Ish my kid says/does

foxrosy

I have been wanting to start a thread about crazy things our kids or kids we know say/do. I have seen some ladies post some funny things and I personally love these stories! I also have an bank of crazy things my own kid says, but I'll start with the latest one. 
Titus: Mommy my penis is almost as big as yours now! 

kswiger06

Oh geez my kids have said some super funny stuff. I'll space mine out though over time. I think one of my favorites was when my son was a lot younger. He came up to me and said

DS "my foot-finger is bleeding"
Me "your what is bleeding?"
DS "my foot-finger" 

I looked down and he had scraped his toes, and one was bleeding lol

silvercamaro77

Can I include things I've had to say as a mom that I never thought I'd have to say?

We don't put spoons in our pants.
We don't through underwear at the cat.

kswiger06

Ok I'll share more

My son came home from school once telling me all about "hammerhead Lincoln" lol I laughed about it so hard.

My daughter when acting up, justifies it by telling me "God made everybody different, maybe I'm not supposed to be good."

Not that I'm proud of the language my children have heard but... when my son was 2/3 ish, my husband was pointing to animals in a book, and had our son tell us what they were. My husband pointed to an animal that DS didn't recognize, so when husband asked "what is this one" DS replied very seriously "I don't fuckin know" we laughed so hard for so long.

BlondePeanut

I am a first time Mom-to-be, so I can only share about other kids right now. My niece is 1.5 yrs old....and she loves food. We took her to get icecream and after she ate hers, she starts screaming "i need more that (pointing at the empty icecream cup) NOW NOW NOW NOOOOOOW!" and needless to say lots of people stared. She talks well, but that was the first time she actually put a sentence together, and screamed it at the top of her lungs. And after she grinned ear to ear very proud of herself.
My husband's little cousin Noah loves girls. So I went over with him to babysit for a few hours when Noah was maybe 5...and he wanted to show me his room. Then he tells me "just call him cool man" and pulls his sunglasses down his nose and gives me a wink, lol. Then he proceeds to try and bribe me to live in his bedroom closet where he promises I will eat very well and never get bored because I will get to see him everyday and we can tell eachother bedtime stories. What a riot! 

foxrosy

My godson went running into the kitchen with no underwear on holding his scrotum. He said "Mommy, what is this? It feels like there are balls in there!" He was probably three years old at the time. Unfortunately my cousin who is not the greatest communicator said "Your kids are in there". Face palm. 

tishb

My 5 year old son is quite the ladies man. 2 girl friends of his argue over who gets to marry him when they get bigger. He was telling me about it one day and said "I guess I will just have to pick one, because you can't marry 2 people. What's up with that?!?"

AliJorgensen29

My 2 year old says a lot of funny things. I thinkin could post almost every day lol. Here's a few things he's said.

Me:" where are your ears?"
DS1:points to his ears
Me:" where are your eyes?"
DS1: points to his eyes
Me:" where is your head?"
DS1: "uh oh, where'd it go?"

Dinner is usually a struggle, so I told DS1 to eat his food like usual about ten plus times. His response the other day was " No, I just drink my milk. I do this all the time, Mom."  
Yes, yes you do lol

DS1:" mom, I cry in my room."
Me:" I'm sorry, what made you sad?"
DS1:" The dinosaurs made me sad."
Me:" oh, the dinosaurs?"
DS1:" yeah, they tried to eat my chicken nuggets."

This is my older son. He said "look, I'm a doctor."


Edit: caption was missing for picture

jab3-2

About a year ago, my H came out of the bedroom in the morning after he woke up with only his underwear on and DS said to me, "look Mommy, Daddy pooped!" Haha

Just a few days ago I asked DD not to throw balls at the ceiling fan because it's dangerous so she gave me this look like are you serious? And then said "danger is my middle name." The sad part is, it's true. This kid is wild and I'm screwed. 

Probably about a year ago, when DD was in trouble for something, she was told to go to her room and as she stormed away with her arms crossed I heard her say ever so softly, "this is f'ing bullshit." 

foxrosy

I'm laughing so hard! These stories are awesome. I really need this as I've been having a hard time lately. Thanks for participating with me ladies! Keep 'em coming!!!

bdesterhouse

There is always something daily with my son. His new word lately is reallyously. He also struggles with speech at times and when he is trying to say ridiculous it comes out as dickless. 

kswiger06

@AliJorgensen29 I feel the same way! I could write a book on what all I've seen and heard from my kiddos. Please keep sharing, the stories give me a good giggle!

kswiger06

@bdesterhouse lol my daughter struggles at times with certain sounds in words.

She used to call a clock a "cock" so if we were out in a public place she would get excited when she saw a clock and shout "look mommy, a cock" or if she couldn't find one she would ask where they keep their cock. Lately she can't remember what ravioli is called so she has used the word "mega-toni" to describe it. 

Babymakes5!

My 4 yr old son is all about "smooky" things right now. (Spooky) he wants smooky stories and smooky movies and tells me smooky things and every single time he says it, I die a little inside. I hope that one doesn't change for a while.
My 2 yr old son has become very emotionally expressive and I hear "I love you mama" and "I love brother" so many times a day and it makes my heart happy.

Babymakes5!

Oh and my 2 yr old calls shirts "sh*t" and truck comes out "f*ck" so that's always fun too lol 

AliJorgensen29

@kswiger06 my kiddo struggles with some words too lol and your story reminds of my son around Easter. We were walking through Target and a got each of my kids a chick, but DS1 called them "peep peeps" 

DS2 drops his at some point and DS1 kept saying "where is Micah's pee pee?" I couldn't help but crack up every time he said it. 

BlondePeanut

My husband's 6 year old cousin Marissa was hanging out with us at my MIL's house for a holiday get together. She has a pug dog who dove into my husband's lap and crunched his "junk". So he says" Oh, you stepped on my nuts, dog!!" and Marissa looked at my DH and goes "oh no!! He stepped on your nuts?!" We were like oops....and laughed hysterically. We were so happy his aunt, Marissa's mom, didn't hear that b/c she has no sense of humor and would have killed him 

jkjjess627

My son had a cold a couple of months ago and told me his nose was peeing instead of running.  My daughter called Gatorade "Aldigator", Sunday she told me she's hard headed.

rachoochoo2

My middle daughter was 2 and we drove by the waste water treatment plant, which of course smells awful. She inhales deeply and says, "mmmm smells like BBQ." It has been our running family joke ever since. Whenever someone smells something nasty you can bet that someone will declare that it smells like BBQ, be it a skunk or a crappy diaper

rachoochoo2

My 6-year-old has speech problems and has been in speech therapy 3x a week for 2 years. I love making her say "directions" because it comes out "erections."

jab3-2

DD's favorite thing to say to me when she's mad now is, "I'm not your mother anymore." 

DS refers to his scrotum as his "bullets." I think it's because he's heard H refer to them as balls and somehow got bullets out of that. 

McDonalds is referred to as "Old McDonalds."

feelingjovani

I'm a FTM to be but I get a lot of funny things from my niece and nephew (although mostly my niece).  

When she was about 4 we had chicken for dinner one night and gave her the drumstick.  She told us "I don't like chicken with the sticks inside".

Same trip that I was visiting with my mom and my mom had rented a car that had manual window cranks.  My niece asked her what the handle was and my mom told her it puts the windows down.  She and my nephew started laughing hysterically and said "Don't be silly Grammy, that's not how you roll down the windows, it's a button".

She's 9 now and I saw her a few weeks ago when she and my nephew were on the east coast with their mom for a their grandpa's (on mom's side) wedding.  I asked my niece how the wedding was and she said "It was good but it was all old people.  It wasn't like your wedding where everyone on the bus was going woooooo".  I guess there was a lot more drinking at my wedding. 

kirstynikole

My son doesn't say many sentences yet but one of my favorite moments was when my sister was little. 

We we were out of town and went to eat. When the chips,Queso, and salsa came it was awful, we found questionable items in our water and decided maybe we should just pay for our appetizers and leave to go elsewhere. My mom, in an attempt to not make the mom & pop restaurant fesl bad, told the waitress we had an emergency and had to leave. As she's saying this, my 3 year old sister starts shouting,"NU UH SHE'S LYING! SHE'S LYING!! THE FOOD IS YUCKY!". 

I've never seen my mother turn so red. Priceless. 

MeganWorden

Oh I have a ton too, my ds is 2 1/2.  Most of them are more the tone he uses or tries to mimic. Dh and I really do not swear but recently when responding to something ds doesn't like he says, "Mama! I HATE this game!!" 
When I do swear it is usually a f bomb when I am really frustrated. The other day dh and I were sitting reading while DS was playing quietly with puzzles trying to get pieces together. All of a sudden he mutters, "F**, F**" under his breath, throws down the pieces and just walks away. DH and I just kind of look at each other shrug and keep reading.

Okay last one. We are potty training DS, so he runs around bottomless most of the time. We were in the backyard, and I could see he was thinking very hard about something. Finally he walked over and curled up in my lap and said I have a song for you. Grabbing his penis and pulling for all he's worth He sings, "my penis can be big big big, (then pushing it in all the way) "My penis can be small small small. my penis can be big a penis can be small. penis penis penis." He was very proud of himself for coming up with the song. I died

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foxrosy said:

I have been wanting to start a thread about crazy things our kids or kids we know say/do. I have seen some ladies post some funny things and I personally love these stories! I also have an bank of crazy things my own kid says, but I'll start with the latest one. 
Titus: Mommy my penis is almost as big as yours now! 

Lol!! Why'd you let your son see your penis.  That's child abuse.  

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My nephew when he was 4 very seriously asked his mom, "mom, what's God's phone number?"

foxrosy

@AfKash I thought it was well tucked in!

kswiger06

This just happened minutes ago!! We were at our widowed 80 year old neighbors house. He has us over often to visit and we have ice cream with him every single night. Super nice guy and loves seeing the kids. Tonight he took out his arrowhead collection to show us, then put a slideshow of pictures together on his computer for us to see. It was pictures of mounted animals in a museum, old guns, fishing trips he had, stuff like that. My daughter starts whinging and mumbled something to me, I said "what?" She got louder and said "I thought this was going to be fun, but it isnt" I quickly shut her down without much notice from our neighbor. She kept whining until his picture show was over, despite my threats of her walking back to the house and going to bed. After the pictures were over, our neighbor asked her what was wrong, (this is after he gave her an arrowhead to keep, and a bowl of ice-cream) she said straight to his face, "this is so boring, this is all boy stuff!!" Then she actually started to cry, real tears. It was too late, I didn't know what to do or how to recover, but our neighbor laughed it off and told her, well I'm a boy, you're not gonna find barbie dolls here" lol it was crazy. So glad to be home now with her in bed goodness gracious.

foxrosy

When my little brother was about 4 (17 year age difference) he turned over his hot wheel car to the bottom and asked me "What is this?" I look and reply, "It says Made in China". He quickly turns the car back over and giggles, "Oh".
I say "Why are you laughing?" He says "Boys have penises and girls have madeinchinas". 

Aussie45

DD told me my lap was pretty tonight.

A couple of weeks ago, her and DH were in the car stuck in traffic. She started whining saying, "Dad, why aren't you going?!" DH replied, "There are cars in front of us. If I go, I'll hit them, so we have to wait our turn." DD turned her head a bit and looked down at the ground really annoyed and said, "Fucking cars."

Gingersnap

"Daddy, do you have a butt crack?" 
"Yeah, don't you?" 
"Yes, Daady! It's right here behind my vagina!" 

LinnyAnne10

The other day went to the ice cream shop with my 5 year old. He got a ice cream cone, and she scoopped it and handed it to him. As loud as he could he yells "it looks like a penis!! It looks like a penis mom! Look!" I about died laughing. 

WinchesterGirl

My little nephew is just learning gender specific pronouns. I noticed he kept referring to my stomach as "he", so I said we don't know what it is yet, what if it's a she? He looks me dead in the eye and says, "Then it would be a girl." He just had the most DUH look on his face that I started laughing. 

So then I asked, well, do you want a boy cousin or a girl cousin? He once again surprises me with, "I want a baby cousin." He is hilarious! 

kirstynikole

Another gem from my little sis...

We were driving down the street and the whole family was riding in the car: Me, Mom, Step Dad, older sis, & little sis. As we're flipping through songs, Bohemian Rhapsody comes on, so us 80s babies start to sing along with our parents, and our little sis whines. Parents tell little sis to wait until after our song & then she can choose the next song. Little 5 year old sister then replies, "This is a f-in assho!e song". Except there was no censoring of the f-bomb. Dear God, me and my older sister (both teenagers) about fell out of the car we were laughing so hard. Meanwhile my parents slammed on the breaks, pulled the car over, and tried to blame us for her potty mouth(which was totally not the case). 

Ah classics.