Considering leaving my fiancé..

jesssaying

I'm posting this on here because I'm sure at least some of you have gone through what I'm currently going through.. Once before we decided to have a baby my fiancé slept with another woman... We managed to get over it and move past it and planned to have our little girl.. She's nine months now and four months ago I caught him lying to me about talking to numerous other women. Some of the women came to me and told me what was going on and others I confronted... About two weeks ago I was confronted and a women I had asked him to cut ties with came forward saying she is pregnant with his child.... I am absolutely heartbroken. Based on her first due date it could be his, but they're also tossing around another due date... Basically they don't know exactly when she conceived.. She claims he is the only person she slept with since the beginning of the year and it has to be his... So here we are... He has a 10 and 5 year old from a previous relationship who we now have full custody of and our nine month old and we've been talking about going to do more fertility treatments for our second baby together. And then I find this out! I'm so devastated. He told me that they had only talked as friends... I suspected more back then but never pressed the issue because of his anger... Now I know I have always just been played by a fool... He claims he's a changed man and would never do anything like that again but he lied to me about it for four months... The only reason I found out is because this woman is pregnant... Advice or even some kind words are much needed...

chanjns

Once a dog always a dog. You mentioned his temper? Doesn't sound like a safe environment for you or your daughter. He obviously doesn't care about your health or wellbeing since he's not using condoms. Find somebody to help you and leave him. If somebody truly loves you, they show it. Is the relationship you're in, one you would want your daughter to look to as an example?

crsanchez87

chanjns said:

Once a dog always a dog. You mentioned his temper? Doesn't sound like a safe environment for you or your daughter. He obviously doesn't care about your health or wellbeing since he's not using condoms. Find somebody to help you and leave him. If somebody truly loves you, they show it. Is the relationship you're in, one you would want your daughter to look to as an example?

All of this. 

I left my husband when my son was about 10 months old due to infidelity. I, honestly, probably could've gotten through the first time with counseling and seeing changes in  him and instead he chose to do it again multiple times lying and then acting as though he were entitled to it. I was miserable and trying to hid my emotions from my son and then I thought to myself "Is this the kind of life I want to live, the kind of relationship I want my son to see?" so I kicked his ass out and I haven't looked back since. I am so much happier now. There are hard days and especially hard nights but I wouldn't go back.   

thatcma

Well I have only ever been cheated on once and it was easily for me to leave as we were both young, no children and weren't really serious at the time. It still hurt like a mother effer. It never feels good to have someone seek someone else out weather it be just sex or more intense.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this and hope you can take advice of the PPs, he doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve that treatment. You shouldn't feel miserable, or stressed, and you shouldn't have to have your health/life or child's health/life at risk.

Take care of you and your beautiful baby.

Karen1985

@jesssaying I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Even after you worked it out with him, I'm so shocked that he continued to lie. Maybe it's something about being with a man who's a father for the first time, but its unfathomable to me that a man with kids could be so reckless. My world would be shattered. Unfortunately my sister experienced something similar in her marriage. He was unfaithful and had a nasty pattern of lying. When she wanted to end things, however, he was pretty understanding. They're looking into services like https://thistoo.co/  to solve it amicably. I hope you have the courage to make the right decision for you and your children. All the best. 

cataleya82

Wow what an ass. He obviously has no respect for you or even himself. I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter it was about a few days after I found out her dad was cheating. I left his ass. He's not seen his daughter at all. Not even once. She's 6 months old. He's now out tramping around and cheating on other people and I'm glad I didn't give him a second chance. I hope you have family and friends that can help you. You and your daughter are better off without this loser. Good luck and just know that you can be a single parent. It gets easier with time. Don't let him sucker you back in because once they get away with cheating once they'll just keep doing it. I have 3 kids and am a single parent and it's not so hard especially if you have a good support group.

20thirteen

I'm right there with you, mama-bear.  My ex had been cheating on me almost the whole relationship (I found out later).  When I got pregnant, he freaked out, wouldn't discuss it, and started dating another girl behind my back. Both of them called me on Christmas to tell me that they were together, and the girl started telling me ALL THE THINGS you just don't want to hear (klass act) and told me she didn't care that I was pregnant and that there was nothing that would rip her and him apart.  I laugh now because, in the end, karma truly came around full circle (another story for another time), but at the time I was absolutely devastated.  I was about 2.5mo pregnant, the relationship with him had cost me some friends (no one liked him, so no one wanted to be around him), and my family was not so supportive at first.

I look back at that relationship and I just can't believe how much I let him get away with and wonder why I hadn't questioned some of the things that were SO OBVIOUS. I never saw him and I being parents together, in fact, I didn't see us lasting much longer than a month or two before I got pregnant.  But I didn't have the oomph to leave and he didn't have the spine to dump me (when they called on Christmas, it was the girl that did 99.999998% of the talking).

I agree with all the PP's.  Get out, leave, don't look back, find a support system. Show your daughter that this kind of relationship is NOT normal, NOT right.  It's better to be a single parent than to be in a toxic relationship with a child.  You're a strong woman.  Show your daughter how to be strong.  Look into counseling, there are organizations out there that can help you, you just have to look for them.  And, of course, you have us on this board.




Good luck, mama-bear! Sending you lots of love!