Vent vent vent vent. Please excuse this rant.

=caenis=

My partner and I are extremely lucky to both do 4-day work weeks. That allows us each a day home with the baby, so he only needs daycare 3 days a week, and we have a nice balance between our working lives and quality time with the kid. This arrangement started at the beginning of July, when I went back to work. So to be fair, my partner has only ever spent whole days alone with the baby for the past few weeks. We all know how overwhelming that can be at first.

BUT. I am really annoyed with him.

He dotes on our son and takes great care of him. I know that. Our son takes long naps of 1.5 - 2 hours pretty consistently now. Even on days when he's clingy and needy while awake, this long napping time gives ample opportunity to get stuff done around the house and to recover a bit. You know...doing some dishes...unloading the dishwasher...doing a load of laundry...taking care of clutter...watering the plants...vacuuming...taking out the trash....of course I wouldn't expect all this stuff to get done in one day, but I tend to use at least part of the naps to get some of these tasks out of the way so the apartment doesn't go to hell. Once I've gotten something productive done, I'll take the rest of the baby's nap to do something for myself (nap, read, watch TV, whatever). My partner apparently just sits around in front of the computer or TV the whole time. Every time he's had his daddy day, I come home after a long day of work to a messy apartment with NONE of the household things done. Nada.

To make matters worse, my partner has also been really bitchy by the time I get home. He's snappy and irritated and takes things the wrong way no matter what I say or do. Basically picking fights.

I feel like I'm shouldering more than my fair share here. I get more shit done around the house, I get less sleep as I handle all the baby's night feedings, and I work just as many hours. The last thing I need to deal with is an unpleasant partner. I'm really unhappy with the situation right now. SUPER FRUSTRATED with my partner, in fact, who is in bed as I type this while I am left to clean up after his daddy day.

@#$%!@#$!#%$%^^^

DrillSergeantCat

My fiance wasn't pulling his weight for a while. I tried to let it go because he does work more hours than I do, but I was doing everything around the house and for the baby. I finally told him I was at the end of my rope and that woke him up to the fact that I needed help. Now, he does the majority of the nighttime feedings and helps with the laundry. 

Kimbarbour08

Ugh I hear ya! My DH watches our son on Fridays which are my short days at work (9-3). He works 4 days a week, although still 40 or so hours lately because he's been going into work really early. I work 5 days a week, so I only get to have days on the weekend. However, I do all the bedtime routine, nighttime feedings and changes, getting him ready in the morning, all "baby cleaning" (bottles, bedding, etc.), and 90% of the work after we get home from work in general. He feels like that one day (not even a full day) is exhausting and guaranteed hands our baby off to me the minute I get home. And, like you said, he seems to just play video games and watch TV all day (other than when he's entertaining baby of course). I even come home on my lunch break and he asks me to nurse, I only get a half hour for lunch and 10 minutes are already burned up on travel time! I adore nursing, but I have to eat too, and since I usually pump around 11 my supply is really low at lunch as well. All that I can usually take without grumbling (although I know I could never get away with that), but what gets me is that lately if he's home from work (he works outside, so bad weather often means a day off) on a day when baby is in daycare he will do NOTHING!!! THAT ticks me off! Especially when he then says how bored he was and had nothing to do all day. Grrrr!!! It's weird, he used to be really helpful with housework, even doing more than me sometimes, but lately nooope!

Sarahbara60

I hear you ladies!  DH and I each have a day with Everly during the week so she's only in daycare 3 days.  Thursday is his day; I got home last night and he gave me the baby and said he had plans and had to run.  I asked him how their day was and he said great because she napped really good so he got some nice veg time.  Did he put dishes away?  Finish the vacuuming he started 3 days ago??  Anything??  Nope!  Grrrr!  So somehow during evie's fussiest time of day I still managed to get the dishes put away, her bottles washed and the house tidied up and then did bedtime.  Why oh why is it so hard for him??

=caenis=

It's weirdly comforting to know I'm not alone. I'm feeling better about things today...yesterday I was just really pissed off. He was being such a turd!

I think I will try to give him more time to adjust before I talk to him about this. He's only had 3 daddy days. And if it is necessary to have a discussion, I need to NOT bring it up on his daddy day, but preferably a day when we've both been home and nobody is tired or stressed out. Otherwise it will just become an argument.

But yea. Part of the reality of parenting is that you still have household tasks that don't involve baby. Those have to get done sometime. Every couple has to figure out something that works for them, but we had discussed equal shares...and right now it definitley isn't equal!!

KateA88

Ugh, I so understand! We have been in the middle of serious home renovations (new heat system, new flooring, new kitchen, bathroom, etc.) since October of 2015. We went through a month of no heat in December, and slept on the floor from the time I was 7 months pregnant until we came home from the hospital. Most of the major things are done, but we still have drywall to replace and one more room to tile. We both are teachers, but I just got an online teaching position so that I can be home with Paige. I was hoping he would finish things up during summer break so that we can unpack everything, and so that I'll have an office to work in. Nope. He's spent the last two weeks of break sitting on the sofa playing a Star Wars game on his phone. He will help with the baby, but I'm still totally responsible for her feeding, baths, laundry...not to mention all of the other household responsibilities. I'm not saying he shouldn't have a break, but maybe work on the house for a few hours each day? 

Our house is SO CLOSE to being finished, but he's lost interest and he goes back to work on Monday. All I need is the drywall done; I can paint and put pictures back up and unpack everything. I can't handle living in a construction zone any longer!!!!!! 

Phew, okay. Thank you. I've needed to get that off my chest.