How hard is it not to share yet?! P.S. I Miss Coffee

WkoutMomtoBe

I know there is another thread with a short survey about who you've told/when you'll share but how about what are you doing to not share? It's SO hard. My husband texted me last week from work and told me (I'm off for summer) but then we went to a friend's house for dinner and my brother's house to say hi (they live across the street from his friend). My brother said his wife was out with a friend bummed she missed us and told him, "I wonder if they're coming over to say they're pregnant?". 

Yesterday I had lunch with my best friend who is a new mom (after being married 11 years) and she's so excited I'm married and can't wait for me to have a baby. My dad actually happen to come over last week to drop something off like 20 minutes after we found out we were pregnant.

I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow and we're waiting 12 weeks to tell...it might be a little longer because his fam lives 3 hours away and we're planning on going up for a specific event October 1.  I start back to work soon and I'm very chatty with the secretary...going to be so hard

P.S. I MISS all my coffee....it'll be hard to pull through the day once school starts back. 

Breesy14

@WkoutMomtoBe you can have up to 150 g caffeine per day during pregnancy.  Is it the taste?  My usual morning joe (a latte) is 120g.  I cut back a little last pregnancy and found it really worked out better once I had baby and was bfing because he was used to it and it had no effect on him.  This time around, I'm finding that I just can't stomach the taste, so I've already cut it in half.  I'm a big caffeine addict though, so I'll have to wean myself slowly.

Yeah - I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut.  I want to score the best long term sub, so I plan to tell my principal right away.  I've already told my parents and will tell DH's in a few more weeks.  I also told one of my co-workers because she was planning on putting her son in my class this year.  I wanted her to know so she could make a decision that is comfortable for her as well as her child. 

WkoutMomtoBe

@Breesy14

I teach too but at a university so I have no clue how this will go over. I plan on telling my dept chair this week, which is super early, but I want to allow plenty of time to prepare because I actually already signed my class schedule for next semester. I trust him keeping it confidentiality. I don't know what they do in a university instance when someone takes maternity...most plan it for summer. Gahh...I messed up, even it had been May, it'd have been better because all that is left is finals...

leslieknope

Ha. Yeah I'm on my way to get a coffee this morning. 

Not hard for me to not share, because I kind of keep forgetting. And so does my H, last night I commented that his beer looked good and he was like, "You're welcome to have one." 

So I mean, at least the secret is easily kept at this point. 

runningpenguin

Drink all the coffee! 

We are telling people here and there but I think the hardest is not telling my parents right now. They will not be enthused so it's for the best, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

lovelongdog06

I'm 5 weeks tomorrow too, and DH (a band teacher) is telling his department head today, hopefully. We don't want to tell the world till 12 weeks, especially after two losses in the past, but he has a trip scheduled to Disneyland when I'm 36 weeks. I'm really hoping it can be moved a few weeks earlier so a) I can go! Or b) I won't be worrying I'll go into labor while he's gone. The chance is slim it can be changed, but I preferred the possibility rather than keeping quiet till 12 weeks and living with the current plan. Eeek. I really do hope it can be moved, but it's scary knowing his direct coworker and principal will know.

schef070911

@lovelongdog06 My DH was a middle school band director, now he's in grad school for conducting - yay!!  And now that you mention it.... he is going to a conference in Kansas City in mid-March (at 37ish weeks?). At this point I don't want to even think about that, it seems so far away!  Absolute worst-case scenario he doesn't go, but I really hope he can.

lovelongdog06

@schef070911 If you can do 37 weeks I'm sure I'll be ok at 36!  I didn't have DS until 39 weeks. We had really planned to try a month later to avoid the conflict, but life had other plans. DH is also in grad school for educational leadership and is in his last year. It's going to be a heck of a year for us.

missbriarbee

This has been hard!

We told our parents- mostly because I think it's important to have their support in this early time in case something does happen.

Most people know we're trying, so a LOT are asking. We're not publicizing, but it's pretty clear when we meet with friends who know we're on the baby plan and then I don't drink.  I've also had to back off on some high-altutde trips (trail runs in the mountains, hiking a 14er) that have flagged me with friends, so I think by the time we're out of the first trimester, the jig will be up, but I have a GREAT idea for the announcement, so it's happening even if everyone already knows!! ;-)

mrsstuessy

I was offered beer or wine tonight by my MIL for the 1st time. It was DH's birthday and we were all over and she was trying to get people to have a before dinner drink, because she likes to be fancy like that sometimes. I caught myself right before I accepted some wine and told her I should have water instead because I was dehydrated from the hot day. 
Our families, simply put, are not going to be over the moon about our pregnancy announcement. Our 1st baby was an unplanned baby conceived on birth control. It was not a great situation. There was major disappointment from our families, and some really bad reactions. Like, it has taken me over 3 years to try and work through the worst of the pain that caused me. I know they are all going to think we should have waited longer. But, we have made the decision and it is what it is. So, we are putting it off until 11 weeks and trying to enjoy this time before they cast a shadow on our happiness. 

Breesy14

@WkoutMomtoBe I had my first right before Spring Break.  He was due 3/22 and was born 3/8.  I went into labor on Friday morning before Spring Break!  That morning, we were having a "Meet the Sub" party in my classroom for the parents.  I didn't show up, because, well, labor, and it ended up being the sub's first day instead of the 2nd week after spring break as planned.  Talk about bad timing!  And this time around, April/May are major end of the year Kindergarten testing times, so that will fall on the responsibility of my co-workers.  Again.  I feel bad now, but won't mind when I'm in the baby dayz!

Dax28

I miss coffee too! It's not so difficult to wait and tell family and friends. I had two losses this year so we are wating to tell my family till we see a good heart beat. Only a few good friends know who also have been there through all of our fertility journey.

theredofhead

The first thing I think of when I wake up is coffee. Did not give it up with last pregnancy and still going strong everyday with this one!

WkoutMomtoBe

theredofhead said:

The first thing I think of when I wake up is coffee. Did not give it up with last pregnancy and still going strong everyday with this one!

I'm not giving it up...I still have 1-2 cups BUT I used to drink much more (like all morning and sometimes a cup in afternoon as pick me up or green tea). Now I don't make it as strong, dilute it with a little water after I pour it PLUS my add my normal milk/honey/cinnamon to it.

You know what though....I realize that I'm not as anxious. I know I have anxiety and worry about silliest of things but not since cutting back coffee which makes sense. I just live through hubby who drinks lots of coffee (moreso on weekends).

Breesy14

WkoutMomtoBe said
... add my normal milk/honey/cinnamon to it.

I drink it like that too!  It's so yummy! 

holzie-2

It's super hard not to tell people.  We told our parents the day we found out, but that's it.  I am pretty sure all of our close friends know, since they know about our fertility journey.  We have always told them as soon as it didn't work, and now we are just saying "We don't want to talk about fertility right now".  One friend even asked, "When do you think you will feel like talking about it, a few weeks?"  So I'm sure they all know, but we haven't confirmed anything yet.  We plan on telling our siblings and close friends the beginning of September, if we can wait that long!

BluesGal10

My best friend knows, my boss knows, and my parents know. We have to wait until Labor Day weekend to tell DH's parents, and until they know he doesn't want to tell anyone else. They live 5 hours away, and he wants to do it in person, which I understand, but it's killing me.

STM2017

Is it weird that I don't drink coffee? I drink tea now, started when I was pregnant with DS (he craved tea even though I hated it). And now I have a cup a day!

It is so hard not to tell people. So far only DH, my May 2015 bump group, and my doula know. I want to tell my parents and my sister so badly. Especially my sister because she's pregnant too and due in January! We are waiting until 8 weeks to tell immediate family though, and then will announce to other family/friends at 12 weeks.

Momster

We had dinner at the in-laws last night. I pretended to drink wine and my DH scoffed it down when no one was looking. Unfortunately we were served a very alcoholic dessert which I left in my bowl. I then had to listen to my MIL make comments for the rest of the evening about how terrible I must have found the dessert and how much effort she put into it. Sigh. We're waiting until our dating scan before we tell family - hopefully around 9 weeks.

Also, my DH and I live for coffee. I'm allowing myself one morning cup, but if this pregnancy goes like my other one did, I soon won't be able to stand the smell. It's so weird how the best thing can suddenly smell like the worst.

Dannylion24

Love coffee and in my 4 pregnancies prior I have never given it up, but I find I lose my taste for it (and for carbonated soda) so I tend to naturally cut down to around a half a cup with some diet iced tea in the afternoons. Very hard not telling people (even parents) before we've had the first ultrasound! 

Beckyf321

I've known for about 24 hours and am having a hard time not saying anything!  It's just an exciting time.  I think I want to wait until after my first appointment, though.

As for coffee, I won't give it up until I lose the taste for it!  I just drink it with a little half n half, and drink 1-2 cups in the morning.

Mama5181

We've already told more than a handful of family and friends and of course my Jan13 group. If, heaven forbid something were to go wrong we'll take all the support and prayer we can get. 
I still drink a half caff coffee every morning. And sometime indulge in an afternoon sweet tea. 

blackasnight

My mom and inlaws are super nosey and can't keep a secret. We aren't telling them until they notice my bump. I just can't deal with them being all up in my business quite yet. 

I am waiting until my 7 week ultrasound until I tell my close friends. I've had a miscarriage in the past and need to see hear the heart beat first before I share the news. Some of my previous BMB knows though! 

holzie-2

So I know I said that we were waiting until the beginning of Sept to tell our siblings, (I said that last night as a matter of fact!) and we were at my brother's house today and I told them.  I just couldn't NOT tell them.  They have been so supportive through everything.  My SIL just had a baby so now she loaded us up on maternity clothes and told us that we can have anything we want from the baby.  

STM2017

The not telling is awful!!!!! I feel like it isn't real yet. With DS we told our parents and siblings a couple of days after our BFP. This time we want to wait, but it's so hard!!!

My sister is 15 weeks, and I'm 5 weeks. So she's exactly 10 weeks ahead of me. We were at a family event today and I almost told her so many times!! I seriously can't wait. She's my best friend and I love that we are going to go through pregnancy together! 

louyankey

We've told our parents. We'll be 7 weeks tomorrow and go to the doctor on Monday. Once we hear from the doctor we'll tell our close friends. I want to tell everyone by the hubs wants to wait. We're currently wrestling with announcement ideas. 

As for coffee- I only have it when I really need it. It hasn't been that often though. Today is Defintely one of those days though!

Missa0830

I suck at keeping a secret! I'm so excited I want to tell everyone! My Mom, and Inlaws know, and my BFF because of a scare we had on Monday with a ruptured ovarian cyst. We thought it could be a miscarriage, and wanted them to know. I told 2 co-workers as well, so they would have some understanding why I'm exhausted all the time.

peachy0709

Everyone should reading "Expecting Better." It helped out so much for my first when I was panicking about what was safe and was was not.  

FWIW, I couldn't really drink caffeine of any kind with DD.  I would have, but I couldn't even stomach it.  This time around, I'm still able to tolerate coffee in the morning, so I'm doing it as long as I can stomach it!! 

And it's killing me to not tell anyone.  

mylittleirvz

I am trying SO hard not to tell anyone til after my first appointment on the 29th but it has been difficult! I have several times almost given in and at least told my two immediate coworkers so they can know the reason (if they haven't picked up on it already) why I am so tired all freaking day long and so unproductive and unmotivated. I keep telling myself it's only twoish more weeks, I can do this, don't tell them before your family, c'mon you can do this. I just feel so much worse so early this time.

mokay19

We don't plan on telling anyone until closer to 10 weeks when we'll tell our parents and immediate family. Everyone else won't find out until probably after the first trimester. 

The only exception is my older sister. She's currently 25 weeks pregnant with her first and she had a very similar IF journey as me so we have always discussed our treatment and everything. When I didn't get my period she basically knew right then that I was pregnant. She's continued to support me through all the bloodwork and annoyance with the labs and I'm sure she'll remain updated with all the doctors visits to come. 

I told DH that I would like to wait awhile to tell his family (mainly his mom) because they are the WORST at keeping secrets and this is not something that I want to risk getting out before I want it to. He agreed because he knows how she is thankfully!

ivy_leaf85

 I miss coffee too.

I know a couple cups are fine, but figured that for me it's easier to quit now in August when it's so hot as to make drinking it slightly unpleasant and the sun shines brightly in the morning to help me wake up to the day.  And then to reach for the pick me up of a moderate amount of caffeine gradually as the cold, dark winter creeps in.

gaylew5

i'm 5 w 2 days. Got called out this morning by a coworker when i absentmindedly was rubbing my belly as we spoke.  "Why are you rubbing your belly? do you have another baby in there?" I denied. but she clearly didn't believe me.

picklesplease

We've told our closest friends because they knew we were going through fertility treatments. We told my mom because I had surgery and the anesthesiologist mentioned I was pregnant, with my dad right there. He didn't want to keep a secret from my mom, so we had to tell her. We're going to tell DH's parents over Labor Day weekend, but will wait to make a full announcement until I'm done with 1st tri.

beemaya83

The only family member we have told is my sister. We are very close. We plan on spilling the beans to my mom after my first US, when I'm 8 weeks. The rest of the world will find out after at least the 12 week mark or  longer if my belly doesn't start showing.

PS, I love coffee and still drink it. I did with my last pregnancy. I keep it to 1 cup in the morning.

NESeattlite

Just told my parents as I'm in town for my sister's baby shower (I'm in SEA, rest of fam in BOS).  I'll tell my sister on Sunday, I want her to enjoy her shower without any focus on me.  We'll tell DH's parents over the phone thereafter.  No one else for a few more weeks (6.5 now).

catem07

I told one of my coworkers, who is pregnant and due in November, because I felt like death and needed someone to commiserate with. She promptly pulled some ginger candy out of her bag for me. 

Beckyf321

We ended up spilling the beans to my mom last night.  This is our 3rd baby, but my husband is active duty so we've never had the opportunity to tell any family face-to-face.  She's been asking us for about 2 years if we're having another baby.  She flew out to see us last night and started asking my husband about it.....so he starts messing with her.  "Well, how much do you want another grand baby?  When exactly would you want another grand baby?"  After a minute or so she finally caught on and started freaking out.  "Wait!  Wait a minute!  Are you pregnant?!  Rebecca Anne, are you pregnant?"  Knowing this is our last go-round, it was priceless for us!

kockatoo

It's killing me not to share the news!!!! This is my first pregnancy and i'm so excited, but I know my mom will tell EVERYONE when she find out so i'm going to try to hold out until my first appointment. We live about 5 hours apart so that should help but STILL UGH! As for coffee, I miss the good stuff, I switched to decaf so i can still have my healthy energy drink Spark. 

NurseLaLa

I'm not telling anyone until the morning sickness kicks in. I only seem to lose the ones where I'm not sick by 7 weeks. 

oliviaf11

I've told one coworker bc she is due in March but other than that I think we are going to keep it a secret as long as we can...atleast until 12 weeks (5.4 now) our dd turns 1 on the 28 so I know everyone will have a comment or opinion about how it is so soon...but surprises happen!

oliviaf11

So we ended up telling our parents and siblings today...won't tell others till later. I just couldn't keep it in!