August 2016 Moms

Does anyone else think this is a bit ridiculous ?

michelegongmichelegong member
edited July 2016 in August 2016 Moms
My mom has a history of guilting people. Yesterday, my husband and I bought a bassinet and wanted to show my mom what she thought about it. We were on the fence about it, just because we had another one in mind that was a bit cheaper. 

My my mom then proceeds to tell us that we shouldn't have bought that and that she wanted to give me and my husband my old bassinet from when I was a baby that she still held onto. I'm 25 years old. So that's how old that thing is. Anyway, my brother recently had a son, and my mom went out and bought a pack and play for him which has a bassinet attached to it a couple of months ago. She also wanted to give this to us and we said sure but that we wanted to have our baby in a co sleeper. Anyway, we said we appreciated that and would like to use it. 

Back to to the old bassinet....basically my husband was like "it's ok we don't have to take it down" (from storage in the garage) and she started getting defensive and asked him "why does no one want my stuff " and then he just answered the question "because it's kind of outdated... It's from 25 years ago". She got super mad and was like "I am trying to be generous to my kids by offering this and nevermind I don't want to show you anymore". I honestly thought her behavior was silly and immature to expect that we would take everything that I used as a baby for my own baby. I said "mom, you don't need to get offended. We appreciate it" and she was like , "it's important to me so I thought it would be for you too".

She even tried to give me all of my newborn clothes from25 years ago too. My husband didn't want them, but in the end we took a couple of pieces including the outfit I came home in. I think my mom is expecting me to have My own daughter come home in the same outfit but I have my own outfit in mind. 

She just has a way that makes you feel guilty about everything and it's so infuriating.  I was trying to not let it affect me, and told my mom that English isn't my husbands first language so he doesnt get nuances when he talks sometimes and to not misunderstand us because we are first time parents and just want to experience buying all the baby stuff for the first time. She responds back to me, "I know. Thanks." And then ignored the kiss face I sent back to her through text. 

Am am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I know it's a trivial thing, but it bothers me so much.  I'm so tired of my mom acting this way throughout my entire pregnancy. It's all a bit selfish in my opinion. Now I feel guilty to even buy and use a new bassinet.  Honestly, I get that it's sentimental for her, but she shouldn't expect me to use all of her old things....and to top it off, she talks and complains to my siblings about it and it seems like my sister in particular agrees too that she's "sentimental about that stuff".

Idk what are your thoughts? I think it's remedied for the most part, but just curious if anyone else has been dealing with this too. 

Re: Does anyone else think this is a bit ridiculous ?

  • From your previous posts (baby shower involving your mom) it sounds like you two have a tumultuous relationship and this kind of behavior is not surprising. 

    I had a situation with my mom where she expected my baby to wear the same outfit home from the hospital that I wore. For some reason she just assumed this is how it would go so when I told her I had already picked out my own outfit she seemed really hurt by it. I explained to her that she can't just assume things and needs to understand that this is the start of my family and she should respect that. It was a good conversation, but from what you've said I'm not sure your mom would take it the same way. 

    I would suggest you set boundaries now or it will probably get worse. Be strong in your decisions and if she can't respect them, then you'll need to decide how involved you want her to be in your life. 
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  • Yeah unfortunately. I don't know what I did to her honestly though. I love my mom but it seems she can never be happy. Good advice, I'll try my best to set those boundaries. :( I wanted her to be involved but the way it's going I think I have some serious thinking to do about everything. 
  • Haha I know right :( oh well ..... 
  • My MIL gave us a ton of DH's baby stuff for DD and pushes us to have her wear it so she can reenact photos/moments from when DH was a baby, even when the items are very specific for a boy. It can be irritating but I've come to realize that she is going through a huge transition and seeing a new baby (especially your first child) reminds her of all the moments from when you when a baby. 

    If you like your new basinett, keep it. Set your boundaries now because this push for recreating moments is going to continue to annoy you and your husband if you don't. 
    Baby #1: Palmer Olivia - October 2014
    Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
    Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18  |  EDD 05/24/19
  • When I was pregnant with our first our parents had a few things from our childhoods that they saved and wanted to give to us. My parents still had my bassinet, which was cool to see, but it's 30+ years old. As nice as I know the thought is, I told them that for safety reasons, I would take it but probably wouldn't use it for anything other than to take a few photos. The good thing is that they looked at each other and agreed that it probably wasn't safe, so it never even made it to my house, but I appreciated the thought. There are a few things though that have trickled into our home that we are re-purposing, so if there are a few things from her that you think you can perhaps use and make look pretty or updated again I say go for it. It will make her happy and maybe down the road you'll enjoy seeing your LO playing with things you played with. Clothes however, that would be on a case by case basis because clothes can get really funky after a while.
    My MIL has tons of stuff from my husband's childhood! Some things I've taken like a picture she made him (I put it in a nicer frame) for his nursery, a little coat (that is just hanging in the closet because I live in Florida  :#) and a few little things here and there. She loves to try to give me a lot of the stuff that I consider "paper junk", like his old report cards and school stuff saying "the baby would love to have this!". Yeah, I don't want my parents old report cards, so I don't know why my kid would.

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  • I agree that boundaries need to be set now. We had to set some with my mom. Not with things exactly, but with experiences. She assumed that she would be going with us to our anatomy scan, so I had to politely let her know that we wanted to experience that with just the two of us, but she was welcome to come to another appointment with us.

    I've seen what can happen when you don't set boundaries early (with my sister and mom) and honestly, if we didn't set boundaries early and we let her have her way, we wouldn't have much of a relationship at all within the first year. 
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