How did you tell your boss?

KSimone619

And I mean, exact wording?  "I just wanted to let you know..." "I wanted to tell you..."  "I'm expecting..." "I'm pregnant..."  What did you say?

LastMango

"I wanted to go ahead and let you know that I am pregnant. Luckily, I am due during our slowest time of the year. I do plan on taking 12 weeks FMLA but I absolutely will be returning back to work. I have reliable daycare already set up so no need to worry about that." 

I threw in that last part because we JUST had a woman come back from maternity leave whose Childcare didn't work out and she ended up having to quit which left us all in an unexpected bind. I was nervous to tell my boss about another pregnancy so I made sure to include the positive notes and ensure him that the same wouldn't happen with me. 

Carly79

My boss was actually one of the first people I told. She also is one of the few that knew about my previous loss (I had called to tell her I wouldn't be in and lost it on the phone and didn't feel like I had much of a choice but to explain - she is awesome, has been through 2 losses herself in addition to fertility issues so I was really glad I told her). She was in town and we were going to lunch and I had planned to tell her but she actually had asked if we looking at trying again (in a very nice way). I told her "Well, actually, I planned to tell you at lunch that I'm pregnant." I have a very small team and do a lot of the odd ball keep the team running type things so I wanted her to know early so as we are projecting timelines for projects we can take that in to consideration. I really think a lot depends on your job as well as your relationship with your boss. As you can probably tell, I have a very good working relationship with my boss so I didn't stress too much about it. But as a pp said, depending on history with maternity leave and childcare it can really be a tough discussion. All you can do is tell them, I suggest pretty straight forward, and I really like the idea of being prepared with what your plan is when you tell them.

sldp123

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant. I'm due January 28th, but we are expecting twins so there's a good chance I may deliver sooner."

He congratulated me, and asked if I plan to come back to work. I don't know if that's something that is typically asked, but he said it seemed like there was something else I wanted to say and thought that's where I was going. Sadly, it wasn't, haha. 

streulim

I had to tell my boss earlier than most because I had a lot of appointments right away. I'm a diabetic usually controlled with meds but they had to take me off of them and put me on insulin. Anyway I went into her office and said I feel I need to tell you that I'm pregnant. Not only that but I am diabetic and will be going on insulin so I will be having a lot of appointments to begin with. I am due January 4th so it will be during our down time at work. She was very happy and got excited. I only have 2-3 appointments a month now but it took awhile to get to that point. It helps that I am medically trained and work in a clinic full of providers. They are all very supportive and it helped me to announce when that time came too. 

mommy2ane

I'm a newly hired teacher, so it was a little more awkward than with my previous pregnancy. She was talking to me about how one of my coworkers is out and has a long term sub and I used that as my Segway.  "Speaking of long term subs... I'm pregnant and due in January!" She was really nice and supportive about it. 

Kurtni

Uggh, things have been so stressful at my job, we are understaffed and my boss was trying to decide if we need to hire two more people, or a third part time person. I work in a small family owned hotel so I felt obligated to chime in that he needed that third person to help cover my maternity leave. Fortunately my boss has four kids and is very family oriented, so amidst the chaos he was very supportive. 

christac1010

I told my boss around 8-9 weeks. I felt like I was missing a lot of time for those initial appointments and in general I was off my game from first trimester symptoms. Plus the day before I told him he mentioned hiring someone else for our team as support. I asked if I could talk to him in his office and closed the door. I apologized for missing time and my overall performance as of late, but I'm pregnant. I told him I had my first trimester symptoms under control to the best of my abilities, but I wasn't 100% and I didn't know when I would be back to myself (not that it was an excuse). I also told him that I would train whoever I needed to train for coverage, as I plan to take the full 12 weeks before returning to my normal work schedule. I ended it with asking him not to tell anyone at work (even our director) until I had my 12 week scan. He was really excited and happy. I would hope most people's bosses have a similar reaction. 

ETA to add words because it's lunch time and I cannot focus.

moosette113

There are ridiculously good maternity protections where I live, but despite that I was still nervous to tell my superiors. Hopefully the wording from my emails can provide some inspiration. I emailed the chair of our board first because they act as line manager/HR for the office:

"I wanted to reach out to you in your capacity as line manager. I am pregnant (due at the end of January) and need to broach the subject of leave time/my contract with J- and M-. I don't mind talking to them on my own, but if you think this is a conversation that would be best with you present, perhaps it could take place while you are in town for the meeting.

As far as my understanding of German law reaches, I am supposed to stop work 6 weeks before my due date (though I have read somewhere that I can opt to work longer if I wish) and cannot return for 8 weeks after. That would have me ending the week before Christmas (though I think I would like to work until Christmas to keep my mind busy) and completing leave at the end of March. There is also parental leave that the vast majority of Germans take after the 8 weeks, but I don't know if I am interested in taking it. My contract is up at the end of April and I know it depends a lot on funding whether the contract gets renewed, but I would like to continue working with the organisation.

Let me know if this is a conversation you think you should be a part of or whether I should approach J- and M- independently." ( I received a very positive email in response basically just talking about how exciting this was and saying I could approach my superiors however I wanted.)

I had an in person discussion with my immediate supervisor (M- from the email) with the same basic wording, saying "I have some news. I am pregnant, due at the end of January, but here's my plan for working..."

And then I had to send an email to the Executive director, J-, because there wasn't ever going to be a time to sit her down and speak in person:

"I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you today, but I know you were quite busy. I already had the chance to speak with M- some about it- I'm pregnant with a 29 January due date. I know there will be some procedural things we need to discuss at some point, but in a nutshell, it means I would be stopping work on 18 December (though I mentioned to M- I may want to work through Christmas) and would be returning at the end of March. Let me know if you would like to sit down to discuss anything." (I got a phone call about a half hour later with congratulations and reassurances that we shouldn't worry about my contract because they absolutely want to renew it, regardless of my plans for leave.)

Carly79

I second what @christac1010 said. I would hope most people's bosses are happy for you. I think it's hard because it is a long time to find coverage and depending on the work it can be tough for a boss. But pregnancy can be planned for unlike a sudden illness or hospitalization that requires short term disability. So, when done well, it's really best case scenario. If they need to bring temp help in until you return they have time to bring them in and have you train them for example. Also, remember, from a human resources standpoint there is very little they can say. They should not make you feel bad for having a baby and if they do, it needs to be addressed with human resources. They may not be happy about it or express that but beyond saying Thanks for telling me and we will figure out a plan, there isn't much else they can do. I imagine there are some terrible stories of telling your boss, especially depending on the industry or the job, but hopefully most that I've heard are that the boss is ultimately happy for the person.

cjs260

The lab I'm in is known for it's baby producing. I was once told that I would go in for my PHD, but come out with a PHD and a baby (I can only cross my fingers for two! ) I asked to speak to my mentor privately, and jokingly said, "Well, apparently I drank too much of the lab water! (H) and I are expecting in January." Then showed him an u/s photo, and he was extremely happy for us. My "leave" is basically what he wants to give me, with a minimum of 6 weeks, so he told me to plan on taking 6, and depending on what's going on in my research at the time, I could maybe take a week or two more. I also need to take my qualifying exams before I go on leave, so we set a tentative date for that. 

Carly79

@cjs260 I hope you are able to get more than 6 weeks when the time comes but at least you know you can count on that.

canavara

I'm a PGALer (I know quite a few here are though!) and was a little nervous but I decided to share with my direct manager as early as 10 weeks. I'm a senior engineer on a 30-person engineering team and there are only 3 other seniors so I knew they'd have to do some dramatic reorganization during my leave to cover my responsibilities, so it seemed only courteous to share that information as soon as I had confirmation that the pregnancy was viable.

I chose to share the news at a time where I was at my absolute limit stress-wise and carefully worded the conversation around that: "I need to share with you that I'm currently putting in about 110% of my limit and I'm currently pregnant, so I am a bit concerned that the elevated level of stress is not good for the health of my pregnancy and am wondering if there is anything we can do as a compromise to make sure I'm able to stick around with the company and also maintain my own health and the health of my child to be!"

My boss was super excited for me and fairly empathetic to my concerns so it was win-win. I currently have the person who will be taking my responsibilities during my maternity leave working directly under me so telling them sooner ended up giving me a good 6 months to get her prepared for the 3 months I'll be gone.

JayneL99

I'm lucky that my boss is very family oriented.  I walked in and said, "Well, I've got some news for you." Which is the exact same thing I said the other three times.  His response, "Please don't tell me you're quitting."  My response, "Nope.  I'm pregnant.  It is still a huge shock to me, and it's taking some time for me to process."  He congratulated me and was happy for me.

KSimone619

Thanks everyone!  I teach part-time in a preschool.  I would be requesting a long term sub as well, and I hope they hold my contract for next year!!

I'll be speaking with her today

nolemama24

I asked my boss if I could speak to her and she looked up at me so scared, she thought I was quitting LOL!!!!!! My mouth hit the floor and I said NO!!! So then she said 'Wait, ARE YOU PREGNANT!?!?" I love that lady. I am a fashion buyer for a large corporate retailer and I literally work with ALL women, and everyone here is either getting married or having a baby. I still was a little nervous though to tell her and the rest of my team. It was not the way I was expecting it to go but I am happy to have her support!

Smiley-1980

For me this was really hard because my boss is currently undergoing fertility treatments and I knew me leaving would definitely be hard for her since my first born was a result of IVF and this one was a surprise.  I went in and said "I have something to tell you.. I'm pregnant" and I started to cry.. I explained to her how I knew it would be hard and I wanted to tell her right away so she wouldn't find out from someone else.  She was really happy for me and said she was sad that I would be leaving. 

adorebella

You may not want to take the route I did. It went like this: "I'm pregnant" and then I burst into tears. And I have no idea why I cried. Thanks a lot pregnancy hormones. 

cjs260

@Carly79 Short maternity leave is just a part of having a baby while in grad school. It's paid leave, and my boss is known for his allowing students to have time for families, which is opposite of the norm for most research-oriented graduate mentors. And the longer I take off, the longer time I'm here, which means the longer time I get paid like a fast food worker even though I have three degrees. I know it sucks to have to go back after 6 weeks, but sometimes we gotta just suck it up and make things happen. My outlook is I want a baby and a doctorate, and I'm going to make those both happen. After I'm finished here (about two years), I will most likely get a "real" job with real benefits, and for now, I just get to look forward to that day.  

Carly79

@cjs260 That's a great way to look at it...get you to the doctorate faster. That's awesome that your mentor is good about it and you have a good outlook

sagoon

I told my boss I needed a quick meeting and I think she thought I was going to quit.  I said "I wanted to tell you first that I'm pregnant" and she squealed like a little girl (this is a very professional career lady).  She asked if I was planning on taking the standard leave, I said yes, and she said "but you're coming back, right?" and was relieved when I said I was planning to.

hayhay2501

I spent a lot of time out of the office helping my family in America as my mom was dying of cancer. My boss was BEYOND supportive about that and let me work special hours from the US (as I live in the UK). So I was dreading telling him after months of that that I was pregnant.

Anyways, I was going to wait but we started doing major financial planning for 2017 and I started to majorly stress as I'll miss most of it (plan on taking a 8-9 month maternity leave). So when we had our one to one I broke down and said "Chris I know I've just got back from everything with my mom and was hoping for everything to go back to normal but I have some news I have to tell you as a friend first and then we can do the formal process later. I'm 8 weeks pregnant." 

He started to CRY!!! Least British British man ever!

This is definitely an unconventional approach but my boss has been through a lot with me and it worked out for me. We decided not to announce it to the company till 20weeks, but it's been amazing having his support. 

ashanne88

I told my boss around 10 weeks after my first ultrasound.  I basically just told her that I needed to show her something and handed her the ultrasound pictures.  She had already figured out that I was pregnant but the twins was a twist.  She was beyond thrilled for us and said I can take as much time as I need for appointments, leave, etc.  I did go in with an overall plan of what I planned for maternity leave and bringing the babies to work (my company allows new mothers to bring their babies in for the first few months).  I have a very good relationship with my boss though (she's babysat my son before) so it was easy to tell her and know that I was going to get a positive response.  

How you tell your boss and management really depends on the relationship you have and your work environment. Hope it goes well today @KSimone619 and that they renew your contract!

Teach123

I asked if I could talk to him in his office. I told him I had news that would affect the school year(teacher here). I think he was worried I was leaving for another job, so when I said I was expecting a baby, he seemed relieved. We talked about timelines, that I plan on coming back and when, and how to come up with a plan on covering my class while I'm gone. Not all details are worked out yet. 

gigantan

Today I lingered in my boss's office on her first day back from a three week vacation and blurted out "I'm having another baby" and we both burst into laughter. She sensed the lingering which is why she thought the news was funny. I thought it was funny because we just finished discussing another employee's maternity and I shared at the tail end of the discussion. She has known me for 14 years and this is my third so I knew it would only be met with positive vibes. It was good to finally share the news. She of course was happy for us and said it was great news. 

EISG918

Mine was easy this time around, thankfully! My boss is great. I'm a patient at a PCP and OB office through the company I work for. I sent a message through this "patient portal" we have to the OB office asking about scheduling my 1st prenatal appt. 

All of these messages get sent to my boss and she distributes them to the correct office. Right after I sent the message I thought, "oh shit! She's gonna see this!" But then didn't care.

The next day, I went into the lunch room to get some water and she came in shortly after me and congratulated me quietly so it really broke the ice and made it so easy for me instead of fumbling over my words lol

BriannaE129129

I think that it depends on how comfortable you are with your boss?

I get along well with my boss but he's a little awkward talking about things so I waited until we were talking and he mentioned something about being surprised and I said "speaking of surprises.... I'm pregnant" he was really great about it but his #1 concern was if I was planning on coming back or not. I'd make sure to throw that in there early, I totally forgot until he looked a little nervous and asked me about my plans after the baby comes. 

Good luck!!

kashock-2

I just started my current job in April so I was really nervous to tell my supervisor that I was pregnant and  I'd be going on maternity leave before I'd even been there a year, but life happens right? I just approached him before he left for the night shortly after my 10 week US and asked for a few minutes of his time. It was very casual, I told him I was pregnant and due at the end of January. I told him that I'd already talked to HR to find out my leave options since I'm part-time and won't qualify for FMLA yet. I expressed that I wanted to let him know sooner rather than later so they could plan coverage but that I had not told my co-workers yet and probably wouldn't until it was obvious. I work in a predominantly female profession and it seems like someone is always pregnant so I'm sure he's more than used to it. It went well and he was great about it, reassured me there was plenty of time to plan and congratulated me. 

Knottie1432834683

These stories are so helpful!  I'm planning on telling my boss next week and have been practicing my script over and over.  This is my first pregnancy after two miscarriages and IVF --we were trying for 3.5 years before finally getting pregnant so needless to say, I plan to take every single second of my maternity leave, which is very generous FMLA policy of 16 weeks in Washington DC.  That being said, my boss is not very family friendly at all, and I know he's going to be upset by this--- I also appreciate that 16 weeks is long time to be out and find coverage.  I just hope one of the solutions I offer works for him! 

MaryNog

I don't think I can add much to what other posters have said, but I also found it really helpful to go in with a transition plan. My current plan is to transition out of managing projects in October, to give the new managers plenty of time to get settled and ask me questions. I also want to work part time for a while after I come back. When I told my supervisors (I have 3 in different levels, so that was a fun day...), I followed the pregnancy news immediately with my transition plans. Thats about all the tact I could show though, I actually really dislike telling people that I'm pregnant so I pretty much marched into their offices, closed the door, and blurted it out. Don't be like me

KRB22

So I'm in a slightly weird position because I'm currently on a personal leave of absence and am tentatively scheduled to go back to work in early November, though I have the option to extend my leave all the way through next May. I found out I was pregnant my last week in the office, and haven't even spoken to anyone from work since I've been out, let alone shared my news. 

Based on how we left things at the beginning of my leave, it's unlikely that I will be returning to the same role/team, which also means I do not necessarily know who my manager will be at that point. Also slightly awkward because if I go back in November I will only really be working for 2 months, and I plan to take the full maternity leave offered by my company - 16 weeks. So I expect I will get slotted into some sort of temporary project / coverage through the end of the year, and then will have to re-evaluate at the end of my maternity leave. 

Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be nervous about telling my boss. I have managed large teams and dealt with several of my direct reports going on maternity leave in the past few years, so I know it's fairly routine, and we are accustomed to sorting out coverage. 

My plan now is to contact HR before the end of the summer and inform them I am pregnant and ask how they recommend proceeding. I will then reach out to my (possibly former) manager and some co-workers to let them know as well. 

Teach123

@MaryNog I also hate telling people. I basically told my parents as they were leaving my house one night and getting in their car. I just said, "Oh, by the way, I guess you should know I'm pregnant. Bye." 

Besides my boss and coworkers who I handled a little better, I've let my husband tell everyone else. I just stand back and nod. 

Carly79

@MaryNog @Teach123 I'm glad I'm not the only one. We told our families by having DS wear a big brother shirt so we didn't have to actually say it. I told my boss who actually asked me a question so it was kind of easy and then emailed the people I wanted to know at work. Everyone else that has figured it out at work has asked someone who knows or overhears me talking about it with someone. They get all uppity about why I didn't tell them and basically it's because I just don't care who all knows and don't really feel like I need to go around announcing it to everyone around me.

MaryNog

I had to do this super awkward office tour to my whole group to tell each person, because we're a close knit team and I didn't want anyone to be upset over not being told personally. It was really odd and probably stupid, I think I would've been better off just telling everyone after a meeting or something.
but it's really nice to know I'm not the only one who feels awkward sharing the news!

gigantan

@marynog it IS super awkward to tell coworkers especially when you work closely with them but are not friends with them. After I told my boss, I realized that she has a tendency to use the info as common knowledge and my peers and direct reports may be hurt if they heard the news from her and not me so I felt like I needed to share with them as well. So, I told my one report who I heard whispering immediately after which made me cringe. I did say I was only sharing the news with my reports and peers but I wouldn't be surprised if she already shared with others. I am annoyed but really, everyone will notice when I'm huge so it is a matter of time that word gets out. It's just awkward like you said. 

amaren-2

My boss is very Family friendly so I told him that I will be needing some time off in January...for maternity leave. He was super excited. We haven't really talked about the details, bit I did tell him I had no plans of leaving.

I told my team at a team meeting, after the business part of it my boss asked if anyone wanted talk about anything else and I told my team then. I specifically told them I didn't care who knew and to let it get to the rumor mill because I didn't want to announce anymore. Lol I'm announced out.