August 2016 Moms
michelegong
member
Does anyone else think this is a bit ridiculous ?
michelegong
member
My mom has a history of guilting people. Yesterday, my husband and I bought a bassinet and wanted to show my mom what she thought about it. We were on the fence about it, just because we had another one in mind that was a bit cheaper.
My my mom then proceeds to tell us that we shouldn't have bought that and that she wanted to give me and my husband my old bassinet from when I was a baby that she still held onto. I'm 25 years old. So that's how old that thing is. Anyway, my brother recently had a son, and my mom went out and bought a pack and play for him which has a bassinet attached to it a couple of months ago. She also wanted to give this to us and we said sure but that we wanted to have our baby in a co sleeper. Anyway, we said we appreciated that and would like to use it.
Back to to the old bassinet....basically my husband was like "it's ok we don't have to take it down" (from storage in the garage) and she started getting defensive and asked him "why does no one want my stuff " and then he just answered the question "because it's kind of outdated... It's from 25 years ago". She got super mad and was like "I am trying to be generous to my kids by offering this and nevermind I don't want to show you anymore". I honestly thought her behavior was silly and immature to expect that we would take everything that I used as a baby for my own baby. I said "mom, you don't need to get offended. We appreciate it" and she was like , "it's important to me so I thought it would be for you too".
She even tried to give me all of my newborn clothes from25 years ago too. My husband didn't want them, but in the end we took a couple of pieces including the outfit I came home in. I think my mom is expecting me to have My own daughter come home in the same outfit but I have my own outfit in mind.
She just has a way that makes you feel guilty about everything and it's so infuriating. I was trying to not let it affect me, and told my mom that English isn't my husbands first language so he doesnt get nuances when he talks sometimes and to not misunderstand us because we are first time parents and just want to experience buying all the baby stuff for the first time. She responds back to me, "I know. Thanks." And then ignored the kiss face I sent back to her through text.
Am am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I know it's a trivial thing, but it bothers me so much. I'm so tired of my mom acting this way throughout my entire pregnancy. It's all a bit selfish in my opinion. Now I feel guilty to even buy and use a new bassinet. Honestly, I get that it's sentimental for her, but she shouldn't expect me to use all of her old things....and to top it off, she talks and complains to my siblings about it and it seems like my sister in particular agrees too that she's "sentimental about that stuff".
Idk what are your thoughts? I think it's remedied for the most part, but just curious if anyone else has been dealing with this too.
My my mom then proceeds to tell us that we shouldn't have bought that and that she wanted to give me and my husband my old bassinet from when I was a baby that she still held onto. I'm 25 years old. So that's how old that thing is. Anyway, my brother recently had a son, and my mom went out and bought a pack and play for him which has a bassinet attached to it a couple of months ago. She also wanted to give this to us and we said sure but that we wanted to have our baby in a co sleeper. Anyway, we said we appreciated that and would like to use it.
Back to to the old bassinet....basically my husband was like "it's ok we don't have to take it down" (from storage in the garage) and she started getting defensive and asked him "why does no one want my stuff " and then he just answered the question "because it's kind of outdated... It's from 25 years ago". She got super mad and was like "I am trying to be generous to my kids by offering this and nevermind I don't want to show you anymore". I honestly thought her behavior was silly and immature to expect that we would take everything that I used as a baby for my own baby. I said "mom, you don't need to get offended. We appreciate it" and she was like , "it's important to me so I thought it would be for you too".
She even tried to give me all of my newborn clothes from25 years ago too. My husband didn't want them, but in the end we took a couple of pieces including the outfit I came home in. I think my mom is expecting me to have My own daughter come home in the same outfit but I have my own outfit in mind.
She just has a way that makes you feel guilty about everything and it's so infuriating. I was trying to not let it affect me, and told my mom that English isn't my husbands first language so he doesnt get nuances when he talks sometimes and to not misunderstand us because we are first time parents and just want to experience buying all the baby stuff for the first time. She responds back to me, "I know. Thanks." And then ignored the kiss face I sent back to her through text.
Am am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I know it's a trivial thing, but it bothers me so much. I'm so tired of my mom acting this way throughout my entire pregnancy. It's all a bit selfish in my opinion. Now I feel guilty to even buy and use a new bassinet. Honestly, I get that it's sentimental for her, but she shouldn't expect me to use all of her old things....and to top it off, she talks and complains to my siblings about it and it seems like my sister in particular agrees too that she's "sentimental about that stuff".
Idk what are your thoughts? I think it's remedied for the most part, but just curious if anyone else has been dealing with this too.
Re: Does anyone else think this is a bit ridiculous ?
I had a situation with my mom where she expected my baby to wear the same outfit home from the hospital that I wore. For some reason she just assumed this is how it would go so when I told her I had already picked out my own outfit she seemed really hurt by it. I explained to her that she can't just assume things and needs to understand that this is the start of my family and she should respect that. It was a good conversation, but from what you've said I'm not sure your mom would take it the same way.
I would suggest you set boundaries now or it will probably get worse. Be strong in your decisions and if she can't respect them, then you'll need to decide how involved you want her to be in your life.
If you like your new basinett, keep it. Set your boundaries now because this push for recreating moments is going to continue to annoy you and your husband if you don't.
Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18 | EDD 05/24/19
My MIL has tons of stuff from my husband's childhood! Some things I've taken like a picture she made him (I put it in a nicer frame) for his nursery, a little coat (that is just hanging in the closet because I live in Florida
he also redid my husband's old toy chest. DH really wanted it for our kid and frankly I thought it was ugly as hell but I was like what the hell... so of course I acted excited... My FIL just revealed how he updated it... and honestly I am so touched and excited... he redid the top doors with fresh new wood and stain to make it a bit lighter to match our furniture in our hour and then he got a wood burning tool and burned into the wood winnie the pooh and bugs bunny... it looks amazing and is so touching. Now DH is planning and saving it for our kids and updating it for them as well. In the end it won't even be the same toy chest but its sweet and sentimental... That being said.. anything that is made of cloth... like a bassinet... it just doesn't age as well...
I've seen what can happen when you don't set boundaries early (with my sister and mom) and honestly, if we didn't set boundaries early and we let her have her way, we wouldn't have much of a relationship at all within the first year.
I'm all for boundaries and my family being respectful of them. But I also think respect goes both ways. Do you need to use everything your mom is offering? No. But just even looking at items and explaining why it wouldn't work for what you want would probably go a long way.
I doubt OP is coming back, so I think I'm just posting in defense of my sweet, old old bassinet.