at 50 mg. Increased to 100 after my loss and I'm planning to stay on that at least until my first tri is over with my next future pregnancy.

I also currently obsess about getting pregnant and about possible complications. Staying busy sure does help. My other own body obsession deals with my heart. I'm convinced I'm going to have a heart attack.

Anyway - happy to do a check in or take or check-ins offline via email if that may be better?