Worried about first meeting with RE

Samanthaarielxo

i hate going to see new doctors and I am so worried about seeing this one. 

Every doctor I go to says whatever my issue is is caused by my weight. I finally found an OB who said no your weight is not relevant here's the problem, and then her treatment didn't work so I am being pushed off to a new doctor. 

Im 24. 280lbs my fiancé is also 24 360lbs. We have been trying since 2013. The first year was super hard because he was an over the road truck driver so we couldn't time anything. But we are both super active, taking vitamins, eat healthy. And are steadily losing weight we just can't seem to make a baby. And every doctor has just been like "your fat no baby for you" 

if if this doctor is like that is there a way to convince him to create a treatment plan anyway? Or run tests? Or am I going to have to 
keep finding new doctors? 

clt2pwm11

I found the RE took me more seriously than anybody else. It did take a few months to stay an actual treatment because we were doing some tests, but my experience has been so positive.

mrswifeytoad

I was in the same boat. Actually, my old ob was the worst. I hadn't had a period in months and months and hadn't been regular before that. She told me to lose weight and I would start a period. Well, needless to say, even after I lost the weight she wanted, I still didn't have a period. I went to see my now mw who immediately determined pcos and no ovulation. Started me on provera to cause cycles and sent me to get treated for pcos with metformin. I've found a new ob. I like her. She's a DO rather than MD. And while she mentioned my weight, she did so in a way that was not condescending. And recognized that I have been losing weight from my chart. AND created a plan for me to start clomid after some up coming tests this month. 

So I'd say skip around until you find one who sees your ovaries and not your body. 

Big girls have had babies for hundreds of years with no trouble. There is benefit in being healthy, but I know many skinny girls who are incredibly unhealthy. And many big girls who can whoop some butt athletically. 

starlitfae

Warning, this is coming out LONG.  So first of all, *hugs* to you. And if you want to talk about these things, feel free to msg me

I am a fat woman (yes I said fat.  I refuse to let it be a negative word to me), and in order to see anyone covered by my insurance, I had to lose weight to fit the BMI requirement (If any of you are using Tricare, be warned that all military facilities have this requirement), which was mentally hard for me, since, like you, I knew my weight was not the problem (and my weight, when I started, was about the same as yours).

Luckily, as soon as I got to where I needed to be to fit in the regulations, my weight was never mentioned again.

First piece of advice - mentally prepare yourself.  I was not prepared to hear about my weight (I had first gone in and been told I had to quit smoking before they would see me, and then DH was going on deployment so I decided to wait until he was coming home, and it was while he was gone they implemented the BMI rule) and when they told me they could not treat me until I lost weight I lost it.  I cried, right there in the office.  The woman then started asking me why I couldn't maintain weight loss (un, because 96% of people who lose a significant amount of weight gain it back within 5 years). She then suggested I ask about weight loss surgery, which is not only totally unnecessary for me but when I spoke to a friend who had had it, she told me she had been required not to get pregnant for two years after the surgery.  WTH?  So yea.  It is totally possible that they will bring these things up, and due to the nature of what we are dealing with, it may be upsetting.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

Second advice - Realize that this is just like any other business.  Would you keep going to a clothing store where the staff make you feel bad about yourself?  Or a bank where they don't take good care of your money?  Same thing.  Especially since this is so important, and you very well may be paying a lot of money out of pocket.  If the RE, the nurses, the receptionist, anyone at all, makes you feel badly because of your weight, I say cross them off.  This is too important to be working with someone who you are uncomfortable with.  You and your fiancé deserve to have a doctor who will respect and support you!

LadyMillil

Regardless of your weight, your doctor should be doing tests to see if there is a reason why you aren't pregnant. Your RE will likely mention your weight (and some REs don't do IVF if you are over a certain BMI) but they should also be doing an ultrasound, HSG, and a full hormone panel on you, as well as a semen analysis for YH.

Bababatty

starlitfae said:

If the RE, the nurses, the receptionist, anyone at all, makes you feel badly because of your weight, I say cross them off.  This is too important to be working with someone who you are uncomfortable with.  You and your fiancé deserve to have a doctor who will respect and support you!

@samanthaarielxo I can't say it better than any of the people who already replied, so I'll second them--especially @starlitfae's comment above. These people are going to be seeing A LOT of you, both physically and personally, possibly over an extended period, so make sure the clinic you get respects you. In my opinion, I suspect this is more likely with an RE because you've been trying for an extended period of time and you know there's a problem. They seem less likely to write you off than perhaps a standard doctor does. 

halfanewt

Also, don't be afraid to shop around and find a new RE if it turns out you don't like the one you start seeing. The biggest thing I've learned in this process is that you HAVE to be your own advocate. Ask all the questions and don't be afraid to call/email after your appointment to ask more! 

Worldtravler0522

 I'm 5'4'' and weigh about 218 but was 267 when we first started TTC.  I was terrified my RE would tell me I was too fat to have a baby but in the 10 months I've been seeing him it hasn't come up once.  I agree with the previous posters that you need to find a place you feel comfortable because they see you so often and things get tough so having someone you feel respects you and listens to you is super important.  I feel like I'm rambling now sorry haha.  In general I feel like there's a lot of fat shaming out there for women TTC when in reality women of all different sizes and shapes have fertility issues. Good luck on your search and I hope you find someone you're comfortable with!