New Baby

theatrebek

Hey everyone. I just found out I am 13 weeks pregnant with our second child. It's come as a surprise, as our first is barely 8 months old. Our 8 mo is a beautiful girl with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and a rare form of dwarfism called Ellis Van Crevald. She has history of seizures, sepsis, hypoxia, has a gtube, wears bipap at night, you name it, we've probably been through it. She's an amazing little girl, but still young and developmentally delayed by 4+ months across the board. I'm really worried about everything that comes into having a second child in general, and since we don't know we it's a heart healthy kid or even genetically "normal" the anxiety is through the roof. Anyone have any advice on anything involving having a second child after the first being special needs? 

rklinge0

I am so sorry it is definitely different having a second baby after your first is high needs.  I looked up Ellis Van Crevald, and see that is inherited but do they know what the odds are of having a 2nd child? 
I only have one baby but she has T21 so we had the heart issue and some delays, but hoping in a few years that we will have a 2nd.  The best thing though that I have been told for having a developmental delayed child is to have another kid close in age so that they can play and learn from each other.
 I also assume she has had at least one heart surgery, so take into account that will cause some delays just because of the restrictions and recovery time so I am sure your little girl will catch up.
Congrats on the new baby!
 

sqfibemom

My second child has SN and then we have one 2.5 years younger than him. It's a really bizarre experience to see a child learn things so differently than their older sibling. I'm assuming that you will be followed very closely this pregnancy (insist on it if the docs don't seem to want to, trust me, it'll help your anxiety) so they should be able to at least give you lots of time to process if this baby has different needs as well. My DD2 is typical but was a preemie so that threw us for a loop initially. I'd just say to let yourself feel all the feels haha, enjoy every moment with just your older DD and remember that either way going from one kid to two can be tricky. Don't worry about judgemental a-holes, it's your family not theirs (many people thought we were selfish for having more children after DS) and congratulations!!

theatrebek

Thank you @sqfibemom, I'm glad I'm not the only one in this situation at the least. We found out the other day that he is a heart healthy boy. I think that's taken off a lot of burden off my back, and we're just waiting until we can get an amnio to determine genetics. I've had a few people look at me funny after I've said I'm pregnant again, but hopefully they won't be that nasty! People without special needs kids are so mean sometimes

sqfibemom

@theatrebek yay! I'm so happy that you were able to get that good news I made them check DD2's heart a thousand times haha because they missed my son's defect 4 times. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, prayers it goes as smoothly as possible!!

theatrebek

@rklinge0, I am so sorry, I didn't see your comment somehow! For us it's a 1 in 4 chance, and within that, 60% of affected individuals have some sort of heart defect. As of now, we did an early anatomy scan and echo to determine whether or not we needed an amnio, and it looks like he's a heart healthy EVC boy! She has been through 2 open heart surgerys, and I'm glad you said that about it being good to have a sibling close in age, because I've been thinking more and more about how this could help my DD developmentally and once they become school age, to have someone looking out for her, knowing the signs of heart failure and low oxygen saturation levels better than the teachers will be good. Thank you!