In a dark place today... *TW* — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

In a dark place today... *TW*

So I'm definitely in a dark place today and needed a safe place to share... I know y'all are the ladies to do it with. I am 8 weeks pregnant today. My previous loss (which was earlier this year) was estimated to have occurred sometime during my 7th week, but I didn't know it until I was 9 weeks and started spotting and then bleeding profusely. Fast forward to this pregnancy, and I have my first ultrasound on Monday and I am really struggling. Suddenly today I am having cramps and even felt some slight tremors (like a muscle spasm) in my lower abdomen. These are some of the same things I felt last time when I didn't know I was miscarrying. 

Perhaps it's paranoia... Maybe I'm nervous for my appointment and feeling phantom symptoms? Or maybe I'll go in for my first ultrasound on Monday and find out that I was right and I'm miscarrying again. Either way, I knew the only people who would understand my crazy anxious PGAL brain is y'all. Any advice or prayers (because I am a personal believer in prayer) you can send my way would be much appreciated, because I'm scared. 

P.S. Do we need to use *TW* on this specific message board since it's assumed we have all experienced loss here and are open to talking about it? (seriously not a judgement at all, just a curious question for clarification) 

Re: In a dark place today... *TW*

  • @DaniBanani16 I totally understand how you feel....I was so scared of my ultrasound too just because my last ultrasound experience was very sad and traumatic. My DH being there helped a lot. Knowing that my baby was okay though really did help me feel better and right now I'm past the date of my last loss which is making me feel good too. You just have to take it one day at a time but it's okay to have bad PGAL days....you have to feel what you feel but you will get through it. *hugs*
    JustAnotherUsername16
  • I had the same problem.  Mine were all phantom/psychomatic pains and feeling.  Although of course not a guarantee at safety for all, but I am currently 31w with a completely healthy baby.  So at least it can be all okay.  Hopefully for you too!  FX
     
     
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    JustAnotherUsername16
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  • I totally understand - after two back to back losses I was a nervous wreck for all my ultrasounds until after my NT screen came back clean (I am 17 weeks now). I even cried right before the first three began. I had a blighted ovum diagnosed at 8 weeks and 6 months later had another stop growing at 6 weeks before I saw a heartbeat. I never had a good experience with ultrasounds. Every twinge, cramp, feeling of pressure all drove me crazy and I even had bleeding twice before my first ultrasound this time. I wish I had advice but honestly The first weeks are just basically torture and you just have to take it one day or even one hour at a time. I've already said a prayer for your little one - I'll be thinking about you this weekend. Please keep us updated. 
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

    JustAnotherUsername16
  • I was a mess before my ultrasound, I overanalyze every symptom (or lack thereof), and I pray for peace on you and your child. 

    And I honestly don't know what *TW* stands for lol I don't know half the abbreviations people use here so unfortunately I can't help on abbreviation etiquette.
    JustAnotherUsername16
  • Thoughts and prayers for you and baby! I still get nervous before ultrasounds and I'm 28 weeks. 

     

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    JustAnotherUsername16
  • I know how you feel. I was a complete wreck my entire first trimester, but now I'm 31 weeks with a healthy baby girl. :) it is normal to feel the way you are feeling emotionally and to feel some cramping and weird twinges even in a healthy pregnancy. My best advice is to stay focused on non-baby related things until you get out of the first trimester... Whether it's a hobby or different events that you are looking forward to or a good book! 
    JustAnotherUsername16CantanteLirica
  • I feel you, I'm hardcore stressing my 7 week ultra sound. I haven't felt nauseous at all this pregnancy and while I haven't in the past too much, I did at a certain point, I just can't remember when. The I don't "feel pregnant" thing is getting in my head. 
    JustAnotherUsername16
  • Good luck tomorrow with your scan! 
    Personally, I feel the same way about the *TW* warnings. It seems, unnecessary. Like for me hearing stories about children/siblings within the age range of babies I lost is upsetting to me. For example, I certainly don't expect anyone to *TW* for saying "I just found out I'm pregnant and its going to be so crazy cause my DD is only 9 months!!" Meanwhile that hurts me most because that was the age of my DD when I got pregnant with the first baby I lost. So there's that "That should have been me." thing going on. When you lose a baby, there's "triggers" everywhere. 
    JustAnotherUsername16CantanteLirica
  • Such awesome news! So very happy for you. You can relax a little bit now :)
  • Congrats yay!
  • Yay! 

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

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