wow.. my father died 2 days ago.

Erin Mary Ackerman

My father, who I haven't seen/heard from in 15+ years died two days ago apparently.   I just got a call from a lawyer.  The lawyer works for his recent ex-wife.  I was unaware of her.  

The lawyer told me I was an heir and that I am entitled to 1/5 if his estate.  I have one brother and one sister.  Does that mean I have two half siblings?

The lawyer wouldn't tell me.  He is sending me a death notice and information on how to contact the estate executor.

This is all very interesting.  I'm not quite sure how to feel...He was an abusive husband, and used to beat the crap out of my brother.  I was his favorite in our house, and only had to listen to the screaming all the time, but I was not sorry when he left. 

Do you think I should tell my mother? (I'm leaning towards no becuase she's also kinda off)

*sigh*

smfinallymg

That is such a difficult situation. I am so sorry you are in this position. I am really not sure what I would do. But I know you will figure out what is best!

babygroves

um...wow. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. GL with everything, what a tough decision. ((hugs))

Nelliep32507

wow that's tough. sorry for your loss. do you think she'd WANT to know?

MandC17

I'm sorry Brahim. This sounds like a very difficult situation. If you think your mom couldn't handle hearing about it, then I wouldn't tell her.  I hope you can get some more information about possibly having half siblings.  Considering the situation I think I can understand that you're not sure how to feel.

cess525

Eek...sorry.  I say tell her if you feel its something she would want to know or find out from someone else (unless you would want someone else to tell her). 

MrsTotty

I don't know whether to say I'm sorry or congrats Brahim. Weird situation. ((hugs)) though. I hope it all works out.

joecubed

I'm sorry for your loss.  If he had a will, he might have divided things up differently than just in three ways.  Laws vary in the different states, but if he died without a will, his estate is probably divided equally between his children (assuming he was not married to anyone else when he died).

I would probably tell your mom, but wait for the right time to do it.

anna7602

Did you ever figure out what prompted your mother to threaten kidnapping your DD a few months ago? (I have a crazy memory, pls don't think I'm a stalker.) I would be cautious about hitting her with news like this. you know best whether she could take it or not. maybe ask your siblings what they think.

Brookie-Cookie

Thats a tough one.  Exciting to maybe have new family members.  I'm sorry that you didn't have a better relationship.  I don't think you should tell your mom, just from what you have posted recently.  I don't think she needs to deal with it.

Heidi Lanigan-Potter

Wow, sorry to hear that Brahim, my heart goes out to you in whatever way you need.  Even though you were estranged, I'm sure it's still a bit of a shock.  Only you know how your mom would take the news, so I can't offer advice there.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

ABMcKinney

Oh Brahim, I'm so sorry.

Just from past posts you've made about your mother I would keep it from her for now.

jessicasuzann

I'm sorry, too. Definitely a tough situation. Maybe you should consider telling her, since she will likely find out, and it may be best to hear it from you, since you seem like a balanced person. Good luck.

Amrice78

Brahim, I'm sorry for your loss.  I don't really have any advice as to telling your mom, but I'd lean towards 'no' just to not stir up anything.  You know where to find me if you need anything

percylover22

Wow that's tough.  I also do not speak with my bio father.....so I'm not sure how I would handle it.  My situation is a bit different though......my mom definitely would want to know (she is gossipy like me - hmm, I wonder where I got that from?  LOL).  Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

nrkloveswrk

Wow that's tough...Would she rather hear it from you or someone else?  I imagine since you have siblings she may find out anyway.

ironmommy

Wow. That's a lot to take in. I'm not sure about your mom, but I would give yourself some time to adjust to this news. That's really all pretty jolting stuff.

Kearsta

I am sorry you are in that situation.? You sound like a smart cookie, though, so I am confident you will make a wise decision.

Erin Mary Ackerman

Thanks ladies for your kind words.  I grieved the fact that I never had a "dad" a long time ago.  This man was pretty much just the sperm donor. 

My mother had a breakdown a few months ago, but since then has been on meds properly and doing well.  She did not, however tell me when my paternal grandmother died (had no bones w/ that woman) and I'm wondering if we might just follow suit.  Although she is a creditor to the estate, as he owes child support from 15 years ago to the tune of $50,000. 

hmm, don't know what to do...

MomToMaia

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  I'm leaning towards no on telling your mom, but it's something you should probably just let sink for a bit.  Ick.

CFO

Wow, I'm sorry that you've lost your "dad" and that his passing has left you with difificult decisions to make.  Its unfortunate that his passing away has created yet more for you to deal with.  You probably have at least some idea when is a good or bad time to tell your mom, if at all.  Hugs.

Temp174496125006552

Wow.  I'm sorry.

Rubygirl

If your Mom is owed back child support she's likely to be getting a call with the notice anyway, right?  Maybe talk to your siblings and see what they think.  

rara855

BB wow. I am so sorry, more that you never had a "dad" figure in your life and now you have to deal with all of this. I doubt she will get a call for back owed child support just because if she hasn't gotten it now. I doubt they would contact someone after a death to get her money. I might leave that one alone. Like you said she is doing well now and it may really rock the boat. Maybe once everything is figured out and really done. You might bring it up in conversation. To get her involved at this point when you just found out you may/may not have half siblings and an ex wife that may go crazy now that her ex has passed. I might let it pass. Again, I am really sorry. I am so glad your babies that look just like their momma have such a good Daddy!

MommaBrown

If your mom is owed back support, she'll be getting a call from somebody as well. I would wait a bit and see what happens. She might be less upset about it if she hears it from a third party.

I'm sorry you even have to think about this. I feel like its not a position a child (even if she is an adult) should be put in.?

MattsWifey<3

eek. thats a tough one. interesting events huh?! sorry you have to be put in that position.

KittenGator

Sorry, BB. GL with your decision.

tzrbug

You're so not alone..in fact i wait for the day that I get that call/letter however they do it. I've been estranged from my father for about that long minus 1 attempt in college to start up a new relationship, however he was thes ame, just as your dad. I say not tell your mom unless you really feel she needs to know, and go see what your inheritance is. i'm surprised as I'm not plannig on a dime, and I don't really want anything from him. If you do get inheritance, put it away for your children's college fund, that would be the most contribution he's given you in a long time. HUGS!!