9 wks 6 days and the [undesired YET] gifts have begun

knottie5cf3430dec615a35

I've told my friends and fam and posted on social media at 8 weeks, when my doctor told me the chance of another MC was 5%.

I've also told these people not to buy anything until we are out of the woods at 12 weeks. Which I'm 9 weeks 6 days now, would be in 2 weeks. 

I went to brunch with a friend today who surprised me with a bib. It's cute but I kind of don't want it yet. I don't want to be excited or celebratory yet. I can't. Not until we're at the 3 months mark.

I thanked my friend, of course, and said she shouldn't have bought anything yet. She said, "what kind of friend would I be if I listened to you?" and I just awkwardly laughed.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's super sweet that she's excited for me, especially because she knows about last year's MC. But I'm just not ready to celebrate yet. I told everyone so that I would have the support if another MC happened. But I guess that support is a double-edged sword. It goes both ways.

chrstna618

I understand, I'm 8w5d and my close friend, who I told when I found out, asked about a baby shower just last week... I'm not even prepared for that, especially since last pregnancy I planned to only get baby stuff for my next birthday (which had come and gone)

I'd continue to ask not to be given gifts yet and hope others respect that...  it's hard to be ungrateful for gifts, even notes of congratulations, but it can sting in a way people don't understand. My advice, be gracious and make a spot...a drawer, a box, any place to put those items until you're ready. 

Try to live in the positive as much as you can (hi kettle, it's pot) T&P for you and baby!

knottie5cf3430dec615a35

Thank you for your kind words. I like your advice. I'm going to do that. Just so they're there for later.  

waterfall213

I understand. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and still have a hard time buying things for the baby or accepting gifts. I just keep everything in a box until we get the nursery ready. 

knottie5cf3430dec615a35

 It's just so hard. And these feelings are surprising me. I'm a little angry that I can't just be happy And  as excited as I was last time I found out I was pregnant. I just don't want to be robbed of that so I'm guarded. But maybe that's still robbing myself?

lilp2015

My daughter is now 5 weeks old and really up till I had her I would about have a panic attack when buying stuff. I had 2 back to back losses so I'm sure it's "normal" to feel that way. I've already been asked the "when are you having another baby" question multiple times and my first thought is how can I go through another pregnancy worrying all the time and give her the attention she needs. I was hoping I would feel different after seeing that she's here and perfectly healthy but it's hard to not think about what you have been through. 

penelope4612

I'm 21 weeks and it's still really hard.  I am ok with people gifting me things at this point (we have some hand me downs sitting downstairs) but every time we buy something I have to come up with a back up plan.  "We can return it" or "we can sell it on craigslist" or whatever.  It's hard not to look at things and imagine how heartbreaking it would be to have a loss and have those things sitting there as a reminder.

I agree with putting it away until you're ready.  If people ask about gifts, registries, showers, etc. - I'd probably just say "oh I can't even imagine planning that until I'm at least halfway through second trimester" or "I wouldn't want to plan anything until we know the sex" or to basically give some time point far in the future where you'll be more ready to discuss.

knottie5cf3430dec615a35

wonderful idea @penelope4612

and @lilp2015 it's so tough.

I think we're all handling the "right way." and I'm grateful to discover I'm not alone.