Just curious how long doctors recommended waiting before giving their blessing on a future pregnancy for those of you with >20 week losses. Wondering how much it depends on the reason for loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister lost her son at 1 week old due a hospital accident after he was born at 28 weeks. She was told to wait 6 weeks, which is standard for a vaginal delivery, to be cleared for sex. Her rainbow daughter was born at full term, 13 months to the day after his birth.
Having been through my own early loss, I found he biggest challenge was getting my body back on board. It definitely took me a few months for conditions in my body to even be possible to conceive/sustain a pregnancy.
@PabloAndChristine I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried twins at 18.5 weeks, so not exactly >20, but I was far along enough to have to go through L&D (no D&C though). My OB said two full cycles before TTC but my body said no way. My cycles were irregular for a little over a year post-MC and I'm are just getting back on track now.
What was your doctors recommendation??
DH - 34, Me - 32 Married 7/13 TTC #1 since 10/13 BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15 IUI #1 2/25/16
Thanks for your replies @SoonToBeMommaHowe and @BornReady (somehow missed than anyone answered me even tho I was eager to hear!)
My doctor said he wanted me to wait 6 months. I just feel like that is a very long wait time if I feel physically and emotionally ready. It's been 2 1/2 months, I've had 1 regular cycle and am anticipating another in a couple days (seems like I ovulated on schedule last week). While we are by no means "over" losing our baby girl (I don't we ever should or will be "over" losing her) I do think we are both emotionally ready and desire to try to conceive again.
My story in a nut shell from a very medical/physical standpoint is that after 6 weeks of home and hospital bed rest for incompetent cervix with advanced dilation we lost the baby at almost 25 weeks when I developed chorioamnionitis (infection in my uterus) and went into septic shock. I was very sick in intensive care for 4 days, in the hospital about 3 days, and at our baby's funeral the next day I was still so sick and weak from bedrest I couldnt stand without support. I did physical therapy and now I'm happy to say I "graduated" from therapy and am already able to run a mile!
My Doctor basically said he wanted me to wait that long because I got so sick and because it wasn't an early loss. So since I feel like I really have recovered well I'm wondering if it really is important to wait. I know my doctor personally from work and so I'm also not sure if he's being extra cautious since he knows me so well. We absolutely don't want to do anything to put me or our future babies at risk, but we are eager to grow our family.
I was told to wait at least one cycle after losing my son at 22 weeks, the only reason being dating. But after my third loss, another little boy I loss at 17 weeks, I was benched until they ran some tests so it really depends on a number of things; your doctor, the reason you experience loss if it can be determined or not. Hope that helps.
I'm 29, husband is 30 Together since 2006 Married 01.17.15
So glad he gave you the thumbs up! May I ask what you told him that caused him to change his advice? I'm also waiting to be unbenched, and I've received conflicting advice. A midwife told us we can try again 3 months after delivery, as long as I'm willing to have another c-section, but a high risk OB told us to wait at least 6 months.
Waiting is very depressing.
Backstory: Our son was born at 42 weeks. He was delivered by emergency c-section due to a placental abruption. A week after birth, I was rehospotalized with postpartum preeclampsia.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow Im so sorry for your loss. It's hard to even believe sometimes what we have gone through, but it's good to hear you desiring to try again too!
The thing with me is that I was so very sick (God knows what He's doing-if I hadn't already been in the hospital on bedrest I very well could have died before I got to the hospital, I was that sick that quick). When I had my follow up visit 5 weeks later I was a lot better but everything was still so fresh for everyone of course. That's when he said 6 months. I haven't seen high risk since delivery, but I'd be curious to hear what they thought of my particular situation. The other thing I do think played a role is that I actually knew my doctor before he was my doctor (we've worked together) so I think it was more personal when I got so sick, and you tend to be more cautious (right or wrong) when it's personal.
I basically just said we felt ready to try again (at 4 months) and wanted his blessing. I told him I was physically feeling back to myself including running 1 1/2 miles and that I've had 3 normal cycles. I think that helped to hear. If i were you I would absolutely trust a high risk doctor over a midwife about trying again (nothing against midwives, just knowing who has more expertise and knowledge), but I also wouldn't see harm in asking a different high risk doctor. I don't know how much the csection makes a difference, but what the midwife said doesn't make a ton of sense to me because csections aren't determined by how long you've waited between pregnancies.
I hope you have your rainbow baby as soon as possible after it's safe!
Thank you! That sounds terrifying, getting sick so quickly. I'm glad you were in the right place when it happened. And I'm glad you've been given the green light once again. That must be a great feeling. It's been harrowing for us, but we loved being parents for the short time our little guy was with us. He showed us that it will be so worth it to keep trying.
We agree that after all that's happened, it's smarter to follow advice from a high risk OB. I'm just not sure I can make it that long! The difference is only 3 months, but every day without hope makes the grieving so much harder.
The OB and midwife agreed on one thing: If I get pregnant before April, I'd be required to deliver by scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. They don't let women do VBACs here if there are less than 18 months between births, due to the risk of uterine rupture. And I am totally fine with that. I just want a healthy baby and a safe delivery.
I know how hard it is to move forward, and best of luck to you, too.
Oh well that makes a lot of sense. At the hospital where I work and most community hospitals they are very selective about VBAC. My daughter was breech until before she died. I like to think that was the last little gift she gave me before she went to heaven.
Now that we have the green light to have another baby the anxiety is welling up a little, but I know exactly what you mean about how hard it is to wait. I know that we will never be (and never want to be) "over her", but I do think giving her a little brother or sister will be so healing even beyond our desire to have kids. Since we never would have know about my cervix before I got pregnant with her, I like to think she will be helping us have more children (because we can hopefully prevent it now) and that's another big gift she will be giving our family.
Re: Wait time after late term loss?
Having been through my own early loss, I found he biggest challenge was getting my body back on board. It definitely took me a few months for conditions in my body to even be possible to conceive/sustain a pregnancy.
Wishing you well.
What was your doctors recommendation??
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16
My doctor said he wanted me to wait 6 months. I just feel like that is a very long wait time if I feel physically and emotionally ready. It's been 2 1/2 months, I've had 1 regular cycle and am anticipating another in a couple days (seems like I ovulated on schedule last week). While we are by no means "over" losing our baby girl (I don't we ever should or will be "over" losing her) I do think we are both emotionally ready and desire to try to conceive again.
My story in a nut shell from a very medical/physical standpoint is that after 6 weeks of home and hospital bed rest for incompetent cervix with advanced dilation we lost the baby at almost 25 weeks when I developed chorioamnionitis (infection in my uterus) and went into septic shock. I was very sick in intensive care for 4 days, in the hospital about 3 days, and at our baby's funeral the next day I was still so sick and weak from bedrest I couldnt stand without support. I did physical therapy and now I'm happy to say I "graduated" from therapy and am already able to run a mile!
My Doctor basically said he wanted me to wait that long because I got so sick and because it wasn't an early loss. So since I feel like I really have recovered well I'm wondering if it really is important to wait. I know my doctor personally from work and so I'm also not sure if he's being extra cautious since he knows me so well. We absolutely don't want to do anything to put me or our future babies at risk, but we are eager to grow our family.
Sorry so long! I guess I just needed to clarify.
Together since 2006
Married 01.17.15
BFP #2: 4.14.16 CP: 4.17.16
BFP #3: 6.10.2016 CP: 6.17.16
RE appt: 6.27.2016- saline sono all clear
Progenity: + carrier Tay-Sachs, Gaucher's, hemachromatosis. DH: carrier Alpha 1 anti-trypsin
PCOS, hypothyroid, MTHFR, hx of LEEP in 2006
Clomid + TI Cycle #1: 50mg Trigger 8.24.2016- BFN
Clomid 75mg + IUI#1 9.25.2016- BFP #4 10/6
Beta #1 15 Beta #2 38 Beta #3- 71 beta #4 171 Beta # 5- 21 Natural MC 10/21
HSG- clear
IVF Jan 2017
Egg Retrieval 1.22.17: 32 eggs retrieved,29 mature, 24 fertilized, 14 to blastocyst for biopsy
PGS results: 4 PGS normal 2 XX, 2 XY
FET: 3.13.2017 for 2 PGS embryos
Beta#1: 3.24.2017......... 78; Beta # 2 241; Beta #3 4198
Baby BOY due 11.29.2017
Waiting is very depressing.
Backstory: Our son was born at 42 weeks. He was delivered by emergency c-section due to a placental abruption. A week after birth, I was rehospotalized with postpartum preeclampsia.
Im so sorry for your loss. It's hard to even believe sometimes what we have gone through, but it's good to hear you desiring to try again too!
The thing with me is that I was so very sick (God knows what He's doing-if I hadn't already been in the hospital on bedrest I very well could have died before I got to the hospital, I was that sick that quick). When I had my follow up visit 5 weeks later I was a lot better but everything was still so fresh for everyone of course. That's when he said 6 months. I haven't seen high risk since delivery, but I'd be curious to hear what they thought of my particular situation. The other thing I do think played a role is that I actually knew my doctor before he was my doctor (we've worked together) so I think it was more personal when I got so sick, and you tend to be more cautious (right or wrong) when it's personal.
I basically just said we felt ready to try again (at 4 months) and wanted his blessing. I told him I was physically feeling back to myself including running 1 1/2 miles and that I've had 3 normal cycles. I think that helped to hear. If i were you I would absolutely trust a high risk doctor over a midwife about trying again (nothing against midwives, just knowing who has more expertise and knowledge), but I also wouldn't see harm in asking a different high risk doctor. I don't know how much the csection makes a difference, but what the midwife said doesn't make a ton of sense to me because csections aren't determined by how long you've waited between pregnancies.
I hope you have your rainbow baby as soon as possible after it's safe!
We agree that after all that's happened, it's smarter to follow advice from a high risk OB. I'm just not sure I can make it that long! The difference is only 3 months, but every day without hope makes the grieving so much harder.
The OB and midwife agreed on one thing: If I get pregnant before April, I'd be required to deliver by scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. They don't let women do VBACs here if there are less than 18 months between births, due to the risk of uterine rupture. And I am totally fine with that. I just want a healthy baby and a safe delivery.
I know how hard it is to move forward, and best of luck to you, too.
Now that we have the green light to have another baby the anxiety is welling up a little, but I know exactly what you mean about how hard it is to wait. I know that we will never be (and never want to be) "over her", but I do think giving her a little brother or sister will be so healing even beyond our desire to have kids. Since we never would have know about my cervix before I got pregnant with her, I like to think she will be helping us have more children (because we can hopefully prevent it now) and that's another big gift she will be giving our family.