don't want mil to babysit

JuneBaby1984

Hi ladies...
I am thinking there has to be others in the sam situation. I don't feel Comfortable with my mil babysitting. I realize she raised two sons..but that was 32 years ago and after hearing stories of those children driving cars into neighbors yards when 3 years old and falling into pools i feel them surviving may have been through luck. I am also a little worried she may be starting to suffer from some dementia as she forgot her own sons middle name and birthday and repeats questions and things over and over. Last night she asked (well told me) that next week she is going to babysit while I go grocery shopping.  I tried to avoid the conversation but was thinking maybe if go for a run on a trail near their house and be back in 30 min...but then she is holding baby sitting on the fireplace down low to the ground. I suggested she please sit in a chair as my brother In law had his bitey dog over and I was worried as he had been trying to jump up at baby when ppl were standing and holding him.  She said "no its fine"..sure enough 5 mind later the dog bit my babies foot when she wasn't paying attention..now I feel bad for not forcing the chair issue. He just stole his sock luckily as it was loose but could have been his face. I am prob going to say I dot feel Comfortable with it and blame it on my anxiety and just say "pH sorry I'm over protective and crazy". She is prob gonna be mad as my mom babysits all the time..however she is amazing at it.  Shea certified in infant lifesaving and cpr  and also has a lot of anxiety and can spot a hazard a mile away...it's awesome haha. .it's spoiled and have too high babysitting standards maybe.  What would you guys do? And if love to listen to mil rants as mine is driving me nuts. 

bankssl1

My MIL is absolutely crazy, (Grandma Shower lady)... I could go on and on for days about her! However, I don't feel like my baby is not safe when he is with her. I don't blame you at all for not wanting MIL to watch your babe. You need to feel like he is safe with whomever is watching him!

lm45678

I haven't even let my MIL meet my daughter yet for a whole myriad of issues. Luckily my husband enforces it which makes it easier for me. Can you have your husband explain to his mom that you don't feel comfortable leaving baby with anyone but him and your mom yet? 

How. often do you see her? Can you just go to the grocery store and say you forgot? That won't work long term but may get you off the hook this time.

laurendiaz02

I feel the same way!  My mom lives with us and I trust her 100% with my son, but my husband's mom is a different story.  My husband has a younger brother (10 year age gap) and she let him do whatever he wanted -- like ride his bike to a friends house (in another apartment complex) when he wasn't even 7 years old and let him play rated M video games. I just don't agree with her parenting style so she hasn't watched him. She has come over to visit our son but that's about it. 

adiaz132003

I'm the other way around bit I believe it still applies.  I know my mom would keep him alive but she thinks she knows everything cause she's had two kids.  I only trust my MIL to babysit right now and I think that pisses my mom off.  She smokes too so the one time I asked "hey can you watch him while I drop the dog at the vet?" She said I'd have to bring him to her house... Ok make my 30 min errand into a two hour ordeal, fine but I have rules and my big one with her is NO SMOKING WHILE WITH MY BABY. I reminded her that as this was an emergency, I'll let her watch him but she has to promise not to smoke.  That woman said she can't make such a promise and accused me of picking on her, that I let other people do whatever they want to my son but she has to follow all these rules.  Um, no Mom, you're just the only person I know that smokes and I told you this rule when I found out I was pregnant so yeah.  I ended up calling a friend to be an extra set of hands and hold my dog and I just brought Preston to the vet with us.  

kristinamarie10

I totally understand. My MIL likes to think she knows everything about babies and was the perfect mother. The other day DD had the hiccups and she suggested giving her water...plus I know the first nearly 5 years with her son she needed live in help because she couldn't handle taking care of him by herself. She just told us she's been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Yes I bet watching the baby could make her happy, but God forbid she gets fussy and cries for an hour straight...maybe once DD is older it will be fine, but for now our excuse is that she lives father away than the other grandparents. 
I'm sorry I know it's stressful!!

egirl1025

In my husband's culture it is expected that his mother come and live with us to take care of the children when they are born since he is the oldest son.  My MIL is cognitively disabled and I would estimate functions at a the level of a 13 year-old.  Initially I thought it would be okay to have her come and stay even though my husband was so adamantly against the idea.  She has two children, can cook and has taken care of other children in the family.  She does live in her own apartment too.  I was a little worried that she is unable to drive, is quite obese and only speaks a little bit of English.  Well now fast forward to the first time she met the baby...As I watched her interact with the baby, it seemed like she had never held a baby before!  I was so nervous and I am not generally so over protective that other people cannot hold the baby.  And just to seal the deal she fell walking from the carpet to the tile at our house.  I told my husband that she is absolutely not allowed to watch our child alone.  I did not get warm fuzzies at all!!

I say listen to your gut and do not back down.  Our little one's are so precious and completely irreplaceable!  Good Luck to you!  Sorry that this has been so stressful for you.

MistKeeper

Definitely not alone. My MIL is desperate to watch the baby, and I have no intention of letting her for awhile. She's a large woman with health issues. She fell twice this winter, once down stairs and once just over her own feet.  She cant navigate my stairs, and I worry about her getting up and down from sitting while holding him (she's done it, but it very clearly isnt easy for her). Also, we're cloth diapering and that seems to totally overwhelm her. We tried letting her do it, she got overwhelmed and had dh finish. She has difficulty multi-tasking, so I have no idea how she would prepare a bottle and soothe a baby at the same time without dropping him. Yet she is totally unrealistic about her own abilities. In all fairness, though, at least she has an interest in the baby. As opposed to my mother who hasnt been here to see him yet.

(typing while nursing is hard)

adiaz132003

MistKeeper said:

Definitely not alone. My MIL is desperate to watch the baby, and I have no intention of letting her for awhile. She's a large woman with health issues. She fell twice this winter, once down stairs and once just over her own feet.  She cant navigate my stairs, and I worry about her getting up and down from sitting while holding him (she's done it, but it very clearly isnt easy for her). Also, we're cloth diapering and that seems to totally overwhelm her. We tried letting her do it, she got overwhelmed and had dh finish. She has difficulty multi-tasking, so I have no idea how she would prepare a bottle and soothe a baby at the same time without dropping him. Yet she is totally unrealistic about her own abilities. In all fairness, though, at least she has an interest in the baby. As opposed to my mother who hasnt been here to see him yet.

(typing while nursing is hard)

How over whelming can cloth diapers be?!  My MIL has never used them and we have the two piece system and she didn't feel like it was too much.  Granted she out one on backwards but she realized what she did, laughed it off and fixed it. No big deal. Lol

MistKeeper

adiaz132003 said:

MistKeeper said:

Definitely not alone. My MIL is desperate to watch the baby, and I have no intention of letting her for awhile. She's a large woman with health issues. She fell twice this winter, once down stairs and once just over her own feet.  She cant navigate my stairs, and I worry about her getting up and down from sitting while holding him (she's done it, but it very clearly isnt easy for her). Also, we're cloth diapering and that seems to totally overwhelm her. We tried letting her do it, she got overwhelmed and had dh finish. She has difficulty multi-tasking, so I have no idea how she would prepare a bottle and soothe a baby at the same time without dropping him. Yet she is totally unrealistic about her own abilities. In all fairness, though, at least she has an interest in the baby. As opposed to my mother who hasnt been here to see him yet.

(typing while nursing is hard)

How over whelming can cloth diapers be?!  My MIL has never used them and we have the two piece system and she didn't feel like it was too much.  Granted she out one on backwards but she realized what she did, laughed it off and fixed it. No big deal. Lol

Exactly! We mainly use prefolds, but we also bought pockets and AIOs for her ease. She found the snaps challenging I guess,and seemed frustrated by needing to put the diaper in a wet bag (we were at her house). Honestly, she would have had to put it in the garbage anyway, but like I said she can't multi-task. She seemed confused about what to do with the baby and diaper at the same time and just told DH to take care of it. She also couldn't figure out how to get the baby out of the car seat, so she gave up and had DH take care of it. You can't watch the baby if you can't do these things!

bray1214

She's not exactly my mother in law. But my SOs mom kills me. I had her watch Jocelyn for 3 hours so we could go to the movies for my boyfriend bday. When we dropped her off. We made 6 oz and she just started eating as we were walking out. I said she's gonna be good for the next 5 hours. Do not feed her again she'll over eat and throw up. We come back less then 3 hours later and the baby is screaming And she's shoving a bottle down her throat saying she must be still hungry she's crying. After another oz she pukes all over. I clean her up. Rocking her with her pacifier. I can tell she's sleepy. His mom says she has gas. I was like no I think she's tired. Her was response. "Baby's don't cry like that when there tired its gas." Well your two sons might not have but my daughter does. And sure enough we got in the car and she slept till the morning. It's so frustrating. I don't want to hurt any feelings but dang I'm at the end of my rope. 

JuneBaby1984

Thanks guys...glad others are in the same boat! I forgot to mention that his 89 year old grandma keeps offering to babysit too and Noone else seems to see how that would be insane

purplefan1

My MIL is fabulous and my mom and dad are amazing as well. Both sets of grandparents live 1 1/2 hours away so we get to see them but not often. I would let either set of grandparents watch our daughter but my mom and dad refuse to be alone with her until she is bigger. Which is odd to me because they had 4 kids and my older sister became severely disabled at the age of 2 after a brain tumor. I see my parents as being some of the most capable people around. My mom worries a lot though so she is anxious some thing bad would happen. I appreciate that they set boundaries, although I hope they know I trust them completely. My dad wouldn't even drive me in the car while I was very pregnant. He was worried he would get in an accident and I would get hurt. I think most of their anxiety and overcautiousness comes from their experiences with my sister. They went through hell to keep her alive and I know they don't want to be responsible if any thing were to happen to their granddaughter while they were watching her. They also know they are a bit older (70) and don't move well and sometimes stumble (my mom tripped over my dad's shoes the same day my daughter was born and broke her hip and ended up with a total hip replacement.) 

Lizbeth86

@June2016BabyW your parents remind me if my brothers and dad, most of whom have yet to hold our LO. They're afraid to hold newborns. DH jokes about this to his family who would love to hold her but are far away.