PGAL weekly check in 7/25/16

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

**sorry for the late post this week! I had a really busy day yesterday driving back to my old rental house for a final walk through to get our deposit back** also I added two questions this week!

This is a weekly thread for those of us who are pregnant after experiencing loss of any stage (chemical, miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal) to support one another.

Please introduce your self if this is your first time participating

Good of luck to those of us with appointments this week!

7/25 - @Heeb918
7/29 - @ceillyang

1. Tell us about yourself (if your first participating)

1.5 how far along are you? EDD?

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

4. When is your next appointment?

5. Rants/raves/whatever

5.5 anything else on your mind?

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

1.5 how far along are you? EDD?

16w1d - January 9th

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

I have had more days with decent energy which I am enjoying. I am getting frustrated with the occasional problem of not getting all my pee out the first time. No joke, It took me three trips to the bath room with 5 minutes at buy buy baby on Saturday. Come on bladder just let it all out the first time!

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

I'm feeling good right now. I woke with very very mild period-esque cramps this morning so I'm just going to drink water and rest. Found Cletus' heartbeat no problem so I think it's just a little dehydration.

4. When is your next appointment?

Anatomy scan 8/22 but my mom is coming this weekend so DH and I are going to sneak in with her to use an ultrasound

5. Rants/raves/whatever

so - after the whole peeing escapade at buy buy baby I happened to mention that I miss peeing like a normal person and DH said "you don't sound like your grateful to be pregnant" oh boy. I shut that down quickly.

5.5 anything else on your mind?

I don't want to do laundry.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

Hmm. If the stone would work like it did for Harry where I could just talk to my loved ones who had passed on and not go crazy then I would take the stone but if it worked like it does in the story then I'd go for the cloak.

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

1.5 how far along are you? EDD?

17+1! Jan 2

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

Not that bad. Mainly constipation and bloating. I think that the constipation may be more from my prenatal than anything else. I switched to something with iron for second trimester to make sure I don't become anemic. My peeling at night has actually let up a little, but I too have the feeling of not being able to empty all the way, @ceclarlinetlo. I've taken to just sitting there for a bit and invariably go several times. Just recently I started having some pain where my thigh meets my groin. Some people were posting on a different thread about it feeling like they've been riding a bike, and that's kind of how I feel. It's kind of a sharper pain though. Almost like I pulled a muscle. Not enjoying that at all and hope it goes away.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

I'm feeling pretty decent. I saw baby again on Friday when I went to check up on the symptoms I was having. We got back our quad screen and everything was negative/low risk, so that's great. We announced on social media. It was great to have so much support, but it did make me a little anxious.

4. When is your next appointment?

August 19 for a check up toward the end of week 19. I won't be able to do my anatomy scan until week 21 because I'm traveling for work during week 20.

5. Rants/raves/whatever

My rant is definitely this pain in my groin/thigh.

5.5 anything else on your mind?

I'm curious how everyone is doing with weight gain. One of the doctors I saw commented that she thought I needed to gain more gradually, and it doesn't seem to be in line with anything I had previous read about weight gain. She was actually very nice about it, and I could tell she was trying to be gentle, I just question the accuracy of what she's saying.

6. GTKY: If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading? Thriller, true crime.

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

I have gained about 14 pounds - 10 of which came really quickly in my first trimester when you are only "supposed" to gain 3-4 pounds. I was nervous my doctor would get on to me - but it turns out I have more of a problem with it than she does. She said that's still on track with gaining about 40 total which she says is fine for what my starting weight was and of course I will gain that much if that's what's healthy for Cletus - my problem is that with my PCOS it is just so hard for me to lose weight without even taking care of a baby I am terrified it just won't ever come off

I didn't grow up with healthy eating habits at all and in the last 3 years or so I've made major improvements but when I am stressed or really busy it's one of the first things to go out the window.

Carly79 · July 2016

how far along are you? EDD? - 16 weeks 1/8/17

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) - Pretty good, some RLP and I feel like I just went on a long bike ride when I stand up after sitting for a little bit but all in all not too bad.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) - It comes and goes. This is a tough time because I feel better but I just try to tell myself that there are no signs that something is wrong and it usually works.

4. When is your next appointment? Next week on 8/2 - It should have been this week but my OB is out this week and I really wanted to still see her.

5. Rants/raves/whatever - Why can't my son sleep through the night?? He used to have good nights and bad but the last week has just been bad. I think he's teething and growing so there is a reason, I just want to sleep.

5.5 anything else on your mind? Not really, I like the new questions! It's a busy morning so I'll have to come back and read the rest of the posts later but wanted to get my update made before I forgot.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading? Ok, so I've read Harry Potter but it's been a long time and I honestly can't remember this piece of the story line. Most of the time I enjoy reading historical fiction (at least that's what I call it). Authors like Dan Brown and Steven Berry who write mystery/adventure type stuff but based (sometimes loosely) on history. Also, if looking for a quick easy read I'll indulge in a romance novel.

Carly79 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo I just started reading other updates. When you are going to the bathroom, try leaning forward and then backward when you "think" you are done. This helps me so that I'm not in the bathroom every 5 minutes for a half hour

AlabamaRedhead · July 2016

1.5 how far along are you? EDD?

13+4 and due Jan 27

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

Good. Energy is mostly back, I've had sex (actually initiated by me! WHOOT!) a few times and I think the bloating/constipation are back to near normal. I have had a few snarky/snappy mood swings but that's been about it. Still have more food aversions than cravings, not hip on meat like chicken or pork, but can handle ground beef or shrimp. Also, think I've felt very slight flutters of the Nugget.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

Better. My doppler came in Saturday and I've listened to the HB each day. Still waiting for the genetic b/w results which I should get next week, but I've just given it up to God. I can't stress about these things.

4. When is your next appointment?

Aug 17

5. Rants/raves/whatever

I'm going to have to go shopping. I have some maternity clothes from last time, but nothing in my regular closet fits much anymore. And I just want something new and pretty, not old.

5.5 anything else on your mind?

I'm sick of politics.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

A little bit of everything--Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, Frank Peretti, Christian fiction, thrillers, etc. I'm pretty much down for anything.

Becid24 · July 2016

1. Tell us about yourself (if your first participating) I posted a while ago but I'm pregnant with my 4th baby after 2 back to back losses.

1.5 how far along are you? EDD? 16w1d Jan 9th

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Still get nauseas throughout the day and tired but it's definitely getting better.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Anxiety wise is terrible, my baby boy looks great in there and dr is happy but I still haven't had any testing done for abnormalities. I turned down the quad screening because at my age 37 the False positive rates are too high and I won't be able to shake bad results even if an amnio should perfect baby. I go for a level 2 ultrasound in 4 weeks and I'm praying I can breathe after that.
4. When is your next appointment? I'm having my anatomy scan in 3 weeks and then my level 2 ultrasound a week later at a different hospital.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
Wish I could get feeling better as I need to redo 3 bedrooms to give this baby his own space and my bigger kids new rooms. But I need more energy.
5.5 anything else on your mind?
I love feeling the baby move and can't wait for my kids to feel it. They love listening to the baby on the Doppler and will be amazed when they can feel it.
Sorry never read Harry Potter:(

jsl82 · July 2016

1.5 how far along are you? EDD? 16 weeks due date January 8th

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Mostly tired. Non stop peeing is not fun. I've also been getting super fun daily headaches.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I've calmed down quite a bit- probably a 6 out of 10. The hospital called with the results of the blood work from out NT scan and said our chances for any of the genetic conditions they tested were very small. Although the more I allow myself to believe that this is our rainbow baby the more scared I get about the prospect of actually having a baby.

4. When is your next appointment? August 19th for OB & August 22nd for Anatomy Scan.

5. Rants/raves/whatever I guess my biggest rant right now would be my two cats. I love them, but they need to leave me alone and let me sleep at night. I am starting to really struggle getting comfortable (lifetime stomach sleeper) and the one cat is becoming quiet the bed hog and the other wants to sleep on my back whenever I find a comfortable enough spot to sleep on my belly. I thought we were friends, I feed them everyday, and this how they repay me.

5.5 anything else on your mind? I still haven't told any of my family (besides my parents and brother) or friends about the baby. I almost have a few times, but I keep stopping myself. I feel like I may need to just force myself to do it after the anatomy scan.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading? I never read Harry Potter (nor have I seen any of the movies fully). I read a lot of different types of books. Recently, I read a few historically based fictions (though I am not sure how historically accurate they are). I attempted to read Game of Thrones, but it's hard to get through the first book since I have already seen the show. I am thinking about getting them on audible and listening to them at work.

SquirrelGiggles83 · July 2016

1.5) I am 12+6 with an EDD of 2/1

2) Symptoms: Pretty good. I'm back to work this week, so I'm a little extra tired. The constipation is still there, but not as bad. I've had a few muscle cramps the past couple of days. I eat bananas like they're going out of style, so it's not potassium - but I might need to up my water a bit. I'm able to tolerate them, but still getting the headaches. Oh, and the peeing... .still 2-3 times per night and I'm right with you ladies on sitting there and making sure I've finished ESPECIALLY at 2:00 in the morning.

3) Anxiety: It comes and goes. Again with being back to work I am hoping that being busy will help. I was able to tell my boss yesterday about the pregnancy (I'm a teacher so planning ahead is super important). I had previously told DH that we could announce to FB and everyone else after I told my boss - so I officially came out as pregnant to anyone that didn't already know - with the exception of a few coworkers that I'm sure will hear it through the grapevine soon enough. It's nice to hear all of the congratulations, but somehow this has amped up my anxiety that now that I have told all of these people something horrible is going to happen. I know it's totally unfounded and irrational, but I'm just worried that I have jinxed myself. *sigh*

4) Next appointment: It seems like SOOOO far away - August 20 (ultrasound) & August 28 (monthly OB visit)

5) Rants/Raves: Not really much to report here

5.5) Whatever: WORK! Just when you think you have everything set and all good to go... they go and change things mid-stream! UGH! The only consistent thing in education is change...

6) GTKY: I think I'd have to go with the Wand, as long as I also had the magical ability to use it. Just think of all of the things you could do with a magic wand....

susykat77 · July 2016

1.5 how far along are you? EDD? 13+5 Due Jan 26 (DH's 40th birthday!)

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Acid Reflux is a bitch! Also I am peeing so many times a night. I have a sensitive bladder anyway and always woke up once a night before becoming pregnant - now it is 3-4x a night. UGH. Also, I might be a bit snappy.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I am actually diagnosed with GAD as well as Panic Disorder and I was medicated but have weaned off as of about 2 weeks ago. I can definitely tell a difference not being on the meds... That being said, thank goodness for the Doppler.

4. When is your next appointment? Aug 3 for my first real appointment with my new midwife and then Aug 10 with MFM for my first cervical check.

5. Rants/raves/whatever Rant: DH has been working the late shift at work - and while I do like my alone time it has been too much for me over the last few days. I miss him (and his cooking

)

5.5 anything else on your mind?

@LoneStar21416 Weight gain is something that has been on my mind as well! I have gained about 5 lbs at almost 14 weeks and according to the chart I have, I should have gained between 2-5.5 lbs at this point. I am both worried that I am gaining too fast and that I am not gaining enough. Before I changed over to the midwife, my OB said that she didn't care how much I gained but not gaining enough would be a BIG deal - she also told me to gain 35lbs. The midwife said I should gain about 25lbs but not to worry as I should gain it how I need it and that I seemed pretty healthy. So, I don't know!!! I have always struggled with body image issues... I had a starting BMI around 22 (which falls right in the middle of normal) I have always had a small upper body but hips, butt and thighs that are meatier. For me it is this ever conflicting battle in my head of eat, because if I am hungry then I need nutrition and that mean voice in my head that says did you really need to eat that? --that was long. Sorry.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

I would choose the cape based on the legend but like @ceclarlinetlo said if the stone worked for me like it did for Harry, then I would give anything to be able to talk to my parents.

I love to read and here are a few of the books that I have absolutely loved recently:

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

The Danish Girl by David Ebershoff

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

And I am currently reading the poorly written Alien Invasion series which I happen to be hooked on! I am on book 4 Annihilation by Sean Platt and Johnny B. Truant. There are 7 books total.

cjs260 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo I'm convinced that the detrusor muscle is severely affected by relaxin, because I've had a really, really hard time with this issue.

@lonestar21416 Your round ligaments go down into your groin and attach close to where your thighs meet your groin. Though a lot of people feel RLP more at their pelvis, it can be felt there, too. Also about the weight - I gained about 20 lbs from the start of my loss pregnancy until right before I got my BFP for this one. I'm an emotional eater, and right as I started eating better and going back to the gym, I got my BFP. My doc only wants me to gain 15lbs total for my entire pregnancy, and I'm trying to make that happen. But I'm actually losing weight, so at my last appt, I was told I needed to make an effort to not lose any more. But my OB did say that for the majority of the time, the most weight is put on in the last trimester, so she didn't want me to gain a lot up front, then have to try to scale it back in the 3rd tri. For me, as an already overweight person, I'm really putting forth an effort to not gain much, so that I will be able to lose better after baby is born.

@Becid24 What is a level 2 u/s?

@LilLynch2015 Stomach sleeper here, too. I've been waking up like 3 times a night to pee, and getting comfortable enough to go back to sleep is killing me.

@SquirrelGiggles83 My OB told me to watch bananas because they are know to cause constipation.

1.5 how far along are you? EDD?
17 weeks! EDD moved up to Jan 4th, so I got to skip a week!

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Waking up multiple times a night to pee, heartburn, and occasional headaches. I have a runny nose, but I'm not sure if that's allergies or pregnancy related.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good. I'll feel better after our anatomy scan and quad screen.

4. When is your next appointment?
Quad screen tomorrow, A/S and OB on Aug 10th

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I ranted in MBF. But I'll rave that my SMIL just told me she bought me a Kate Spade diaper bag. Some Kate Spade things are not my style, but I'm into some of her colorful stuff. SMIL hit the nail on the head, with a black exterior and hot pink interior! Yay! Also, a couple of Kate Spade diaper bags are on sale today, if you're into that sort of thing. I was trying to find a more *me* diaper bag (Anthropologie is my fashion mecca), but I'm convinced that an earthy, worn leather diaper bag (or any other in my style) doesn't exist. And this one will do just fine!

Also, I've started feeling baby move on the regular - mainly after meals or a sneeze. It cracks me up every time for some reason!

5.5 anything else on your mind?
Has anyone else been told by someone who "sees" what the sex of their baby is? I have two stories. 1) The day after our loss back in Nov., a teacher that works for H's school came up to him and asked if we were going to have a baby soon. He told her about the loss, and she said "no, I see you with a baby in the near future." I found a lot of comfort in that, though as a scientist, I'm pretty skeptical about stuff like that. Cut to 3 days after we got our BFP, and H runs into the same lady in the hallway. He goes to tell her that she may be on to something, but before he says a word she said, "I know! Congratulations! I can't wait to meet your daughter!" 2) We're telling (1) this story to a lady who we met and like on vacation this past week, and she says, "Oh, I see, too, and I believe you're having a girl, as well!"

My gut instinct is so far onto a girl, that thinking we're having a boy just seems strange. I obviously don't know how much the above stories have influenced my maternal instinct, but I'm going to be so surprised if it's not a girl! And as a scientist, I feel like a crazy person.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

I want them all! Muahahahaha! But seriously, I'll take the cloak.

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

I'm on mobile right now, and it would be too tedious to type out everything I want to respond with, so I'm coming back later to hit you up @ceclarlinetlo @cjs260 and @susykat77 thank you for your responses!!!!

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

Re: bananas

after eating 3 bananas on Saturday before they went bad, I can confirm this is unfortunately true.

SquirrelGiggles83 · July 2016

Re: Bananas

I always thought the opposite about bananas, and had heard that they help regulate with fiber - and with dealing with some constipation I certainly don't want to make it worse!
So, I did a little googling: "Banana constipation is indeed an issue, but only if you're not eating bananas in the right state. Bananas in the right state can actually cause you to have more frequent bowl movements"

It also seems to depend on the person... And people seem to disagree. Lol

I probably eat 2 per day, most days.

Becid24 · July 2016

@cjs260 this is what I could find
https://www.m.webmd.com/baby/level-ii-ultrasound
. It's just a more detailed ultrasound to check for defects. My dr recommends them for all patients over 35.

cjs260 · July 2016

@SquirrelGiggles83 I eat about 3 a week, and I don't seem to have any problems as of right now. My constipation goes hand in hand with my water intake. Could anyone agree on the correct state of the bananas? Haha, good to know!

@Becid24 Ah, very interesting! Best of luck!!!

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

Lol I usually eat 1 and occasionally 2 a day I guess it was the 3rd that did me in. It also could be that I ate them all within an hour so maybe it was too much banana at one time. As to the proper state of bananas - I only eat bananas that are yellow with brown spots (hence why I ended up eating three in one day to keep from wasting them lol) - maybe you're supposed to eat them just as the ripen unlike me who waits until the last possible second.

cjs260 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo H always fusses on me because he thinks that I'm wasting bananas. Nooooo I just like them when they're softer!

susykat77 · July 2016

I am all for yellow bananas with a few brown spots - the one's that have a little green on the peel taste so gross to me!

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

OK, so here is what happened with with doctor at my 16 week appointment: when I was weighed in, the doctor's scale registered me as having gained 8 lbs since my pre-pregnancy weight, with 6 of those pounds having been gained between week 12 to week 16.

Two things: 1) This wasn't even accurate. I weigh myself daily on my scale at home, and at 16 weeks, I had gained about 5 or 5.5 lbs total, and about 3 of those were gained between week 12 to week 16. I am convinced that this particular scale is not calibrated correctly, or this scale is simply weighing me "heavier" than the other scale that is in the office that I was weighed on during the 12 week appointment. I honestly thought nothing of it though, because I knew it wasn't accurate, and more importantly, I didn't think 8 lbs at that point was a big deal at all even if the number was accurate.

Fast forward to when I actually met with the doctor: she says, this really is probably "too much" to have gained between week 12 and 16, and just in general, and that her goal for me would be to gain 10 total by 20 weeks. OK, I guess I can see her being a little concerned if I really did gain 6 lbs in 4 weeks, but I didn't (check your GD scale, please). But more importantly, this brings me to point 2 -- I had NEVER heard of only gaining 10 lbs by week 20. I was under the impression you could gain a pound a week in the second trimester. Anyway, she was very nice and gentle about it, and I didn't feel like she was out of line, but I was just shocked. I sort of tuned her out at that point, but it seemed to me that she expected me to gain less up front, and most of my weigh in the tail end of the second trimester and the third trimester to bring me to the 25-35 lb total weight gain by the end.

I also have body image issues, like many here have mentioned, so it's just been sitting with me now. I was actually getting to a good place with my body pre-pregnancy and I have been struggling the last few weeks in general, so this certainly didn't help. My husband told me to complete dismiss it since the 6 lb "weight gain" in 4 weeks is definitely not accurate. By my scale, which I trust, I've still probably only gained 7 or so lbs.

By the way, I was well within a healthy BMI pre-preganncy. So I am just completely baffled. I really appreciate you all sharing your perspectives and concerns. I definitely can sympathize with a lot of them! What do you all think? Thanks for always listening to my crazy rants

cjs260 · July 2016

@LoneStar21416 I think you are just fine. I always and only go by my personal scale at home. Also, I weigh naked first thing in the morning. My weight fluctuates 3-5 lbs per day, depending on time I weigh and what I'm wearing. I would say, keep an eye on it at home, but definitely don't stress about it.

susykat77 · July 2016

@LoneStar21416 I agree with @cjs260 completely. I weigh naked in the morning and there is definitely a difference when weighing at the doctors office with clothes and shoes on and usually in the afternoon. Don't sweat it.

AlabamaRedhead · July 2016

Pffft....I hate those doctor's scales. So many people get on them, kids play with them, I know 75% of them are not calibrated at all. I weigh on the same scale about the same time a few times a week. Even this can fluctuate depending on: Have I eaten or drank a lot of water? Have I pooped? Bloated? etc?

You rock on mama.

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

I love this group. Thank you for making me feel better @alabamaredhead @cjs260 @susykat77 also I'm glad you mentioned that pain/discomfort in that area could be RLP. I had no idea; you're a smart cookie @cjs260!

ceillyang · July 2016

Noooo I like bananas! I've been put on iron so ugh! I guess I'll have to stay away now.

I just got back from a road trip- 1,500 miles!!!!! Am exhausted. Stopped a few times to pee but it was really bad day 1 because of the stomache flu. Just my luck.

Lately, I'm convinced that we are having a girl. DH is still convinced it's a boy. We still can't decide on a girl name and have decided to wait until we know the gender. No need to create extra stress lol I purchased my first 2 pair of maternity shorts. They fit well and are from Motherhood Maternity.

Nothing else going on right now.

jsl82 · July 2016

@LoneStar21416 that is the worst. For whatever reason I am scared I'm going to develop gestational diabetes with this pregnancy (probably because I"m a bit over weight to begin with and I have a monster sweat tooth normally). I haven't been concerning myself with my weight as much... like you said a pound a week in the 2nd tri has always been what I heard was normal... but I am really trying to watch what I eat. As long as you are eating healthy foods and not just loading up on the ice cream (tempting as it is in this heat) don't stress about the scale.

I also agree with everyone else that doctor's office scales are not accurate and the time of day will affect your weight. I remember when I saw my endo a few hours after my NT scan and the scale in the hospital vs the office had me putting on a pound and a half. I know I didn't gain a pound and a half in a few hours.

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

@lillynch2015 I have that fear too! If I'm being honest, I have a fear I'm going to develop every single condition in pregnancy though so my fear isn't just GD related. It's certainly on my mind more recently tboihh. I feel like my diet is very good, but I do indulge as well on occasion. I'm going to pay more attention this week. I seem to be great morning and afternoon. I'm starving by the time I get home from work even if I have a sensible snack mid-afternoon though and maybe not portion controlling well at dinner. I'm going to be more mindful of that this week and see if I feel any differently.

cjs260 · July 2016

@LoneStar21416 So glad I could help! I can't take credit for the RLP thing. My BFF is a medical examiner (autopsies and such), and I was talking about RLP, and she told me where the RL are exactly, and where the pain might be, so that I don't freak out when its not by my pelvis!

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

I just needed a place to muse. Yesterday was my last official sad milestone to pass. It was the one year anniversary of my second loss. I have a type of memory that just latches on to random things while completely forgetting others (I can tell you a summary of basically every episode of most of the shows I grew up watching and all the lyrics to spice girl songs I listened to as a child but couldn't tell you anything about the two organic chemistry classes I took in college) so with that said, starting with my first loss there were a lot of dates that just stuck in my mind - the day I got my BFPs, the date I found out I misscarried, the date of my D&Cs, my EDD etc. it feels surreal to finally have that chapter of my life close. It has been a long 1.5 years and I'm so thankful Cletus the fetus is doing well and we are hopefully putting that season of life behind us.

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo thanks so much for sharing. I'm glad you feel some closure. I have a very similar memory; I definitely understand that.

The anniversary of my first loss was just a few days ago. Oddly enough, I almost feel closure after that. Not to say my second loss wasn't difficult, but I think my first loss rocked me/us in a way that my second didn't. It was much more physically traumatic and exhausting (wound up needing an emergency D&C in the middle of the night after hemmoraging, etc.). Also, after my first loss, I was plagued with so much uncertainty. At least after my second loss, we were immediately connected with an amazing RE that I loved, so I was able to feel more hopeful and like we had a plan.

I am hoping the best for you and me everyone else on here!!

Carly79 · July 2016

The last couple of weeks I've been really struggling with the fact that no one knows I had a miscarriage last fall. We hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy and had planned to tell our family on our son's first birthday (he was going to open a big brother t-shirt). I miscarried prior to his birthday by about 2 weeks and at the time we didn't want to share the information. I think we wanted to grieve in our own way and both my mom and sister have gone through a miscarriage (my mom 2 before I was born). I don't think I wanted to talk with them about it because I wanted it to be mine and not compared. Whatever the reason, we never told them, we grieved, and 6 months later I was pregnant again.

I'm struggling because I feel like people are missing such a large part of our story. I had a really good friend (I wouldn't have entertained the question from anyone else) that assumed since these two will be just over 2 years apart that we didn't try long and asked about it. I just simply said we had been trying for a while and left it at that. It really wasn't the time or place to reveal our history and I'm not sure I need to. My mom made the comment once about how things seem to work out for her kids and things go the way we want. I kind of want to tell her no, we started trying over a year ago and had a miscarriage on our path to this pregnancy but at the same time feel like it's in the past and no reason to bring it up. For some reason I never even anticipated this feeling. So many other things that come with a PGAL that I anticipated but not this.

Just putting it out there because I think you ladies will understand and my husband only gets so much of it. Thanks for listening/reading

cjs260 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo @LoneStar21416 I'm so happy that we (and everyone else on this thread/BMB) are doing so well. My loss anniversary will be in Nov, but my EDD for that baby was back in June. It was definitely a hard day. I really hope those are the very last milestones we have to pass, and we get our perfect take home babies in January!

@Carly79 I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted, but I think that you know what's best for you and your family. Do whatever feels best for you. Each situation is so different, no two solutions will be the same. I don't have really any advice, as I've been the opposite, telling just about everyone. Not for pity but more for awareness that it happens so very often. I even had to tell an acquaintance, who commented "that was quick" (referring to that we announced a few weeks after our 1st wedding anniversary), that we would be having a birth announcement instead, had we not lost our 1st pregnancy. It quickly put them in their place about being nosy with other people's reproduction choices. I hope you find some peace over your feeling, one way or another.

Carly79 · July 2016

@cjs260 I think that's one of my things, I (unfortunately) know so many women that have gone through a loss in one way or another with a baby that I want to advocate for us. I want people to know it's common and ok to talk about and why you have to be tactful and respectful about what you say when. It just feels so strange sharing now. I'm sure at some point I will come to terms with what's right for me and figure out if I share our history or just keep it to myself (while continuing to advocate about it). Thank you for your comments, I appreciate the support!

LoneStar21416 · July 2016

Agree with @cjs260 completely and I sympathize with your situation @carly79. I have been very open about my losses and our journey with the RE. I never posted about it on social media, but I actively talked about it to family, friends, and even acquitances. I couldn't stomach the thought of NOT talking about it. That is partially just my personality; I process and problem solve through interaction and talking. But also, I just felt like such a huge part of the story would be missing if people didn't know the saga of how we got here. We actually just recently announced this pregnancy via social media (others have known for a little bit), and I mentioned our two previous losses. It felt very cathartic to me. It did make me a little anxious, but mostly just happy to acknowledge publicly how hard this has been and that it's not all rainbows and sunshine. If anything, I hope it helps any couples struggling with loss (or infertility) to know this wasn't "just another pregnancy announcement" that feels like a punch to the gut and maybe will make them feel less alone.

susykat77 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo Big (creepy internet)hugs to you. Sometimes milestones stick with me and others just pass me right by. I think the anniversary of my loss will hit me much harder than the due date did. Just thinking about how I felt during that time brings up big feelings.

@Carly79 Big (creepy internet) hugs to you too. I was very open about my miscarriage as I had been blogging about our whole journey moving to Prague and IVF and posting all the blog updates on Facebook. I think when/if you feel ready, sharing your loss with those that are closest to you will come naturally. There is a special sisterhood for us PGAL-ers and I imagine that both your mother and sister will understand the wide variety of feelings that come along with being a part of this club. I know that this group is where I gravitate toward because you guys really understand and are able to offer support.

AlabamaRedhead · July 2016

@Carly79 if it comes up in convo about this one, I bring up the two previous losses. Like most people say "Is this your last one?" or "I was wondering if you were ever going to have another" I just politely say "well, we lost two before this one, so we're over the moon and praying all goes well."

I even had people ask before this one "when are you having another?" and I told them about my previous losses. I was nice about it, but just said it so people would be aware.

In other news, got my blood screen back and everything is NORMAL!!! WHOO HOO! The hardest part was not finding out the sex...we're waiting until a reveal on Sept. 3 (don't ask why so far away...ugh!). It took EVERYTHING in my being not to answer yes when asked if I wanted to know the sex. I must really really really love my husband!!!

cjs260 · July 2016

@AlabamaRedhead YAYYYYYY!!!!

Carly79 · July 2016

Thanks everyone!

@alabamaRedhead Awesome News! Yippee! Not sure I could wait that long knowing I could have known

AlabamaRedhead · July 2016

Bahahaha @Carly79 it was SO HARD! But DH really wants the big family/cake reveal thing and we won't be able to get everyone together until Sept. 3rd. He doesn't ask for much, so I didn't cave. So. Hard.

Thanks all! I really allowed myself yesterday to get attached and emotional about this little Nugget. I was a little worried when the phone rang with my Dr's number--the test was supposed to take 2 weeks so when it had only been one I was like "oh no!"

So waiting a little bit (okay, a long ass time) to find out what Nugget is, isn't too big a deal in the long run!

LCartee2016 · July 2016

1.5. how far along are you? EDD?
+ I'm 16W1D and my EDD is "officially" January 12th, but my ob is comfortable saying January 5th (or just early January).

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
+ Pretty good actually. I'm solidly in my second tri and the nausea/vomiting has tapered off. Still having pretty rough heartburn though, and super vivid dreams. Oh, and ALL the pregnancy insomnia.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
+ It's been a little high lately. I think its because of my symptoms slacking off a little. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. I'm also worried about starting classes again. Part of this is due to my mom, who's not even trying to hide her feelings about me going back this semester. Every time I see her she has something snide to say or some dire circumstance to warn me about. Thank God for DH being so supportive.

4. When is your next appointment?
+ I have a quick finger prick on August 2nd I think, but I hardly count that one since it will only take 2 minutes tops. The one after that is the one I'm most excited about! On August 16th we have our Anatomy Scan and (providing Bean cooperates) find out baby's sex!

5. Rants/raves/whatever?
+ I want to rant about Amazon's terrible maternity selection, but I also want to rave about the soft, gray maternity yoga capris I found. I so hope they fit correctly.

5.5 anything else on your mind?
+ This exhaustion is kicking my butt..
Oh, also, my parents made room for a play pen in their little apartment today. They're so excited! Especially my dad, which is adorable to me.

6. GTKY: If you're a Harry Potter nerd which of the hallows would you choose: wand, stone or cloak? If you aren't a Harry Potter nerd - what do you enjoy reading?

+ Total HP nerd here. I think I would choose the cloak. Seems like it would be more useful than the stone or the wand. To me, anyways.

PGAL weekly check in 7/25/16

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