Need to vent.

katymarie101

I feel like I'm don't belong on the board at the moment because we are in a 3 month holding stage before we can move forward. I had polyps removed and they came back precancerous so I'm on meds for 3 months to try and kill off any abnormal cells that remand in my uterus. I try and talk to DH about this 3 month set back and all he says, "At least it wasn't cancer." He doesn't see it as a 3 month set back. 5 of my friends on FB just had babis so all I see is baby this and baby that. Also every other commercial is for Brigitte Jones Baby, because she had sex twice and is pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. I'm sick of the waiting, I'm sick of the you should really think about having a baby your not getting any younger,I'm sick of feel like I failed at being a woman because it's taking so long and we are having so many problems trying to get pregnant. I'm sorry I just needed to vent.

ChristinaV2015

@katymarie101 I feel the same way about not belonging on the boards. We've been TTC for 4 years and I feel like a failure. We did one fresh IVF that ended in a chemical and 2 FET that ended in BFN's.  I then went on to have a lap where my tubes were unblocked and I was officially diagnosed with PCOS.  Although I'm one of those PCOS girls that gets a period every month whether I ovulate or not so now my doctor has us on TI for 6 cycles to see what happens... 4 cycles in and still nothing.  It's heart breaking to me and I just want to get back into the RE office!  I want my baby!  I'm trying to stay positive but i just feel stuck in this limbo! 

And of course babies are everywhere I look!!

Hang in there... we can be in limbo together!

AandDM2014

It is hard feeling like that. I too felt like I maybe shouldn't be posting when we had a break after my D&C in April. It was tough reading the threads and even harder to feel like I should post. You should do what feels right for you.

radmom27

@katymarie101 This is a totally valid way to feel.  I love these boards but it's hard when you're in a holding pattern (as I am right now) and even worse when you've done multiple cycles of IVF with no success watching people come and go.  It's hard to relate to the excitement and anticipation starting IVF when you've been let down. Just do what's best for you.  

jenrn1216

I understand how you feel. Just today a friend posted on fb that she's pregnant and I'm reading in the comments and she says "I'm probably 5 weeks along, it was unexpected, lol". Must be nice to not ever think about conceiving and it just happens. I would love to be one of those people that just wakes up and says "oops, I'm pregnant!" But, sadly, it's something that just won't be easy for me. It's not easy for any of us. I do, however, have to agree with your husbands comment about the polyps not being malignant. For that, you should be grateful, and maybe don't look at it as a setback, but a blessing. Things could be so much worse. Maybe if you hadn't started fertility testing, the polyps would not have been found until it was too late. I always look for the silver lining. I wish you the best!  

mini-murph

Girl, totally understand what you're feeling.  My blood work came back completely normal and "there's no hormonal reason why I should be having problems."  (I really wanted to tell the nurse to bite me.)  We're stuck in limbo and I feel like a failure of a woman and I let my husband down.

I'm completely over seeing babies everywhere.  When I see the horrible news stories of what people do to their newborns I get a deep burning hatred about why that person can have a baby, but I can't and I would love the absolute crap out of that baby.  I haven't told my mom that we're having problems, just that we'll start trying in March after we get back from Europe.  I have to listen to her tell me about the cute baby clothes she's made (she sells baby clothes on Etsy and at farmer's markets) and look at the pictures of other people's little girls in the tutu's, without having a meltdown.

I don't post much, but I'm really thankful for this board.  It gives me solace that I'm not alone in the struggle (apologies if that sounds cold), and there are women who can give words of wisdom and encouragement without judgement.

katymarie101

Thank you all for your understanding and letting me vent I think part of my problem Monday and Tuesday is I took a 2 of my hormone pills at the same time, and not the folic acid. So the hormone pills give me the blues as it is and to take both at the same time and not 12 hr apart did a drop in my moods. I also started looking at thw wait in weeks not months and it seems to be better only 10 more weeks seems better then 2.5 months.

But I'm also glad I'm not alone. That I'm not a bad person for having these thoughts. 

Abruce51

I think the hardest part of the infertility journey has been the waiting periods.  Its frustrating to just see your timeline slip further and further back and know nothing can happen for a few months.  When you are active there are other challenges but for me, at least you were doing something and there was at least hope.  The holding period is hard.  I'm glad you reached out.