Intro: ttc #1 @36 with anxiety — The Bump
TTC after 35

Intro: ttc #1 @36 with anxiety

I've been lurking for a little over 3 months and thought I'd finally become active.  My husband is 32, I'm 36.  We have been ttc for 4 months.  I'm a teacher and the husband is currently in school to be a gym teacher. He was a late bloomer and played in a punk band in his 20s.  We are finally ready and I've realized that waiting to take a pt literally makes me crazy.  I try not to think about it but then I think about it even more.  It turns into a downward spiral that leads to anxiety.

A little back story... I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) when I was 19 and was on klonopin until I was 35.  And if you know about that med, it's not great for long-term use, especially not when ttc.  Anyhow, I got off of the medication in order to be drug-free for a year before ttc. My anxiety is manageable but I get very anxious mid-cycle.  I am wondering if this is affecting my chances.  Does anyone else have anxiety?  If so, how are you handling it while ttc? 



Re: Intro: ttc #1 @36 with anxiety

  • Hello and welcome.  I'm sorry you're still dealing with some anxiety.  I also had anxiety mixed with depression since I started college and was primarily on anti-depressants throughout adulthood.  I also went off my medication when we decided to TTC two years ago.  For the most part depression is not present, but anxiety is more noticeable without the meds.  I worry a lot more than I ever did.  I haven't noticed if it gets worse at a certain point in my cycle.  I have been walking almost daily for a year now and that has really helped.  I got a puppy which I think has also helped with mood/anxiety, even though it is one more life to worry about, but I've had dogs before so they have always helped me (and have even saved my life before when I was in darker times).  Otherwise I just get through it, and vent to my H when I feel like it.  He likes to try to solve things, so venting doesn't always get the result I want, which is just a listener, not a solver, but he has anxiety of his own (not that he's ever admitted that) and he just wants to help.  I want to find some more hobbies/interests to help, as well, and maybe start yoga again.  I posted a hobbies thread so take a look there if you're interested in seeing what others here are involved in.  It's made me realize I need more of those in my life!

    What do you teach?  What age/subject?

    Good luck with TTC!!!!
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
  • jennh75b said:
    Hello and welcome.  I'm sorry you're still dealing with some anxiety.  I also had anxiety mixed with depression since I started college and was primarily on anti-depressants throughout adulthood.  I also went off my medication when we decided to TTC two years ago.  For the most part depression is not present, but anxiety is more noticeable without the meds.  I worry a lot more than I ever did.  I haven't noticed if it gets worse at a certain point in my cycle.  I have been walking almost daily for a year now and that has really helped.  I got a puppy which I think has also helped with mood/anxiety, even though it is one more life to worry about, but I've had dogs before so they have always helped me (and have even saved my life before when I was in darker times).  Otherwise I just get through it, and vent to my H when I feel like it.  He likes to try to solve things, so venting doesn't always get the result I want, which is just a listener, not a solver, but he has anxiety of his own (not that he's ever admitted that) and he just wants to help.  I want to find some more hobbies/interests to help, as well, and maybe start yoga again.  I posted a hobbies thread so take a look there if you're interested in seeing what others here are involved in.  It's made me realize I need more of those in my life!

    What do you teach?  What age/subject?

    Good luck with TTC!!!!
    Im an elementary art teacher. I teach kids kindergarten-fourth grade. We start back up in a little over a week. Summer's off actually cause me he most anxiety because I have no routine!  Coincidentally we are adopting a puppy tomorrow. We were thinking about it for a long time. And my husband thinks it'll be great for me to focus all of my attention on something other than ttc. I get so melancholy if we get a or negative. Thanks for be support. And good luck to you too!

    jennh75b
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  • Oh sweet!  Congrats on the puppy!  I haven't had a puppy in 15 years, she really has occupied my time and helped me from focusing solely on the (thus far) disappointment of TTC.  I understand the anxiety increasing without a routine, I'm actually that way on the weekends if I don't have things planned to do.
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
    justsuzie
  • @justsuzie I don't have any experience with anxiety, but I did want to say welcome, and that posting here can be very cathartic.  FX you don't have to stay long!
    Me: 45 OH: 42
    Beloved SS: born 12/2011
    TTC my bio #1/our #2 since January 2016
    **TW** June 2016 had CP **end TW**
    August 2016 - dx with DOR
    Somewhere in here received recommendation to do IVF with donor eggs, elected not to; OH dx with Low T
    May 2017 - began freezing sperm
    June 2017 - OH began treatment for Low T
    July 2017 - began doing 1 IUI via a midwife and 1 at home insemination each cycle
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/6259ba
    July 2018 - exhausted frozen sperm, officially NTNP since OH is probably shooting blanks

    justsuzie
  • Welcome! I am also 36 and TTC#1, I also have a hx of anxiety, but was on Wellbutrin for several years. I found that working with a therapist on better coping skills helped a lot (I would cut myself when things got really bad). The goal with anxiety and depression should be meds for immediate relief and therapy long term to modify behavior and wean off meds. I am always disappointed in our system that will just put someone on meds and "call it good" if they work. That should never be the end goal. 

    I would suggest getting a behavior modification textbook. Learn how to pause (identify when you are starting to escalate), then redirect to a healthier behavior or thought pattern. should be easy to do the first part since you know when you're in the TWW and will start to escalate. 
    Me: 39 SO: 36

    Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"

    TTC#1 since November 2015
    9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
    10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
    1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
    March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017

    TTC #2 since July 2018
    May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Welcome and I think you'll find a great support here! I too have dealt with anxiety and still do. I agree with the other posts on what had helped. Talking with a therapist and journaling was helpful for me. I remember her asking me to say what was the worst absolute outcome I imagined for a given worry and then working with me from there which really helped. This TTC can be so stressful...and my upcoming birthday along with "timer" to see RE if we haven't conceived by October is adding anxiety. The TWW is of course more intense on the anxious scale. While I don't have the answer I WILL say that having the support of all of us that are all wanting this so badly is the best support. The thread started on finding the humor in this helped me too... Sometimes we need to laugh and sometimes to cry, but sure is better when surrounded by a group like this. Welcome again and I wish you a short stay here!!!
    ME: 44 / DH: 46
    DD conceived naturally, born 1/9/14
    Consulted RE after trying for #2 for 1 year, 9/16
    RE diagnosis: DOR, poor egg quality
    1/2017: IUI #1, Femara, failed
    2/2017: IUI #2, Femara, failed
    3/13/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #1, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    4/19/17: ER, no embryos survived past morula stage, poor egg quality given as reason
    5/3/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #2, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    6/7/17: ER, 1 egg retrieved, mature but did not fertilize, poor egg quality given as reason
    7/21/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #3, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel)
    8/24/17: ER, 11 eggs retrieved, 10 mature, 7 fertilized, no embryos survived past morula stage, poor egg quality given as reason
    9/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #4, antagonist protocol (menopur/follistim/ovidrel), started organic, non-processed, no white sugar/flour, diet with unscented/nontoxic personal care products 4 weeks before ER (books suggested it takes 2-3 months)
    10/11/17: ER, 5 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized, 1 arrested at 3 cells and the other arrested at 5 cells, poor egg quality given as reason, doctor suggested it was time to move on to donor eggs but I asked to give it one last chance and kept on my diet/unprocessed/unscented/nontoxic products
    12/28/17: started IVF + ICSI + PGS cycle #5, microdose lupron protocol
    2/1/18: ER, 9 eggs retrieved, 6 mature and 6 fertilized, 3 survived to day 5 blastocyst, 2 PGS normal
    7/12/18: FET #1, negative
    9/21/18: FET #2 scheduled


    jennh75bAurora1973PoeMasque
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