Newbie here! (loss and children mentioned)

jwg9101

Hi there! I'm new to this board and to this whole TTC process! I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you and getting/giving support through this process. 

I'm 39, been married to DH for 15 years and I've been a stepmom to his 2 kids. We always talked about kids and had the typical pressure from friends and family members but it never felt like the right time. By the time our kids were teenagers, we felt like the time had passed and we just decided that we were fine with our family the way it was. I have PCOS so we knew we would need assistance if we wanted to get pregnant. We've never prevented pregnancy and in 17 years together never been pregnant... Until we got the surprise of our lives this past winter. 

We we were over the moon happy about being pregnant and so was our entire "village". Everything was great, but I was suspected to have GD. We went in at 17 weeks for an ultrasound and they couldn't find a heartbeat. Our baby was gone and I had to deliver her March 24th. Worst time of my life and it's still not easy. What it did teach us is that we aren't finished building our family. We have decided to TTC but I'm so scared. I'm terrified of another loss, of not getting pregnant now that I want it, of failing, of all of the things I'm sure you all feel. 

Ive got a great RE and she has convinced me to try 3 cycles of IUI. I'm on cd 2 of Femara and scheduled to do 2 trigger shots then the IUI then vaginal progesterone. I dont know if any of that is good or bad, but I like my doctor a lot. At this point, that's all I can commit to. I feel like I'm signing up for physical and emotional torture and I need to have an end date in sight. At this point, I'm not interested in moving beyond this to IVF but who knows what will happen. 

So so that's my very long story. I'm looking forward to sharing and learning from each of you. 

Kp214

@jwg9101 welcome.  That is tough to go through.  Good luck this time.  I hope you are successful.