Funny first time Dads!

mjgf

Thought it may be funny to see who has some good or entertaining first time dad stories! My husband has been so supportive and really great this whole pregnancy so far, but sometimes the things he comes up with just kill me! He asked the other day if the baby was pooping inside me as of now.. Once I contained my giggles I told him I don't think so, though I'm  sure it can probably happen at some point! Looking at things at babies r us and watching him examine every "contraption" to see if it's good was also something that made me chuckle. I'm sure once baby comes it will get even more interesting! Please share your dad funnies! 

LinziLoo09

My DH is awesome. He does way more child care than I do actually. And he was super sweet during my last pregnancy and read several books prior to DD's birth. He still, though, had a freak out about two weeks before she was born because he realized he didn't know anything about how often or how much you feed a baby, how to swaddle, or any of those basic logistics of care.

Anyways, in the hospital, he was great because he asked the nurses to show him how to change and swaddle her. His dad was visiting and she pooped, and DH had to change her immediately. It took them 20 minutes to very carefully change her diaper and get her perfectly swaddled. They were SO proud of their hard work.

As soon as the swaddle was finally tucked in, we heard the most monstrous poop/farting sounds coming from that tiny thing. She had pooped again and ruined all of their hard work. I DIED laughing. That was when we realized that baby pooping can be a strung out, time consuming process. Don't jump immediately to change a dirty diaper unless you want to change like five of them in a row because more will be coming. 

ashleaf2018

FI likes to talk to the baby when he thinks I'm asleep. I also get really moody when I'm hungry. One night I heard FI say, "I really don't know what I'm gonna do with the two of you crying every time you're hungry. Don't worry though, I'll feed you before I feed her." It took everything in me not to blow my cover! Lol he is the sweetest but his joking is mainly sarcasm/dry humor, it's too funny to hear the "conversations" he has with Rhett.

mjgf

@LinziLoo09 that's hilarious!! I can totally see my husband being so nervous/overly cautious about diapering too. 

@ashleaf2018 that is too sweet! I definitely wouldn't have been able to contain myself and stay quiet! 

BabyRobbinsAdventure

DH reads a story to my belly every night. For a while he would pause after every page to show the pictures. After about a week I told him that baby can't see the pictures through my belly.

Now he makes commentary about what is happening in all of the pictures so baby can visualize it.. Whatever makes him happy haha.

PensiveCrayon

H is making me get these for the baby! He's gone until October, and wants him to start getting used to the sound of his voice, haha. I thought it was really sweet.

princesslockness

Mine involve puke and poop - read at your own risk.

H didn't think that babies spit up when their stomachs got shaken. So he is lightly tossing L up (like 2 inches from his hands) and Airplane-ing him. L pukes right into H's eyes, up his nose and his wide open mouth. Then L laughs.

Another is that H didn't believe that babies can/do have this liquid like poop. So they are showering together, L is maybe 3 months old and EBF; when I hear 'HOLY SH!T, YOU MOTHER F*CKER!' I come running into the bathroom to watch H start to puke. L had his liquid poop squirted all over H's front, including the man parts. H is now tossing his cookies onto L's front. So they both had to stay in the shower until I deemed them clean + the shower clean again.

sammyl1221

So every day he wakes up and talks to her. So this morning DH was talking to her and he's like "good morning sweetie how are you??" And my stomach growled. He was like "OMG WAS THAT HER?!" So I had to reassure him our baby isn't part gremlin. Then he put his head back on my stomach and is like"what's going on Gabriella?" And she kicked him straight in the face. We couldn't stop laughing. 

squiddy224

My DH also likes to read bedtime stories to the Bean.  He's a big Star Wars fan, so he's gotten her some of the Little Golden Star Wars books, and has been reading them complete with sound effects added.  I'm sure it's very amusing for her.    He's also a big fan of applying the belly butter to my growing belly.  I'm not allowed to do it myself because, as he likes to tell me, "you don't do it right."  On another note, not so funny but cute, DH has been studying me carefully while I've been doing laundry so he knows how to do it and now wants to do the laundry himself so he can help me out.  He still hasn't volunteered to go grocery shopping yet, but laundry is a start!

KatieJo1205

The morning I got my BFP I walked into our bedroom and told my BF and he put his arm around me and said "Congratulations!"  It cracked me up. 

1MommyRunner

DH was the most amazing support in the L&D room. He even held my puke bag, which I used a bit. He's got a pretty weak stomach so that was huge! Anyways, when it was time to start pushing he was really awesome...but he got really into it. He was definitely pushing harder than I was to the point that I just stopped and looked at him. As did the nurses. We all got a really good laugh, even during the middle of delivery!

beff12

When I was pregnant with DD, DH and I invited my mom and dad to come with us while we registered for our showers. We figured they could help us determine what we actually needed and they were really helpful. Towards the end though, we all got pretty delirious and tired of walking through BRU. Mom and I were looking at bottles and we heard my dad and DH dying laughing a couple aisles over...they found the hands-free nursing bras. The lady on the front was hooked up to her pump and happily typing away on her laptop. My DH thought it was the funniest thing ever and just didn't understand why anyone would want one of those. It still makes me laugh thinking about it 2.5 years later!

Austenista

beff12 said:

When I was pregnant with DD, DH and I invited my mom and dad to come with us while we registered for our showers. We figured they could help us determine what we actually needed and they were really helpful. Towards the end though, we all got pretty delirious and tired of walking through BRU. Mom and I were looking at bottles and we heard my dad and DH dying laughing a couple aisles over...they found the hands-free nursing bras. The lady on the front was hooked up to her pump and happily typing away on her laptop. My DH thought it was the funniest thing ever and just didn't understand why anyone would want one of those. It still makes me laugh thinking about it 2.5 years later!

This pretty much happened exactly the same for DH and I. Nobody mentioned registry delirium, but we were exhausted. We have laughed and laughed at the lady with the handsfree pump on her laptop. Can you imagine them explaining to the model what they wanted her to do? 

BenNSarah

I love this.  I am a FTM so I'm sure I will have plenty more.  When we first got a BFP I bought DH a pregnancy book.  He said this is good and everything but I need to know what to do with the actual baby, so I bought him a different book about how to swaddle, feed, diaper change, all that good stuff.

He told me that I wouldn't be able to work anymore when I am 8 months pregnant because I won't be able to drive anymore.  From the same guy who works in a shop and talks about ladies working on their feet until they go into labor... how does he think they get to work?  But the steering wheel won't fit in front of my belly.

He also thinks we need our own diaper bags since we will be dropping off/picking up from child care separately.  Nope, the diaper bag stays with whoever has the baby, we only have one baby  

He did just tell me about a dream that he had that he kept changing the diaper and the baby would poop right after... so at least he has that part down

SarahF8611

I have a million because my H is an awesome dad and hiliarous but my favorite pregnancy one happened with my first. I was going into pre-term labor (thankfully it was stopped and everything was fine) and I was out with friends. So my friend rushed me to the hospital and my H was meeting us there. They were wheeling me back when H rushed through the door and the first thing he said was "I haven't even taken Baby Care Basics yet!!". The nurse, my friend and I started laughing SO hard that that was the first thing on his mind, the baby class we were signed up for that he thought would teach him EVERYTHING he needed to know.

aevan011

Because I've been around so many babies (basically raised my little sis and was always around friends' babies), DH thinks I'm some kind of expert - maybe in comparison to him, but definitely not an expert. 

He is a planner and gets very frustrated with me when I cannot give exact answers. Some recent questions:
"So how long will one pack of diapers last? Like two weeks?" (This one was hilarious to me)
"How long will the baby sleep in the bassinet before we move him/her to the crib?"
"So how long after they eat do you wait to change them?"
"How often will the baby be in the swing?" 

I usually just keep my laughter to myself and answer "depends on what works for our baby..."
He usually responds with "But I'm asking you...what's USUAL for a baby?!"
He. Gets. So. Aggravated.

"Why are these bottles 4 and 9 ounces?...weird increments...."

Christinaruth74

When I got my BFP with DD1 I walked out of the bathroom nervous and sweaty getting ready to deliver the news to my H. His response? "I think I just got a chubby. My boys can swim!" 
He was unbelievably excited. 

beff12

I thought of another one. I was in labor at home and was pacing around our bedroom. DH had been in the living room and it was getting close to midnight...he came back, got undressed, and got in bed. I was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL hahaha. He later said he knew it was time to go but he was flustered and didn't know what else to do, so he got in bed. 

mjgf

@beff12 lmao that is hilarious!! I can totally see my husband panicking and doing the same thing! They are all so funny!

Channytee

My DH has been amazing. Of course he's been asking stupid questions but that's expected as were first time parents. He's been great at making me happy (flowers and cinnamon buns when I come home from work and he's on nights) and making our LO happy (he remembers what songs she likes and kicks to and when it comes on the radio he turns it up). But the best story so far is to do with my belly button. I have a fairly flat belly button to begin with. And it starting to pop a bit. So I show him and he tells me it looks like an a*sh*le. Then he proceeds to lift up my dogs tail to show me and to compare. My poor dog lol

happygirl1013

We joke in our house that I'm "business" with my daughter and my husband is the "fun", e.g., the piggy back rides, playing "i'm going to get you", lego master, tea party attendee, etc.  He's always so careful and cute with her-- he's really trying hard to be a good "girl dad".  Like last night, he tried to put a clip in her hair (per her request) and he did such a terrible job, our daughter said "no dad, mom better" and came to me to do it.

I've really loved watching how much he loves her, plays with her and has really stepped up.  It's an amazing thing to see.

mysteryship

I told DH that sometimes I can poke my belly to get a reaction from the baby. He now tries to drum specific rhythms on me (he's a percussionist) to teach them to LO. He gets mock disappointed when baby doesn't respond in rhythm.